Hello everyone!
Let me make this clear, this is NOT slash. :) The title is decieving. This fic is the first out of a 31 day challenge between a friend and I, the rules and such are on my profile. :) I hope you all like this, as it's pretty out-there and odd. And hopefully funny. :) This is based on the F.U.N song in Spongebob, so go listen to that if you don't kn ow it already. :) I love you all, thanks for reading! And by the by, this was beta'd by my own eyes, so all mistakes are mine, and I apologise in advance if there are any.
I don't own the F.U.N song or The Dark Knight. That kind of goes without saying, but whatever.
Scarecrow pinned the Joker to the ground, a knife to his neck, touching his skin. It was the dead f night in Gotham, and Scarecrow had his enemy cornered.
"I win, you son of a bitch." Scarecrow said with a sneer. He held the blade closer to the Joker's neck, waiting for that sweet moment when the clown would be gone and Gotham was left to him. No more competition for what was rightfully his.
The Joker looked affronted. He shifted under Scarecrow's weight. "It's not about winning! It's about fun." He accompanied this thought with a laugh, as if it was completely obvious.
Scarecrow's grip loosened on his knife, but only for a moment. He blinked, the anger returning in full to his bright blue eyes. He held it even closer to the Joker's bruised body now. A small trickle of blood ran down the clown's neck. The Scarecrow's mask was left unchanged, but the face of Crane underneath looked perplexed. He kept his voice angry as he asked "What's that?"
The Joker's laughter increased, to the point where he was almost in tears. "You – you want to know about fun, Cheryl Crow?" He said through bouts of laughter.
Scarecrow's face reddened with anger at this new nickname. He was to be feared, not mocked by some sociopath in clown makeup. Nonetheless, he would wait to hear the explanation to this new word. Then the clown would die.
The Joker quelled his laughter bit by bit until it had died out completely. He thought. What is fun? "Fun is….." He began, then stopped. "It's when you………" Another pause. "It's kinda………sorta like a……." Then, thinking out loud, "What is fun?"
The Joker's facial expression changed from confused to ecstatic. He threw Scarecrow off of him, making the grotesque burlap mask fly off, landing in a dark corner. A bewildered Crane was suddenly thrown to a wall, slumped in a sitting position, trying to realize what just happened.
The Joker jumped up with utter realization spread across his face. He grabbed Crane by the shoulders and picked him up, none too gently. He then quickly pushed him away just as quickly, as if he couldn't quite make up his mind.
"Let me spell it for ya!"
The Joker grabbed Crane by the hand and broke into song.
"F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me, N is for anywhere and anytime at all!"
A random hobo that had been silently observing the action chimed in.
"Down here in Gotham ci-ty!"
At this point, the Joker, with Crane's hand in an iron grip, skipped down the alleyway while singing his song. Crane was forced to follow, trying to pull his hand away. He failed miserably, and resigned himself to being half-dragged through the streets of Gotham in the dead of night by a man in clown make-up.
Crane thought the Joker really must be a new class of schizophrenic psycho.
After the Joker skipped down a street or two, Crane forcibly being dragged, the Joker stopped and spun his 'friend' around. Crane caught himself from tripping and faced the Joker with wide eyes.
Crane had absolutely no idea what was going on. This man was truly insane.
"Come on, give it a try!" The Joker yelled with enthusiasm, gripping Crane's shoulders.
Well, what else was he going to do? He supposed he ought to give this 'fun' thing a try, the most it could do was kill him.
"F is for fire that burns down the whole town!" This was easier than he originally thought! "U is for uranium…" He paused for dramatic effect, "BOMBS! N is for no survivors, when you-"
"Jonathan! That's not what fun is all about!" The Joker was taken aback by Crane's enthusiasm towards learning a new word, but he was getting the wrong message. He suddenly laughed. The loud guffaws of laughter echoed though the cold, dark alleyways and filled them, creating a whole new kind of space. It felt warmer, possibly even more inviting. This was so contrary to the Joker's usual laughter, this seemed to be out of pure enjoyment.
Crane blinked. Was it possible……? Was he really beginning to see the fun side of things? No. He wouldn't let his enemy completely turn him around. He wanted to kill this….this…thing. But still….
Once the joyous laughter stopped, the Joker let go of Crane and skipped a little down the alleyway, holding out his arms towards the sky. His mouth was spread in a true smile across his face. "Now, do it like this." He spun around in a circle, embracing the essence of the word. "F is for friends who do stuff to-"
"Never! That's completely idiotic." Crane yelled defiantly. He crossed his arms across his chest as a young child would to their mother.
The Joker was trying not to lash out at Crane for not only back-talking him, but hurting his feelings as well. Fun wasn't idiotic, where was this boy raised?!?! He needed a lesson, and the Joker was sure to make this a lesson Crane would never forget.
"Here, let me help you." The Joker said, seriously trying to teach about fun. If that's possible, of course. He ran over to Crane, who flinched at the sudden movement, and clutched both of his hands within his own. They proceeded to dance in a circle, the Joker leading the way.
"F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me, TRY IT!" He yelled, sounding suddenly furious.
Crane didn't know what to think of this man. But he was defenseless and in no position to yell out again, so he played along with the game. "N is for anywhere and any time at all!" He said, putting on the most fake smile known to man.
A different hobo chimed in this time. "Down here in Gotham ci-ty!" He took a shot of whatever type of alcohol was in the bottle he had, and passed out.
And as he saw the hobo fall into a dreamless sleep, and as he was being led around and around in a circle, Crane saw the funny side of things for the first time in his life.
He laughed. And laughed, and laughed, and laughed.
The Joker, seeing his progress, sped up faster, whipping Crane around. He let go. Crane flung against a nearby brick wall, hitting it full force. He fell in a lump on the ground.
The Joker approached cautiously, did it really work? A noise. The almost lifeless body of Jonathan Crane was saying something, or at least trying to.
He was still laughing.
The Joker had succeeded. His lesson was taught, and taught in full. Who doesn't know about fun? Everyone needs to know about fun. And who better to learn from than the Joker himself?
Then the laughter died away, and Crane slowly sat up, holding his head. His nose was slowly bleeding, and he looked a real mess. Completely disregarding the fact he was just thrown against a wall, he said "Wait, I-I feel all tingly inside….should we stop?"
The Joker erupted in another fit of laughter. "No, that's how you're supposed to feel!" He hauled Crane up by the hair on his head and set him on his feet.
Crane smiled through his obvious pain. "Well I like it! Let's do it again!" This time Crane grabbed the Joker's hand and skipped down the empty streets.
"Okay!" The Joker said, completely surprised by this change in attitude.
The two sang in tandem as they merrily strode down the streets. "F is for frolic thorough all the flowers, U id for ukulele, N is for nose picking, cherry gum and sand licking," The two criminals faced each other with glee was they sang the last line before erupting into hysterical laughter, toppling over on the sidewalk like two drunks, "Here with my best buddy!"
They laughed and laughed, and Crane couldn't remember when he had had more fun in his life! In fact, he couldn't remember even ever having fun in his life.
And the Joker knew, as he and his enemy laughed in the pale moonlight, that everyone needs to see the funny side of things.
Thank you, everyone, for reading this story. I wanted it to be perfect, which it is still not, but it's as close as it's going to get right now. No flames, please, just constructive criticism if needed. :) Hope y'all liked it!