I knew she'd slept with Dimitri, from the moment I'd walked around the corner of the car and saw him kissing her forehead. Why did I ever deny that she'd do that, why did I trust myself in thinking she would forget about him, once and for all. Why did I believe her when she said she was over him?
Why did I wish it was me that kissed her when she was nervous? Why did I wish that I could calm her when she was in distress? Why didn't she feel the same way toward me? I thought she said she loved me.
But there was something I'd thought of... Rose and Dimitri loved one another, right from the word go, even though no one realised it; no one but me and Tasha. I watched Rose's every move, I would devote my life to her, do anything for her. I'd die for her. Tasha did the same, she watched Dimitri so closely, she wanted him to be her guardian and father her children. She wanted to be with him forever and ever, so much she would kill the queen and frame it on the one that Dimitri loved.
Me and Tasha were the first ones to realise they loved one another, to realise that they would take a bullet for each other. But we both wanted one of them... me, Rose; Tasha, Dimitri.
I'd father Rose's children; I'd give her my last name. I'd kill, I would do anything to see the day where Rose Ivashkov was existed... Anything.
In some sick sense, it was me and Tasha on the outside, me and Tasha being the ones without love, me and Tasha being the ones that didn't have the people we wanted, being the ones that would never love another soul.
I felt myself arguing with Rose as she weakly tried to hold up her end of the argument. I didn't even know what I was saying, I was just rambling on with this sense that spirit was taking over my mind, body and soul, pushing me closer and closer to the edge, toward insanity.
I didn't even know if the words I said were understandable. My eyes just saw throbbing blackness tinged with red, I didn't see her face. I was filled with anger and desperation, desperation to get a reaction. Yelling, I realised that I'd done it to get a reaction, but failed.
'I loved you!' I jumped out of my chair like lightning, so quick I surprised myself. The surprise on her face made me feel triumphant; for once I had been the one to surprise her, not the other way around.
'I loved you and you destroyed me. You took my heart and ripped it up. You might as well have staked me!' I was breathing heavily, as anger and hurt shook off my words. I didn't feel like me at all.
'I. Loved. You. And you used me the whole time.' I felt so out of it. I just wanted to make her feel it. The guilt she deserved, the hurt she had made me feel and the pain she thrust upon me. But there was so much more than that. I wanted her to feel love, love for me, passion... but I knew she never would.
With that I fell to my knees, my head in my hands as I sobbed, my whole body shaking.
She would never know how much I loved her... I looked up to see tears streaming down her face for once. Seeing the pain she felt, made me feel so much better, as wrong as it was.
She walked straight out that door, soon after I walked out that same door with nothing but the clothes on my body. And all the way to the court's gates.
'I promise you, Adrian, I'll never let you see her face again,' I whispered, trembling, to myself.