Why so serious
Summary: A look at why Germany is so serious.
Warnings: Bad spelling, bad grammar, messed up mind, that's about it.
Disclaimer: Really why would anyone write fanfiction if they owned what they were writing about?
He sighed it was really all he could do at this point.
His head was throbbing from another long day of attempting to keep order in an impossible situation, while yelling at hundreds of other nations. Yes yet another world conference he really didn't know why they held the things.
He sighed again as he allowed himself to slump on the cool stone bench. After such a long day the stone was a welcome retreat. He turned slightly so he could rest his throbbing head against the stone back.
This meeting had been particularly strenuous. Instead of being cowed and trying to do something useful at least for a moment, the nations instead started analyzing him when he tried to regain control.
Apparently they decided their time would be better spent trying to figure out why he was so serious all the time.
The theories were rather funny. They had ranged from the usual stick up the ass to the also usual possessed by aliens. America never realized he would be less serious if possessed by aliens, no matter how many times Japan pointed out the fact.
Other theories had involved not eating enough pasta. Needing to become one with Russia. Not having enough variety in his diet. Not being made in Korea. He wasn't drinking enough Tea. Not having enough sex, this one came along with an offer in the form of a naked Frenchman.
There was the idea that he didn't have any friends. He was still trying to live up to his brother's reputation. He was still trying to live down his Brothers reputation. He was trying to live down the Holocaust and Hitler. That one was always painful to think about and to this day the mention of world war two sent a shudder down his spine.
Then there were the ones that made him want to completely lose his cool and start another world war just to shut them up. The ones who said he was trying to start another world war. The ones who said he had wanted the Holocaust that he wanted all of those people dead. And the ones that disgusted him the most the ones who said none of it had ever happened.
Then there were the ones who knew a bit more about him. The ones who knew he had the bullet wounds from both world wars and the numbers branded into his skin from Auschwitz. The ones from when he couldn't take it anymore and had refused to fight for his boss and had been sent off to a concentration camp instead.
They said he was trying to live all of it down but they had more of an idea why he might be trying to. Then there were those who hit the closest those who said he just didn't know any other way to be.
Out of all of their theories on his seriousness those two hit the closes to home. The idea that, he was still suffering from world war two and all of its atrocities, and the idea that he simple didn't know any other way to be.
In truth he was simply scared. Scared that if he ever acted anything but serious he would end up making a fool of himself. He would make a fool of his nation and his people. He was scared to death of being anything but serious, anything but his best and then finding he had screwed up.
Admitting it to himself, made him feel rather pathetic.
In many ways he envied the other nations. The older ones like France, Italy, Japan, China, and his Brother who were still strong still relatively happy and still themselves still open about themselves despite all they had been through. His brother was one of the most Cheerful and open dolts he had ever meet and he had completely lost his country.
Then there were the younger nations those around his age. Those like the North Americans, America and his two odd brothers, or the nations in Oceana like Australia, even South Africa. All of them had gained ground in their own right and in their own way. The difference between them and him was they never hid behind a shield like he did. Instead they were always grinning stupidly like America, Australia, and Mexico, or happy and polite while still being nothing but themselves like Canada and South Africa.
None of them had the strange fear that if they ever stepped out as themselves, they would end up hated by the world. He always felt like if he wasn't perfectly serious and in control he would make a mistake a mistake that would end everything. He knew it wasn't possible for one little mistake, for one day of not being perfectly controlled to ruin his entire life but it felt like it would.
He sighed again catching the faint sound of footsteps coming towards him. Combat boots rather worn, and fine leather likely bought recently.
His brother and Italy were coming over here.
"Oi west you ok?" He felt a heavy hand rest on his shoulder clad in a well worn leather glove.
"Ja, I'm fine." He shrugged off Gilberts hand and stood from the seat automatically straitening his posture as he did so.
He caught the worried look Italy sent him over his brother's shoulder. These two were the only people who he ever really felt safe around. Like if he did relax and then screw up some how they wouldn't abandon him.
Yes that was the word he had been looking for. Abandon he was afraid if he was ever anything but controlled the entire world would abandon him.
"I'm fine Italy really; it's just a slight headache from every one yelling." He gave the Italian a small smile and a nod towards his brother before turning back to the building for another round of the world conference.
He just missed the worried look Italy sent him and the resigned one his brother gave.
But there was nothing they could do he was far too afraid of being abandoned to be anyone else.
Kay not sure if this made sense but basically I was thinking about the way I act sometimes and realized it was a lot like Germany. Overly serious, controlling, perfectionist so I started thinking what if Germany acts the way he does for a similar reason.
I act in control because I'm afraid if I'm not in control I'll screw up and then everyone will laugh at me. I act serious so when I do screw up and they laugh I won't show them that it hurts. I've gotten so used to it that I'm afraid if I act different I'll be shunned or abandoned by the people around me so I end up hiding a lot.