Fixation
Chapter 1
Opening

"It's like a fixation. You can't help it. I get that way every time I'm trying to work something out. But it's bad if you can't pull out of it. Nothing should be that dominating. If it is, it is perverted." – Bill Evans

Hotch leaned against his desk and watched his team through the window over the bull pen. It was his second day back at work. Reid had been back three weeks, and Dave was still off. Hotch had a letter in his hand that he had to deal with, but he wasn't sure how. This unsure feeling was new to him. Usually he was confident in his decisions and rarely second guessed himself. But this letter was different.

Dear Sir it began. Over formal.
I wish this letter to be taken as my formal notice of resignation from the BAU.

There was more, but that was the relevant part. It was signed at the bottom by Spencer. Somehow, Hotch had to talk him out of it.

With a deep sigh, he reached for his phone.

'Reid, please may I see you in my office.'

Since Hotch had been back, Reid had carefully avoided eye contact. Hotch had a feeling he knew why. The same reason he wanted to quit.

There was a knock on the door, and Reid entered Hotch's office. He looked at the letter in his hand, then looked down at the floor.

'Sit down, Spencer.' Hotch said, and the younger man obeyed, carefully examining his finger nails. 'I have your letter here. It tells me everything except why. I think I deserve to know the answer.' He pulled his chair around the desk and sat down.

'I think it's time I moved on.' was his answer.

'But we need you here.' Hotch stood up and went to the door, locking it. This was important. He didn't wasn't to be disturbed. 'Tell me honestly, Spencer. Have I offended you?'

'Oh no, Hotch. it's me. It's just me.'

'Is it because of what happened in the hut?'

Reid looked at his boss, tears in his eyes. 'Yes. I can't be close to you, Aaron. I feel dirty, letting that happen. I can't shake the feeling off.' The tears ran down his face and dripped into his lap. Hotch had the urge to reach out and touch them.

'Spencer, what ever he did to you was Symmonds' fault, not yours. You are not dirty. Please don't leave because of that.'

'Aaron........ you know how I feel about you. I can't even look at you in the eyes any more........' Reid's words degenerated into sobs, and he wiped angrily at his tears.

Hotch reached forwards and took his hands and waited. Gradually the tears subsided. Hotch waited until he was calm again, apart from the ragged breathing.

'I understand, Spencer, but you cannot blame yourself. If it is anyone's fault it is mine. i am the Unit Chief. I should have protected you but I just lay there and let it happen. I am sorry.' Hotch's mind flooded with images of the assault, and he felt his own eyes fill up. He blinked away the tears.

Spencer finally looked Hotch in the eyes. 'I have never blamed you, Aaron.' he said.

'Well neither should you blame yourself. We need you here, Spencer. I can't accept your resignation.' He held the letter out to Reid.

Reid smiled weakly at his boss, and took the letter off him.

'After work, I'm meeting Dave for drinks. Please come with us.'

Reid nodded, his fingers screwing up the letter in his hand. He stood up and went to the door . Hotch watched him go.

The door closed behind him, and he watched until Reid was back in his seat at his desk.

Then he took his chair back behind his desk, and opened his top drawer. The rose was still there where he had put it. Its deep red, almost black petals were beginning to wither. He picked it up and tossed it into the bin.

-0-0-0-

After work, Spencer waited for Hotch, and they took the elevator together. They had to gon and pick up Dave because he wasn't yet driving. There was a nice English pub on the outskirts of Quantico that they were going to try. Reid felt shy and a little intimidated. He had made the decision to leave, and now he had to rethink his whole future. It was hard standing this close to the man he loved. He was having a hard job coming to terms with the rejection of his resignation. He had a job lined up in a library and now he had to tell them that he wouldn't be starting. He sighed as the lift doors opened and the two of them walked to Hotch's car.

Dave lived in a house about twenty minutes drive in rush hour traffic. The dogs went mad with excitement when they saw Hotch at the gate. Dave came out of his door and hobbled down the path on crutches. He smiled when he saw the two agents waiting for him. He had been looking forward to this.

They passed a pleasant evening in the bar. Dave and Spencer drank larger and Hotch drank Perrier. They chatted about cases they had worked and UnSubs they had apprehended. But they avoided talking about Symmonds. They all had aspects of that case that they would have preferred to forget. Dave still had an underlying feeling of guilt,that his two closest friends were in danger of dying because of a book he'd written. He had been relived when Hotch returned to work, but the guilt still burned in his heart.

He hadn't written another word since the case.

Hotch checked his watch. He didn't want a late night because he was at work the next day, but he didn't want to go home just yet. The apartment still felt cold and un homely.

'Back to my place for a night cap?' he asked.

'Let's go to mine.' Dave said. 'Makes it easier,'

'That's settled then.' Hotch said with a smile. He finished his mineral water and stood up.

-0-0-0-

"I am waiting for them to come out. They shouldn't be too long now. I have the door in my sights, the cross hairs on the door. I hope he read the letter I sent him. I asked him to wear the rose that I bought for him – a beautiful blood red rose I chose especially for him. I want him to wear it close to his heart, where his love for me dwells."

I could see my chance as soon as Haley left. How could she hurt him? I'll never understand the woman. I never liked her but I feigned a friendship to get close to him. Now he is free, I can watch him, waiting for the right moment to show him how I feel."

But there is now an obstacle to my happiness. Two men who vie for him and I need to eliminate them. But I want to kill them, their unnatural desires an obstruction to what it should be."

The door is opening and the three of them exit onto the street. I line up my sights."

The taller man, younger than the others. The cross hairs move slowly down his lanky frame. Finally it settles on his forehead. i could kill him as easy as that, just a twitch of my finger and he's dead, barrier gone."

But how would that affect My Love? He might be cut up about the death. My sights swing to the man in the centre and my stomach twists with desire. The sights hover over his chest, his heart, the seat of love."

There is no rose there. My gift has been rejected. I feel a flutter of rage as my finger moves on the trigger. How could he reject my love, all my being I want to give to him."

But I can't kill him. He is too beautiful to die so quickly."

My sights move to the third man, the older man. Once again, I begin at the top of his body, starting with his forehead. So easy it would be to eliminate him. He would be gone forever, and it would free my Darling from his aberrant obsession."

But no. I move the sights and settle briefly on the man's chest. I realise that I don't even know his name. I always think of him as the older man."

His leg is in plaster and that is where the sights finally rest. From this distance, I could take him out. But I don't. I just want him out of the picture and leave an opportunity for me."

I pull the trigger.

-0-0-0-

It was a short walk back to the car. It had started sowing and Rossi and Reid were slightly tipsy. Reid started to giggle as Rossi struggled with his crutches in his less than competent state. Dave grinned as the crutches seemed to take on a life of their own. They walked towards the car, the three men laughing at Rossi's vain attempts to keep upright. It felt good to be laughing again.

Suddenly Dave collapsed in the snow next to Hotch. Hotch laughed and reached his hand out to help him up again.

'Are you alright, Dave.' he said.

Reid went round Hotch to help Dave to his feet. It was then that the two agents noticed the blood on the snow.

'Dave?'