Author's Note: Mentions of cancer and character death. This story is set in Season Five of Glee eight months after the death of Finn Hudson where Rachel Berry begins a struggle of her own outside of her grief.

Chapter One – Doctors and Bruises

For Rachel Berry there was a lot that was to be said about days that she wasn't feeling her best, being run down and tired wasn't something the petite brunette was used to. It was a dreary, rainy, New York morning and Kurt and Santana had already left their Bushwick loft to go to work and school yet Rachel barely had the energy to get out of bed. It seemed as though she had little to no energy and she had to actually force herself to get out of bed. That was the first sign that something was wrong, the second was the deep black and yellow bruises that she spotted on her right hip and along her spine when she finally went to go and have a shower.

Rachel Berry never bruised, she just didn't. She hadn't taken a fall that could possibly be the cause of the bruises on her body and couldn't remember a time where she had done anything that could cause them at all. She wasn't sure why she was worrying but there was a dark cloud looming over head and a bad feeling in the depths of her stomach that were leaving her with a worried feeling. Calling her fathers back in Lima, Ohio she got their opinions on the situation. Both of them told her to go and see a doctor and by four o'clock that afternoon she was sitting in a doctors office nervously tapping her foot and yawning every now and then.

She was exhausted but fifteen minutes later when her name was called she walked down the bright white halls and into the office of her new GP. His wooden desk was the only thing between them and she could hear her heart beating in her ears as the nerves set in.

"So Miss Berry what seems to be the problem?" He asked with his fingers poised and ready to start typing up her answers and to write a prescription for her. When he didn't receive an answer he looked up at Rachel only to see her showing him her hip and her back that were home to bruises that had taken purchase on her body. "I haven't fallen recently and I don't recall any incident where I could have possibly bruised my hip or back." She said softly. As the doctor checked her over a small shiver ran down her spine and her mind went back to her roommates and wondering what they were doing as she tried to take her mind off of the doctor pressing down on her bruises. When he hit a particularly sensitive spot she jumped a little and bit her lip.

"I'm going to send you to get some blood drawn and I'll call you with the results. They'll be fast tracked and I should have them by tomorrow morning if not then it should be at least lunch time. For now just go home, get some rest and try not to worry." He explained and with that Rachel just nodded and got up. Leaving the office of her doctor she headed out to one of the nurses who drew three vials of blood. By the time she was done Rachel's head began to spin a little and she was promptly handed a glass of orange juice and told to stay until she didn't feel so woozy.

With worrying thoughts fluttering through her mind she made the journey back home in the back of a cab, too exhausted to walk or take any other form of transport. Walking tiredly up the stairs she forced a smile when she saw that her roommates were home and working on making dinner for them all. "I'm just going to head straight to bed guys but I'll see you both tomorrow morning." She said softly, heading off to her room she read through a piece of paper that she had been given and frowned. She didn't really understand the terms that were written down and decided to google them. It was during her google search that she realised that what they were testing for was cancer, what kind she wasn't sure but it was cancer markers and blood cell counts and other things that came up that immediately had the small diva worrying. Could it be true? Could she really be sick with something that could potentially end her life so suddenly?

She was already struggling with the loss of the love of her life, Finn Hudson. He had been gone for eight months now and there was still many days where she felt like a part of her had died with him, days where she simply could not get out of bed because of the crippling emotional pain that she was in. There was only one other person who understood how she felt and that was Noah Puckerman. While he was off doing his Air Force training out at New Jersey the pair would often talk and write to each other. Noah was Finn's best friend, they had grown up together and losing him had been like losing a piece of himself and that was part of how he understood the depth of Rachel's pain and grief. Kurt, Santana, Brittany, Finn, Sam, Blaine, Artie, Mercedes, Tina, Mike and everyone else was involved in Finn's life had lost him too but for Rachel and Noah it felt so much harder. Of course there was Carole and Burt too and she knew that they were all hurting but the only person she spoke to about her pain was Noah.

That night as she laid in bed tossing and turning she wondered if she should tell Noah about the blood that was taken and the bruises on her body or if she should just wait until she had an actual answer before speaking up. Waiting seemed like the logical solution but she wasn't sure if she could tell Noah anything at all. How could she put him through hell like that? But how could she face it alone? But of course she was thinking too much into it. She couldn't possibly have cancer, she just couldn't. She was healthy and strong and living an amazing life even after the tragic loss of the man that she thought was going to be her husband some day.

Finally after two hours of tossing and turning she managed to fall into a restless sleep. There was so many different things weighing down on her shoulders that she wasn't sure how she had managed to fall asleep at all. Not even sleep provided a place to escape from her thoughts. Within moments they had invaded her sleep and she was trapped in a nightmare. It continued on for the entire night, dreams of doctors with grim looks on their faces, Noah not talking to her, Kurt treating her like she would break and her fathers bringing her back home. She was trapped and she couldn't escape.