I Thought It Was You

By Athena13

Note: Takes place after the KC killer misses Natalie in the Diner. For the purposes of this story, Jen is not killed by Daniel and I'm ignoring the Tess/Jess Mess. This story is about Natalie. And John. I have no idea where this is going to go, but it's a story that seems to need to be told.

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Natalie closed the door behind Antonio with a decisive click. She hadn't bothered to turn on any of the lights in the foyer of Llanfair and just stood soaking in the dark, peace of the stately home. After a few minutes the peace turned into a pressing aloneness.

She had been alone since she lost Cristian and that hadn't changed in the nineteen months since he died, except for a few brief moments after the imposter showed up and before he began exhibiting very un-Cristian-like behavior. Tonight, of all nights, it was hitting home more than usual. She had just seen someone dead – in her place – and she came home alone. There were no welcoming arms to hold her. No one to tell her that it was going to be okay. No one for her to believe that it could be true.

And of course, as she had finally stopped denying, she wanted it to be John McBain who was there.

But he wasn't. And not because he was back at the Diner trying to catch the latest Llanview serial killer, but because he was sticking with Evangeline.

For some very brief moments tonight she thought that would cease and he would come back out of his shell and admit his passion for Natalie. Passion she knew he felt, but as soon as he saw his girlfriend the mask had come back on and he had sent her home. And it wouldn't be Natalie's bed that he would climbing into in the wee hours of the morning.

With rubbery legs Natalie walked up the stairs of Llanfair to her bedroom. She opened the door to the empty room with an unbearable heaviness weighing her down. How many tragedies and dramas was she expected to endure without completely breaking? She couldn't help wondering what would happen if she finally gave in to the weight. To the dark that called to her late in the night after she'd awakened from a dream of Cristian or John, or sometimes even Seth. All the men who had left her or let her down. Or both.

Absently, Natalie began to take off the clothes she had put on with such fierce determination earlier that evening after Roxy's call. There were a lot of ways, she knew, that John would ignore and avoid really looking at her. But when she showed her assets he didn't seem able to help himself from looking. She had been planning to use that small weakness to chip away at that wall, as Michael had called it, and to reach inside to him. Like she hadn't been able to do since the imposter had been sent to prison.

As she pulled on a pair of old navy pajama bottoms her cell phone began to ring. Her heart thudded as she recognized the number on the caller id. Her hand trembled slightly as she wondered if she should answer John's call. If he sounded professional and distant she didn't think she could take it.

But she did have a duty to answer, both as a victim and the Commissioner's assistant so she answered.

"Hi, John." She hoped she sounded breezy and upbeat, but she doubted it.

"I need to see you."

Natalie's mouth dropped open at the urgency in his voice.

"When and where?" The words slipped out before she could temper her habitual availability at John's beck and call.

"My office. Now."

"Okay." There she knew her voice sounded wistful.

"You all right?"

Now, she noticed he was whispering.

"Why are you whispering? Are you at Evangeline's?" she asked.

"Um."

An angry look hardened Natalie's features. Her first instinct was to hang up on him. Her second was to say something nasty and desperate.

"Natalie?" John's voice was slightly louder.

"Yeah."

"Will you meet me? I'll have an officer pick you up in a few minutes. I don't want you out there alone."

He didn't want her to be alone. How ironic, Natalie couldn't help thinking. She still didn't feel calm enough to say anything out loud.

"Natalie!" John sounded worried now.

"I'll see you then." She hung up the phone.

Where then hell was she going to get the strength from to deal with him tonight?