Author's notes: I had this idea as I am learning more and more about Buddhism constantly for my job as a teacher of philosophical/ethical and religious studies. Plus, I adore this pairing and fandom, and it needs more love (although, I wouldn't say that this is a particularly loving fic...). I do check to see if others write about this pairing, but updates are often few and far between (I am myself very guilty of this). Please, enjoy this one-shot.
Amidamaru had no time to process what was happening before Yoh gripped his clothes and pressed him against a wall, his eyes dark with desire. His breathing was heavier than usual, his cheeks a little flushed.
"Y-Yoh-dono?" The samurai asked desperately, trying to understand what the teenager was getting at. A wicked smile crossed Yoh's face.
"I've been trying to seduce you for weeks, Amidamaru," he said, toying with the opening of the samurai's clothes, gazing up at the older man with lidded, desire-filled eyes, "and I just can't wait any more." His fingers ventured beneath the cloth, and Yoh moaned in appreciation as he felt the ghost's hard chest and erect nipple beneath. He gave it a small pinch, and the samurai jumped in surprise, spurred into action.
"Yoh-dono!" His voice was loud, and Yoh quickly put two fingers over his lips, shushing him.
"Shh... it's okay Amidamaru, I know how to make you feel good," the shaman promised in a quiet, husky whisper. He pressed his body flush against the samurai, pressing his hips into the older man, revealing his obvious erection. Amidamaru jumped again, tried to move from beneath Yoh's grip, but being unable to.
"Yoh-dono, I cannot do this, we're... you're..." he struggled to find the right words.
"Mmm... we're what? Good for each other? Attracted to each other?" Yoh's fingers fell from the samurai's lips, wandering yet again beneath his clothes, feeling the toned chest beneath excitedly. He continued to grind against the samurai's thigh, breath becoming a little heavier as he did so. Those dark brown eyes were yet again focused on Amidamaru – only this time, on his lips, hinting at what he wanted most of all. He even started to go onto his tiptoes, desperate to reach those lips he'd fantasised about so many times in his dreams, or in the bath...
"Yoh-dono, please!" Amidamaru cried, voice becoming desperate. He realised his choice of words had been poor when one of Yoh's arms circled his neck, trying to draw him closer to the shorter man.
"Glad you see it my way, 'Maru..." Yoh whispered, his lips so close to the samurai's own...
It was Yoh's turn to not know what had happened when he was pushed away, hands snatched from the samurai's body and gripped with such a force, it made him cry out. Amidamaru pressed the shaman hard against the wall, breathing heavily. He looked furious, and Yoh swallowed nervously. His head hurt from having hit the wall, but he didn't dare say anything. He had never seen Amidamaru angry – in fact, he often questioned whether this was the same 'legendary fiend' who had slain hundreds of the shogun's men six hundred years ago. But the look that was being given him right now was terrifying – his eyes were narrowed, breath heavy with anger.
The silence stretched on between them – only when Yoh whimpered again did Amidamaru release his wrists, the skin there stained pink from the pressure. Instinctively, Yoh rubbed them, staring up at the samurai, scared.
"Listen to me," Amidamaru growled, each word said slowly to reveal just how mad he really was. His chest was still heaving with emotion, and he towered over the younger man. Yoh couldn't help but recoil a little, genuinely frightened. "... I want no part of this. I did not ask for this."
Yoh's stomach dropped, rejection crushing his heart. He felt tears surface in his eyes, threatening to spill, but he wouldn't let them. All of those acts of kindness from the samurai, those massages after a particularly intense training session, the words of advice and encouragement for him to do his best, and those hugs when he'd really needed them... those had just been acts of friendship? Yoh bit his lip, trying to hold back his sadness.
"But... why?" Yoh whispered, voice strangled a little by the strength of his emotions. One tear fell from the shaman's eyes, splattering onto the shaman's chest. He felt so weak, so stupid...
Amidamaru still leered over the shaman, giving him no escape from the situation he'd put them both into. "Because," he started again, voice still dangerously low, "it is against the precepts."
For a moment, there was silence. Then, rather than Yoh's face turning into one of realisation, of embarrassment and apology, he frowned. In fact, no – he began glaring at the samurai, and his back straightened. His stance was one of confrontation, and before Amidamaru could understand why, Yoh began in an equally quiet voice...
"The precepts." He almost spat out the words, shaking his head in disgust at the samurai. "So what you're telling me is that what I wanted to do with you is wrong, that the precious Buddha thinks that two men wanting to be with one another is a kind of sexual misconduct. That it's wrong." It wasn't a question. Yoh couldn't believe what he was hearing. Amidamaru's rejection was because of religion, because he thought that being gay was a breach of the Buddhist principle to not involve oneself in sexual misconduct. He... he was... homophobic?
Amidamaru seemed to be understanding the gravity of what he had said, and seemed to relent a little. He hastened to explain, "Yoh-dono, I-"
"No, no, it's fine! Really! No, I understand completely, Amidamaru." Yoh spat, voice rising as he failed to quell his anger. He pushed the samurai away with surprising strength; glaring up at the face but a few moments ago he had been gazing up into with a look of want, of love. Amidamaru stumbled back a little, eyes wide at the shaman's display of anger.
"You're telling me that what I want, that the way I am, is wrong." Now the shaman's voice began to falter, and those tears returned. This time, he let them spill freely, beyond caring. His hands balled into fists at his sides, his stance similar to when he was about to fight in the shaman tournament. His voice was rising, rising – and trembling with anger. "Well, let me tell you something right now, Amidamaru – there is nothing wrong with me. But if that's what you think -" he shouted the word, making even the samurai wince a little, "- you can go back to Monument Hill RIGHT NOW and be away from this sinful piece of shit. Goodbye, Amidamaru." Yoh pushed past the ghost once again, opening the door and slamming it behind him.
Amidamaru stared at the door as if doing so would fix all the wrongs he had done. Vaguely he heard Yoh stomp up the stairs, slam his bedroom door and throw himself onto his bed, his sobs muffled against his sheets. He slithered down the wall he had been pushed against, mouth open as he wrestled with the enormity of what had just happened.
That wasn't right. That wasn't what he had meant to say at all. And now he had no way of fixing things.
For the first time in over six hundred years, the samurai buried his head in his hands, and began to cry.