"You said you wanted to go somewhere tropical after it was all over."
"Yeah, this was... Not what I had in mind," Garrus said, eyeing the rest of the crew.
Grunt and Wrex were shifting uneasily in their small, human-sized seats in front of Tali, who was ducked down trying to use her omni-tool to hack the ship's intercom in order to change the music. Dr. Chakwas was mysteriously drunk, despite the fact that drinks hadn't been served yet, and swayed in her seat, hiccuping periodically. Joker was complaining to EDI about not being able to pilot the ship ("In case of aerial attack, I will alert a staff member that you are a renowned fighter-pilot," she said soothingly in her mechanical voice, and he grinned with a, "Fingers crossed, Babe!"). James was hitting on Liara, who was telling him to keep it professional, while simultaneously massaging Specialist Traynor's shoulders.
Shepard frowned at him. "You said you liked the crew, and wanted to stay in touch after the war."
"I also gave you that line about human-Turian babies," he retorted. "You shouldn't take everything I say so literally."
"So does that mean you don't want to adopt a Krogan?"
He scoffed. "We already have two! It's enough trouble without them outnumbering us." He gestured to Grunt and Wrex, who were currently being asked by the stewardess to stop head-butting each other while on the ship.
The stewardess approached the front of the passengers' cabin and, with a too-white smile, clicked her omni-tool to go over the intercom. "Good afternoon, passengers! My name as Alina Jefferson and it's my duty to review the safety manual with you to ensure your best odds of survival in case of emergency circumstances."
A resounding chorus of, "Boooooo," made her fake smile twitch.
"Shut up, guys, I want to hear this!" Kaiden complained, readying his datapad to take notes.
"O-okay," the stewardess faltered, "the first scenario we will cover today will be if we encounter enemy fire."
Joker's hand shot up. "Ooh, ooh! Pick me!"
"Sir, do you have a question?"
"No, I was calling dibs on the ship in case of enemy fire." He rolled his eyes in EDI's direction as if this was the obvious answer.
"Well, Sir, it doesn't exactly work like.." She trailed off as he glared at her. "But I digress to the second situation," she hurried. "In event of a crash landing."
As the stewardess droned on, Shepard elbowed Garrus. "Did you remember to pack your swimsuit? Might be kind of hard to find a Turian suit on a human planet."
"Yeah, it's in your bags, with all my other stuff."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "Then what was in your bag?"
"The largest assortment of Turian alcohol Earth will ever see."
Shepard snorted, and the stewardess reprimanded her. "Please, Commander, try to pay attention to the safety briefing."
"Oh, please," Shepard said, still laughing. "Do I look like someone who's never crashed a ship before?"
"No... I mean yes...?"
"Honey, I died in space. Then they brought me back to life, and I got shot by a Reaper, and yet here I am."
The stewardess stared at her blankly. "Alright, passengers, that concludes today's safety briefing!"
"Dammit, Shepard!" Kaiden cursed, throwing his datapad at the commander.
She laughed. "You're on vacation, Alenko. Get over it and relax already."
A small "ding" from behind her caused her to turn around. Chakwas was repeatedly pressing the service button above her chair. The stewardess immediately rushed to her.
"How can I be of assistance today, Ma'am?"
"When are they gonna serve us the drinks?" she slurred.
"Yeah, let's get some tequila shots up in here!" James cheered.
"I have a bad feeling about this," Shepard muttered to Garrus, who gave her a maniacal grin.
(A/N): It's just a fun, light-hearted story. Intended to be humorous. Give me some ideas, guys! I have no idea where to go from here.