Disrupted Communications
A/N: This is the first Smash Brothers story I've written, so please review to tell me if I did good or bad.
A family sat in their living room looking sad and the father sighed, "So many overage charges, no family talk plan, roaming charges galore!"
"How can I call my paramour?" asked the wife.
"Isn't there an affordable cell phone plan anymore?" asked the daughter.
A massive hole appeared in the set's wall and Ness and Donkey Kong appeared.
"Have no fear, G-Mobile is here!" proclaimed Ness. Donkey Kong grunted in agreement. (A/N: G-Mobile is not associated with T-Mobile, they just sound familiar.)
The fake house fell down and they were now in a mall, where Peach stood by a fountain and said, "Come to G-Mobile, where ----" She was cut off by a beeping noise above.
"CUT!" shouted Master Hand, who was directing the commercial, "Who's making that noise!"
Mr. Game & Watch stood on the second level of the mall, beeping and buzzing loudly.
"Crazy!" called Master Hand. A black hole opened up and Master Hand's brother Crazy Hand popped out.
"You called bro?" said Crazy.
"Get rid of Mr. Beep up there, I'm too lazy to float over there and beat him up myself!"
"Sure thing!" shouted Crazy Hand, he flew up to where Game & Watch was, he grabbed him and threw him in the air.
"HAHAHAHHAH!" laughed the whacked-out glove as he floated behind the stage.
"Alright, now that's taken care of," Said Master Hand, "ACTION!"
The commercial started up again and Peach said, "Come to G-Mobile, where families talk -----"
"CUT!" shouted Master Hand.
He floated over to a pavilion where Kirby was stuffing food down his mouth.
"Stop eating that food!" shouted Master Hand, "That's for the teamsters and you know how they are!"
"Poyo!" grumbled Kirby as he sucked up an apple and spat it at Master Hand.
"Oh fine," muttered Master Hand, "Keep the food. There's nothing like angry teamsters to deal with!"
He floated over to the cameraman and shouted, "ACTION!"
The commercial began again and Peach said angrily, "Come to G-Mobile where families talk for free."
The next scene showed Mario going up an escalator and he said, "Plus you get free nights and ----"
"THAT'S MY LINE!" shouted Luigi as he jumped down and smacked his brother in the face.
"CUT!" shouted Master Hand, "Luigi, you're not supposed to be in this scene. Didn't you read the script!"
Luigi had finished bashing his brother's head against the escalator railing and said, "Oops."
He let go of his brother and the hand said, "Alright, I've changed my mind. Both of you are going to do this scene! And ACTION!"
Mario and Luigi stood on the escalator and Mario said, "Plus you get free nights and weekends." "And no roaming charges!" added Luigi.
As the next scene, which featured Zelda looking at a cell phone in a store, began Master Hand once again bellowed, "CUT!"
"What now!" demanded the Mario brothers.
"Master Hand!" sobbed Falco like a little baby; "Fox stole my complimentary chocolate on my pillow that you get for spending a night at the Hilton hotel!"
"Did not!" Fox yelled back, "You weren't going to eat it anyway!"
"Was too."
"Was not."
"Was too!"
"Was not!"
Crazy Hand swooped down and beat the two into pulp and he gave a thumb up to Master Hand.
"Okay, ACTION!" shouted Master Hand.
Zelda was looking at a cell phone in the next scene when Roy showed up and said, "Would you mind if I escorted you home, young lady?"
Link slashed Roy into lunchmeat and proclaimed; "Don't mess with the Z, she's my lady!"
Marth appeared and said, "How dare you hurt my lover, I mean best friend?"
"WHAA!" said Zelda and Link.
"Never mind, you will die!" said Marth.
The two began to fight when Master Hand shouted, "CUT!"
"Do you mind?" complained Marth, "I was just getting in the groove."
"You can get in the groove later! We've got a commercial to film!"
"Fine," said Link, "We'll finish this later, SpongeBob."
"Okay, next scene! And ACTION!" said Master Hand.
The next scene showed Pikachu, Pichu and Jigglypuff sitting on a bench using cell phones when angry shouting could be heard on stage.
"CUT!" bellowed Master Hand, "You three stop acting like kids!" This was directed at Bowser, Ganondorf and Mewtwo.
I'm the evilest there is, said Mewtwo, You guys can't beat me!
"Oh yeah you overgrown cat!" growled Bowser, "I'm WAY more evil than you! I've kidnapped Princess Peach more times than I can remember!"
Ganondorf made a rude noise. "I'm more evil than both of you, plus it looks like I've been dead for a couple years."
The other two thoughtfully considered what he had just said when a black hole opened up and Giga Bowser jumped down. He let out a massive roar and bellowed, "SHUT UP! I'M MORE EVIL THAN ALL THREE OF YOU COMBINED AND I LOOK REALLY SCARY!"
"I wouldn't call somebody who only had two appearances in SSBM a real villain," mocked Bowser, "I've made a lot of appearances in a lot of games!"
Giga Bowser breathed flames on all three of them and said, "DOES ANYBODY ELSE WANT TO ARGUE?"
"Good job, Giga Bowser!" shouted Master Hand, "And ACTION!"
The scene started up again and the three Pokémon were fiddling with their cell phones when Pichu grabbed his and smashed it on Jigglypuff's fat head.
Jigglypuff puffed itself up and bashed Pichu. "CUT!" screamed Master Hand again, Pichu wouldn't listen as he electrocuted Jigglypuff into a creampuff.
Mario and Luigi attempted to help when an angry Pikachu zapped them, then Crazy Hand knocked out the rogue Pokémon and Master Hand shouted "Next scene! ACTION!"
Young Link and Captain Falcon were buying cell phones and the cashier, Yoshi, who you could see didn't sleep well the night before said, "Is this all?"
Young Link said to him, "Dude, where have you been?"
"You don't want to know," said Yoshi, "let's just say it smelled like a lot of perfume."
"Nasty!" said Young Link.
Captain Falcon used his Falcon Punch on Young Link and sent him flying, "Take that, you little brat!" he shouted.
"CUT!" screamed Master Hand.
Mario stood on the set eating a sandwich when Bowser came up and knocked him over.
"That's my sandwich!" said Bowser. Mario got up and punched the Koopa king and soon a fight broke out on the set.
Marth was dressed in a Tinky-Winky costume as he fought Link in a sword battle. "Your clothes more than prove your true nature!" shouted Link as he cornered Marth.
Then Ganondorf came behind Link and shadow punched him, he stood over his knocked-out rival and Marth said, "Boy, you're strong! We should form a truce, we could spread evil all across the world!"
Ganondorf kicked Marth in a private area and the swordsmaster said, "You will not damage my masculine area that easily, for I am wearing this Teletubbie costume!"
Ganondorf knocked Marth's sword out of his hands and proceeded to knock him around like a big purple barrel. Then Roy tried to save the day, "Don't worry, my friend!" he called to Marth, "I will save you!"
Mewtwo fired a psychic blast at Roy and Ganondorf knocked Marth off the balcony.
Behind stage, things weren't going so well either. Pichu, Pikachu and Jigglypuff had joined forces with Donkey Kong, helping him loot some stuff that rightfully belonged to the teamsters.
"It's like an episode of Jerry Springer!" said Crazy Hand to his brother, laughing maniacally.
"Look out of the camera!" shouted Master Hand.
"What camera?" asked Crazy as a camera hit him.
"That one."
Fox and Falco were having a shootout while Peach and Zelda were engaged in a catfight, but soon things were about to get a whole lot worse.
Dr. Mario had just succeeded in knocking Samus out when he punched Giga Bowser right in his ugly face. The monster grabbed the doctor and threw him into the pavilion where Kirby was sleeping after he ate all the teamster's food. Dr. Mario fired a Megavitamin at Giga Bowser, but it missed and hit Kirby, he opened his eyes and let out a battle cry.
Kirby grabbed a bottle of hot sauce labeled 'Scorned Pink Guy' and drank it down, he then launched into a fury, knocking out Giga Bowser and totally whaling on Dr. Mario. Kirby was completely pissed about being waked up and everybody was going to feel it.
He ran into the crowd of brawling Smashers and took it old school on anybody who crossed his path. Ness cowered in a corner crying about how he missed his mommy when Kirby sucked him up, absorbed his powers and used PK Flash on the sobbing boy. Ness flew into the stratosphere and Kirby continued his rampage.
Five minutes later, Kirby had just finished going medieval on the Ice Climbers by hitting them with their own hammers, when he saw Mario, Luigi and Bowser beating the excrement out of each other. He floated over them, turned into a rock and smashed the trio flat.
If things couldn't get any worse, Master Hand and Crazy Hand were in a thumb-wrestling match with each other.
"Take that!" shouted Crazy Hand; "It was your stupid idea to do this commercial!"
"Oh yeah?" said Master Hand, "You're the one who egged me on to sign the contract!"
Their bickering was interrupted by a horrible screeching noise, everybody looked over and saw Kirby wearing a green Mohawk, carrying a microphone and screaming a bunch of gibberish into it.
"Oh no! He can sing!" screamed Crazy Hand.
"You mean he can't sing!" said Master Hand.
The grunge-band Kirby shouted "POOOOOOOOYYYYYYOOOOOOO!" into the microphone and caused the entire studio to collapse.
Everyone pulled themselves out of the rubble and they had all learned a powerful lesson: Hell hath no fury like a pink guy scorned. They stood far away from Kirby, who had fallen back to sleep again later on.
"Everybody, I know you're all mad at me," said Master Hand, "But I've got an even better deal for you all!"
The Smashers grumbled to themselves about this and Master Hand continued.
"I recently bought a reality show from a certain billionaire who was getting tired of it. He more than agreed to it after Crazy and I changed his hairstyle!"
Crazy nodded his fingers in agreement.
"Oh no," said Mario, "Not THAT show!"
"Tonight on The Apprentice," said the announcer, "The teams have to rebuild a dilapidated McDonald's for no apparent reason."
The Smashers stood inside the McDonald's when an overhead light fell on Luigi and Zelda said, "Does anybody know what happened to Marth and Captain Falcon?"
As she said this, a Gay Pride parade passed the McDonald's with Marth dressed in his Tinky-Winky costume leading them. Then after parade had passed, Captain Falcon ran streaking through the streets and Ness said, "We know who's gonna get fired tonight!"
A/N: Please tell me what you think for the story, if I get enough reviews, I might write a sequel.