Author: Ashes, Miko No Tears, Trowa's cat!
Rating:
Warnings: suicide thoughts, um shouen ai some swearing, depression
and I think that's everything.
Pairings:a spurprise pairing and 1x4
Archives : eventually my site, until then you will be able to find
this at ShiniSantuary, Sweet love 2x3 (both yahoo groups) and
hopefully this weekend it will be found at Lady cosmos site. If I
find it elsewhere with out permission and with no good excuse, I will
set zero system Quatre on you, along with an enraged Duo and Trowa,
it is in your best interest to ask first.
Trowa: disclaimer my cat owns nothing, up to and including, her sanity (on loan from her little brother) me, Duo, our friends, and the song any songs in this fic. Do not sue her, all you will get is a hair ball, a few cat toys and her college bills, nothing of worth.
neko thoughts
Duo felt he may never find a place as enchanting as this one at dawn
and dusk. You would almost think you were at the end of the world,
the way the Sun softened the night colors and brought life back to
the world, and the way the Moon echoed the sun with a muted
brightness that would forever trail the sun, creating a bold and
beautiful picture no artist but what ever God you believe in could
paint and display. Duo had two favorite spots on Quatre's property,
the Lily garden and the cliffs that stood watch for centuries, only a
few minutes away. In the morning, the lilies would be painted in
the gentle pastel colors of dawn while the cliffs had to wait until
dusk to show off their potential of brilliant deepened dawn colors.
For the last several days, they were two of a few places you would
find Duo. He just sat there, so still, pondering When will this war
be over? When can I stop killing? He had a great point, he and the
rest had been fighting for the last five years. They were tired,
sore and ready for the end, which at the moment, like so many other
times, loomed closer, almost within reach. Duo hoped this time they
could find peace, he didn't think he could take much more of this.
All he really wanted, was to live a normal life. Well, as normal as
he could get, being a gay, Gundam pilot was going to keep it
interesting. Unfortunately, the seemingly overall view of gay
homosexual people hadn't changed much in the last few hundred years,
society seem stuck where they were in the year 2003 before colony
time. Duo closed his eyes and found two warm colors waiting to
embrace him, a dark green and a deep obsidian. He let his mask slip
more then it had in the last few weeks and tears trickled down his
face. The two people he cared the most about were represented in
those colors, Trowa, the man he loved as more then a brother or a
friend, not that he would ever tell the tall Irish man, and Wufei,
his best friend in the world, though there were a few things Duo
wouldn't tell even him.
The one thing Duo found he could lose his mask completely with was
his music, no one was ever around to hear him express his feelings.
Some times it was through the Piano, the music he created there would
have put some of the strongest mentally people in tears, the weaker
might need therapy to get over it. His guitar riffs touched people
with his anger and fear, while the flute was his happy instrument of
choice, those having heard his original flute music would all walk
away, lighter of heart, with smiles on their faces. Unfortunately,
the flute hadn't been touched in a while, the piano and the gaiter
found themselves over worked, and though he knew how to play the
Drums he rarely did. Duo just wanted to slow down, unscrew his manic
grin, and show his intelligence, as he might have before the war.
Duo, being as intelligent as he was, recorded all his music to work with at a later date. He had a whole collection of cd's full of music that he created thinking about the green eyed pilot, the same one that doesn't even seem to acknowledge his existence, his music on that subject was beyond haunting. Unfortunately that seemed to be the case with all of them, except Wufei, and even if he wanted to keep his mask, it cracked every day, he didn't have a choice with it, it ws determined to come off...
Trowa stared out the window, at the figure in the Garden of Lily. He
couldn't help feel the pang of longing that shot through him. how
could he ever tell Duo? He couldn't, Duo seemed too straight and
Trowa figured he would just flip out if he told Duo how he felt. So
no matter how much it hurt, Trowa locked his feelings away. Society
was a bitch. But that wasn't the only thing bothering Trowa, the
young man could sense and see the changes in Duo. Once he was the
hot dog, always in the lime light, now he spent more time alone then
any one else did, his only company was often Trowa's own cat, Ashes,
a tiny charcoal grey cat that was all ears and a fluffy tail. Trowa
began to miss the smile that helped him keep his sanity intact at
extremely difficult times, and the show of more then just occasional
intelligence. Duo didn't realize it but Trowa saw right through his
air head act though that was the only one he saw through.
Trowa wasn't the only one noticing the behavioral change in Duo,
Heero, who knew him longer then the rest, picked up on the subtle
things. Such as, Duo still seemed to eat like a horse, but nowhere
near as much as he ever used too.
Wufei picked up on the absence of teasing, which for any one else
would be fine, but for Duo was unnatural. The usual light in Duo's
eyes had long begun to fade, oh, he stilled teased as he always had,
but not with the gusto and laughter he ever used to. Duo also laid
off on taunting Quatre, figuring Duo could survive an enraged Wufei
but all bets were off on a pissed of Quatre. Not many could, would
or did survive a Zero system Quatre, and when mad, that was how he
was, if you value your life, stay away, even Heero does.
Quatre's worry showed the most, he could feel the changes in Duo, on many levels. Some were psychological, others were emotional, and more were physical. The problem Quatre was having was figuring out what was causing the changes and approaching Duo to help.
All the scientists pulled them together for what was to be the last
major battle in this long bloody war. A war that claimed some of the
best the world had to offer, such as Zechs Merquis. The leaders to
change the world such as, Relena and her foster father, Mr. Dorlian,
Treize Kushrenada, the peace makers Heero accidently killed at the
beginning of this travesty, as well as every soldier and civilian
along the way, innocent or not. Of the other side turned to their cause, only
Lady Une, Lt. Noin and Sally Po had survived so far. The whole world
was more then ready for the end of this many times Damned war.
In the heat of the battle, Duo realized how lucky he was to that he
couldn't seem to self detonate. The enemy had learned to aim for a
certain part of the gundams' back and set it off, it changed with
every new model, but they kept at it until all had been replaced,
then searched for the new spot, and even after several Gundam
Deathscythes, Duo still couldn't manage a decent self destruct, so
their trick didn't work quite the same on him. lucky for Quatre that
Duo was there the first time it had happened to someone. Quatre had
very little time to get out and Deathscythe shielded his body from
the blast.
Rushing his attention back to the present, Duo realized they were getting their butts handed to them. Une and Noin already had to retreat a few times to replace their suits. Trowa had long since run out of bullets. (Surprised? I hope not, it's Trowa syndrome, and who better to have it then Trowa: ashes) Quatre was running out of personal energy, Heero had lost his buster rifle early on, and Duo had long since lost his shield and the scythe was close to giving out on him as well. On top of that mess, all the gundams were running low on energy to keep up this losing battle and they had still had a couple hundred enemy suits to take out.
"I have an idea, guys," Duo spoke up. "I need 6 high powered missles, Noin, and a lot of c4! I also need you guys to hold them off when the supplies get here, and make sure the supplies I need are disguised in some way. We can win this, guys!"
Happily enough for Duo, everything he needed got to him in five minutes.
"Make sure to make it look like you are protecting a severe gimp,
circle round and hold them off!" The other four gundams, plus Une,
Sally and Noin, circled as if they were on a wagon train and
defending them selves from Native Americans. Their thought,
especially Sally's, was that if anyone can come up with a plan,
anything at all, do you damnedest to do what they need, as it was
they all had run out of ideas hours ago.
Duo, using his Gundam as a crane, moved the explosives into a bundle
over the building that was serving as a base for the Blood Ravens,
from where the suits kept leaking out of. Lucky the enemy only had
the old Leos, for the moment, their air maneuverability was zip,
which was one of a very few advantages the good guys had (lets here it
for the Good Guys! Yea!).
The rest of the fighters kept the enemy back so all they saw was what looked to be a still and beaten Gundam in the middle, Duo had enough time to work.
"Alright! I need for you to now take off and leave the rest to me!
The ones still fighting think I'm lame and will draw in for the
kill. Now Go!
"But Duo!"
"Get out ASAP, Noin. I don't think your suits will hold up well against this,"
this all led right back to his earlier thought,thank god, I cant self destruct, even when I try. the enemy had a few nice shots that would have sent him into self destruct mode if he could, that is, as his Gundam took a beating in his bid to get as much of the enemy as close as possible. Duo knew his plan was risky, but it was a last resort, and they had reached that point. After the allotted time was up, Duo quite with his lame duck act and hacked at a few before setting off his bomb and praying he had enough energy to get Deathscythe off the ground and a tiny bit of distance. He was hit by the shock wave that destroyed the rest of the enemy suits, officially ending the cursed battle, and he fell out of the sky with a very large boom, and before he passed out, he saw Trowa on the com screen, yelling at Duo to be ok, though Duo couldn't make it out. Trowa "borrowed" Wing for the trip to his love's side, knowing it was in the best condition and the fastest one.
Duo wasn't allowed out of bed, for a week, per Sally's orders, which the guys enforced. She and the rest of them were pissed off at Duo for his stunt, though they were thankful it worked and he wasn't killed in the process.
Duo was up and about on the 8th day. Sally had said a week and Duo
wasn't staying in bed a moment longer. Duo hobbled down stairs,
hunting for some breakfast, hopefully something loaded with sugar,
say a twinkie or Reese's peanut butter cups. Or even a box of girl
scout thin mints would work (hhhmm, where did I hide my last box of
those: ashes). What he found instead were the guys, and no one
looked very pleased. Their looks plunged a knife into his heart, and
Quatre caught it, his features rearranging slightly to show his worry.
Trowa started the barrage, "What in the HELL did you think you were doing out there!"
"Your actions could have made us lose this change for peace!" Wufei cut in.
"That was so stupid!" Heero shouted
Quatre watched the stricken look cross Duo's face, as well as one of determination and tears, these made Quatre shut his mouth and find a different way of getting the point across to Duo. These also made him think about what the guys had said and the way they said it, if they were trying to convey worry, they were doing a horrible job of it.
Duo took the words to mean that the men, his friends, didn't give a
rat's ass if he lived or died, only that peace prevailed, he bolted,
and with his still healing injuries, it wasn't easy. No one followed
him, they were too busy settling Quatre down. Quatre collapsed after
the intense wave of negative emotions crashed over him from Duo,
making the blonde cry. Duo had let down his emotional guard just
before fleeing and Quatre felt the full force of his loneliness,
fear, betrayal, and hurt as if it were his own. Quatre had to take
almost five minutes to recover enough to explain what happened.
"Guys, when we were reaming Duo, we never told him why. He feels an acute pain from what he considered a huge betrayal, he feels as if we don't give a shit about him, this is a hurt and a fear he has held onto for a while now."
Trowa's head snapped up as his gaze instantly sought the braided man. He spied Duo heading toward the cliffs, tripping several times before he got there.
Quatre, rest, we'll be back soon," Heero murmured to his tiny lover.
"NO, I'm going with you! We need to prove to him we all care."
They headed to the high cliffs, hoping to be on time to save their friend and teammate (and love). They cautiously approached him as they would a wild animal, but as they got closer they watched him flop to the ground and start to sing...
Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for.
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore
The show must go on,
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on.
Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess I'm learning, I must be warmer now
I'll soon be turning, round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free
The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on
The show must go on
I'll face it with a grin
I'm never giving in
On - with the show -
I'll top the bill, I'll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the -
On with the show -
The show must go on...
Duo let tears escape from their prison, in all their crystal glory,
before he finished his heart rending song, it took all of Trowa's and
Quatre's will not to go to him right then and there. After what felt
like eternity drowned in sadness, Duo finally dropped off to sleep,
between his emotions and injuries, he was beyond exhausted. So it
stood to reason why he didn't even stir when Trowa gently picked him
up, marveling at how light the other 20 year old man was. Trowa
began an intense visual examination on the sleeping pilot, not liking
at all what he found. Due to his lack of real sleep, Duo had deep
purple bags under his eyes (kinda like me, I seem to have forgotten
how to sleep like a log for a long time, and it has nothing to do
with my writing, that was what keeps me sane: Ashes), this also led
Trowa to notice how skinny the braided man was. Trowa hugged the
sleeper in his arms closer to him as they all walked back to the
house, discussing the meaning of the song, and nothing was good about
it...
This is the best dream a person could ask for, wrapped in the arms of a gorgeous man, whom I love, one of my romantic originals playing in the background...Wait a minute! One of my romantic originals playing in the background? He knew instantly it was one of his, he had just finished it not too long ago. He had created it by recording separate playing of the drum, the guitar, the flute and then the piano, the guitar was for an alternative feel, but still full of love. He had a ton of fun blending them together and getting his final result, he enjoyed creating it on all levels and loved the end result he figured to do it again some time.
Duo cracked open his eyes, finding, and confirming his dream was indeed his reality. He prayed his next move wouldn't ruin it as he snuggled in closer to Trowa. Trowa gave a small soft smile as he stroked Duo's back in a soothing yet loving way, as Duo drifted back to sleep...
Duo subtlety woke up the next morning, still in the cocoon of Trowa's
arms, the song he had created for Trowa still playing in the
background, apparently on repeat one. Duo, tempting fate yet again,
burrowed into Trowa's chest, feeling a steely arm tighten its hold on
the younger man.
Trowa knew when Duo came back to the world, and was flooded by an intense relief when Duo made himself more comfy. Trowa hoped this meant what he thought it did, he tightened his hold to prove it, and prove it he did. Duo relaxed and smiled one of those rare real smiles. It tickled Trowa because it was soft and dreamy, not at all like his usual mask, Trowa hoped to see more of it in the future.
"I love you" Trowa whispered softly into Duo's delicate ear.
"Really?" Duo's head popped up.
Trowa chuckled, "(1)yep, yep, yep, yep yep, I have for a while now."
"Coolness, I feel like I have loved you forever!" Duo shyly ducked his head before bringing it back up and landing a soft kiss on trowa's firm lips. It was over before it really began.
Trowa blinked rapidly, then turned his gaze the nearly braided one next to him, smiling like a loon, and tugging Duo closer, "go to back to sleep,(2) leannan." They took a little time it settle in the circle of each others arms and stayed that way until Wufei knocked.
"Duo, G is on the vid for you"
Duo slowly disentangled himself from Trowa, with absolutely no help and a lot of playful hindrance from Trowa, giving the taller man a light sweet kiss before heading downstairs.
"Duo, I need for you to infiltrate the last base of the blood Ravens."
It never fails Duo muttered, "Why me? Fine when do I leave?" He asked in a resigned tone.
"Two days" they continued to talk details for almost an hour, Trowa came down about fifteen minutes after duo had and had proceeded to start preparation for brunch. Duo walked into the kitchen, looking rather grim. For support, Trowa settled his hand on Duo's shoulder.
"What ever it is, we can deal."
"He's sending me to their last known base."
"Why?"
"Because I'm the only one who can do what is required," Duo replied in an embittered tone. Trowa threw a questioning look at Duo but knew better then to ask when he gives answers like that.
Duo began again, "I just don't understand why, but I have a very bad feeling about this."
"Don't worry, I'm sure it will all be fine, what's the worst that can happen?" Quatre said as he wandered into the kitchen, he couldn't help but over hear the conversation.
Trowa and Duo Cleaned up and rearranged Duo's room, allowing Trowa to move his stuff in. Trowa was a light sleeper and woke up to every move Duo made. This came in handy on the night before Duo was to leave. Duo had gotten up and padded to the window, hoping not to wake Trowa. The man who was left to sleep thought Duo looked fey or something else beautiful and supernatural. The moonlight bathed him and made his skin glow, and highlighted his hair, as well as giving his eyes a silvery quality. Duo turned to his cliffs, giving his profile to Trowa as he began to sing.
if I should die this very moment ... I wouldn't fear.
For I've never known completeness ... like being here.
Wrapped in the warmth of you.
Loving every breath of you.
Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day when dreaming ends!
Trowa listened to the song, feeling his chest constrict when he finished and crept up on his love, wrapping him in the loving prison of Trowa's arms, resting his head on Duo's shoulder. Duo turned quickly, pecking Towa on the cheek. They returned to the bed, and entangled themselves, and no one said a word.
The next morning Duo stared down at Trowa, not believing this gorgeous man loved him. Trowa moved so fast that it took Duo a moment to realize he was on his back staring into Trowa's breathtaking Green eyes. Trowa kissed him passionately, leaving Duo dazed and out of breath when Trowa pulled back. "how long is the mission?" Trowa smirked as Duo scrambled to collect his wits.
Ummm..a week to 10 days." He finally replied.
"Ok, so eternity, I'll be here waiting for you."
"As much as I would love to stay, the sooner I leave, the sooner I get home." Duo said, his eyes shining.
Trowa let Duo up slowly, but not before grinding the proof of their
love and lust against each other. Duo groaned, "Lord are you evil,
unfortunately, that will have to wait, I have to go, love you." Duo
laid a butterfly kiss on Trowa's lips after giving up his cross to
Trowa. "Remember, I will always come back, at one point it may be to
haunt you, but I will always be there." Duo headed out the door with
that last comment...
The first week, Trowa dealt rather well, by the tenth day it was
obvious he was getting worried. The second week was spent by the
cliffs, listening to Duo's music, most of the music tore him apart,
it haunted him and some of it even made him cry, and other pieces
seemed to lift him as nothing but Duo could. He loved all of it, and
identified with much of it. The third week disappeared and Trowa
watched the driveway, waiting for Duo and Trowa began to frequently
cry, not that the others saw him. At the start of the fourth week,
it began to dawn on Trowa, that Duo could be dead and it chipped away
at his thoughts and him overall. The fifth week began as hell for
every one, the rest of the guys had really begun to worry about Duo.
Wednesday came and Trowa was a nervous wreck, and collapsed. Wufei
caught him before he hit the floor and gently revived him. Wufei
fell prey to his love of the green eyed one and kissed him softly.
Wufei and Trowa were wrenched from their fantasies involving Duo and
them selves. Dou had finally come home and he looked like hell
warmed over. That didn't stop him from being fast as the wind
though. Duo headed to his Dusk sanctuary. Trowa and Wufei, hot on
his heels heard the echo of a song as Duo stopped right at the edge...
I was a fool to believe.
A fool to believe.
It all ends today .
YES ... it all ends ... today!
Before Duo could take that last step forward, Trowa shouted, "Duo, I
love you, Leannan! Nothing can change that, we were all so worried
about you." Trowa stepped into a hug for Duo, who burst into tears.
Wufei stood away from them, he had a secret thing for not just Trowa but Duo
as well. No matter how much he loved both of the pilots, he knew that he wasnt
welcome at the moment.
Trowa slipped Duo's cross around Duo's neck, pulling the two closer as it was till looped around Trowa's neck. Trowa whispered to Duo, holding him close as he did so. Duo glanced up with stears glistening in his eyes. Wufei found two pair of dazzling eyes watching him. both Trowa and Duo motioned to the chinese pilot. He found himself drawn to the two. He stopped a few steps shy of the tiny huddle. Duo yanked his arm, bring him against both Trowa and Duo. Duo and Trowa lifted parts of the chain and placed Wufei inside of the cirle. the three just stood there for what seemed like an eternity. The silence was better then a spoken promise, the promise to be together forever one way or another.
The three just intutively knew, on some level or another, how each felt. They discussed everything and all gained something from the others. They found how long they had loved the other and every little detail about each others lives. They became a threesome in the months to follow. they all had a flame for the other and they never split up.
On a day, years later, as the lonely sun set for the day, the only thought on each one's mind was I am loved and in love with these gorgeous guys!
the end
1. THINK Ducky in Land Before Time. She had a thing for yep
2. Gaelic term for sweetest, you find all kinds of cool things in a
romance novel. ;
So? What do you think? It felt like it took me forever to type up,
probably cuz I had already written it. Oh well, feed back please.