To my Beloved Pikachu.

Do you remember when we met? You were in a bag for the claw machine game. Mom played the game but wasn't able to get you. A nice lady gave you to us just as we were getting ready to leave to go home. I was so happy you came home with me.

I forgot if I named you then, or later. And if I named you before or after Richie and Sparky were introduced in the anime. All I know is that you are Sparky. We, my sister and I, had two other Pikachu's when we had you… I think. That's why we named you, so we can tell which Pikachu we want.

But those Pikachu have long been misplaced. I think we gave them away but I don't remember if this is true. Neither my sister nor our parents remember what happened to them. But you stayed. And you were ours.

You were there thru the good time of my life, though I'll admit; you weren't as important then. I don't know when but I find myself not being able to get thru the day without you by my side. I believe it happened after 9/11 when we weren't sure if Dad was going to leave and never come back.

I remember going to a summer camp in Oregon. My sister never went a she was too frightened with the area. On the last day of camp we went Whale Watching. The whales were farther out… and the only exciting thing that trip was "Pikachu Overboard!" You remember how tight I held you after they fished you out? I never wanted to let you go again. If they didn't turn the boat around, I would have jumped in and swim to you. You know that… right?

I want to say that things got better for us after, but you know they didn't. My parents tried telling us, my sister and I, that we have Autism. It never clicked until middle school. I know now why it never clicked; it hadn't meant anything until the schools said it did.

I'll admit; life got hard. If you weren't there, I think my life would have ended badly for me, for all of us. No matter how hard I threw you or hit you or wish to never have exist; you always came back. When I was afraid to leave the house, you were there to get me out. You always made things better.

You were there when Grandma, Dad's mom, kicked us out on Christmas… or the day after. Either way, you know my sister was never the same with the holiday. You were there when we got the call she died. You were there when the school had to go into lockdown because kids in my lunch period where behaving worse than preschoolers on a sugar high. I wished I had told them that they can do whatever they want, so long as it doesn't affect those around them or their futures, that I was disappointed in them. But I didn't. I haven't like cafeterias and crowds of people since.

I remember camping and traveling with you… a lot. We went on hikes with my sister, and stayed in the car when I couldn't face the world. We slept in tents, and hotels when visiting relatives. You also loved jumping out of my arms at inconvenient times or my lap when we open the car door. We feared this habit of yours would let you go missing one day.

Do you remember the hike Mom had to call the rangers? Bad information leads us to believe the trail was shorter than it was… and it wasn't a beginner's hike. We met two hikers who didn't have a flashlight while we had a very weak one. We weren't prepared to sleep in the open, though they were and had some to spare. We got lost when night fell, but we found a campground and they told us where we were; the campground across our campground. Mom was happy to hear us running to her. She only called the rangers when the last bus came and we weren't on. The rangers were glad to hear we made it back safely, and they tried to help the lost hikers back to their car, and perhaps a campground. Then, in the morning, I found our five fish dead.

Do you remember Anna? The Build-a-Bear dog my sister sort of named after her? The dog she was going to replace our bears at night? Do you remember what happened when we lost her? We tried to report her but my sister became overwhelmed. And we didn't know what to do. No one had sent her back yet… Some barcode return system that turned out to be.

She still sleeps with her bear, though she knows she needs to replace it. She tried sleeping with you and that worked. But then you vanished and now she has to sleep with her old bear.

Oh, Sparky. Why did you have to disappear? We went to Disneyland loads of times so I knew I could handle it alone. Remember? Grandma, Mom's mom, was sick and Mom needed to see her. I didn't want to stay in the hotel room all day and Mom knew we could handle it. I forgot it was Labor Day Weekend.

Do you remember how hot it was? I couldn't focus. I kept walking around, trying to figure out which ride I want to ride. The Matterhorn was down for repairs and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad was closed. I told myself to never return to Disneyland without someone again. Unless I don't want to ride the rides, but then why would I go if not for the rides?

Remember the girl in line to the train? She likes Oswald, Mickey's brother, and I gave her my sister's pin of Oswald. We went on the train and rode it around for a while. Mom said that once she was done visiting her mother, than she will meet us in the park. I wasn't going to leave; I didn't want to walk all the way to the hotel room anyway.

I remember going thru the shops to get out of the heat. I remember crossing the street when I couldn't go thru the shops anymore. I remember sitting on a bench near the clinic and the daycare area, I forget if it was in the shade or not.

Were you with me then? I think you were. I remember putting you next to me while I draw. Time went by and when I loud family came up; I wait patiently for them to leave. I finally had enough, and realize they weren't going to leave, when one of the children grabbed something off the bench. Or maybe she was reaching to the bench, I don't know. All I knew I had to get out of there. But that was when I realized you weren't there.

Did you hear me calling for you? I couldn't ask the family if they had seen you; I was too scared of them. I looked thru the shops, hoping to see you but you weren't there. I saw a cast member and went to ask her for help. I knew she was busy but this was an emergency.

She didn't want to help. I had to leave her. But I didn't know what else to do. I went under the train bridge and cried. Another cast member or a security member helped. At first I told them I lost my companion, and then I realized they would be looking for a person so I had to explain about you being a stuffed animal. They tried to find you but they couldn't.

Mom came. I had to tell her what happened and it took her about an hour to come. Grandma wasn't close to Disneyland. You don't know how bad I felt. How broken I was. I knew if we didn't find you by the end of the day, then you would never be found. I didn't want to believe it. When we were heading home, no one had turned you in.

People scare me. You kept me safe. People still scare me, but you aren't here to keep me calm. I had to find someone else. Whenever we needed you, you were there. So why aren't you here now?

Mom started a Facebook page; "Help Find Sparky" to help find you and to spread the word you are missing. One year later and you still haven't returned. The first couple of months I wished to turn back time to prevent you from leaving.

Then Joule, a Pikachu, came. She was meant for me but my sister had a better reaction than I did. Machu, a spiky-ear Pichu, and Squirt, the baby turtle from Finding Nemo, came into my life as well. They helped me move on. But I still wished for Christmas you would come home. I wished for my birthday you would come home. But you never did.

I had dreams of reuniting with you. One of them involved Pirates of the Caribbean ride, though I admit it was nothing like the ride… at all. Not even close, except water and Pirates but that was it. I dreamt seeing someone holding you and I grabbed you from them and thanked them for taking care of you. I dreamt you had never left. I dreamt of finding you in a donations basket and taking you home. But one dream, my second to last I had of you, I dreamt you were home. I knew it was a dream and I never ever wanted to wake up. The last dream I had, one that happened recently, we were playing and when I grabbed you, you turned into Joule. I cried when I woke up.

You have no idea how hard this last year has been without you, Sparky. Every day I thought of you. Every day I hoped you come home. Every day I wished someone would tell me how you are. Every day I wished Toy Story was real. That way I knew you were trying to come home to me, but had somehow gotten lost.

Or maybe you don't want to come home… that I wonder a lot. That you wanted to escape me, and you don't love me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't take better care of you. Even if you hate me, Sparky, I still love you with all my heart and soul.

As hard as this year has been without you; it has been the first time I had started healing with everything that has happen in my life. Maybe you needed to leave so I can start healing. I just hope and pray that whoever has found you, that they are taking care of you and they love you. I hope they could tell me you are happy and safe and they will care for you like you cared for me.

Until I hear the news you are well, I will never stop thinking about you. I will keep on wishing and dreaming about the day you came back to me, to us. When you return, I will tell you everything you missed. I will tell you how much I love you and I will never let you go again, until I'm ready, that is.

With all the love I still have, the wishes I still use and the hugs I can still give; I love you from the bottom, top and all around my heart and soul, and I wish for you to be happy until the end of time.

Because, to me and my sister, you are more than a stuffed animal, more than a friend; you are my brother, our brother, and I know I said this many times before but I, we, love you.

Authors Notes;

I'll be adding more each year until Sparky returns. So this won't be completed until either this site is no longer functional, Sparky returns or I die... I'm hoping for Sparky returning.