While re-watching seasons 1 and 2 of TBBT, I noticed some things I had never really paid much attention to before. One, Sheldon wasn't opposed to a few cuss words. Two, Sheldon danced. Three, Sheldon would often get a smirk and/or twinkle in his eyes when talking to Penny. A flirty kind of look. That led to this story. A selection of entries from Sheldon's personal journal for that first year.
Log Entry 001
We have a new neighbor in apartment 4B. Her name is Penny. She is blonde, with hazel eyes. She is originally from Omaha, Nebraska. Approximately 5'5" and 110-120 lbs. She is a waitress who aspires to be an actress. By society's standards she is aesthetically pleasing. By my roommate's standards she is "smoking hot". Leonard is quite taken with her. However, she does not appear to be of substantial intelligence. She believes in astrology. She is highly emotional. She got us de-pants. She sat in my spot and did not move even when informed of it's significance. However, she also expressed appreciation for my work. She bought us dinner after the unfortunate loss of one pair of my plaid pants. She does have a nice smile.
Log Entry 009
Sweet baby Jesus! That woman is the epitome of chaos! Last night she asked Leonard at sign for the delivery of some furniture in case she was not home when it arrived. The delivery man left it in the lobby and Leonard and I were forced to undertake the Herculean task of moving said delivery up 4 flights of stairs. I am proud to say we managed to accomplish this in under 3 hours. The real difficulty came then. Her apartment was…..the entire floor…I find it difficult to even describe the utter devastation! It was as if a small tornado had set down in her apartment and tossed the entire contents all around! I cannot sleep knowing that just across the hall, disorder reigns!
Supplemental
It would appear I crossed the line of socially acceptable behaviour. Looking back, I may have erred in letting myself into Penny's apartment in the middle of the night to clean. I do not understand why anyone would object to an organized home. Leonard said I must apologize, so I did. On a related note, Penny's eyes turn an interesting shade of jade when she is angry.
Log Entry 022
Leonard is currently laying face-down on the couch. His incessant moaning is quite disruptive. He has been in this state ever since he discovered Penny with a date. I fail to understand his surprise. She is outgoing, friendly and socially adept. Her physical qualities alone would ensure her ability to attract a mate. In all honesty I do find myself wondering if this will affect our group dynamic. I have made several concessions already to include her in my social circle. Will I be required to include her boyfriend? Will she leave the group after so short a time with us? I find myself reluctantly hoping the latter will not be the case.
Log Entry 034
I am by nature a whimsical person. I enjoy a good prank, or joke. I discovered today a new outlet for my playfulness. Penny and I went shopping. It was quite humorous. She is not only disorderly, but impulsive in her shopping habits. I realized quite early in the trip (we had only just reached the market) that when she is annoyed her eyes flash like green fire. She is also easily embarrassed which makes her skin flushed. It has been a long time since I felt this level of attraction for someone. I am well aware that there is little chance in attracting Penny's interest. She gravitates toward the more muscular specimens of the male race. That will not stop me from playing with her though.
My friends all think me asexual, which suits my needs perfectly. I prefer to be alone because relationships distract from work. Sex is not unappealing to me, however my body's needs can be easily handled by my own hand, which is not emotional and does not require me to ply it with compliments or gifts. However, I found this evening that antagonizing Penny, and then replaying our discussion during my evening masturbatory session added to the enjoyment of my release.
Log Entry 051
Tonight Leonard provided me with an opportunity to test out a new component to my interactions with our neighbour. While annoying her is entertaining, I run the risk of ostracising her. If she begins to attribute only feelings of frustration to me, she will spend less time with me. So, I have added need into the mixture. Leonard and Leslie Winkle (why on earth?) were having sex, so I went to Penny. I told her I needed her help and brought her back into my apartment. I have noticed in the past that Penny is much more patient with my 'idiosyncrasies' than my other friends. She is often more willing to explain social constructs. While it is true I was only a pre-teen when I went to college, I am not an idiot. A tie on a door knob was an easily understood symbol. Asking Penny to explain the tie served two purposes. One, she knows Leonard is involved with someone (however unappealing that person is) and two, she sees me as someone she can 'teach'.
Log Entry 070
Tonight has been a disaster. First I was unable to attend the party as the Flash. None of Penny's friends were very appreciative of my Doppler Effect costume. Leonard, much to my amazement, got into a verbal altercation with Penny's ex, Kurt. This was very embarrassing and upsetting to Penny. I find myself feeling guilty for encouraging Leonard, even the slightest bit. Penny did not deserve our behaviour. I will have to make amends.
Log Entry 094
Inconceivable! Improbable! Penny must be cheating! We have just finished several rounds of Halo and she beat me every time! No first time player could be that accomplished so quickly! The gall of the woman to tease me, on top of it all! No one that beautiful should be so skilled at video games! She will never be allowed to play with us again!
Supplemental
I retract my previous entry. I will endeavour to include Penny in every Halo night. My dreams were filled with images of her as she played. She was animated, excited even. She jumped around a lot. She glowed with pride as she terminated each avatar. This morning I awoke to find my body in an aroused state. The orgasm achieved was, dare I say, explosive, as I replayed images of her last night.
Log Entry 119
Quite by accident I have discovered a new aspect to the friendship between Penny and I. My friend Raj had a blind date that even I could see was a disaster. I thought to alleviate some of the tension by distracting his date and telling her of her resemblance to a children's book princess. She then invited me to have a meal. Since it was obvious her date with Raj was over, I agreed, seeing no good reason to turn down a meal. My friends are now upset with me for "cock-blocking" Raj. All except Penny. She has taken my side. While she agrees I should not have had dinner with Raj's date, she says it was actually Lalita who erred by abandoning Raj. I feel pleased that Penny views me favourably.
Supplemental
Penny is a rapscallion. She tricked me into imbibing alcohol. She has a naughty side, it would appear. I will have to think of a way to engage this side of her for further study. With her stubbornness and my drive to win, we could have epic stimulating conflicts.
Log Entry 138
I am influencing Penny to a degree I had not anticipated. Tonight she burst into the apartment and confronted Howard about a photo he had uploaded onto Facebook. It was a photo of Penny sleeping during Leonard's presentation (so humorous on it's own!). Her head had fallen over onto Howard's shoulder. He labelled it "Me and my girlfriend Penny". I must remember to reduce him from 'friend' to 'treasured acquaintance'. Penny then proceeded to try and blow up his mind. A ploy I frequently attempt against my friends to show my displeasure at various antics they engage in. In my opinion (and mine is the only one that counts in here), she was extremely cute.
Log Entry 155
I am uncomfortable with the lies of others. I will only carry out one I construct myself. I know this is because of my need for control, but nonetheless, it is fact. I cannot believably repeat someone else's lie. So, I was forced to discard Leonard's lie and replace it with one of my own. I appear to have overplayed my hand though. Penny has taken an empathetic liking to my faux-cousin 'Leo'. This is unexpected. How do I extract Penny from this situation without revealing my deception?
Log Entry 180
I have been deathly ill. Penny expose me to some sort of Omaha super flu. My friends abandoned me, predictably. I was forced to take the bus to Penny's place of work. I can only blame my fever and subsequent delirium on my actions there. I accused her of making me sick and upset her. In spite of my treatment of her, she agreed to take care of me. She cooked for me, tucked me into bed, sang to me and even put vapo-rub on my chest in the correct manner. I was unable to convince her to give me a sponge bath. Of course, Leonard had to return and spoil everything. I wonder if she will return tomorrow.
Log Entry 203
I have been rendered moot by a child. An Asian Wunderkind has surpassed me. I am sure Penny respects me much less. I am no longer the most intelligent man she will even meet.
Supplemental
Dennis Kim has fallen by the wayside. He succumbed to sex, ego and emotion. I feel justified in my rejection of all emotional and non-self sexual activities.
Additional Supplement
My mind continually replays the last line of my supplement while fixating on an image of Penny. It is most disturbing.
Log Entry 238
Failure again. My friends think I am unable to allow the janitor to answer because I had to win on my own. That is an assumption I will allow them to believe. How could I explain that it is because of Penny? That I am unable to admit failure in front of her. I strive to impress her. And annoy her, and tease her, and elicit heated exchanges between us. I must be superior to the others in her eyes.
Log Entry 256
Penny's words to Leonard have hurt me. She looks down on us for our comics, games, costumes and hobbies. Are they really such terrible things in her eyes? I cannot change who I am. Does she really view us…me, with such disgust?
Supplemental
I yelled at Penny. I am torn. On one hand I am exhilarated at having defended Leonard and by default myself, yet I fear I may have hurt her. She apologized to Leonard for her previous words. I can only hope she forgives me too.
Log Entry 257
Penny approached me this evening in the laundry room. She apologized, saying she never meant to hurt my feelings. She was angry and in pain and she had lashed out. I felt a rush of relief at her apology. I quickly offered my own apology for my anger. Penny smiled at me and said we were good. Then she darted close and kissed my cheek. My shower was extended by the need to ease my arousal. That woman is hell on my libido.
Log Entry 277
I am disgusted by Leonard's actions. He has pursued Penny for most of the year, yet the moment he meets my sister, he immediately drops his infatuation for our lovely neighbour and fixates on Missy. Tomorrow, when my sister returns to Texas he will resume chasing Penny. I do not like this at all. Penny deserves better.
Log Entry 301
Penny believes in astrology. She is a Sagittarius. People of that sign are said to be outgoing, creative, fun loving, impulsive and unorganized.
I am a Taurus. People of that sign are said to be stable, dependable, goal oriented, and emotionally suppressed.
The two signs are not compatible.
Astrology is pure hokum.
Log Entry 320
Penny has agreed to a date with Leonard.
End Log