Hey my pretties.
I've been gone in the world of Death Note for some time but now I'm back for a long long visit and with that comes this and other stories and also to finish the ones I haven't finished. First up just to let you know I have redone this story, as there was terrible spelling and line spacing. And I've sorta changed the end, for those of you who didn't read it thank God because it shuns me as an author. :)
Was callled Bleeding Love, now called Heart Shaped.
The outline hasn't changed but the end of the story has, it's much longer than it was.
Enjoy!
MariLyn's Mello. XXX
I don't own Noel or Julian of The Boosh, I only own Manny thus he is based on me.
"Vince? Vince! Wake up!"
My eyes opened to see Howard, Naboo and Bollo looking over me, I squinted as the light blinded me.
"W-why'd you wake me?" I managed to say, my words coming out in a croak.
"You were crying in your sleep. Sobbing and moaning" Howard said, rubbing my shoulder and fully waking me up. I was crying? I rubbed my eyes and felt wetness. I was crying, what's worse is it was in front of Howard.
"Where you having that nightmare again?" He asked, sitting beside me like a parent would. Even though I didn't want to I nodded, wiping tear trails from my face with the back of my hand. "Bollo can you me him a cuppa? Five sugars and half a cup of milk" Naboo and Bollo wandered off to the kitchen, knowing it was their time leave. That made me smile, knowing Howard knew exactly how to make my tea. My tea was always so sweet it make my mouth sting. I felt sleep tears running down my face, Howard grabbed some tissues and wiped them off my cheeks as if I was made of porcelian.
Why did he do that? He has been doing this kind of thing alot lately.
Does it mean that... he likes me?
As in like like?
As in... just maybe love?
My stomach tightened and turn in knots.
He never touches people let alone lets anyone touch him. So why now was he letting his fingers trace tear tracks on my face?
We've been friends for ages, that will not change.
I tried to forget everything I'd just gone over in my head, hoping that I could avoid them forever along with my nightmares. Howard didn't go he just stayed by my side faithfully, although I truthfully wished he had, his hands had found their way into my hair and now they twisted strands aimlessly.
Why wasn't I resisting? I needed to resist.
There was no point burying it, I couldn't hide from it any longer.
I had to go through everything.
Think about it all, make actual sense of it.
It scared me, scared me so bad, I could feel my stomach squeeze itself and my heart beat quicken as the horrible feeling took me over. Deserting me in a dark room with a flashlight with low battery.
Nothing could kill me except my mind.
That's how scary this thing was.
I grabbed Howards upper arm to steady myself, I could feel him tense up but then relax. The world started to spin gradually around me but then speed up, I didn't know I was going to get this bad. I tried to steady my breath before he could account it but it was too late.
"Vince-" Howard asked turning to me. "I'm fine" I gasped, I swallowed a mouth full of air and my lungs began to burst. Howard grabbed my face as I tried to regain breath.
So fast.
So sudden.
A pair of lips on mine.
I could see the mistake I'd made, my whole world was crashing in front of my very own eyes. I wished I could pull away but I remained put.
He kissed my lips gently over and over, like butterflies wings.
I don't want to be in love with him.
You want to be in love, your just not allowed to be, my mind corrected almost instantly.
It's a rule I've been trying to ignore for years. A rule I've been so longing to break.
Before I could register, I was kissing back and letting the pace of our lips quicken and I begged myself to stop but I secretly didn't because it'd been held back for so long.
These feelings I wasn't allowed to feel.
His fingers running threw my crazy bed hair, I held his cheeks and felt the tear tracks on my face sting from the cold.
I now felt so freezing.
Howards hands were under my shirt on my waist, they felt like a snowmans gloves. I could almost feel my lips turn ghostly blue.
This is it.
I thought I was strong enough, but I guess I didn't think as far as this.
He pulled his lips from mine, his pupils diluted and lost between his brown.
"Vince-"
"I need to tell you something" I butted in.
I had needed to say that, for years now, I'd been needing to tell him something, but am I so low I would tell him just before it happened?
Yes.
Just as I was about to let everything off my chest, Naboo and Bollo came in carrying cups of tea; leaving my painful words to rest once more in their deep graves. And the night passed.
I laughed.
I smiled.
I would've cried.
But I didn't.
I couldn't.
I'm going to enjoy this, and there's nothing no-one can do about it.
Bollo spilt tea all over Naboo's trainers sending him crazy, they walked out for the final time, Naboo charging Bollo for dry clean and his carpet that had been injured in the event.
Goob-bye guys, I'll miss you.
I didn't even say it aloud yet my heart ached, screamed, desperately searched for the rewind button so it could untie this event in mere seconds.
I lay down alone in my room and stared out the window, trying to spot the stars between the aeroplanes and London lights.
So beautiful, why hadn't I noticed it before now?
The one question that was going to change my life for the horribly brutal was did he love me and I knew I did.
And now all I can do is wait, an agonizing wait. I sat on the windowsill and waited, counting the stars and taking in the view I'd never see again with tears in my eyes.
I lay awake; impatient. Nose rubbed red from tissues, I roll over every thirty seconds and sigh in frustration.
Nothing could kill me except my mind.
Now I knew how right I'd been.
"It's an easy transaction, and you really have no choice. So do you accept?"
The sound of footsteps woke me from the nightmare. I stared at the clock, three in the morning.
It's either Howard or nightmares.
I need to tell him and now is that time. I quickly untangled myself from the silver duvet and crept carelessly into the lounge. I was still wearing my black skinnies and white fitted shirt, I took a second to see how the living room was randomly covered in shards of light from the windows making it appear as a room of mirrors.
Half iluminated, half plunged into darkness.
So beautiful, so late.
There was Howard on the couch, his head between his knees in his worn beige dressing gown. He sat on the silhouette side of the couch. I walked up carefully and sat next to him gently. He jumped slightly before he said anything. I smiled and laughed softly as I saw his horrified expression.
"Vince? What are you doing up?"
I sighed. "I can't sleep"
"Neither..."
The clock, it ticked away the seconds. Threw them out the window carelessly. My seconds had ran out, I needed to do this. Now.
"Howard-"
"-Vince"
We stopped, seemed we had the same idea.
It happened once more before he let me speak first.
"Um..." My heart beat so hard it broke my ribs. "Howard, I want to know about what happened before..." I wished I could run but the shackles of fate chained me to the floor "Did you, -we- do what, we did...out of..." One more word and it's done.
"...love?"
His expression hadn't changed through out all of it.
He tried to say something, but it just came out in a series of 'dams' 'buggers' and 'oh dears'. Then slowly, and ever so painfully.
"Vince... I... I do love...you..." I knew he would say it, but it blew me away.
No...
How? How could he love me?
"How long?" I demanded painfully.
Howard replied.
"Forever"
I put my hands over my face, wishing the earth would swallow me up at spit out the bones. It would be a nicer fate to what is assigned.
"So... do you...love me?" I felt hot tears drip down my face silently. The way he said love made it sound like he couldn't and wouldn't live without me. I felt the world spinning around me again. I tried to steady myself but that only made me want to be sick.
It was happening again but this time it wasn't going to go away with a kiss. I tried to tell Howard what was going on, but the words came out a choked gasp.
"Vince? What's going on?" He asked in fast worry. I tried to shake my head, but I fell limply onto the coffee table.
Howard was trying to help me, helpless to what was going on.
Not now! Not with Howard here, please God no!
I tried walking through what I thought was the door, but Howard picked me up me into his arms and began walking. I winced with each step that made my head scream in pain. He called helplessly for Naboo.
"Don't worry Vince I'll get-" I couldn't hear the rest, my hearing automatically stopped.
Last words.
I felt myself slipping away from my body, I tried to grasp onto what I had left, but the power was too strong. And so with that last thought, everything faded to black in a circular pattern with the white blacking out like a TV screen.
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Thanks for Reading.
XXX