A/N – I got this idea and just had to post the first chapter and see what happens.

Disclaimer – I will say it once and once only, I don't own stuff that I don't own. Got it? Good let's move on.

Shane's POV

I was speeding, big time.

I didn't even watch the road ahead of me. What was the point? It was pitch black and I couldn't be bothered turning my lights on. I couldn't really see all the trees and plants fly by, like I wanted to but I could always imagine that I could see everything I wanted to.

I pressed down on the pedal and watched the arrow on the speedometer rise. I pressed it down as far as it would go and then satisfied with the speed enjoyed it.

I don't know why I was going so fast. Maybe I was running away. I was going home, but maybe I was running away from what I left back in New York. I didn't leave anything there. I had nothing there. Maybe, it was just a way of letting time pass. It wasn't like I was afraid to die. I didn't have anything or anyone to live for. No one. I would like to die. It would be a whole new experience.

It seemed I had the perfect life. I had enough money to have house and a dog, I had a family. But something was missing.

Some family I had. I had two brothers and a sister. That's all I had. Our parents didn't want us. We were dropped off at a foster home, while Kristen, the youngest was only a baby. Jason was eight, but when he reached eighteen he adopted us, you can say what you want but he took us in and took care of us.

I didn't have a care in the world. I didn't care for the consequences. Not one. I was enjoying the speed, enjoying the sharp wind hitting my face, from the open window.

Seemed I needed everything I wanted until...

I saw a car coming towards me but I didn't move out of its way. I didn't know I was in its way. I was driving on the wrong side of the road, but it only dawned to be right then, when the car went flying off the road and hit a tree...I didn't hear an explosion but he hit it pretty bad and it was my fault.

I kept driving. I didn't look back. I didn't care who was there in the car. Who could be dying in it. I was planning my own death right then, anyways. Maybe I did the people in the car a favour. I planned their death for them, unlike me who had to do it all by myself.

I slowed down as I reached the city and left the long straight road.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't let myself die. It wasn't the first time I tried, but something in me wouldn't let me. I wanted to hit a tree like the other car, but when I tried to swerve, my hands wouldn't turn the wheel the side like I wanted to. Life wouldn't let me go. It needed me there, wanted me there. But I didn't need or want to be here. Alive. Alive as alive could be. Such a stupid word. Alive. I didn't see why everyone was so scared to die. Death has a much nicer sound to it. It just flows off your tongue unlike alive the word itself could kill you before you say it. Hate it. Not only the word but the whole process of it. I didn't agree with God that he didn't give us the opportunity to decide if we wanted to live. He just did it to suit him. Some of us maybe wanted to be with him in wherever he is. Not here, trying to get up there. Why isn't everyone? Why is everyone so stuck to the ground? I will never understand.

Well I guess God will hate me. I just sent up I don't know how many people up there.

Now when I wondered about it I really wished I would have stopped and helped them. Maybe that pain I was getting in the pit of my stomach wouldn't be there. Maybe I was guilty. Maybe I am a murder.

I wanted to be as far away from the world as I possibly could. I was trying to find that place but it was still hidden from my eyes. I tried closing them, imagining the place I was trying to get to but even my imagination was against me. I saw darkness just darkness. Plain darkness that hid a terrible secret from me...

I was going as slowly as I could, not looking back at the cars behind me honking in annoyance. I was trying to take in life before I lost it. Or in my case got rid of it. It wasn't bad. It wasn't hard. But it wasn't what I wanted. I was missing something and that something seemed to be waiting for me on the other side.

The other side was hiding from me. It didn't want to be seen.

I read a lot of books about afterlife and it seemed like a very nice place. A place that was putting up a challenge for me and I wasn't about to back down.

Everytime I try to get there, something goes wrong. It's either me, or the world. I try to jump into the road and get hit by a car, the car just disappears, like into thin air. I try to jump off a building, I fall onto a soft bush or into water. I try to cut myself the scissors won't cut through my skin. I even tried to hit myself on the head with one of Nate's guitars but everytime I try to do so I only faint and wake up to life again. Now he hides them from me...and really, really well. I can't find them anyplace.

I stopped completely as I reached our driveway. I parked the car and stepped out. The lights in the house were on in every room. Not that it was a big house. It wasn't like we could afford a big house.

Jason, was a music teacher in one of the local elementary schools, and there was barely any money in that. And in my point of view Jason still needed a music teacher for himself before he could teach some kid to learn how to hold one of Nate's guitars or one of Kristen's drum sticks.

Nate, Kristen and I played together in old smelly coffee shops or modern glass cafe's, in a band we called Connect 3. Nate on guitar, Kristen on drums and I was lead singer. Jason was out first drummer, really. But he was replaced with Kristen because he got better money teaching kids how not to pick their nose with a drum stick. He was right to do that. We got paid less than a hobo, but I didn't do it for money, since I was going to die I just did it for fun.

My thoughts went back to the car, who went off the road. What happened to them. Did I kill anyone. Did anyone see my face. Was I gonna die in jail.

I ignored the questions that went running through my head, and got out of the car unwillingly and went inside.

As I stepped in through the door, I was greeted by a very pacy Jason, guitar playing Nate and a sandwich eating Kristen.

"Hey Shane" greeted me Kristen with a mouth full of sandwich stuff.

"Hey" I blinked, throwing my keys on the table, getting ready to go sprinting up the stairs. Jason caught my eye and went red in the face. His eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks burnt red too.

"Where. The. Hell! WERE YOU!!!??" shouted Jason, raising his voice on every word, as he went along.

"Out" I told him with a scoff and was about to run upstairs again, when Jason caught my shirt and stared at me.

"YOU WERE GONE FOR TWO DAYS!" he screamed tears starting to run down his cheeks.

"Jason, I told you he'll come back. He always does" said Nate not looking up from his guitar, almost laughing.

"Yeah Jase. Remember at Christmas when he wanted that poodle and he didn't get it and he ran away and-" babbled Kristen more interested in making another sandwich than talking to Jason.

"Kristen, shut up" interrupted Jason through glinted teeth.

Jason looked me in the eyes again, and pointed his figure at the stairs. I was more than happy to go up there.

"OW I CUT MY BLOODY FINGER!" screamed Kristen and I laughed.

"WELL IT'S BLOODY NOW!" shouted Jason making me laugh again.

I was also glad no questions were asked. I wasn't going to tell him I made a car fall into a ditch.

I wasn't looking for anyone else's death. I was looking for my own. Just my own.

Okay, I know it's not that good and very short, but please wait until the next chapter (if there will be one) until you decide this is a crap story.