Without Jun

Chapter 1

Jin stared at nothing in particular. He felt mute and completely detached. Ever since that day, he hadn't felt like speaking to anyone not even his father. He found his mind completely devoid of thought and whenever his mind did decide to think about something, it always returned back to that day. Images would flash through his mind and he'd become immobile. He didn't want to think about anything then. He needed to continue on somehow with his life and this was the best way he knew how to cope. He still had high school to attend to. Grades he still had to keep up. Clubs he had to continue being part of. These were all things his mother would want him to do and he would try his utmost to do so even if he no longer had the energy or motivation for it. He hadn't so much as touched his homework. With a sigh, he began on it in a mechanical manner putting what little effort he could muster into it for his mother's sake.

Downstairs, Kazuya was simply asleep. Over the past few days he had become so lackluster that he hardly did anything else. He had continue to go to work at the Mishima Zaibatsu, but one of his coworkers concerned for his mental health recommended that he take a vacation. At first, Kazuya had refused. He didn't want to be separated from the only thing that gave his life meaning now and a sense of normalcy, but this coworker was stubborn. He was his foster brother—Lee Chaolan—and did everything in his power to have Kazuya take time off for himself. With enough votes from others, Kazuya was practically forced to take an indefinite holiday. It was either that or see a psychiatrist to prove Lee wrong. No psychiatrist in their right minds would give him a clean bill of mental health. He was utterly depressed and he knew it so now he was here at home with nothing to do. He didn't want to do anything anyways. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be left alone and he wasn't sure if he liked having no one to talk to, but Jin was unreachable now. Jin would come home from school and Kazuya would try to make small conversation with him, but Jin would all but ignore him and lock himself away in his dungeon otherwise known as his room.

Kazuya couldn't quite understand why anyone would want to be left alone at a time like this. When dealing with the loss of someone who had affected one's life in such profound ways, what was the point of silence? Shouldn't something be said? Jun was no longer around and sooner or later they would have to come to grips with this fact. Just not today.

Kazuya never felt like getting up in the morning and he never slept in the bedroom. So the living room couch became his second bedroom. There was no energy to be had and all he thought about was Jun. He thought of the good times and the really great times then the bad times and even worse times. They all came together in a hodgepodge of memories. Silently, he wished he might've spoken to Jin about it, but it was out of the question. His thoughts were his alone. He'd think of her flaws and all her good points to the point where he thought he could've written a book about it all. Then, usually around midnight, he'd think of her death. It was untimely, completely unforeseen. In hindsight, Kazuya could remember Jun's hesitation whenever he tried to do any sort of lovemaking with her. He'd chalk it up to her not being in the mood. After being married for so long it was no surprise that she'd become a bit complacent with the family life she already had. She worked as well perhaps she just didn't have the energy. Kazuya, after a while, stopped any sexual pursuits with her after being rejected more times than he cared to admit. At the time it was frustrating, but he wished he had paid more attention. But he had questioned her and she always told him she wasn't in the mood. Still, he thought there must have been something he could have said to get her to tell him more.

So much time past after those incidents that he didn't think to connect Jun's sudden weakness with it. After dragging her off to the doctor so that she might get checked out, he knew something was wrong. They just didn't know what. They spent basically the whole day there. Examination after examination until they decided to do an X-ray, then after much discussion, a mammogram. Breast cancer. Widespread and metastatic. But they hadn't simply given up then. She went through treatment after treatment. Surgery was out of the question. But there was radiation therapy, chemotherapy, hormone therapy, and any other therapy they could think of—Kazuya had lost count. All the while, Jun did not become any better. She grew so weak that even therapy was out of the question lest it kill her outright. Eventually Kazuya and Jin had found themselves in a hospital room with Jun who was practically dying right in front of them. At some point, she was simply on life support, but Kazuya made the decision after only three days that she would not be kept alive under such conditions—it would be a dishonor to her. Kazuya didn't ask for Jin's opinion, he simply couldn't continue to torture her. If she was to die then he would allow it and not force the issue. Her body was too sick to live on. She'd become skeletal after all the treatments and she hardly looked like her normal healthy self.

He had to keep his head the whole time. He couldn't even remember shedding one tear. The doctor came in and discussed what was to be done with the body, what funeral home they were to commit her and etcetera. All the while Jin couldn't stop crying and when he did, he was closed off to the world. He was little more than an empty husk. It was Kazuya who had to go to the funeral home and discuss her death as if it were a normal business transaction. Of course, there was money involved, choices to be made, people to call and Kazuya somehow kept his composure. Only when everything was done and Jun was buried and gravestone planted did he lose that composure so that he might cry where no one would see. He couldn't lock himself in his room. That room was too much for him. It contained far too many intimate memories. Even looking at the bed that they shared would send him to a morose state. That was when he migrated to the living room.

The sun would come up and the sun would come down and Kazuya could care less. The blinds were drawn and he hadn't seen the light of day for nearly a month. He only had himself to keep him company and he found he disliked this. Tiring of Jin's self-imposed non-communication, when he stepped in from school, Kazuya asked how his day was before he completely bypassed him once again.

"The same," he responded, "It's always the same."

"You learn the same thing every day?" Kazuya asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"You know what I mean. At least I'm being more productive than you."

"Oh?"

"What do you even do all day? Some role model."

"The only reason you're doing anything at all is because you have a legal obligation to go to that school. I, on the other hand, have no such obligations."

"So you're not just skipping work."

"I was forced to leave for a while," Kazuya retorted.

"So you're on vacation."

"Technically."

"And this is your vacation."

"Basically."

"Go somewhere. Do something already. Act like you're still alive."

"I'm to take advice from the kid who locks himself in his room every chance he gets."

"Well it's the best advice you're going to get hanging around here all the time," Jin said turning. "Oh, and take a shower already. At least I still clean myself. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to lock myself in my room as I always do."

Jin did just this. He stared at the wall for hours and then mechanically started on his homework. It was a routine of his now. On the other side of the door Kazuya was taking Jin's advice about showering. He'd forgotten about essential things like eating and cleaning one's self. Jin almost grinned to himself when heard the shower being turned on. It meant that Kazuya had actually considered his words and that his advice meant more than he had been letting on. But then his thoughts darkened. He knew he was in a perpetually bad mood. No matter if something good happened to him, his mood would sour almost automatically and he couldn't help it. He wished he had better control over such things, but he didn't.

Jin had withdrawn into himself and Kazuya had lost any semblance of a life. Both walked aimlessly about not knowing or caring what they were heading towards. For now they simply allowed the onslaught of deep depression, wild and uncontrolled looking for guidance where there was none.