Charlie sucked at good-byes. He always had been horrible with them. He always left something out or said the wrong thing. Usually, he just didn't say good-bye altogether. Mostly because, whenever he said good-bye, the person was gone from his life for awhile. In some cases, forever. He found it hard to believe that these was his last good-byes. And he still managed to screw them up. Like he screwed up so many farewells in life. Like Liam's.
He had offered Liam his spot back in the band. Mostly because Charlie needed to fuel his drug problem and he missed the old band members. He had seen little Megan racing around the backyard and Karen with another child on the way. He blew off those "small" details and jumped right onto the topic of the band. Liam had said no, but Charlie didn't stop. He jumped down Liam's throat, pressuring him. He could barely hide his hand's shaking. Liam noticed and asked about it. Charlie had gotten defensive and put up a wall so Liam couldn't get to him. He couldn't believe himself when he had screamed those five words to his brother.
"YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!" he had bellowed.
Liam's pained look hurt Charlie, but he was too mad to think about apologies. He had stormed away from the table. He had almost knocked his chair over. His face was red with anger and his hands twitched by his side. He began to march off indignantly when he stopped. He turned around, thrusting a finger at Liam. He glowered at his brother from behind his dark shades.
"I've got a plane to catch." he snapped before walking away.
That was one of the many horrible good-byes of his. As Charlie thinks of it, he scowls at himself. This reminds him of his good-bye to his mother when she passed.
She was dying in the hospital, IVs and cord attatched to her whole body. Charlie was sixteen. He listened as Liam gave a heartfelt good-bye and as his father mumbled all the good times he and his wife had shared. Megan Pace laid in the cot, barely smiling and nodding to her husband. Soon, it was Charlie's turn. He knelt beside his mother's bed. She tilted her head his way and he tried a smile. She weakly grinned back.
"Hi, Mum," Charlie murmured quietly.
She gave him a tender look.
"I hope you feel better," Charlie nervously stammered, feeling completely lame as he said it.
"That's my baby boy," Megan whispered raspily.
"I'm not a baby anymore." Charlie smiled, he had always hated when she called him that.
Her face fell when he said this.
"You are a really great mum," Charlie offered sheepishly.
She began to nod her head when she released a long breath. He eyes closed and she flatlined. Doctors began to rush in to try and help. Charlie began to cry and clung to the edge of her cot. Liam took his brother's shoulder, but Charlie shoved him away. Doctors began to try and push Charlie away. Charlie felt his father grab his waist and jerk him from the cot. Charlie struggled to get free, but felt Liam grab him, too. He had screamed, grabbing at the doorknob as his mother's hospital room was closed off. Tears hit the tile floor as he was dragged out to their mini-van.
Charlie sucks in a breath as he remembers this good-bye. He is glad Desmond is busy pulling the boat along. If he turns around, he will see a single tear dripping down Charlie's face.
Hurley had offered to help and Charlie had been so rude. EXTREMELY RUDE. He had seen the large man's smile disappear like a popped balloon. Charlie tried to make it up witha hug and saying, "I love you, man." He got the impression Hurley was still hurt and kind of mad by the way he mumbled, "Yeah, whatever. Love you, too."
Charlie almost laughs at this. He had told the wrong person that he loved them. He feels a wave of sorrow wash over him. His good-bye to Claire hadn't even been a good-bye. He had lied to her. His last moments with her had been a lie.
She was angry that he hadn't told her about the underwater swim. He didn't blame her. Charlie had thought telling her would lead to her getting mad, but it was the opposite. Inside he was kicking himself.
"Well, it's dangerous, isn't it? Swimming into some underwater station." Claire asked, folding a shirt of hers.
'You have no idea,' Charlie thought to himself. He stared into Claire's concerned eyes. "It's what needs to be done...to get us all rescued." he pointed out.
She had stared back into his eyes, stopping her packing. Charlie thought she knew what was going on--his fate--but that thought was soon gone from his mind. All he saw in Claire's eyes was hurt and worry. He sighed.
"I'll be fine, Claire," he lied. He winced inside as she seemed to trust him.
Doubt was in her eyes as she barely nodded.
"But, you gotta promise me something," Charlie uttered, looking at her, drinking in her every feature.
She looked up at him, meeting his gaze.
"While I'm gone...Don't worry about me," he faltered.
Charlie saw Claire pause. She looked away as she nodded. Looking back at him, Claire choked out, "'kay."
Aaron began to whine and Charlie took him to his crib. Thinking about it, Aaron's good-bye was the only one he had not screwed up. He had told the child everything right. To take care of Claire and that he loved Aaron. Charlie felt Aaron's fingers on his face as he closed his eyes. He held in a sob as he stood.
He sat beside Claire again. He pursed his lips because he didn't know what to say. Claire smiled at him. Charlie sucked in a breath and out came another lie.
"See you soon," he smiled.
He almost let out that sob when Claire's voice broke as she spoke. "Be careful, Charlie. Okay?"
"Yeah," he agreed. Another lie. He met Claire's gaze. A short, sweet kiss was shared between the two. Charlie felt his eyes tear up behind his lashes as he and Claire parted. He pushed himself off the cot and walked away. Without saying good-bye. He hung his head before looking up to where Desmond stood. He released a shaky breath and headed to his fate.
The boat stops and Desmond turns to Charlie. Charlie knows that this is another good-bye. They talk lightly before Charlie pulls out the list he has just finished. He hands it to Desmond, telling him to give it to Claire. Charlie hopes that this list will make up for his previous good-bye to Claire. Desmond sighs and offers to die for Charlie. Charlie shakes his head and after debating, Charlie lets Desmond turn to look for the weight belt. Charlie picks up an oar, knowing that this would be another suckish good-bye. When Desmond turns around, Charlie smacks him upside the head with the oar. Desmond passes out.
"Sorry, brother," Charlie mutters. "But, you and I both know you weren't meant to take my place."
Charlie shoves the note into Des's pocket before grabbing the weight belt and standing. He sucks in a breath as he teeters over the ocean. Charlie lets tears drip from his eyes as he cries over all his past farewells. Then...
He says a final good-bye to the air he breathes. He dives into the water, letting the rocks pull him down to his destiny.