DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of its characters. I don't even own my car so don't sue me*_*
Quietly
By: Lara Winner
I can feel him shifting in the bed. Slowly he untangles his limbs from mine, his bare flesh is warm from our combined body heat. I want to open my eyes, to look into his deep amethyst orbs and tell him that I love him. I'm aching to tell him that I wanted last night to happen for so long and my heart is nearly screaming at me to beg him not to leave. But I continue to pretend that I'm asleep because I don't want to see the regret or disgust that I know has to be etched upon his features. That would kill me.
Before I can stop my thoughts the events of the previous night fill my mind. I never expected Duo Maxwell would attend Relena Dorlain's engagement party to a fellow diplomat. I understand why Heero Yuy wouldn't dare show his face but for Duo to come in his lover's stead, that surprised me. I remember seeing him standing off to the side of the dance floor, sipping his flute of champagne with a completely bored expression on his handsome face. I couldn't blame him. This wasn't exactly my cup of tea either but Relena has remained a dear friend and I could not turn down such an invitation.
Perhaps it was the relaxing romantic atmosphere or maybe it was the third glass of champagne that I was in the process of consuming, I'm not sure, but something inside gave me the courage to speak to the man that I haven't seen in over three years.
I told him hello softly. He turned to me and smiled politely but with complete confusion and my heart sank. He didn't remember me. I was about to go into a lame introduction, ready to kick myself for even bothering, blushing for the sheer embarrassment, when his eyes suddenly widened and a huge smile curved his lips.
"Hilde?"
I think it was relief I felt. At least he did remember me, though I have changed. My hair is much longer, my figure more pronounced and my spiked heals make me a little taller. So I smiled back and put on my most charming façade hoping he couldn't tell just how nervous I was. Even though so much time had passed just being that close to him sent everything rushing back. All the feelings I used to have for him came creeping into my consciousness, mocking me. As he talked about his life, how settled he was now and happy, I knew why I didn't keep in touch. Because I loved him then and he had left me to make a life with the person he loved, Heero Yuy.
Maybe if I had been honest and told him the truth he would have made a different decision. Maybe he would have taken a chance with me and things would be different now, but I never told him. I kept the secret quietly to myself and he never knew. I have only myself to blame for that. So since I was given a second chance with him, so to say, I decided that this time I was not going to let him go completely. As we talked I promised myself that this time I would try and rekindle the friendship we once had. That was all I had in mind. But what followed even took me by surprise.
It was after midnight by the time we left Relean's party. I think I had five glasses of champagne by that point and Duo was few ahead of me. I don't know what possessed me to offer for him to come back the house when the taxi driver could have driven him to his hotel instead. But I did offer and he accepted. I think part of him was curious to see what I had done to the place that we had once shared. But I've changed very little and he commented that it was like stepping back in time.
It didn't take him long to remember where the liquor cabinet was and when he pulled out the half empty bottle of vodka I was already giddy and though that at this point it couldn't hurt. But when the hard stuff started going down the truth started coming out. The alcohol gave us loose tongues and Duo began telling me that he wasn't happy at home. He began confiding in me, just like he used to, telling me that Heero was an emotional mess and he wasn't sure he could deal with Heero's manic depressant side much longer.
I could tell that he was upset about it, it was showing in his voice and his smile had long since disappeared. I tried to comfort him but my sobriety was gone and my reason was slightly off and somehow I ended up admitting the crush I had on him years ago. I was drunk but even that couldn't get me to admit words of love. Still he took my words to heart and they made him smile. That was the reaction I was going for and I was prepared to drop the subject right there but Duo kept looking at me with this odd expression on his face. Then before I knew it he leaned over and kissed me.
I should have stopped him. I should have pulled away. I should have told him he was lonely, drunk and depressed. I should have reminded him about his boyfriend and told him that he would regret this come morning. But I was selfish and I wanted it so I said nothing. Instead I kissed him back. I'm not sure how we made it to the bedroom but I will never forget his heated caresses or the devastating feel of his lips on mine. Even the alcohol couldn't erase that.
But that was last night and this is now. I hear him sigh softly as he manages to swing his legs over the side of the bed. My heart is beating madly and my throat burns with the urge to cry. If I open my eyes I will not have the alcohol as an excuse for what will happen. But if I don't say something then I will never forgive myself.
"Damn it!" He mutters regretfully.
That seals my fate. My breath catches and I lay completely still, praying that he leaves before I burst into tears. The mattress moves slightly as he rises to his feet. I listen intently as he pulls on his pants and his white button down shirt. Then the mattress dips once again as he sits to put on his shoes. To my surprise, instead of getting up and leaving, he lays back down next to me and I can tell he's facing me, looking at me as he assumes that I dream away in deep slumber.
Gently his fingertips brush my hair, smoothing the dark tendrils away from my forehead and out of my eyes. He sighs again and this time I can practically feel his guilt and regret. "Why did you wait till now to tell me, babe? You know I can't do anything about it," he shifts a little closer, "I never thought we'd end up this way here and now. I just hope to God you don't hate me for it. I don't know what's going on or what's gonna happen and it's probably best if I walk away now ne?"
I feel his warm breath as he leans closer and then his lips are on mine, kissing me ever so lightly. My chest is being crushed with pain and I feel the tears trying to squeeze their way free. I love him so much…
"We can't go back," he whispers, "but maybe one day… there's always maybe."
And then I feel him move away. I hear his footsteps fade down the hall and after a few moments I hear the front door shut. I sit up, touching my lips with trembling fingers, still feeling his goodbye kiss. There is no stopping the tears as they roll down my pale cheeks. But I know my tears are bittersweet. Even if I never see him again I still have this night to remember. And as he said himself, there is always maybe. I will make it enough, just to know that deep down in his heart he felt and still shares the feelings that I will always have for him.
I won't be easy and it will hurt but I will carry on and if we are meant to have a second chance I will take it as it comes. And if not… then the hope will always remain in my heart, waiting quietly.
A.N.- Hey guys, it's me again. You can stop groaning now. This was intended as a one shot but if enough people demand it, I can always make a sequel, from Duo or Hilde's point of view, you guys choose. Well, just a little something to tug the heart-strings, that's all. Love you guys!!! *_*