Ladies Prefer Brits

A Hogan's Heroes Fan Story

"You want me to send one of my men to the home of Frau Armstrong?" Colonel Robert Hogan spoke into the microphone. "Come on, you must be joking!" there was a moment of silence. "Yes, of course I've seen, Frau Armstrong. She was here to invite Klink to dinner just this morning. If she wanted to see us why didn't she just talk to us, then?" He listened again. "Oh, it was too dangerous was it? Well, does she think its safe for me to send my men out to her chateau? The whole area is crawling with Krauts! Oh, I'll think of something, huh? Well, what if I decide not to send my men into that lair? Then what?" Another moment of silence. "You order me to! Now look, London, I'm responsible for my men here and if I decide not to send my men out on a mission I think I have a right to." He stopped. "She's got WHAT? Well, why didn't you tell me that before? Yes, yes, of course. I'll send someone for it. Papa Bear out."

Hogan put down the microphone while his men crowded around him. "Colonel, what was that about?" Sergeant Kinchloe asked. "What has Frau Armstrong got?"

"And why must we go to that lioness?" Corporal LeBeau, a Frenchman, asked. "She might have been here to invite Klink to dinner but she was mighty friendly with Major Hochstetter."

"Not to mention she arrived in General Burkhalter's car." Corporal Newkirk, the British soldier, spoke up.

"Now hold it down." Hogan held up his hand. "It seems that Frau Armstrong is actually Mrs. Armstrong. She's an American citizen working for England. Frau Armstrong, whose German name is Kathrin, has a map of an ammunition factory that London wants demolished. Mrs. Armstrong is holding this dinner to give us a chance to destroy it. So I'm sending two of you out. Any volunteers?"

There was silence in the underground tunnel. "No volunteers." Hogan asked. "Shocking."

"Look, Colonel." LeBeau started. "None of us really saw this lady did we?"

The other men shook their heads. "All we saw was a woman's figure as she got out of the car and entered Klink's office." LeBeau continued. "For all we know she is old and..."

"And all you are interested in young and beautiful." Hogan shook his head. "I'm surprised at you. Just for that, LeBeau, I'm sending you and Newkirk out together."

"Why me?" Newkirk asked.

"You know where the Armstrong chateau is, don't you?" Hogan demanded.

Newkirk nodded.

"Then you will be the one to go there."

"All right, come on, Louie." Newkirk frowned. "We might as well get this over with as soon as possible."

"Dress as Nazi soldiers." Hogan called to them. "And use recognition code 42 'Bright Star.'"

"Oui, mon Colonel." LeBeau replied disappearing behind Newkirk.

"Adette!" A woman's voice called from the front room of the Armstrong Chateau. "I am expecting a visit from General Burkhalter. When he arrives please show him into the dining room."

"Ja, madam." Adette, the village girl, replied from the hallway. "Anything else?"

"Yes, ask Alger to polish the General's car and park it in the drive." Cathy Armstrong answered. "I promised to return it to him tonight. Tell Alger when he is done he can go home."

"Ja, madam. Is that all?"

Cathy looked around the room and smiled. "Yes, that is all, Adette. If you want to leave now you can."

"Danke, madam." Adette entered the room and smiled. "But what about you, madam? You are expecting a visit from General Burkhalter. Don't you need me to show him in?"

"No, no, Adette." Cathy answered. "I can show the General in myself. Thank you for all your help and Gute Nacht."(German: Good Night)

"Gute Nacht and Danke, madam." Adette bowed out of the room.

Cathy Armstrong stood still for several moments after Adette Kuhn left. The pretty American woman stood at the window for a moment watching Adette speak to Alger. She smiled and walked over to a wet bar pouring herself a drink of expensive French wine. Then she settled in a chair by the window and kept a careful eye on the front yard. Occasionally she would glance at the big grandfather clock ticking noisily in the hall. She was expecting a very important visitor and she wanted no one to disturb them.

After an hour of waiting Cathy stood up and started to pace the room. Papa Bear should have been here long ago. How long did it take London to get a message to them? She had seen them herself when she had gone to Stalag 13 to invite Colonel Klink to supper. She had agreed with London that it was better if she accomplished her mission there without ever meeting the infamous Papa Bear. She had wanted the meeting to take place at her home. But General Burkhalter and Major Hochstetter were arriving in a short while and she wanted her mission to be done with Papa Bear before that.

She jumped slightly when she heard a knock at the door. Was it the General and the Major already? She stepped lightly to the front hall and peered out the front window. Yes, there were two men there but they were hardly Burkhalter and Hochstetter. She opened the door. "Ja." She asked in her best German.

"We are looking for Frau Armstrong." The shorter one asked in fluent German with a very distinctive French accent.

"Who wants her?" Cathy asked her heart beating a little faster.

"A friend." The other replied with a slight Cockney lilt. "A friend that admires a Bright Star."

A sigh of relief escaped her lips. "Come in quickly." She urged shutting the door and leading them to the rear of the chateau. "I am Frau Armstrong." She continued.

"You?" both men exclaimed.

She nodded a little puzzled.

"Excuse us." The Englishman smiled. "We were expecting someone a little, well a little more ..."

"Mature?" she asked.

"Well, yes." He answered. "When we heard Frau..."

"My husband was killed in England before the war." She answered.

Newkirk smiled. "I am Corporal Newkirk RAF. And this is..."

"Corporal Louis LeBeau." LeBeau cut in. "Free French and at your service, ma'am."

"Well, you can certainly do me a service." She answered.

"Ah, yes." Newkirk smiled. "The Map..."

"I have it here." She answered. "Now the party is due to start tomorrow night at eight o' clock. I'm trying to make it as easy as possible for you. You should have enough time to destroy it by the end of the night."

"Carter will have the bombs 'eady." Newkirk assured her.

"Carter?"

"Our munitions expert."

"Ah." She nodded. "Here's the map." She took it from a vase on the table. "Is there anything else?"

"Not that I can think of."

"Try and get word to me as soon as you can about the success of your mission." She asked them. "I don't want to keep those Krauts in my house forever."

"Don't 'orry." Newkirk assured her. "I'll come myself."

"Thank you." She smiled. "You had better take the back door. I am expecting company." She led them to the door then stopped. "My husband was English," she smiled at Newkirk. "I guess I was destined to be with Brits forever."

"What about Frenchmen?" LeBeau asked.

"Mon cher ami, vous êtes de la course romantique, mais pas mon type." (French: My dear friend, you are the romantic race, but not my type.) She answered with a smile. "Mine sera toujours la Brit accidenté."(French: Mine will always be the rugged Brit.)

LeBeau smiled. "Peut-être que je peux vous enseigner différemment." (French: Perhaps I can teach you differently.)

"Perhaps." She laughed. "But I doubt it." She opened the door and stopped. "Good luck to all of you." Then she watched them as they disappeared into the night.

"Did you get the map?" Colonel Hogan asked anxiously as Newkirk and LeBeau climbed down the tunnel into the room.

Newkirk nodded. "Right here, Colonel."

"And did you meet Frau Armstrong?" Kinch asked with a smile. He believed like the rest of them that the Frau made her an older lady.

"Who?" LeBeau asked.

"Frau Armstrong."

"Oui." LeBeau smiled. "Who else would give us the map?"

"Let me see it." Hogan demanded. "Frau Armstrong was to have marked the places that the guards are posted at." He spread the map out on the table. "Well, whatever she may be she certainly is through. Here are the guards. Here is the front gate."

"And where do we get in to plant the bomb, Colonel?" Carter asked entering the room. Sergeant Carter was the munitions expert who knew his job and could build some wonderful bombs.

"I'm not sure yet, Carter." Hogan replied. "But we'll find a way somehow."

"Colonel." Newkirk cut in. "Frau Armstrong asked that one of us return to tell her when we have completed our mission."

"I'll go." Hogan answered. "I want to meet the new contact."

"Oh, we'll go." Newkirk and LeBeau volunteered.

"Wait a minute." Hogan smiled. "You did not want to go before."

"They must know something about the Frau that we don't." Kinch replied a little suspicious of his comrades.

"All right," Hogan asked. "What is she, young and beautiful?"

Newkirk nodded. "She's an English widow." He volunteered. "Very lovely young lady."

Hogan laughed. "Well, now I know why you are so eager to volunteer. Well, London tells me that we will have quite a bit of contact with the young lady in question so I guess you, Newkirk, can tell out contact tomorrow how the mission went. Now come on, we better get some sleep."

"The worst part of this business is the uncertainty of it." Hogan whispered to Kinch the next night. He, Kinch, Newkirk, and Carter crouched behind the scenery outside the munitions factory. "You just never know what will happen."

Kinch nodded. "But I think our chance has come. Look, the General's car is just passing through the gate."

"Why can't we blow up the General, too?" Carter asked. "He's caused us so much grief."

Hogan smiled. "I'd like to do that. But if we blow up a man so close to Hitler do you think we will be left alone?"

"No, I suppose not." Carter admitted. "They'll probably take everything apart trying to find the person who did it."

"And that, Carter," Newkirk smirked, "is why we don't blow up General Burkhalter. Now can we get in there."

Hogan nodded. "Let's go. Kinch, you go those wire cutters?"

"Yes sir."

"Then let's get busy. We've got to cut the wire before we can get in there remember? Give me a pair of cutters."

Cathy Armstrong, dressed in a light blue sleeveless evening gown, met General Burkhalter at the door to her chateau. "Guten Abend, Frau." (German: Good Evening).

"Guten Abend, Herr General." She smiled her most enchanting smile. "Won't you come in?"

General Burkhalter smiled at her. "Adette Kuhn told me that you had her buy quite a bit of things for this evening."

"Ja, Herr General." She replied. "But since when have you started to keep tabs on me through my servants?"

General Burkhalter handed her his hat. "It is the responsibility of every good member of the Third Reich to check up on his fellow members."

"And what did you discover about me?" she smiled taking his coat.

"I believe that you are a very noble young woman with a distinctive personality that I have never seen before." The General smiled. "And if you ever get tired of this beautiful chateau, I have one of my own that you and I could have fun at."

She laughed softly. "Danke, Herr General." She replied. "But I love this chateau very much. However if I ever get tired of it I will be sure to let you know. You may go into the parlor there if you would like. I will be in soon." Then she disappeared into a side room to drop off her visitor's coat.

She paused for a moment just inside the doorway and sighed. It was promising to be a very long night. She was hoping that she would be able to keep the visiting brass entertained long enough to give Hogan and his men enough time to complete their mission.

"How's it coming?" Hogan whispered. "They had stopped just inside the gate to catch their breath. Newkirk nodded and smiled. "Jist fine, Colonel." He answered, with a smile. He and Carter had planted some explosives next to the main factory. Kinch and Hogan had taken care of the guard station and the office.

Hogan nodded. "All right, then." He ordered. "Let's get out of here. Carter, when did you set it to blow?"

"In five minutes, Colonel." Carter answered. "We can watch from the road."

"Yeah." Hogan whispered. "Well, come on."

The Heroes ducked down beside the road outside of the fence and far enough from the scene of what was to about become a mess of destruction. They had just gotten settled when there was an explosion. They watched the factory blow itself up and Hogan smiled. "Well, Frau Armstrong knew what she was doing when she gave up that map. We had no problems and the factory is destroyed. Newkirk, I promised that you could tell the lady how it went. Hurry back to camp."

"Don't worry about me, Colonel." Newkirk assured him. "I can take care of myself."

Hogan smiled. "London said she's dynamite. So do be careful."

Adette looked the German major over carefully. "You have a right to be here?" she asked.

"Ja." He answered. "I have a gift for the Frau."

"She is busy with her guests." Adette replied.

"Just tell her that Major Newmuller is here." Newkirk responded. "She'll know me."

"Well, all right." Adette replied. "Wait here."

"Madame," Adette walked over to Frau Armstrong and whispered to her. "May I speak to you?"

"Of course." Cathy Armstrong turned from General Burkhalter. "Excuse me, General."

He nodded and smiled.

"What is it, Adette?" she asked the maid.

"A Major Newmuller here to see you, Frau." Adette answered.

It was on the tip of Cathy's tongue to say that she knew no Newmuller. But then it occurred to her that perhaps one of Papa Bear's men was using that as a code name and she smiled. "Where is he?"

"In the hall, ma'am waiting."

"Thank you, Adette. That will be all." She smiled. "I will be right back." And then she walked into the hall.

It was Papa Bear's man. The English one. So he had kept his word and had come back to tell her how it went. She smiled at him and led him into the coat room. "Well?" she asked eagerly.

Newkirk smiled at the beautiful girl with her dancing eyes. "Just fine." He answered. "Thanks to your splendid map. The factory is no more."

Cathy Armstrong smiled. "I'm glad."

"That it is destroyed?" Newkirk asked.

"That." She answered. "And glad that you came back."

Newkirk smiled.

"You know, my husband was British." She smiled. "A friend of mine once told me that ladies truly do prefer Brits."

"I wouldn't be surprised." He answered. "We are a fun group."

"I know it." She smiled looking at him. Then she stopped. "But I have guests to look after and you have to get back. Stay safe."

"You too, Frau." He answered. "Yours is the most dangerous part."

She smiled. "Its Cathy." She told him. "As for the danger, I live on adrenaline."

He laughed. "Well, I better get going. Thank you, Cathy."

"Thank you." She smiled watching him walk to the door. She saw him tip his hat to Adette and then he let himself out and vanished into the night. Then Cathy Armstrong turned and walked back to where her guests were waiting for supper.

THE END