Disclaimer: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown, Dexter's Laboratory, Invader Zim, or Ed, Edd, and Eddy.
Warning: Strong mention of sexual situations and crude language.
Jack gulped, just a bit nervously, as he walked into the club. The multi-colored lights blinked on and off, the music beating non-stop…and the goth could swear he couldn't stop shaking.
"Hey, man, what's your problem?" Mandark asked in his obnoxious voice, leading him inside, his eyes narrowed.
"Nothin'," Jack mumbled, too embarrassed to tell the truth.
"Gentlemen, I don't believe this place is a shortcut to the library—what in the good lord's name is that young woman doing?!"
"Double D, just calm down," Dib said, rolling his eyes. "We're just in here to have a little fun."
"Fun?! What kind of fun can be had by watching these people throw themselves around in such a disgusting, vile, highly inappropriate—"
"Be quiet, annoying pig smelly!" Zim suddenly shouted, smacking one of his gloved hands over the young man's mouth. "Your voice makes Zim want to rip out your eyeballs!"
"Zim, don't threaten him," Dib ordered, hitting his extraterrestrial friend in the back of the head.
"You dare to lay your filthy hands on the great—"
"Shut up, Zim," Dib deadpanned.
Jack idly watched the two enemies, now friends, bantered back and forth before glancing around the strip club. He'd never been to one of these places before, but his peculiar group of friends had decided to take him out for his birthday.
He felt someone tug on his coat and looked down to see his very short friend (probably just as short as Omi), Dexter. "Y'know, Jack, for what it is worth, I'm a little scared here, too."
Jack smiled at him, patting his head. "Thanks, Dex. Glad I'm not the only one."
Dexter smiled back as the group was led to a booth. This was a bisexual strip club, so there were people for the whole group to look at, which made things much easier, since not all of them were gay or straight; some, like Jack, liked both men and women.
"Ladies and gentlemen!" a voice from loudspeaker suddenly announced. "Please, we would like all of you to give a very warm welcome to our newest employee!"
Cheers and applause erupted from the room, including Jack's group.
Well, except for one.
"Oh, dear, this is a horrible place to be seen in!" Edd continued to fret. "Oh! What if Kevin saw me in here?!"
"Be quiet, already!" Mandark hissed.
"I'd like you all to give a great big applause to the Midnight Temptress of Valhalla!"
The curtains on the main stage drew back as a woman walked out, her blue hair shining with sparkles. Her playboy bunny costume; complete with fishnets, bunny ears, and a cottontail, fit her body nicely and made her breasts far more buxom. Her blinding smile was dazzling and she threw her arms up in pride, showing herself off.
However, as Jack looked closer, becoming used to the blinding light, he blinked in slow surprise. This girl looked so familiar…where had he seen here before—
The evil genius' jaw dropped absentmindedly as he connected all the dots in his head, realizing who was on that stage. He stared straight ahead, his eyes wide and unblinking. Around him, people began to cheer and applaud the young woman with great vigor, but Jack could barely hear them.
It wasn't until the woman on stage made eye contact with him, that she too, became frozen in place.
"…sh…Shadow?" Jack said, but his voice was barely above a whisper.
Sure enough, it was Chase's apprentice, Shadow, who stood up on that great big stage, ready to strip down until all the people saw her "goods".
The two stared hard at one another, both horrified that they were in the same place, seeing each other like this.
It was like one of those very awkward moments; like when you swear unintentionally in front of a teacher or when the person you're talking about turns out to be right in front of you.
Finally, the contact between them was broken when Jack was brought back to reality as Dib punched him hard in the shoulder, laughing heartily. The goth practically jumped out of his seat and shook his head wildly. Once he had his bearings, he looked back up and saw that Shadow had begun to dance like…well, he would honestly much rather not discuss it.
Like waking up from a bad dream, Jack blinked multiple times, trying to assure his brain that this was, in fact, real, before stumbling out of the booth. His friends yelled their concern for him, but he wasn't listening.
He ran outside, placing his hands against the side of a brick wall and breathed hard.
In and out. In and out.
Finally, once he could see clearly and the blood wasn't pounding in his ears anymore, he took out his cellphone. Still breathing raggedly, he shuffled his feet back and forth since it was still very cold outside as he dialed the number he needed. He waited impatiently as the phone rang a few times.
"Come on, come on," he urged quietly. "Please, pick up the phone…"
On cue, the person he wanted answered the phone.
"Hello?" a familiar, droning voice greeted him.
"Chase!" Jack exclaimed with joy. "Oh, I'm so happy you're home! Oh, don't hang up yet!" he added quickly.
He heard an annoyed sigh from the other end. "You are very lucky I am not busy right now."
"Chase, this is really important!" Jack insisted, trying to convince the man he needed to take him seriously.
"And what, pray tell, is so important?" the warlord deadpanned, obviously disinterested.
"Well, y'see, I went out with my friends and they all were arguing about where to go, y'know? Double D was like, 'We should really go to the library!' and Dib was all like, 'No, that's too boring!' So then, Mandark suggested we go to this strip club, but Dexter and I were both really freaked out! I mean, Double D was freaking out, of course, but then we got there and the music at this place is so hoppin', man! They've got guys and chicks coming from all around, and then you've got me, who's all like, 'What?!' Then, Zim and Dib started arguing for some weird reason and—"
"Spicer, I would very much like to hear the point of this story and if I don't in the next five seconds, I'm hanging up."
Jack took a deep breath and blurted out, "Shadowisworkingatthissleazystripclub!"
As the young man panted in terror, he only heard silence from the other end.
"Chase?" he asked, wondering if the man had heard him.
"What is this about Shadow?" the man asked, now a bit interested.
The goth gulped. "Do you…umm, do you know where she is right now?"
"Out taking a long run in the Land of Nowhere. Where else would she be?"
"Are you, uhh…you sure about that?"
"Spicer, do you honestly believe that I don't know where my own apprentice is?"
"Of course not! It's just…well…I just saw her a second ago."
"You're here?"
"No…I'm at this strip club…"
Silence fell on both sides of the line.
"A…strip club?"
"Yep," Jack said, wanting to crawl under a rock and die.
"You…passed her by on the street outside, perhaps?"
"No, she's in there…" He gulped. "On the stage."
More silence followed.
"Ch-Chase?" Jack asked.
Then, he heard a loud THUMP noise that sounded suspiciously like someone falling to the ground.
Jack stood outside, glancing at his watch for the 18th time, moving in place slightly to keep warm. He dare not go back inside for fear of seeing…that again, so chose to wait outside. In truth, only ten minutes had gone by, but it felt like an eternity for the evil genius.
Suddenly, the snow that littered the streets whipped up into a frenzy, but Jack could feel no wind where he stood. Then, as the snow tornado died down, Chase Young revealed himself from the center, a dark look on his face.
"Chase!" Jack shouted, relieved.
The warlord came forward and headed towards Jack. "Spicer," he greeted, but his voice was still in its usual monotone.
"What took you so long?" Jack asked, feeling like he was about to faint.
"I was a bit…" The man cleared his throat. "Indisposed after your call. Now, you say Shadow is…?" Chase glanced up at the strip club sign titled, The Crazy Horse. "Here?"
Jack nodded, shaking a bit. "Y-Yeah."
The warrior sighed, but gestured for Jack to lead the way. The redhead obeyed and showed him inside. When they reached the main room, Jack forced himself to look away as…Shadow was only wearing her lingerie at this point, plus the bunny ears.
From all around them, the audience screamed, "Take it off! Take it off!"
Just as Shadow was about to do just that, still dancing in a lewd manner, Chase bellowed in one of the loudest voices Jack had ever heard him use, "PUT! IT! ON!"
Shadow froze in place at the voice and her keen eyesight immediately detected the owner of the loud voice. Her eyes widened and she stood in place, like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. The music stopped and the lights froze on her.
"Boo!" a voice yelled nearby and Chase and Jack looked to see Mandark. "Killjoy! We're trying to see a good show!" Around him, many others voiced their agreement.
"That's my daughter up there, you pigs!" Chase growled back, receiving many gasps from the audience.
Shadow stared ahead, completely mortified. "Chase…" she finally said as she glanced around the room. "You're embarrassing me right now…"
"I'm embarrassing you?!" Chase asked, looking like he was ready to kill someone.
The young woman scoffed loudly and her cheeks began to flush a bright pink. "You can't control what I do!" she stated firmly.
"I am your father!" the man shot back, arguably saying it for the first time. "You do what I say, when I order it, and right now, we are going home!"
"But—"
"No! You get down here this instant, young lady! I will not have my little girl dressing like this! You look a slut up there and I know for a fact you are a virgin."
On Jack's part, he remained next to Chase, since, even though he knew the dragonman had murder in his eyes, he was grateful that Jack had informed him about his daughter's true whereabouts. He kept silent, wanting to keep this whole ordeal strictly between Shadow ad Chase, but at Shadow's look of horror at Chase's statement, Jack couldn't help covering his mouth and snorting loudly.
Surprisingly, no one seemed to hear him, but his luck ran out as Chase gestured to Jack and said, "I'm grateful that Spicer was here, so he could inform me about what you were doing. 'Taking a run', indeed! More like taking your clothes off!"
Jack wanted to run. Honestly, if the entrance wasn't so difficult to get through (what with all the long curtains), he probably would have made a run for it. Unfortunately, there was nowhere to run in the dark room filled only with blinking lights as Shadow found Jack through the darkness and even from the distance, he could see the fire in her eyes.
So, since he couldn't run, he did the next best thing.
He cowered behind Chase, wrapping his arms around the man's waist.
"You!" he heard Shadow shout and the sound of her footsteps as she got off the stage. "You vile, little worm!"
"Hey, what's the problem in here?" a new voice asked and all heads turned (even Jack who poked his head out from behind Chase).
A man stood in the corner of the room, a bit heavy, his small glasses perched on his nose. "Why did the music stop?"
"Mr. Herbig!" Shadow shouted. "I'm so sorry! I—"
"Temptress?" the man asked as he came closer until he was standing next to her. "Who are these people?" He looked at Chase who was glaring daggers at the man. "This your boyfriend?"
"No, sir…he's my father…"
"Your father?" the man repeated as he looked back at Chase. "Uhh…look, buddy…don't you think it's a little weird to watch your own kid performing? I mean, yeah, I've got some weird kinks myself, but that's pretty—"
"Sir, I would not have allowed my daughter to work here if she had told me the truth about where she has been going for the past few nights," Chase stated firmly. "No child of mine will be seen in a place like this, especially as an employee. I'm afraid you will be out one dancer." With that, Chase grabbed Shadow's arm and literally dragged her out of the club.
While the crowd sat in the club, gossiping about what had happened, the manager trying to get the life back into the club, outside, Jack had detached himself from Chase, but hid behind him as Chase lectured Shadow.
"Why? Why for the sake of evil would you do something so…so….?" The man struggled for a word.
"Inane?" Jack offered in a tiny voice.
"Thank you," Chase said to him before glaring back at Shadow. "Why would you do something so inane?!"
"I don't know!" the girl shouted back. "I don't know, okay? I just wanted to try it!"
"What?!" Chase replied, looking more confused than ever. "What is there to try? Acting like a whore? Stripping in front of sex-starved perverts? Do you get some kind of thrill out of this?!"
"Just shut up!" the girl shouted back.
"I will not silence myself," the warlord stated firmly. "You are my child and I deserve to know what the hell you think you're doing!"
"Umm…Chase?"
Both Chase and Shadow looked over at Jack who seemed to be shaking in his boots. "Look…I, uhh…I can tell this is a family matter and all, but…umm, maybe you guys should talk a little more calmly?"
The two stared back at him like he had plants growing out of his ears.
"Well, I'm just saying!" the evil genius defended. "You're both screaming your heads off at each other, but you're not listening to what the other is saying!"
Chase and Shadow looked back at each other very slowly. Chase cleared his throat and Shadow took of her bunny ears, playing with the headpiece.
"Shadow…why did you think this was a good idea?"
"I just…I wanted to have some fun. You never let me do anything and I don't have any friends to hang out with…"
"I see…" Chase said quietly.
Silence fell between the two of them for a while. Jack stood where he was, poking his index fingers together as he waited, wondering what was about to happen.
Finally, Chase sighed. "Shadow?"
"Yes?"
"I'll make you a deal."
The girl raised an eyebrow, but gave him a nod. "Okay."
"If you promise me—and I mean, promise—to never lie to me again…I will allow you to go out a few nights during the week or weekend."
Shadow's face lit up, her eyes shining. "R-Really?"
"Yes," Chase stated. "However, when you go out, you will need an escort."
The girl's smile fell a tad. "But Chase, I don't want one of those warriors hanging around me. They're no fun—"
"Who said anything about the warriors?" the dragonlord asked with a hint of a smirk.
"…wait…don't tell me you're going to be with me the whole time!"
The Chinese man rolled his eyes. "No, not me…Spicer can take you."
At the sound of his name, Jack glanced up and turned his head to Chase. "What?"
The overlord looked at the goth with a small smile. "You will take her around, won't you? Keep an eye on her?"
"I will?"
"Well, then it's all settled," Chase stated, clapping his hands together.
"It…what?!" Jack shouted, completely lost.
"You will take Shadow out during the days or nights that I allow her to," Chase explained with a bright, yet unsettling smile before turning to Shadow. "How does that sound?"
The girl fidgeted a bit before giving a shrug. "I suppose that's the best I'm going to get," she decided.
"Indeed," the warlord said. "Now, let's go home and put you into more practical clothing."
"Yes, Chase," the young woman said as Chase teleported the two back home.
Jack was left standing on the sidewalk, completely confused by what had just occurred. Suddenly, a small portal appeared in front of him and Chase stuck his upper body through it.
"Oh, and thank you very much for informing me about Shadow's whereabouts. You will be rewarded at some point for your deed. Oh! And I was thinking Wednesday might be a good day for Shadow to stay out for a few hours."
"I'm…I've actually got—"
"Wonderful," Chase said, effectively cutting him off before disappearing for good this time.
…well, fuck.
A/N: Dear god, this has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever written. XD It's so stupid...and yet I'm sharing it.
I know we all love the idea of Chase as a protective parent and I seriously believe Shadow would do something this stupid (arguably to get his attention). Of course, Jack gets thrown into the middle of all this mess by accident. I like to think that even though Jack can be dumb sometimes, I think he does have values. I can't see him just sitting back and watching this without calling Chase up.
Ooh! And you know how Manny-Heatlook, Jinchuuriki15, and Yaoipigglet on DeviantArt all gave me suggest for her name? I combined them! :D Hooray for my lameness! They were all so good and I couldn't pick just one!
So, I included a few characters from some other shows in here, just to make the whole thing a little more fun. I made Zim and Dib silly friends in this (support the couple, but prefer them as buddies XP), Mandark and Dexter hanging out since they;re both in Jack's wheelhouse of intelligence. I put Double D in there, too (anybody catch the hint of EddXKevin? Yep, fanart made me ship it).
The original inspiration of this is from Manny-Heatlook's picture art / Bunny-Shadow-444877205. Manny and I started going with comments and...this was born.
Sorry it took me so long to get to this. My moods always flip-flop and sometimes I just can't work on certain works unless I really feel like it. If I push myself, it just doesn't work. Unless, it's already written out; like when I typed out My Dragon. That needed to get posted.
Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this! I'm seriously thinking about maybe making this whole thing into a much larger story. Something about Jack having weird side adventures? No chack (or pre-chack, if you prefer), just Jack doing stuff. I dunno, I'd need to get requests maybe. We'll see, anyways, read and review pretty please!
By the way, I've passed by a strip club a few times called the Crazy Horse...that name freaks the crap out of me. :0