A/N: ***Re-Imagined 12/2018*** I own nothing of The100. Plot and characters, and some dialogue is from the tv show. No infringement intended, just love and respect for show and song writers. Other parts of the dialogue are borrowed or derived from lyrics of the song "Dive", by Ed Sheeran.
The twists are all mine, though! Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 1 - Dive
(Bellamy POV)
Together. After everything we went through, that word had taken on a deeper meaning for me. Clarke and I learned about Earth and all its dangers together. We fought to protect our own against threats together, even when we disagreed. We saw each other's flaws, just as we learned to see past them to recognize each other's strengths. We lead our people together, took greats risks together, and we also suffered many losses together. We made more sacrifices than anyone else, and we saved each other time and again. We also freed our people from the Mountain together. It took destroying hundreds of lives to do so, and sacrificing a part of ourselves, but we did it together.
I kept my eyes on as many of our friends and the Arkadians as we walked back to camp, but my eyes kept searching her out. I was taking what we'd done hard and if I knew my Princess, she was taking it worse. When we finally arrived and Clarke told me she had no intention of staying, I could understand her reasoning, but I didn't know if I could do any of it without her.
"Clarke, if you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you." I spoke from my heart, the raw emotion going unchecked. "You're forgiven."
I saw my words hit a mark, no doubt she remembered having uttered those words to me when I had every intention of leaving.
"Please, come inside." I asked her, hoping she'd understand that I needed her there as much as she had told me she needed me.
"Please, take care of them for me." She replied, and my heart thundered in my chest.
"Clarke." I was at a loss for words, despite everything my head and heart were screaming at me to say.
I didn't know how to convince her, because I knew Clarke Griffen. She was the most strong-willed person of anyone else he knew. Her determination was one of endless things I admired about her, especially when she set her mind on defending our people. But now, she'd set it on abandoning us.
"Seeing their faces every day is just going to remind me of what I did to get them here." She reasoned, but I cut in.
"What we did." I was quick to add. "You don't have to do this alone."
What I really wanted to say was that I didn't want to do it alone, without her. I was sure she knew or heard what I didn't say. She always seemed to. Her eyes watered before she looked away from me. I knew that meant she was strengthening her resolve because I'd seen her do that countless times.
"I bare it so they don't have to." She told me.
And because I usually always heard what she didn't say, I knew she meant me too. Knowing I was on the losing end of this conversation, I felt gutted and desperate.
"That's bullshit, Clarke." I wanted to argue but lost what little fight I had left when her tearing eyes met mine again. It was her broken look with the saddest eyes I couldn't argue against, and I felt myself deflate in resignation.
"Where are you gonna ago?" I asked.
"I don't know." She whispered, confirming one of my fears.
She didn't have a plan for her safety, nor was she leaving me a way to finding her. If her words weren't painful enough, the kiss on my cheek sure as hell was. It felt like it burned my otherwise numb body as she hugged me tight. Instinctively, my arms wrapped around her, trying to keep her with me.
Maybe I came on too strong. Maybe I waited too long. Maybe I played my cards wrong. Baby, I apologize for it. I thought, wishing I could voice my thoughts. I could live or I could die, hanging on the words you say. I've been known to give my all, and jumping in harder than ten thousand rocks on a lake. I wondered if that's what I was doing in caring so deeply for someone that was leaving me.
"I don't mean to hurt you, Baby. I just need to be gone, but that doesn't mean I don't need you. Please be safe while I'm away." She mumbled a whispered goodbye against my neck, probably thinking I wouldn't catch it, but I did.
Don't call me Baby, unless you mean it. Don't tell me you need me, if you don't believe it. My mind responded, but I managed to avoid speaking aloud. I knew my sentiments weren't what she needed from me in that moment.
"May we meet again." She barely got the words out after she'd released me, then she walked away.
I stood still for several moments, forcing my feet to not run after her and drag her back. Then, I whispered, "May we meet again."
All the training with Lincoln, all the hours I spent into patrolling, and every other distraction I tried, never seemed to dull my need for her. I couldn't even find myself willing to fill her void with any other girls at camp. Only time and our friends helped me move on from that day in Mt. Weather, but I knew it was something I'd carry with me forever. I could only hope Clarke had found her peace with that day, because I was no longer willing to wait for her to return. After learning there was a bounty on Clarke's head, I knew I wouldn't stop until I found her first.
It was and indescribable feeling when I saw Clarke being taken across that field through my gun's scope. And I knew I'd never forget the look she gave me when I finally found her tied up in that bunker. Before I could free her, I was surprised and attacked from behind. The way she begged him to spare my life was enough to break my heart and send it soaring at the same time. Unfortunately, by the time I woke up again, I was hurt and bleeding, and Clarke was gone.
When she decided to stay in Polis, once again refusing me, it was another blow to my heart. Lexa said she could protect her, but I saw something beyond her words. I felt there was more to Clarke's words when she told me she was only staying to make sure Lexa kept her word. There was more behind her spoken words, and that stung worse than her having left and refusing to return.
You're a mystery. There's no other girl like you, no one. I thought to myself as I forced myself to not shout out in frustration. You have a tendency to lead some people on. I mentally added, thinking of Finn and even Nyla. She'd clearly done it with me, I was finally starting to understand.
She mouthed the word 'Baby' as she stepped closer to me, then spoke just above a whisper. "Please, Bellamy. I need you..." she paused before adding, "to go back without me."
I could live or I could die, hanging on the words you say. I recalled my thoughts from the day she left me behind, as I prepared to leave her behind. Then, I was saying things I hadn't planned on admitting.
"I've been known to give my all, Clarke. I lie awake every night and day. I don't know how much I can take. Don't call me baby, unless you mean it. And don't tell me you need me, if you don't believe it." I told her, finally finding the courage to say at least that much to her.
"Just let me know the truth." I asked of her, deserving at least that from her.
I couldn't be sure what she was thinking, for the first time in a long time. I stared into her watery and stunned eyes and it wasn't hard to guess my words had shocked her. Still, she remained quiet and staring into my eyes as well. I wasn't sure what she was looking for in them after I'd poured my heart out. Whatever she saw in them caused a tear to slide down her cheek.
"I'm sorry." Was all she said and I felt my heart shatter, so I turned away and left her there before she could see any of the pain she had just caused me.
As time passed and so many things happened that put Clarke and I completely at odds whenever our paths crossed. When I awoke underground to find out my sister won the conclave, Clarke and I found ourselves on opposite sides once again. So much so, that I was on the opposite side of the gun she pointed at me. I needed to save my sister and the Clarke that I knew, had to have known at least that much about me. I wouldn't let my sister die, not without trying everything in my power to prevent it.
"We don't have time for this. The radiation is getting worse and people are dying up there!" I yelled and tried to rush to the door when the sound of a bullet firing stopped me.
"Clarke, what are you doing?" I asked, stunned that she'd actually pulled the trigger in my direction.
"What I have to ... Like always." She told me adamantly, but looking more torn than I'd ever seen her. "Now, get away from the door." She said, trying to sound commanding but I could see the pain in her eyes.
"No. This isn't like the lever that shut the dropship door, or the lever in Mount Weather, or the one in the City of Light." I told her forcefully, ignoring the tear that slid down her cheek. "We knew what we were stopping then. Now, we know nothing." I tried to make her see reason.
"We know that if that door stays shut, the human race survives." She told me strongly, before her vulnerability showed. "Please." She begged me.
"Lately, I've been sitting back looking at every mess that I made. I've tried to make things right again, or as right as I can. The only things I'll never regret are doing what needed to be done to protect my sister..." I sighed before I continued. "Or any of the things I've done to protect or save you, Princess."
She tried to stifle a sob as fresh tears slid down her cheek and her hand holding the gun wavered, only slightly. "Look at me, Bellamy. You know I don't want to do this, but our people will die if you let them all in here. Please, Baby. Please get away from the door. I need you." She begged and I nearly growled.
"I've asked you before, but I'll repeat myself for the last time. Don't call me Baby, unless you mean it. And don't tell me you need me, if you don't believe it." I said while looking into her eyes, challenging her to deny how I suspected she felt.
"I mean it, Bellamy. I do need you, and I think you know that." She admitted and I nodded, even as I saw her hand begin to tremble.
She'd been a weakness for me since before I could admit it. And, it was looking like I was also a weakness for her. "If you pull the trigger again, you're gonna have to make it a kill-shot. That's the only way you're gonna stop me."
She wiped her face as she lowered the gun, never removing her eyes from mine. I had so much that I wanted to say to her, but there really wasn't time. I had to get Octavia, so I nodded my head slightly, and left her there.