A/N: Don't hate me. I have drabble time sometimes. This will probably be updated constantly for a week or two, then left alone for some time, then gone back to again. I will try to get back to Blood Play soon—don't be mad! I love you all for being so dang patient!

About the title…. just don't ask.

Um. I don't own Britney Spears. If I did, she'd spend more time recording music and less time outside.

I JUST realized that the song 3 is 3 minutes, 33 seconds. O.o

Mello hated Britney Spears. He hated her bleach blonde hair and fake breasts and drug problems. Despite this, he loved that song. It just couldn't escape without a dance from the blond. The message of the song was totally weird, and he was completely freaked out when he actually listened to it, but "3" drove the young man to some form of insanity.

He would go out to a club, and it would beat over speakers so loud that Mello couldn't ignore it even if he wanted to. Instantly, he'd grab Matt and basically rape him on the dance floor. Matt usually ended up getting a blowjob in the car or the bathroom as an apology for what he'd done to the poor ginger's groin as a result of grinding frenziedly into his crotch for three minutes and thirty three seconds.

"You're such a fag," Matt would point out when the blond played the song loudly in Matt's car. Matt hated that; his delicate car wasn't used to such abuse of the speakers. The thing was from 1969! It needed care and love.

Luckily for Matt (and his dick's well-being), Mello wouldn't hear him. He'd be too busy singing.

The only time he stopped singing it was when Matt threatened to "have a god damned THREE with Near." That stopped the blond short.

Matt was pleased to see the improvement in the health of his car's radio. Mello let him play his classic and modern rock stations, only occasionally fighting over an Oasis song (Mello hates Oasis, Matt adores them).

Then, "Your Love is My Drug" came out. Ke$ha was Mello's new obsession. Matt suddenly was very fond of taking Mello's motorcycle out rather than his car.

Reviews? They're awfully lovely. Hearts!