Loyalty
Summary: Ziva's thoughts on where her loyalty lies, and how it got there.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of NCIS except 3 seasons worth of dvds!
It took me a while, but I know who I am now. I have spent years trying to figure out where my loyalty lies. At first, it was Mossad. It was as simple as that. I was loyal to that agency, my father, my country. After years of missions, my life clashed with the lives of NCIS agents. First, it was Jenny, my first true friend. We grew closer after Cairo. Then Ari asked me to profile Gibbs, Tony, McGee, Abby, Ducky, etc. I learned about my team the first time. When I was waiting in above that basement, listening to Ari and Gibbs talk, I realized two things. First, I realized that Ari was right. Our father created a monster. Our father was stupid. Second, Ari had changed. He was no longer the boy I remembered him to be, the caring brother who looked out for me. That helped me pull the trigger. My bullet blew out his brains, killing him instantly. Once I heard the thud, remorse flooded me. I thought about running, but instead my legs forced me downstairs, to see Ari's broken body. Gibbs looked at me, my face starting to turn red with tears, and he pieced it together. At that moment, he realized that I killed my half-brother, my own blood, for him. He comforted me, and left me to say goodbye to my brother forever. After that, I realized I needed to get away from Mossad, so I asked to join Gibbs' team. I learned a lot from him, and in that year, I realized I learned how to love, how to care. So I stayed. I learned, I teased, and I had fun. For the first time, I realized I had a family, someone to care about, people who care about me. Throughout the years, we've been through a lot: when Gibbs left, when I was framed for murder, when Tony was framed for murder (several times), Jenny's death, Vance separating us, when we came back together, Michael Rivikin and Somalia, and now we are here. Ever since, they saved me, I have been thinking about what to do know. It was hard to think about, I kept feeling overwhelmed with emotion. Tony, Gibbs, McGee, Ducky, Abby, even Palmer and Vance proved they cared about me, even after all I did. They still cared. So I made my decision. I figured out where my loyalty lies. It lies in NCIS with my family. I wasn't lying when I told Gibbs Eli was dead to me. My NCIS family, it seemed like we all belonged. There was Gibbs, my father; Ducky, my grandfather; Tony and McGee, my brothers; Abby my sister; Palmer, my cousin; and Vance, my somewhat uncle. It took me years, but I finally figured out where I could give my loyalty, and where it would be welcomed. A place where people make mistakes and they don't get punished, they get forgiven. My loyalty now is with NCIS for good, and nothing my father does will keep it away. I am finally free from his grasp. He cannot send me back to Israel, or send me to die. He has to watch his last child grow up with compassion, something he never gave me. My time at NCIS changed me; my father was right about that. But my father was wrong, because it made me stronger, not weaker. When I was stuck in Somalia, it was memories of Tony, McGee, Abby, Ducky, and even Gibbs, that kept me alive; not thinking about the mission. They tortured me about NCIS. This was the ultimate test. I could've given away everything I knew, I wasn't officially a NCIS agent, and I could have done so easily. But my time there changed me. I knew that they could not have called it treason; I would get away with it, America was not my country (officially, it became my country the minute I felt happy and safe.) But then my mind flashed back to all the fun I had, the friendships I made; and that kept me sane. That kept me alive. I knew I would probably stay there forever, but Rule 8: Never take anything for granted. Tony, McGee, and Gibbs came, and they saved me. It is thanks to them I am here today, alive and in America. After a bit of consideration, I decided to apply to become a NCIS special agent. I resigned from Mossad, and took a chance. After a "small" mishap about what happened on the Damocles, I was accepted. My father was not too happy with my resignation, but he could not do anything about it. And now we are here. I have proved my loyalty, and found a place in Gibbs' team, reclaimed my place in the family. And now, I found where my loyalty lies. Here, at home.