you were sixteen.
you can remember it surprisingly well, despite how many years have passed since.
now, you're happily married, (to the love of your life, you might add), but sometimes, you remember.
it was back in that hellscape of a school, right after the fourth class trial. you were in aoi asahina's room, (you're not sure how you got there), and she was clinging onto you and crying.
at that point in time, you did not like aoi asahina. you were certain that she did not like you, (everyone hated you), and yet she didn't.
maybe she was just desperate for support. yes, that's it, she was crying on your shoulder because nobody else would let her.
(why were you letting her? you did not like aoi asahina)
and suddenly, (this is the strangest part), she was kissing you gently on the mouth, out of grief and desperation, (because let's face it. she had just lost the person she was closest to hours before), and for some unfathomable reason, you were kissing her back.
she had done this before. you had never been kissed.
that was the end of it. she stopped, and you looked her in the eye for a long moment, then fled her room. when you were back in your own, you could still feel her tears on your face.
and nothing ever came of it. aoi asahina acted like it had never happened when morning came, and you forgot about it entirely.
your life is nice now. you wake up every morning to togami, your wonderful husband, beside you. he is so warm, he makes you forget how cold you are inside.
he makes you smile. you were incomplete before him, and you're never so glad that you have him, when you awaken from yet another nightmare.
(for you still see them, every single one of your friends who died at the school, you see their blank faces and still bodies, and it makes you cry.)
you are the wound and togami is healing. he has made you brave, as brave as you can be with all the anxiety you've internalized. togami is the anchor, and you are the boat.
(sometimes you wonder if the others have an anchor. it has been a long time since you've seen them.)
occasionally, togami will wake up with tears in his eyes, and you will interlace your fingers with his, and squeeze his hand. it hurts him too, and he tries so hard to be strong, but even the great byakuya togami has night terrors.
you wouldn't change anything in your life right now, everything about it makes you happy, (except the nightmares, but they don't count), it's gentle, it's easy, it's safe.
but sometimes, late at night, you find yourself remembering again.
you remember sitting in aoi asahina's room, and how she kissed you on her bed, fresh tears still falling down her face.
(you were sixteen.)