Summary: In order to get James exactly what he wanted, his friends had to convince him he didn't want it anymore. Could they pull off 'The Ultimate Prank' with the help of Lily by convincing James that he should stop chasing her?
Disclaimer: Jo owns all recognizable things.
All Because of Betty
a Siriusly Klutzy story.
"I don't know, guys," James said with a sigh of defeat. He collapsed on the nearest armchair and put his head in his hands. The sight was painful for Lily to watch, but she knew her roll. Sit and wait. The moment would come, Sirius had said so. "I think it's about time I just give up. It's hopeless, isn't it?"
He pulled his head out of his hands to look around miserably at his circle of friends who were all looking down at him, the epitome of a pity circle. James looked miserable, not his usual perky, up-beat, optimistic self.
"I reckon you're right," Sirius said. He walked around to James' side and put a hand on his shoulder. Lily bit her lip and clutched the invisibility cloak tightly. She didn't understand why she had to see this part. Couldn't he just knock three times when she had to play her bit? Why did she have to see James so down?
"Yeah," Remus agreed when James' head snapped up higher to look at them. "You've been at it for years, Prongs, and nothings happened. Nothing ever will, probably. Just move on already."
James looked at his friends, each in the eye, with pure disgust.
"What?" he asked quietly. It was the saddest statement he'd ever heard.
"It's just," Peter started, "you've been trying for this long. It's clear that Lily doesn't fancy you. You just need to… stop."
"What?" James repeated. Lily watched as he stood up, fearful of what he might do. She bit her lip even harder. "You've been telling me for seven years not to give up! And now you're just going to throw it all away? You expect me to just stop?"
Sirius snorted. "Come on, Prongs. It isn't as if you actually fancied her. It was just about the chase, wasn't it?"
"Yeah," Peter agreed. "That's why you're a Chaser, isn't James?" He chuckled at his own joke, but the rest remained silent, blinking at him. "Right…" he added uncomfortably.
"Are you out of your bloody mind?" James exclaimed, making Sirius step back as he jumped out of the chair. "It wasn't about the chase! I… I love her!"
This was also followed by silence, but then laughter. "Right, Prongs. Right. You love her," Remus said still chuckling. "Good one."
"What is wrong with you?" James yelled, advancing on him but then turning to the rest of them. "You're not supposed to tell me to give up," he continued in a much softer voice. "Not after seven years of telling me to keep trying."
"You said it yourself a few minutes ago, Prongs," Sirius said, "and we think you're right. You've wasted too much time on Evans. You need to get over her and move on."
James just stared at Sirius like he was out of his mind. After a minute or so, he sunk back down into his armchair.
"You really think I should just… stop?" James asked lifelessly. The blank expression in his eyes was enough proof for Lily about how much he really did like her. It made her stomach do a flip flop. It made her want to run out and jump-hug him. But she couldn't. Her cue hadn't come yet. Besides, it was much stealthier than a jump-hug.
"What if there's a girl out there that fancies you as much as you fancy Lily?" Remus asked.
"She'd be no Lily," James answered, making Lily smile to herself. "I can't just stop. It's impossible. You guys don't understand."
"We understand enough," Sirius demanded. "You're seventeen for Merlin's sake, not thirty. Act like it."
James glared up at his best mate so fiercely she actually believed he might do bodily harm to Sirius. She could understand why, though. They were being harsh.
"They Ultimate Prank," Sirius had called it.
"With the best possible ending," Remus added with a nod.
"And you're sure you won't kill James when you do this to him?" she had asked once they told her their evil plan.
"It will be the biggest emotion change in the fastest time that Hogwarts has ever seen," Peter had said with a smile.
"Prongs will be fine," Sirius had reassured her. "He needs to be on the other end of the spectrum every once in a while."
"Plus we still owe him for setting Betty Werkheiser on me last year," Remus added with a shudder, recalling a moment when a very repulsive and creepy third year had started following him around daily because James claimed that Remus really did fancy her, that he just didn't know how to tell her.
"You're telling me to give up. After seven years of my life have been devoted to one date," James said bluntly, staring at the wall next to the fireplace. "To just give up…" His voice had gotten raspy.
Lily's heart clenched. She wanted to go now but that damn Sirius hadn't given her the cue yet. She couldn't stand just watching.
"Come on," Sirius said in his best cheerful voice. "It's not that big of a request."
James stared up at Sirius, eyes wide in disbelief.
That was it. Sirius had given her the signal. The second his hand made it through his hair, Lily bolted out from the girls' staircase, hardly making sure she was completely covered by the loaned invisibility cloak.
"Honestly, it's not like we're asking you to give up your liver," Remus added, just barely hiding the smirk he couldn't control.
"I think she's more important than my liver," James exclaimed, standing up after his ridiculous comment which caused Sirius, Remus, and Peter to erupt in laughter.
Perfect. James was in the perfect position for Lily to make her move. If only that damn invisibility cloak wasn't so hard to walk in, making her trip over the hem every four seconds.
She quietly walked up behind James as the boys continued to bicker. Sneaky was the way to go in this case. Lily placed her left hand above his right shoulder. Sirius was looking at her, though he wasn't quite sure where she was, and let a quick wink escape as James countered a point Peter had made.
Quickly, she dropped her hand on his shoulder, got a grip, and spun him around all in one motion. "What the…?" James was saying as he unwillingly turned by surprise, nearly toppling over onto Lily, who went to take a step back, but caught her foot on the hem of the robe, and ended up falling with him.
Her feet stuck out from the bottom of the robe and were the first things James noticed after focusing on the situation at hand. He looked up at his fellow marauders for an explanation, but they just shrugged innocently at him. James rolled his eyes and caught the hem of his borrowed robe in his hand, yanking it off the perpetrator.
"Lily?" James asked completely astounded. The robe hung limply in his hand, now concealing both her and his legs.
"Surprise?" she said weakly, putting her arms in a 'what can I say?' position.
"Where'd you get this?" he asked, holding up the silvery material.
"It wasn't… supposed to happen like that," she explained, grinning as Sirius burst into laughter.
"What are you talking about?" James demanded. He looked up at Sirius. "What's going on, Padfoot?"
"Very nice, Evans," Sirius said, offering his hand to pull Lily up. She accepted and James mimicked her.
"Padfoot. What's going on?" James demanded again.
"Are you going to show him, Lily?" Sirius asked. "Or am I?"
Lily raised an eyebrow at Sirius, who was waggling his own. Before James knew what had happened, Lily had grabbed him by the collar and kissed him so suddenly he almost lost his balance. Again.
"What?" he sputtered when Lily suddenly let go and blushed.
"It was a joke," she explained. "On you. Because of Betty."
James looked around at the four people, perpetually confused.
"How'd you get Lily to help you with this?" James hissed, eyes darting between them and Lily. She smiled and rolled her eyes.
"He's quite dense when he's dumbfounded, isn't he?" Lily asked Remus. He nodded in agreement.
When James still stared blankly at all of them, Sirius said, "She fancies you, you moron."
James blinked a couple times, letting the truth sink in. Once it did, his gaze turned hard and he looked at his friends. "Now? Or is it part of the joke?"
Sirius stared at him. "What are you talking about? We were just kidding. This is real. We knew you wouldn't give up. She really fancies you!" Sirius was motioning from Lily, whose eyes were wide, to James, whose were narrowed.
"Right. Like I'm going to believe that," James said. He turned on his heel and stalked off towards the door of the boys' staircase.
"James!" Lily called, surprised by his outrage. It was just a joke, he should know that.
"I would expect this from them, Lily," he said darkly as he turned to face her, "but not from you."
She should there gaping at him before he turned and walked to the staircase. She turned back to Sirius, eyes wide. He was standing there, as shocked as the rest of them, not comprehending what had happened. But suddenly, his gaze softened, and before Lily could ask why he was looking at her like that, she felt a tug on her shoulder.
Unprepared, she nearly fell again, but was caught by James who was smiling down at her. "Yeah… I was just kidding." And with that, he kissed her, surprising her as much as she had surprised him.
A/n: Yeah, I've been dying to get a one-shot out and have tried many, many different things, but this is what came to me for some reason. Not my best, I'm aware, but it's better than nothing.
More to come soon, I hope!
Much love and cruel friends who play pranks on you that result in you getting James,
Siriusly Klutzy