"God damn it Bella"
I woke to the sound of shattering glass and yelling. I looked up to see one of the beautiful bay windows in Edward's room smashed to pieces. I was immediately cold as the dead, the wind hitting my lethargic body, sending sold tingles through my body. I craved warmth, but knew I was never going to get it. "Edward what's wrong" I asked timidly, the look in his eyes scaring me for the first time in our relationship.
"It's been a week Bella. You said goodbye. You told me you were sure, you reassured me that this was what you wanted" he ranted, pacing his room angrily to stop himself from throwing more objects at the glass.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, my voice cracking before finally gaining some strength. I didn't understand what had angered him to this point. His eyes flickered to his bedroom door quickly before returning his piercing stare to me. "His name. You have been talked about nothing but Jacob in your sleep for a week. I've been erased from your dreams" he yelled.
I was shocked at this news, he hadn't said anything about me talking about Jacob for a week and now he was yelling and screaming at me like I had some control over it. Like I was doing it to torture him. I had never seen him so angry, the look in his eyes rivaled the fury in his eyes when he was fighting Victoria a week before. I had never seen this side of Edward before and I was actually scared of him, but he wasn't done. "Edward, I have always said Jacob's name in my sleep. He is my best friend. I miss him. Why are you so angry? You're scaring me" I tried to reason with him, ignoring the confession that Edwards name hadn't passed my lips in my sleep for a week. That certainly was new. His face didn't soften at news that he was scaring me, he was at the point where he really didn't care. That much was obvious.
"Yeah, well you are lying. To everyone; to me, to yourself and to him. You don't just say his name anymore. You apologize" I tried to interrupt but his face hardened even more, into an unrecognizable person that I knew not to disobey. "Oh that's not the half of it. The apology I can understand. It's when you confess your undying love for him and say I do at what I can only assume is your wedding, that I have an issue with. Oh then there's the dream sex, were you moan and coo his name while your arousal permeates the air. You talk about having his children, you live the life you would have had with him in you're dreams" he continues to rant.
The second he started to explain what I had been saying in my sleep for a week, the dreams came rushing back to me like a movie, with the happiest ending. I saw Jacob's beautiful smile when he proposed to me and I said yes. I saw the look on his face when he saw me walk down the isle in the most beautiful white flowing gown on the beach. I saw the tears of joy in his eyes and my own over whelming joy when I held up the positive pregnancy test. I saw my own beautiful brown eyed, dark haired little girl running around with her equally beautiful father in the front yard of the home we built for ourselves. I remembered the beautiful dream land where I got exactly what I subconsciously knew I wanted more than anything but never remembered when I woke. I was speechless, I felt horrible for subjecting Edward to the front row seat of my fantasies. This realization for like the final nail in the coffin holding this relationship, I had seen exactly what I could have in life and none of it could be had with Edward. My eyes filled with tears when I looked up at his miserable face; his breathtaking beauty tainted by pain and sorrow. He looked utterly broken, just like I had been when he left. When he had sworn that he didn't love me; didn't want me; when he broke me and I turned to Jacob for comfort. Jacob had been my sun, the only thing that could make me warm and keep me together; he mended my heart and all I had done was hurt him. He put my heart back together and I shattered his.
Edward's heavy sigh brought me back to reality, my eyes had never let his face during my revelation but his eyes didn't hold me captive like they always had. Refocusing on him, I recognized a layer of rage in his jumbled emotions. That really scared me. I knew in that moment that this was no longer the person I had loved, he was different and he couldn't be trusted. The rage took the Edward I had loved and destroyed him, now I was just hoping it didn't destroy me with it.
"I'm so sorry Edward. I should go" I said softly, not really sure what else to say. I just wanted out of here. I rose from the bed placed in Edward's room specifically for me, grabbed my things and walked to the door. He beat me there, blocking my exit.
"I deserve an explanation" it was obvious that he really had reached the end of his rope with this situation. I looked down at the ground, not wanting to remember the person I had loved so much by only this moment.
"You are absolutely right. I lived the life I want with Jacob in my dreams. My subconscious obviously doesn't have the ability to stay in denial anymore. Saying goodbye to Jake finally made me snap. I tried to ignore that damage that was done by the zombie like coma you put me in but saying good bye to him after the new born battle almost broke me. When you were gone, I was numb. When he is gone, I am miserable. He filled the void you left when you left me, now we all get to live with the consequences of that" I explained quietly. I noticed the whole house was dead silent. He still hadn't moved from the door, the reality of the situation was obviously hitting him. I tried to reach for the door knob but he grabbed my wrist then froze. He seemed to be in shock.
"Edward, let go of me please. You promised that if I changed my mind you would understand" I implored while slipping off his engagement ring and placing it on the desk within reach, he still hadn't let go.
"Bella, no you can't do this. What about eternity? What about me?" he started to get hysterical as his grip tightened on my wrist. I winced, "Edward, your hurting me. Please let me go" she begged. I finally heard footsteps in that moment; the family was coming to rescue me.
"No Alice. I can't let her go" he responded to what I only assumed were Alice's thoughts.
Edwards's eyes reconnected with mine, silently begging me to stay and fix this, I didn't recognize him anymore. He was broken and sad but he was also angry and desperate. I had always painted him as such a selfless person, but now as he clutched to my wrist painfully, practically hold me hostage in his bedroom, I realized it had been an act.
This was no longer that person I had loved more than my own life. He pushed me up against the wall, away from the projection of the door that would most likely be swinging any moment now. My wrist was definitely going to be bruised badly.
"Bella, this isn't over. We will have eternity" he threatened before he let go of me and jumped out the shattered bedroom window and running from his family on the other side of the door. Alice and Rosalie were the first faces I saw, seconds after he ran.
"Are you okay Bella?" Alice asked worriedly while Rosalie helped me up off the floor. I didn't remember sinking against the wall and landing on the floor, but that's where I ended up; my whole body shaking with fear. Then like a flip of a switch, I stopped. I couldn't stop thinking, "snap out of it. Be strong for once in your life". Alice chuckled; I didn't realize I had said that out loud. Both ladies took an arm as they slowly led me down the stair case, they seemed to be expecting me to freak out and trip down the stairs or something but I felt rather calm, like this was the way things were supposed to be, like I was on the right path.
I looked over at Alice, "I'm sorry I ruined your visions, I know you really wanted me to be like you guys" I told Alice; honestly sorry that we weren't going to be sisters and that one day they were going to have to mourn my death. "Bella, don't apologize. All we want is for you to be happy. We don't care who it's with" she said with a smile. We reached the living room where the whole family sat waiting for us. They all seemed relieved I was safe and unfarmed. I quickly hugged each member of my extended family before something hit me. "You guys aren't leaving are you? Now that Edward is gone" I asked cautiously, not really sure I wanted the answer. Esme and Carlisle walked up to me hand in hand, "Bella, we didn't want to leave the first time; we did it because of Edward. Plus technically he threatened you so we need to stay close by to keep you safe for a while" Carlisle explained with a sad smile. He obviously didn't like the idea of his son being so unstable and reckless but as usual he was dedicated to protecting me so I could live the normal life I decided I wanted.
I thanked everyone profusely and promised to come and visit soon, they all reassured me that I was still apart of the family and that they would be in touch soon. With that, I left the Cullen house and drove my truck to the La Push border as quickly as I possibly could, breathing easier the second I crossed it.
I looked down at the dashboard of my speeding truck and mentally kicked myself; I was going to be showing up on a door step in La Push at 12:36 A.M. At this point I really didn't have a choice. I pulled into the drive way at picked up my cell phone, it rang three times before I saw the bedroom light click on in the house and a sleep filled voice answered the phone.
"Hello?"
"Emily, its Bella. I'm so sorry it's so late but I need a favor. Is Sam on patrol?" I asked quickly hoping Emily wasn't going to hang up because of the way I had treated Jacob. Right now I needed a wolf girl friend.
"Yeah he is. Bella what's wrong? Are you okay?" she asked slightly panicked.
"Yeah Em. I'm fine. I'm actually in your drive way. Can I come in?" I asked timidly, half expecting to be sent away. Seconds later the door to Emily and Sam's home was opened and warm light was pouring out, I walked in slowly only to be attacked with hugs by Emily.
"God, you scared me. Are you sure you're okay? Here take off your coat, I'll make us some tea" Emily went straight into mother hen mode and I smiled lightly, I hadn't realized how much I had missed Emily and really the whole pack.
"I'm fine I swear. Just a bit shaken up. I'm shocked you let me in. I half expected you to hang up the phone and go back to sleep" I admitted and Emily looked hurt.
"Bella I would never. Once a family member, always a family member. I will say it once and again and again until everyone understands, you can't help who you love" she explained with a small smile. Obviously, she had been defending me in front of the pack even though I didn't deserve it.
"Wow, I missed you" I admitted quietly while hugging her again. Emily smiled once more before her face got serious. "Bella, what happened?" she asked quickly, obviously tired of the preamble.
"I left Edward" I blurted, watching Emily's shocked expression before she rephrased, "Or rather he left me; but not the same way as last time. Ughh, I'm so confused" I tried to explain. "Okay Bella, calm down and tell me what happened" she said while leading Bella to the dining room table. I sat while Emily quickly went to work on the tea, giving me a few minutes to collect my thought. Minutes later we were sitting with our tea and I was explaining everything that had happened in the last couple of hours. We were completely unaware of the wolf ears that were on the front porch silently listening to every word of the conversation and broadcasting it to the patrolling members of the pack.
INSERT LINE
Meanwhile, on first beach….(JPOV)
I sat on our tree stump on First Beach for the 6th time this week. I had been pulled from patrolling rounds for a week to completely finish healing from the newborn beat down I took part in. Thanks to Leah and her macho ways, I had to jump in front of a newborn leech to save her ass and he crunched my whole left side. Word around the Rez was that I was in a motorcycle accident so I had to keep up appearances with the crutches which were nothing but a nuisance.
It's been a week. One whole week since the girl that was supposed to be the love of my life shattered my heart to become a leech. I told her not to come around anymore after she destroyed me and I have regretted that request every second since she walked out of my bedroom door. She didn't call or stop by, nothing. She was off with her bloodsucker in leech land planning the nuptials and the transition, where he effectively sucks the life out of the girl I want to spend my life with.
This whole fate thing really was bullshit. I was supposed to be with Bella. She was supposed to be mine, to want me. The imprint proves it. I knew I imprinted the second I saw her in the meadow with the leech with the dreads. She was everything to me and now my whole body ached for her. The universe was a real bitch. Sam got his Emily, Jared got Kim, Paul got Rachel, Quil got Claire, but me, nope, I don't get jack shit. It's about one o' clock in the morning and I'm doing nothing but staring at the waves, sitting in the one place I feel connected to her. My emotions are all over the place, I have rage for the bloodsucker, unconditional love for Bella and disappointment in life. I couldn't even bring myself to be mad at Bella, I loved her too much.
After I realized I imprinted, I made it my mission in life to fight for her; to put her back together so that she could love me. I lied to her and told her I didn't imprint on her specifically so she could fall for me, she could choose me without the pull of some supernatural crap that I didn't want to believe in. I had picked Bella way before my wolf had; she was already starring in my dreams before I had started phasing, the wolf and the imprint just backed up everything I already knew.
I replayed our kiss in my head so many times I knew the pack would have been killing me if they had been in my head this week. That was going to be the closest I ever got to Bella. That realization hurt like a bitch.
I was brought back to the present by a loud howl in the woods, something was going on. I looked down at my phone and realized I had been thinking for a whole hour. It was now 2:00 A.M. but whoever was on patrol obviously needed backup. "What the hell, I feel fine, I waited a week, time to phase" I thought to myself. I ditched my crutches and my clothes quickly and focused all of my energy on phasing. I loved the feel of the power coursing through my veins as my form changed quickly and painlessly. I tested my wolf body quickly to make sure Dr. Fang was right about the one week phasing ban. I seemed fine.
"All right Jake is back in fur" Quil thought appreciatively.
"How ya feeling dude?" Embry asked, his thoughts were focused on the conversation and me, he wasn't thinking about anything else, he was hiding something.
"Damn Jake, how do you always know?" Quil asked
I mentally chuckled, I knew their thoughts as well as my own. I always know when someone is hiding something, especially these two.
"Embry, just tell me what's going on. I feel out of the loop and ur tense thinking is creeping me out" I though to him. He didn't relax.
"Jake, don't freak out, but during patrol I ran by Sam's. Bella's truck was parked in front of their place so I went to go check it out. She was having a very interesting discussion with Emily I think you wanna hear" Embry explained, my heart sped up and I immediately starting running, stretching my legs.
"Wait Bella was on the Rez? What did she say? Was she okay? Embry tell me" I almost yelled
"Jake calm down. You shouldn't be running that hard after a week off" Quil warned and I slowed down, knowing he was right.
"Wow, can I have that in writing?" Quil joked and I growled.
"Embry! What did she say?" This time, I yelled and they both winced.
"Okay dude, here it goes" It was like Embry pressed play on a DVD only it was just sound, yeah our memories are that good. Bella's voice was the first thing I heard, like music to my ears. I felt my heart swell and the urge to run to her, wherever she was.
"Wow Jake, that was corny" Quil teased and I growled again.
"Quil, make fun of me after I know what she said" I told him, he agreed and the memory played.
"Okay Bella. So what happened? What do you mean you left Edward, or he left you or whatever. Explain" a voice that could only be Emily said and Bella sighed.
"Well, Edward woke me up yelling at me and throwing shit in his room. He said I was talking about Jake in my sleep all week, and not just saying his name, like acting out what my life with him would be like. He told me that everything I had been dreaming about was blatantly obvious by my words. Then I remembered the dreams as he told me what I had been saying. The whole thing was beautiful. I saw everything that would have happened if I hadn't picked Edward. I had these dreams every night for a week with Edward listening. It was obviously driving him insane because he was crazy when I woke up. I realized I was completely wrong. Edward had me fooled for so long but the second I considered changing my mind, he dropped his whole selfless act and tried to hold me hostage in his room. He threatened me with eternity so he obviously has ever intention of changing me against my will. Alice and Rose had to come help me get out of his room. He probably would have kept me there if the family would have been home. So now they family is going to try to find him and talk him down, but until then they think I'm in danger" she paused and sipped her drink.
"So what are you going to do now?" Emily asked her.
"I'll hang out until the Edward thing plays out and he isn't a threat and then I'll probably go to Jacksonville for a few years" she explained. I'd had enough, she still didn't want me. "Embry, I'm done. This is bullshit" I told him and the memory paused.
"Jake, trust me. You gotta hear the rest. It's not what you think. Trust me" Embry pushed and I groaned, he continued the memory.
Emily was obviously shocked, "but what about Jacob?" she asked.
"That's why I gotta go to Jacksonville. He needs to imprint. He won't do that with me here. I'll come back after he's imprinted. But I can't watch it happen, it would kill me. Off all of the pack members, Jake needs to imprint the most, he's gotta pass on the chief genes. He deserves his soul mate. I won't take that away from him. If you truly love someone then you gotta let them be happy, even if it isn't with you" she explained sadly. They were both sniffling, obviously crying.
"That's beautiful Bella. You really do love him don't you?" Emily asked.
"More than anything. I just wish it could be me. Who ever the girl is, she is the luckiest in the world. I would give anything to be her" Bella said before she yawned. The memory ended there. I was speechless, thoughtless, frozen. She loved me, she wanted me, she ended it with the leech because she wanted me.
"Uh Jake, sorry to ruin the moment, but she doesn't know you imprinted on her and has every intention of going to the opposite end of the United States to avoid having to watch you imprint. You gotta do something" Quil reasoned, bringing me back to reality where I was standing in a clearing in wolf form completely frozen in place.
"Shit your right. Where is she? I gotta talk to her. I have to tell her that I imprinted on her. Wait, why didn't Emily tell her?" I asked them. I heard Quil chuckle and Embry exhaled loudly.
Quil spoke first, "Jake, only people that share your head know about Bella being your imprint. Sam never told Emily, he didn't think it was his place. Plus he didn't want to run the risk of Em telling the other imprints. That would be a fiasco" he joked.
"I'm shocked he pulled it off. He tells her everything normally. It must be eating him up inside, he gossips like a girl sometimes" I joked, obviously more relaxed.
We laughed together for the first time in what felt like months. I felt really bad for making them suffer with me but I didn't really know how to avoid it. I really owed them a lot.
"Don't worry Jake. You have all the time in the world to make it up to us" Quil said.
"She's staying with Emily tonight. You should probably go home and let her sleep and then talk to her later" Embry told me. I knew he was right but I was chomping at the bit to tell her that we could be together, to get to kiss her without worrying if it will be the only time I'm allowed. I ran back to my clothes and my clutches inside the tree line by the beach.
"Jake seriously, she's had a rough night. Wait until after dawn. Let her get some sleep" Embry said,obviously the conversation he witnessed was making him worry about her stability. He always did have a soft spot for her.
"Okay guys. I'm gonna go get some sleep and talk to her at a normal hour. Let me know if anything else happens with this. I can't lose her again guys" I felt like I was begging, but was past the point of caring.
"Night Jake" the said together and I phased and dressed quickly. I ran back to my house quickly, carrying my stupid crutches and flew in the front door. The house was silent so I made a snack of about 4 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and went to bed.
I flopped down on my bed and my face made contact with a piece of paper that had obviously been strategically placed on my pillow. My name was written on the front of the folded piece of paper in small feminine writing, I knew that hand writing. I read quickly:
Jake,
Go find your Emily. I love you always. Thank you for giving me life and sunshine again.
Love Bells
A single tear rolled down my cheek. This was her way of telling me she wasn't becoming like him. This was her way of trying to get me to let go. She really did want me to have my soul mate, even if she thought it wasn't her. My heart swelled again. She had to know. I had to tell her. I was going to get up right then and go tell her, but first, I closed my eyes and envisioned what her face would look like when I told her, how she would react. She looked breathtaking in my dream. That's exactly what it was too, I fell asleep clutching the note and thinking about her beautiful face.