Deep Thoughts, Stolen Glances
"Takeba?"
"Yes?"
She looked at her, and their eyes met for a split second. And Mitsuru's heart (although she would deny it – even to herself) skipped a beat for a moment.
"Nothing."
"Oh. Okay."
They sat in silence, in the lounge. They were alone, the two of them. Everyone was somewhere else. Perhaps Fuuka and Aigis had taken Koromaru for a walk. Perhaps Ken was asleep. Perhaps Akihiko was training. Perhaps Minato (surprisingly) was studying. Perhaps Junpei Iori was somewhere, and perhaps everyone else was better off not knowing where Junpei was at the moment. And they – Yukari, Mitsuru – were alone in the lounge, doing their own things, but doing their own things together. They were together, and that, perhaps, was all that mattered and oh God why was Mitsuru feeling quite awkward?
Mitsuru stood up from the couch, collected the book she was (trying) to read – it was pointless, she wanted to talk to Yukari but somehow couldn't let the words flow smoothly like she always could – and looked at the younger girl sitting on the far end of the couch as if she didn't want to sit beside Mitsuru. Yukari was silent – too absorbed in her Math homework Mitsuru could have easily finished to even bother herself with Mitsuru (the thought stung the Kirijo heiress). Mitsuru sighed inwardly and decided (more of an impulse than a product of thorough pondering, though it wasn't anything worth pondering much about, honestly) to at least let Yukari know she was going upstairs.
"Takeba?"
"Yes?"
She didn't look up from the book, her eyebrows scrunched horribly. Mitsuru smiled, feeling elation well up within her – elation from a source she didn't know, and she batted away the completely unexpected ecstasy she felt seeing Yukari so concentrated, so adorable, so beautiful…
"Mitsuru-senpai?" Yukari's voice broke off Mitsuru's (unwelcome) thoughts, and Mitsuru shook her head slightly as if willing away the thoughts again (but oh how true they were).
"I-I'm sorry. I…" Mitsuru knew she sounded foolish, felt foolish. And it was never even allowed to be said that Mitsuru was foolish. She sniffed. "I shall go upstairs now, Takeba. I felt it imperative to let you know."
Tch. Imperative. Stupid Mitsuru.
"Oh, alright," was what Yukari said, tearing her eyes away from the endless stream of equations that already swam in her exhausted mind. She gave a smile and Mitsuru felt her face reddening – like a ripe tomato.
Mitsuru spun around, fumbling with her book as she made her way up the staircase, fuming inside. Deep, deep down, though, she took pleasure in seeing Yukari so busy (so adorable). She took pleasure in the fact that Yukari cared enough to actually give her a smile before returning to a more important task at hand. Mitsuru cast another glance at Yukari halfway up the stairs, but the younger girl had already returned to her Math book. Mitsuru sighed.
She wondered when exactly she had developed some… feelings for Yukari. It sounded stupid, and awkward. Feelings. But she loved how she and Yukari could sometimes look at each other and lock gazes for a split second before pretending that nothing happened, and she loved how Yukari could give her a smile across the hallway while she was surrounded by her other – more important – friends. And she loved, more than anything else, how Yukari would sometimes – very, very occasionally – hold her hand. And she regretted it when Yukari would let go.
And she wondered, yet again, when exactly she felt like this. It was uncalled for. It was… uncanny. Mitsuru wasn't sure if she was repulsed by such thoughts and feelings, or if she should be pleased to actually have someone she could lean on after everything. It was horrible to think that Yukari didn't appreciate her as much.
Mitsuru stepped inside her room and deposited the book in one of the fairly high bookshelves that lined a part of her room. She had much to think about, and she had much to consider. Her prime concerns involved the real world. Real life. Gekkoukan High, the Kirijo Group, SEES, Nyx, Shadows. But fast becoming a matter of concern, as well, was Yukari.
Kyoto had done good.
They weren't close friends before, but Mitsuru supposed it was all because of Kyoto. Kyoto had done such excellent things to them, and she could remember her reaction (red-faced) as Yukari invited her to come bathe together. Bathe together. Yukari was, of course, innocently oblivious to everything Mitsuru was feeling and thinking, and perhaps it was better that way. Sometimes, though, she just wanted Yukari to know. However awkward it will be.
Mitsuru was about to sit down on her bed and call it day, when she felt something tug at her heartstrings. As unsure, and uncertain, and reluctant Mitsuru was, her intuition had never been wrong. In fatal, life-threatening situations, at least. And perhaps, this was one such situation, and for some reason, a picture of Yukari crossed her mind. She shrugged, muttered something quite inaudible and stood, hesitantly, by her bedroom door. It was one of those moments in her life where she didn't know exactly what she was doing, but somehow it was proper. It was well.
And she had turned the doorknob and opened the door, and there stood, behind it, Yukari Takeba, hand poised in midair as if to knock. And if Mitsuru's face had turned red at the prospect of Yukari about to knock at her door (stupid to blush, aren't you, Mitsuru?), she didn't notice. Or more appropriately, she didn't mind.
"T-Takeba!" Mitsuru managed to say, stuttering quite nicely, face bright red but not caring. "What brings you here?"
"Honestly, Mitsuru-senpai…"
Honestly what?
"I don't know, to tell you the truth," Yukari said, and in a somewhat surprising turn of events, it was her turn to blush. Or at least, Mitsuru's mindset had led her to believe that Yukari was blushing. Somehow. Hopefully.
"Oh," Mitsuru said. Oh. Okay. Alright.
"But… Well, I think I…" Yukari was rubbing the carpeted dorm hallway floor with her booted feet, and in Mitsuru's eyes, she was uncertain, or was holding something back. Or both.
"I think… I want to say goodnight, Mitsuru-senpai," the younger girl said, and finding a foothold to the somewhat awkward situation they were in (when in the world did they become awkward, anyway?), Yukari nodded at the thought. "Yes, goodnight."
Mitsuru nodded, uncertain of what Yukari was thinking, or feeling, or contemplating, or pondering. She just nodded, and was, somehow, caught off-guard by another smile the younger girl threw her way. And she caught herself just in time, as well. She didn't want to do anything to further make the situation awkward. Even if it wasn't.
"Goodnight, Mitsuru-senpai."
"Goodnight, Takeba."
A hug.
And as Mitsuru closed the door, she couldn't help but feel that there could have been something more to that that night. There could have.
And she fell asleep that night, and she dreamt of Yukari, and she dreamt of the two of them holding nothing back. Like they were most comfortable with each other. Like they had nothing – absolutely nothing – to hide. And it was alright. It was a dream, alright it was.
But Yukari was there. Her gaze was there. And her smile.
Everything seemed to be alright.
A/N: Second MitsuruxYukari fanfic. :)