Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Light Number One
There are two words that will torment me for the rest of my existence, "good girl." When spoken separately they just become little words that can cause no harm, but together they turn into my own personal poison. It's amazing how one phrase can make me want to rip my ears off.
It is his entire fault. It's all Kairi's, a jounin of the mist, fault that those two little words have the power to turn my body numb. Kairi has a way of speaking that makes everything sound horrid. Those words would come out of his mouth in spurts as his lips ravish my skin, leaving behind marks in a variety of colors. He'll say those words when I'm withering under him, feeling far from good. That one phrase will roll off his tongue like it's poetry accompanied with a patronizing sneer on his face whenever I complete a service for him. Weather it's pleasuring him, or cooking a meal for him to shove into his mouth.
I was such a fool. I am a fool. To have trust Kairi, to have let that man get so close. With his short, slicked back black hair, and arousing crystal blue eyes all my instincts just shut down. It also doesn't help that Kairi has a six pact that's god worthy. With just one light brush of his fingertips on a woman's skin he can any female crave him. I became his the moment he said my name for the first time, "Natsumi". I melted as soon as the last syllable left his lips.
There were so many signs I should have paid more attention to. Why would a mist jounin, well into his twenties, be interested in a fifteen-year-old string bean of a girl? There's nothing attractive about me, with dark brown hair that I can never keep out of my eyes. My arms and legs are the equivalent of sticks, and my grey eyes are about as charming as a wilting plant. Kairi could have had any one he wanted, and he approached me. That alone should have set off warning bells. At that point I didn't notice any thing. I walked right into his arms, right into his trap. And now I don't know if I can get out.
Present
I keep my eyes shut, focusing on the sound of the dripping faucet from the bathroom sink. Praying that that sound will lull me to sleep. Sleeping is the only thing that keeps me from going mad. It's the only time that I can leave this place, even if it's only mentally. For the last two months I've been stuck in this dump of an apartment. Always waiting and listening do Kairi to come, and always dreaming that he won't show up. He comes here whenever it fits his fancy.
During the first week that I was here all I could was cry. Cry as I couldn't find a way to free myself. Cry as Kairi kept coming over and over again. Amongst all of my tears I figured out why it was me he approached. It wasn't because Kairi was able to see past my ugly outward appearance, and could see what a beautiful person I am on the inside. That type of thing only exists insides girls heads, foolish girls head. No, the reason it was me instead of some drop-dead gorgeous woman is because I was, am an easy target. I am a lonely fifteen-year-old girl. Kairi knows that, he knew that I would go with him easily if he just acted friendly long enough. My parents had died when I was fourteen because of a freak accident with a rouge carriage. It trampled them both before they even had a chance to jump out of the way. I have no friends, no relatives. No one would miss me. No one would have been of my disappearance. I was an easy plaything for him to take for free.
As of last week I've stopped brushing my hair everyday. What's the point when it will just become a tangled mess when he comes. I've have also stopped trying to keep this place clean. Kairi doesn't care about how tidy it is here, he doesn't live here. This apartment, which he pays for, is just a place that he can keep me out of the way. I haven't seen the sun or taste fresh air since he took me here. I know this place like it's the back of my hand. The apartment has three rooms in all. Upon entering the apartment a person has to only take two steps before they're in the kitchen. The kitchen is as cramped as a closest. The fridge, and stove are rusty, and the place will smell of smoke the moment an appliance gets turned on. To the left of the kitchen is the bedroom that only contains an old, hard mattress, a mass of sheets, and two plastic bags of clothes, all thanks to one mister Kairi. When he brought me here I only had the clothes on my back. I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to leave. Kairi at least had the decency to buy me some clothes. They're clothes that let my chest hang out, and hardly leaves any part of my body to the imagination. He also failed to provide me with shoes and socks, so my feet are constantly cold. I usually just stay in the clothes that I had the day I came here. They cover my whole body. Wearing them is the only time I feel even remotely safe in this place.
The only time I use the mattress is when Kairi is here otherwise I prefer the floor. A bed here is only used for Kairi's pleasures, when he's not here I avoid it like it's the plague. I don't want to remember the nights I've spent on that thing.
The bathroom is connected to the bedroom. It has no door; only a flimsy curtain separates it from the bedroom. The bathroom is rustier than the kitchen. Along with the rust there is also a good amount of mold growing in between the tiles. Although not all the tiles are still intact. Some are just merely chipped while whole slabs are missing. I have to be careful to watch my step in there if I don't want to leave a trail of blood in the bathroom. Above the tub there is a railing for a shower curtain, but one is not attached. I use the railing to hang the sheets and my clothes to dry after I attempt to wash them in the tub. Though I can never get them to smell clean.
This place has one door that is secure locked from the outside, and two windows that are boarded up as well as locked, all thanks to Kairi. The windows aren't boarded up so that I can't stare out, it's so no one can look in. So that no one except Kairi knows that I'm here. I've tried to leave, many times. Taking the wood off of the windows proved to be easy, I only got a splinter or two. Though it were the locks that I cannot get enough around. For the life of me could not pick the damn locks. The only other option I have is to break the windows. The only problem is that the windows are not made of glass, but plastic. How does one go about breaking plastic windows? I could chuck something at it and watch as the thrown object bounces back at me. If I escape it'll be because I'm a lot more creative than just breaking a window.
Though of course, I had no way of putting the wood back up after that failed escape attempt. When Kairi came, to say that he was furious would be an under statement. "Natsumi, you bitch!" He roared as he grabbed me by my hair, and started to yank me around. Left and right, he pulled me in all directions. It was all I could do to try and keep up with him. In a minute flat I had tears streaming down my cheeks. It felt like Kairi was going to rip the skin off of my skull. Eventually he dragged me into the bedroom and on to the mattress. By the time he was done with me my clothes that I had been wearing that day laid in tatters in on the floor, and I couldn't feel anything from the thighs down. Kairi left soon after that, though not before promising to reattach the wood to the windows.
I'm sitting in the corner of the kitchen, next to the fridge, waiting for a pot of water to boil on the stove while trying to ignore the smoke smell. Kairi left an hour ago, after pulling out of me. He's been coming more often and staying longer lately. I almost expect him to announce that he's going to move in with me. Though that's highly unlikely, thankfully. No one would want to spend his or her life in this place.
The sound of bubbling water draws me out of my thoughts as I stand up to add a packet of noodles to the pot. I've been eating more than usual. I used to be able to get full on just the three meals a day, though now after breakfast, lunch, or dinner I'm hungry again thirty minutes later. While is swirl the noodles around in to the pot with a pair of chopsticks my hand goes to rest upon my middle. I know why I've been overly hungry, I'm not stupid. I've been here, with many visits from Kairi, for about a full two months and have only experienced one monthly cycle.
I've been ignoring this fact for the last four days. Though I can't keep putting this off forever. Eventually Kairi will notice when the baby bump starts to show, or if I'm lucky, nine months later when there's a baby crawling around. What would Kairi do when he finds out? Will he kill me? With shaking hands I pull out the chopsticks out of the pot and turned off the stove. If Kairi even let me have the kid what would he do to the baby? There is to many unknown possibilities.
Transferring the noodles from the pot to a chipped bowl I squat back down in the corner next to the fridge with the bowl and chopsticks in hand. I don't even know if I want this baby. If it wasn't like this. If I wasn't a prisoner in this apartment, if I was married to a man that loved me very munch, and if I wasn't fifteen then I would want this baby, more than anything. But here, right now, in this death trap cell of mine, how could I take care of a baby. I have no crib, clothes, toys, or the slightest idea how to take care of an infant. My experience with children is zero. Then there's the question if I can even love this baby, because it wouldn't just be my baby. It would be Kairi's baby as well. Can I love the child of the man that stole my virginity? Can I love a child that was conceived out of countless of episodes of rape? In this life, in my life a baby would just be a burden.
Eating my noodles is the only thing I can do right now to keep thoughts off of the fetus inside of me. There are two many what ifs. I don't like it. After eating the last noodle, I sigh and place the bowl and chopsticks on the ground. The next time Kairi walks though the door, I'll tell him. If he does decide to kill me maybe he'll have enough sympathy to kill my fetus and me quickly and painlessly. I can only hope.
Later on
Kairi runs his hands over my bare chest, while his lips are busy chewing on my ear. Occasionally he'll let out a grunt of satisfaction. I have to keep him in a good mood. The happier Kairi is the more peaceful my passing will be. If it is my death that he'll choose after I tell him about our offspring that's growing inside of me. I rub one of my hands up and down his very well toned abs, just the way he likes. Kairi groans in approval. With one final thrust Kairi pants and pulls out of me. I hope what we just did doesn't hurt the fetus. He lets out a loud sigh and collapses on the mattress next too me, keeping one of his arms wrapped around my stomach like a band of steel. "Such a good girl", Kairi says between breaths.
Suddenly my mouth goes dry, and I stay perfectly still. I hate those words. I hate it when those words come out of his mouth. I wait about a minute, moving my tongue around in my mouth, waiting to get full control back over it. I have to tell him now, before his good mood goes away. "Kairi-sama". I address him the way that he likes. He blinks at me in response. I rarely say his name. I rarely say a word to him; I probably just have surprised him. "I'm late." He blinks at me again in confusion. I'll just have to spit it out before he gets impatient. "I'm pregnant." I look away, I can't watch his reaction, and it might be the end of me.
Kairi sits up and unwraps his arm from around me. "With my baby?" He asked gruffly. It's a stupid question; he knows it's a stupid question. Kairi saw the blood the first time he took me; he knows that I haven't had any other man than him.
I answer him anyway with a nod of my head. It's best to cooperate with him, to play his little games. I want my death to as painless as possible.
Kairi places on of his large hands on my stomach as a smirk of complete satisfaction grows on his face. I don't understand, and I'm not sure if I want to. "Guess I'll have to start bring you more food", Kairi says lightly as he lay back on top of me.
"You don't mind?" I ask with out thinking. He's not going to kill me?
"No", Kairi begins as he starts to dig his teeth into my shoulder. "As long as it's a boy. I can use a boy, train him up to be a powerful shinobi." Kairi explains between bits.
I clench my teeth together to keep myself from gasping in pain. "And if it's a girl?" The question leaves my lips before I realize what I'm asking. I don't want to know what he'll do if it's a girl. I don't want to know what will happen if I have a daughter.
Kairi lets out a sigh and stops his biting. I'm pushing him, I am so stupid. "I have no use for a girl." Kairi says as his eyes scan over me. "If our offspring takes after you it'll be the ugliest wretch ever to live, well next to it's mother." He smirks at me when I don't even flinch at his insult. What's the point of being offended when it's true? "A shinobi doesn't have to be good looking so a son I'll have use for. But a girl that is ugly would fetch a high price on the black market so I have no use for a female", he sneers. "Now be a good girl and shut up." Kairi finishes as starts to run his tongue over my neck. My body freezes at those two words, and I let him do as he pleases, Even if I put up a fight it won't make a difference. Man, I hate those words.
Five weeks later
Morning sickness has become my best friend. Because of it Kairi only comes to deliver food once a week. He says that he won't have me again until I no longer taste sour. I'm starting to be grateful to this child developing inside of me. Thanks to this fetus I've been given sex free days, a lot more than normal. Though I know that I cannot grow attach to this child. If it's a boy then Kairi will take him from me the moment that he's old enough to train. If it's a girl, well I don't even want to think of that.
I've spent the day on my hands and knees, picking up the loose bits of tiles. If it is a boy I'll have to be prepared. Loose tile is dangerous, even more so when a baby learns how to put things in their mouths and how to crawl. Tomorrow I'll see if I can scrap off some of the mold and rust from the floor. Those can't be good for a baby to be living in.
Five months later
None of my clothes fit me now. I use one of the bed sheets as a makeshift skirt. I still wear the shirts that I have but I've stretched them out so much, and they still leave my stomach exposed. Whenever Kairi comes over his favorite thing to is to run his hands over my stomach and wait for the baby to kick. He's positive that it's a boy because the size of my stomach. I can only hope that he is correct for the baby's sake.
I'll be turning sixteen in a couple of days. I wish that would make a difference in my life, though of course it doesn't. It just means that I'm one year closer to my death.
Four months later
A high pitch scream leaves my mouth as my hands clench up the sheets in my hands. Each contraction is getting worse and worse. Kairi kneels in front of me, with his hands on my knees, keeping them apart. "Come on girl! Push harder!" He growls at me. "I'm not going to wait all night for this brat." I block out his words as another wave of pain hits me head on. I put all my concentration on pushing as another scream explodes out of my throat. "I can see the head." I hear Kairi say as I keep on pushing.
A few more pushes later, and Kairi is cutting the cord with one of his kunai knifes, with the baby cradled in one of his arms. I lay on the mattress, staring up a Kairi, waiting to hear what is to become of the baby. Kairi swoops down and snatches one of my shirts off of the floor, before wrapping the baby in it. "Good girl", Kairi praises with a smirk on his face as he stares at the baby. He walks over to me and drops the baby in my outstretched arms. "His name is Kairi Jr." Kairi said before taking five steps and exiting the apartment.
I wait to hear the door slam shut and the lock click before I look down at the baby, at my son. He is slowly moving around his arms in a new discovered movement as he small round mouth opened and closed. He opened his mouth one more time and a tiny wail started. Informing me that his lungs are just fine. My breath stopped as I raise one of my hands to touch one of his little ones. My sons tiny fingers wrapped around my pinkie as he continued to wail. His eyelids opened to reveal to shiny blue orbs, eyes just like Kairi's, but his eyes have more power to hold me captive. That is all that it took, and I knew that I would not let Kairi take my son away from me. My son, the one bright light in my existence, "Hiroshi", I whispered to my baby. "Your name is Hiroshi." I said, moving my arms to cradle him closer to me. "And I promise that I'll never let him take you away from me." I said as tears started to flow freely from my eyes. "I promise that I will get us out of here."
It's hard to believe that just one look at this little bundle, at my son, and I suddenly want to keep on living. I want a brighter future for Hiroshi. It's what any mother would want for her child. I'm sure it's what my mother wanted for me. I'll do everything for Hiroshi. "I love you", I whisper before placing a kiss on my crying son's tiny forehead.