Disclaimer: In a world where night lasts forever, j-rock rules and cigarettes are cheap… I own G Wing. But, get real, that's never gonna happen so DON'T SUE! :P
Warnings: The rating is for future topics and self mutilation, nothing big really. It's a little AUish but not that much, I just changed some things, and maybe OOC… don't know yet.
Pairings: If you read you'll see ^^
A/N: I know, this is portrayed in so many other fics but a few days ago I met someone with similar problems. She got my attention from the first minute she started talking so… I couldn't resist the temptation!
It helped too that I was listening this Gackt Song called "Illness Illusion" (Gosh, Gackt's a GOD ^^U) Hence the name of the fic. If you wanna read the translation go to this page:
http://www.senshigakuen.com/translations/lyrics/gackt/illness_illusion.htm so you know what I'm talking about. Ok, now, onto the fic!
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Illness Illusion
~Prologue~
Duo's POV.
Italics denotes thoughts
And this [] are author notes.
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It's just so… intense…
There's no other word to describe it… watching the scarlet droplets flowing slowly… the cuts aren't as deep as to bleed myself to death but… the sole sensation makes the little scars bearable.
Why do I do this to myself? Hmmm… I still don't know… I just discovered it a few days ago. Of course, I've read tons about this stuff but I never thought I would be one to do it.
With what frequency you ask? Well, it depends on how I feel. Sometimes I just do a small cut, others, it's a like a bar code on my arm. At times it really horrifies me to know what I'm doing but when the razor touches the skin… the slight burning and the adrenaline running through my veins… it makes me feel alive… yeah… I think that answers the first question, ne?
How do I do it? There's not a list of steps to follow, although I'm careful. I wouldn't like to die of an infection or something like that. Firstly I put the cutter, knife, razor, whatever on the fire for a few seconds, then I cool it off with some oxygenate water to disinfect it. No, not alcohol. One of my ex-teachers told me that alcohol was useless; it's ok to make kids cry, though. After that I lock myself in the bathroom, cut one, two or three times and I… enjoy the moment…
And yes, it's necessary to use long sleeved shirts if you don't wanna be caught, that's the dull part of all this…
I can't even imagine what would happen if Heero knew…
Oh, yeah…! Heero and I live together. You know, after the war and all that we needed a place to live so we decided to share an apartment. Even though it wasn't easy making him say yes. Well… after visiting Quat and Tro it wasn't that difficult. And, again, yes, as you all can imagine they live in this tiny, beautiful world somewhere on Earth, in one of the multiple mansions Lil' Quatre owns around the world. And Wu Fei… Wu-wu disappeared a while ago, Q's been trying to find him using his contacts on Earth and the Colonies, but… if a Gundam pilot doesn't want to be found you'll have to wait till he shows himself; that's why we left that on the side. I'm absolutely sure that Wu-babe is having a really good time with certain Oz ex-general.
So, everyone seems to be just where they wanted to be, ne? Quatre and Trowa have their bubble of love, Wu's probably enjoying the pristine gold and pink sand in some beach in the Bahamas, Heero's with the Preventers and I… have serious mental problems… Wow! Way to go, Duo!! You're my idol!!
Hey! Sometimes that helps! I love sarcasm by the way…
And I bet ya'll are thinking, "God, poor little beautiful Duo must have a lot of problems! He really must to start cutting himself!". I really really appreciate your concern but it's not necessary. You're right, I started doing this 'cause I had some tiny idle little problems, in fact, I've had problems all my life. I know most of you know my story, how I grew up on the streets doing whatever I had to do to survive, how I lost Solo to that damn plague… ya know, life's a bitch sometimes… I never met my parents, I never had a family to feel safe with; even a dysfunctional one would have done the trick, but no… and when finally I found someone I could trust, someone who offered me his shoulder to cry on, boom, everything faded away just how it came. Solo, Sister Helen, Father Maxwell… well, after all that's why I'm called Shinigami, ne? The God of Death.
And after Heero tried to self destruct I started to worry seriously. Oi, what would you think if every single person you felt some kind of affection for started to vanish from the world of the living? Heero could have been the last link of my sanity chain. When I thought that he was dead my good sense went to the train station, bought a ticket and boarded the car to a town called "Total Lunacy". But of course, we were in a war so that went unnoticed by most of the people… most but not all… I was lucky Quat was there for me. And I still don't understand how Heero survived an explosion like that.
I should've known… he's the "Perfect Soldier", ne? Anyway…
Next time I see Tro-man I'm going to kiss him till I'm out of air; he took care of Heero while he was injured after all. Quatre might not like that, though. So, I'm currently unemployed, I don't go to school 'cause is really boring… Sally Po asked me to join the Preventers but I really don't wanna be near a gun anymore. I'm most of the time on the Internet, downloading songs and vids, sometime movies… Fun, huh? And then I discovered this really nice hobby… yeah, self mutilation sounds gross but is not so bad once you get used to it.
Ok! Now is time to bandage my arm. It takes nothing more that a couple of minutes… if I get it right the first try. And while I do this let me ask you something… Changing topics, how do you know when you're in love? I mean, yeah, I've been with girls and all but I didn't really felt something special for them, and since the war, when I met Heero and the guys, a funny feeling appeared in here, I mean, my chest. Every time he comes near me… every time those gorgeous Prussian blue eyes gawk at me… every time he talks to me… well, that's not too often but it's nice when it happens… you know where I'm going. Ok, maybe, and just maybe, I feel something that's more than friendship or lust for Heero… do you think he returns my feelings? Uh? Do you think Lil' Duo can make that frost covering him melt? Hmm… you don't have to think that hard, ya know…
"What are you doing?"
Uh oh, this is no good…
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Shinya: Ok, how was that people?
Cloud: *mutters* Do you really have to ask? Can't you see your monstrosity by yourself?
Shinya: Oh, Shut up, you big meanie!
Cloud: *shrugs*
Mino: Mino like it!! Mino like it!
Shinya: *Pats Mino's blond head* Why, thanks. I knew you had a good taste in fan fictions
Mino: Mino wants pocky as promised now
Shinya: Damn… Here you go…
Mino: Waiii!! Coconut pocky!
Shinya: Do I have to bribe my own muse to have a nice comment about this fic? I hope not… ¬_¬
So, people, go easy on me, remember that was just the prologue, the story will have some other stuff besides just Duo talking and chapters will be longer than that. AND I just want you to consider that this is my FIRST English fic, my vocabulary is not that big… but I'm trying and that's what counts, right?
~Silence~
***RIGHT??!!***
-_-U anyway… it'll be nice to have some reviews from Latin girls, I know there's a lot of you out there! ^-^ Espero que les haya gustado. And of course International reviewers are nice too.
Ok, bai bai!! ^^