Made a wrong turn, Once or twice
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life
I wasn't proud of my past. I used to bully the other kids at school, it wasn't that I was as horrible as I sound from this, I just needed to control something in my life and that was the only way. I do feel bad when I think about it, what I put those people through, they were just kids too. I didn't get much better as I got older, I had moved on from the bullying to breaking relationships up. Another way of keeping control, I fell into bed with men I didn't particularly like and just because I could. The problem is though that they were all with someone else, I did this out of fear. Fear of commitment, fear of the words 'I love you'. My mum and dad used to always tell me they loved me and look how that ended up, no in my experience it always ends in pain and heartbreak. Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Under estimated, Look, I'm still around
Through all of this though, I still did my best and came out of school with the best grades and got accepted straight into Hendon. Look at me now, 'Detective Superintendant' I have my own team and I am in charge. The police was always going to be the profession I entered into as it always excited me when my dad came home in his uniform and the car, and as he got promoted he took me into his office sometimes and I'd sit and listen to him boss people around. It was what I wanted to do, and when he died I felt I had to do it. Then he'd be proud of me and it meant in a way I could be closer to him.
Pretty, pretty please You're so mean,
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
When you talk, About yourself, You are wrong.
Change the voices, In your head
Make them like you Instead.
It's strange because I've got what I wanted out of life and I've achieved what I wanted but I have this feeling inside, one telling me I don't like anything about myself. I am too horrible. I am too bossy. I am too protected. I am too private. I am not pretty enough. I don't have many friends. I loose my temper too quickly
So complicated,
Look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
such a tired game.
It's enough; I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.
I had to do what I always did now though, lock away all my feelings and just ignore them. I can be happy, I can't deal with these feelings, they'll unlock more and more and it won't help anything. Locking them away is the best thing to do.
Oh, Pretty, pretty please The whole world stares so I swallow the fear,
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're ' perfect to me.
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.
So cool in line and we try, try, try,
But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
We change ourselves and we do it all the time
For now though I reach for the only thing that'll help for now, a bottle of wine, or anything very alcoholic. I crave the effects it has on me, the feeling off being happy and doing what I want but also the forgetting. That's always the best thing.
Why do we do that? Why do I do that? Pretty, pretty please You're perfect, You're perfect
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're perfect to me.
It's the next morning, everything's forgotten and locked away but this headache is worse than the last one I got. I forget the hangover every time. But for now I'm happy. After all I have the job I always wanted, I have good friends (even if they do annoy the hell out of me most days), I have my own house and a lovely car. I suppose if I can ignore the past then I'm happy and life can be perfect.