'For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?'

MATTHEW 16:26

Requiem For The Lost Of Me

I wonder through my head and see my thoughts so clearly laid out in front of me.

Me? How can I know who that is?

I used to be so sure, so certain, so strong;

I believed I knew it all, seen it all, lived all:

But I'm lost – My soul has abandoned me. Who can blame it?

I must have been pure once right?

A tiny baby so full of promise and virtue,

But the world has tainted me,

Augustine would disagree which only fills me with despair – was I always this way?

I am loved. I know that.

Do I deserve any of it?

I'm not a murderer or a thief but there is a monster inside of me

Awoken by seven feelings, seven sins.

I take, I do not give,

I love designer boutiques and shopping malls;

I love making fun at that girl with the frizzy hair in school halls.

I love attention and praise – such a proud miss,

If anyone else gets the glory I hiss.

Hiss: the monster inside me goes,

I get angry, I'm greedy and my obsession for Orlando is so not healthy.

But that's me.

Confusion engrosses me,

Which is my I'm wandering so far into my thoughts,

So sinful – is there any good?

I feel I am lost

In a forest of evil that is the world today.

So much temptation to walk through and so much hardship to face.

This requiem could get me back.

That ten year old girl who cared and played,

That innocent who was un phased by the pressures of society;

I like myself, don't get me wrong.

I like nice clothes and perfume,

I like the world – so much beauty and promise:

Could that be said for me? – Irenaeous would agree;

God made the world this way for a reason.

We need challenges,

We need to fall from Grace,

We need to sin,

We need to live in this world of evil –

It makes us stronger,

It makes us closer to perfection,

Thus, it makes us closer to God.

I am lost. And so are you.

But I'm ok with that; we need to be.

I leave my thoughts and wander through a dark passageway –

The unknown.

I'm not scared of it; we need that anonymity.

It's up to me,

Up to me to find my way in life and to find myself.

God wants to help but he can't;

How can we learn if he holds us by the hand?

But when I do find myself it will be a picture;

Surrounded by friends and loved ones who I have given so much to with a good heart.

I'm not a devout Christian, I don't go to church anymore,

But I still believe in grace,

I still believe my soul has broken; a piece is probably in my Prada bag upstairs.

But I still believe that I can fix it.

Lost: Of course I am,

And So are you.