I sit on the beach contemplating why fate hated me so much. Man, I must have been really awful in a previous life. It's strange how the beach, once a scene of many happy memories, has now become my thinking place. The best place I could find to be alone with all my thoughts. And I always had a lot of thoughts. I dig my feet into the sand finding some comfort in the feeling and inhale the fresh salty air deep into me, searching for an answer. And what is the reason for my present state of procrastination?

Jacob Black.

His name and the thought of him sets my heart beating faster and the blood coursing through my veins. Since joining leaving Sam's pack everything had been way way better....being in his head as he considered how lucky he was to have Emily, and how she was much better than me was almost more than I could take. I know that Sam and Emily didn't mean to hurt me at the time, or even when they got married, however just because someone doesn't mean to upset you does not actually make it hurt any less! They seem to think that if they are sorry it will take it all away....and I still am angry with them. I guess a little of it is because of my own hurt at loosing Sam. I did really love him, I do not anymore but I really really did. Some of it is the betrayal by the two of them....two of the people closest to me in the world. Some of it is my own vanity that Sam could pick her over me. I was the bubbly, popular, cheerleader with curves in ALL the right places. Sweetheart of La Plush, Prom Queen, daughter of one of the elders, loved by everyone and chased after by all the boys. I guess it wounded my pride that Sam picked quiet, stick-insect, mousy Emily over me. But the main reason I hated Sam and Emily for so long was simply that they could have gone about it differently. When the Sam imprinted on Emily they began to fool about behind my back straight away and I found out about it because I caught them. I have to walk around the rez with everyone whispering behind my back whilst Emily gets her happily ever after! She has the house I was supposed to live in! She has the man I was supposed to be with and I'm guessing pretty soon she will be having kids with him too. The Kids I should have been having.

The truth is that I have not cared about this in quite a while. I can be civil to Sam and Emily, I was even a bridesmaid at their wedding. I know everyone in both packs has noticed how I'm far more like my old self now but I still don't put up with any bullshit! Those boys need someone to keep them in line! This makes me smile to myself. SO where was I?? Oh yea Jake.

Well Jake knew something about my pain after all the crap that stupid Bella girl put him through. He was so good at making me get to the root of all my pain and anger. He made me discuss how I had felt after the Sam/Emily betrayal and tell them how I was feeling. This lead to the present truce situation. He also made me begin to value myself again. By choosing me as his beta (and keeping me as beta when the pack remerged) he showed his faith in me. I promised I would never let him down.

And now I feel as though technically I may have to let him down because I cannot stay in La Push. However in my defence, he let me down first.

As Alpha and beta, and very good friends I have become very close to Jake. I myself am surprised by how close. I always thought Jake was kinda hot....but he has matured so much in the past year, he understands me so well and did I mention that he is so so hot. He understands me and actually appreciates the edge that I have. In fact I love him. I have loved him for quite a while now but fate has screwed me over again because the guy is in fact imprinted on the demon-half breed spawn of the mind rapist Edward and Bella bitch Cullen. I cannot do this again. I cannot watch somebody I love as they make a life with another person yet again.

Watching the sun as it starts to takes its lazy path beyond the horizon I shiver slightly despite my ridiculously hot body temperature. I realise the only way out for me now is to leave La Push. I can hardly bear to leave my little brother Sethy. I love him so much too but being here is just going to be too painful, so I decide to not go far. I am slightly excited about the prospect of maybe attending college at Seattle...and having a life with none of this supernaturalness. If I am in Seattle I am not too far away that I can't see my Mom and Sethy if I miss them. Just as my plan is forming in my head I can smell and hear someone approaching. At first my heart beats faster thinking that it could be Jacob come to find me but the smell isn't right.

'Hey Leah, you ok?' Embry always was the most intelligent and sensitive of the wolves. Despite my bitching at him when we first phased, he was very forgiving and understanding of my bitterness and since we have become close friends.

I take a deep sight 'Yea....I'm just...you know....thinking'. Wow Leah, very articulate

'I was worried about you.......'he trails off as he sits down next to me on the sand. 'Why would you worry about me?' I mumble not looking into his eyes because I know he will know what I am thinking. Embry is scarily perceptive.

He is quiet for a moment and then 'It is harder and harder for us every time someone imprints. It's hard feeling like we are being left behind and not knowing what is in the future. We can't really get on with our lives because we might imprint and that would screw everything up. And it also makes us consider why we haven't imprinted yet. Are we not worth it?'

I have never heard Embry speaking so negatively about imprinting but I appreciate his honesty. 'I should have known differently but I just didn't think Jacob would imprint because of how much he hated the idea....and I never thought he would imprint on a vampire. She is all he cares about now and she doesn't want him to have any friends. She doesn't want him anywhere near me'

Embry chuckles 'Yea me either. It's pretty messed up imprinting on a vampire.'

'Yeah' is all I can get out. Ever the conversationalist! I suspect Embry knows that I care very deeply for Jake. He maybe even knows that I love him and I appreciate the fact that he is here to help me. I loop my arm through his and smile (even if it is forced!) 'Embry you are a good guy, there is defiantly someone out there for you. There just hasn't been anyone good enough yet!' He snorts out a laugh but a huge smile splits his face. Ah well at least I made someone smile today!

I jump up, peck him on the cheek and head off home 'See you later Em baby!'

I take myself off home and attempt to make myself feel better by taking a bath with my mum's expensive bubble bath and even light a few candles. I am interrupted by my mobile playing 'She wolf' by Shakira. I am gonna kill that stupid vamp Emmett.

'Hey Leah, are you coming over to the Cullens?' I do love my brother but really it's a Friday night...what am I going to be going to the Cullens for? When I vocalize as much to him he explains 'Me Jasper, Alice, Rose and Emmett are gonna play some drinking games and hang out, you should come!!' Now normally I would reply with something such as 'go boil your head' however considering I am actually leaving soon so should hang out with Sethy a bit AND also there would be no stupid Edward, Bella or Nessie (ewww shudder)there I decide to go hang out with my baby bro.

I throw on some of the few clothes I have left (I haven't anything vaguely nice left) and head over to the Cullens.