Title: Sweet I Love You
Author: MikoAkako
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: NearxGevanni, mention of onesided nearxL, LxRaito, MattxMello, slight OOC
Warnings: Cutting, Attempted Suicide, Fluff
Word Count: 1190
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Note from the author: Alright. So I never even thought of this pairing until I was browsing through Death Note FF. Then I decided I wanted to write something for it. This was written for the Devilsdeathnote community on lj. Please review and let me know what you think!
Sweet I Love You
'I love you' never hurt so sweetly as a razor across pale white skin. Near knew that self mutilation served no purpose, but it was the only way he could be sure he was still human and not a heartless robot as Mello accused him of being. And it was just so satisfying – the contrast between white and red. Sometimes, when he was asleep, he would dream he was drowning in ruby and he would have to wake up so he could see it – feel it.
While he could blame Mello, he knew it was no one's fault but his own. He was always pushing himself to be better, but he was never good enough to deserve love; never good enough to deserve friends. At first he longed for L to notice him – to need him. He worked so hard to be number one, denying himself all pleasure. When L showed up with Raito standing beside him, Near realized he would never be good enough for the detective.
So Near started to search for a way to get over the pain. He was too smart to resort to drugs or alcohol. The only thing anyone valued him for was his IQ and to damage that was to lose any importance he held in the world. So he took to hurting his body – his worthless, weak, pitiful body. Because as he had come to know, the body was all anyone could love.
L was beautiful in an unconventional way. His messy hair hid perfectly shaped cheekbones and his baggy clothes masked a beautiful body. Raito was beautiful in a classic way. His auburn hair and hazel eyes made him looked slightly feminine. He wore clothes that perfectly accented his curves. Mello was beautiful in a dangerous way. He was all sharp angles and leather. Matt was beautiful in a skater boy way. His unusual style drew attention to him, and his goggles hid piercing green eyes.
Near was gawky and childish. Even nearing 18, he could pass for 10. His skin was so white, people avoided him like the plague. Unlike Raito and Matt, Near's black eyes couldn't make someone stop and stare. His eyes bored into people, causing them to fidget until they could run away, scared and unable to remember why they had come in the first place. Near's thoughts always focused on his short comings. As he pressed the blade to his arm, he closed his eyes and moaned, biting into his lip so hard they bled. Near's gaze was captivated by the single river of blood that flowed down his pale skin to drip, drip on the floor.
This was his true love – the ruby liquid that could only prove he was still alive. That was the only truth and love in the world. Suddenly he needed to see more. He took the blade and pressed it as hard as he could. This time there was no moan, no biting of the lips, no closing eyes. He ignored the blood staining his fingertips and pressed even harder. Near let a smile drift across his lips as the blade slipped from his limp fingers. The liquid was a richer color than normal, more purple than red.
Near never knew just how easy it would be to slip into the oblivion. He had also never realized how cold it was. His teeth started chattering and he almost didn't hear the crash of books as someone came into the room. He gripped consciousness enough to feel himself be lifted from where he had fallen on the floor.
"L?" Near whispered. The man holding him shook his head through tears.
"No, Near." The person said, lifting a pale white arm that was stained in blood and holding his own tan hand to the gaping cut. Near wished whoever he was would move his hand, it was stopping the blood he so desperately needed to see. "It's me, Gevanni. Don't leave me."
"Gevanni?" Near knew a Gevanni, didn't he? That was the name of the man who sat in the corner, who Near would sometimes catch looking at him with a curious expression. It wasn't until then that Near identified that look – it was love.
"Please hold on, Near. People do care about you. I care about you." Near struggled to hold his eyes open and push himself up, but Gevanni wasn't willing to release his hold on the younger boy.
"Thank you, Gevanni." Near placed his milky white hand over the tan one and added pressure to the wound. Near tilted his head up to look at the older man. His black eyes locked with warm brown ones a moment before warm lips connected with his cold ones. In the kiss, he could taste blood from where he had split his lip earlier as it mingled in their mouths.
"I love you, Near." Gevanni pulled away and Near rested his head against the man's chest.
"How?" Near asked. The blood had stopped and both hands were removed. Gevanni sat in silence, lifting one hand to trace the scars criss-crossing the pale skin. Near tried to pull his small hand away, but Gevanni used the other to restrain it.
"I watch you, Near. When you think no one sees you." Near didn't answer, waiting to hear more. "And I have to wonder what you're thinking when you play with your toys. I wonder who hurt you so badly you can't bear to deal with people. Why you prefer to think of the world as the dolls you use in place of suspects. And then I want to hold you and tell you that you're perfect, just the way you are." Near didn't know how to answer. For once, he wasn't the genius who was going to succeed L, he was an 18 year old boy warring with his emotions.
"But why me? I'm so far from perfect. L and Raito and Mello and Matt. They're so beautiful. They deserve to be loved. I'm just…I'm just me." Gevanni chuckled, even though it wasn't funny. He didn't know who Near was talking about – he must have lost a lot more blood than he thought – but that wasn't the answer Near wanted.
"You are beautiful, Near." Gevanni whispered. "You're beautiful in the boy next door way. The way you twirl your hair when you're thinking, and the way you pull your legs up to your chest when you sit as if you can hide yourself from the world." And even though Near had spent so long breaking himself of any self esteem, he believed Gevanni.
"Thank you." He whispered, closing his eyes and giving in to sleep. When the small boy finally drifted off, Gevanni stood, holding the albino to his chest. For now, he needed to take Near to the hospital. Who knew what would happen after that. But hopefully, with a little help from Gevanni, Near would finally be able to heal from an injury a lifetime in the making.