A/N: Okey dokey. This is my first ever Merlin fic (and second fic ever!). Super excited to see what this awesome fandom has to say. All I can say is "HOLY CRAP." after tonight's episode. Please leave feedback! Clearly I don't own Merlin, if I did, Morgana and Merlin would be friends, Arthur and Merlin would FREAKING HUG, and Gwen wouldn't be in the series. READ ON.
"NO!"
Merlin couldn't help the cry of despair that left his lips as he watched Lancelot take his place as he sealed the tear in the veil. The Cailleach looked at him with satisfied eyes and with a gust of air vanished.
Merlin sank to his knees, still in complete shock. He shook his head as if to clear his shock. A small groan brought him back to Earth. Merlin looked over to see his unconscious prince start to stir to life. He couldn't do this. He couldn't deal with Arthur's grief in addition to his own. He just needed more time. With a wave of his hand a muttered spell, Arthur fell asleep once again.
The young warlock didn't know what to do. His one friend who knew his secret was gone. Just like that. Who else would he show off for? Could Merlin ever be himself in front of anyone ever again? He sent a wistful look over to Arthur.
He wished Arthur knew. It would make life so much easier. He wished Gwaine knew. It would make his life so much more care-free. He wished Leon knew. His life would be full of brotherly insight. He wished Percival knew. It would make his life feel so much more protected. He just wished someone knew.
Suddenly, a wave of irrational anger hit him. Someone did know. Lancelot knew. Lancelot was the one person he could be himself around. Lancelot knew of his destiny. Lancelot provided a shining light in his otherwise world of secret darkness. Lancelot knew.
He knew and he left. He just left him. Merlin couldn't hold in the sounds of his grief any longer and let out a howl of utter pain and anger. He was shaking now. The anger ebbing away. Instead of overwhelming anger, all he could feel was pain. Pain and loneliness.
He was left alone once again. Left to his secrets, left to his magic. He scoffed. What good was magic when he had no one to share it with? What good was the ability to start a fire when there was no one to share it with? Magic was useless. Magic brought him nothing but pain. Gone was Lancelot. Gone was Freya. Gone was his father.
A jostling of movement shook Merlin from his wallowing. Gwaine was awakening. Merlin dreaded this, and fought the temptation to put him to sleep. If only Merlin could have a few more moments to himself. A few more moments to deal with his sudden resentment of Lancelot; of his magic. But alas, fate was not on his side. Fate is never on my side he thought, bitterly.
"Merlin? What happened? Where's the tear? Is...is Arthur g-gone?"
Gwaine spoke as if he did not want to know the answer.
"Arthur is fine. The Cailleach must not have been satisfied with Arthur as a sacrifice. She tossed him aside, I stepped forward to take his place. But, before I could...Lancelot...he...he," Merlin stopped. He couldn't voice the words. He couldn't tell Gwaine that his friend was gone from this world.
"What? Lancelot what, Merlin? TELL ME." Gwaine bellowed in desperation, once more as if he did not in all honesty want to know the answer.
"He sacrificed himself, Gwaine. He protected us-Arthur and me. He just stepped in front of the portal and smiled at me, as if he knew he would sacrifice himself the whole time. He looked so content as he walked into the veil. As if...as if he was glad to know his death meant something to this world." Merlin finished and hastily wiped at his watering eyes.
Merlin risked a glance at Gwaine to see how his friend was taking it. Gwaine looked shocked and hurt. Grief Merlin realized. Gwaine straightened his shoulders in acceptance and shook his head to clear the grief that was no doubt settling in.
"Right then. Let's get Arthur out of here and back to the others. We need to go home. We need to alleviate the kingdom of its burdens."
Merlin and Gwaine locked eyes and with a sudden understanding, realized they were not alone in their grief. Together, they walked towards Arthur and lifted him into their arms.
As they walked back towards the group, Merlin looked down at his prince. No, magic had not robbed him of everything. Magic brought Arthur, his destiny into his life. Magic had brightened and darkened his life. Magic was his life.
They reached the rest of the knights, and as they walked over, eyes questioning, Merlin realized that although Lancelot was gone, Merlin had his knights. But most importantly he had his prince. He would not allow Lancelot's sacrifice to go to waste. He would protect Arthur with his dying breath if necessary, because Lancelot had given Merlin a chance to live out his life.
His destiny.