I watched the people pass. The mass of the crowd, sweating hot, writhing this way and that. Moving as one giant body but among itself small chattering groups of people laughing joking focusing on only themselves. Breathing separately yet at the same time, voices droning together into a gentle buzz. All going to the same place, to achieve the same goal. Ignoring everyone except themselves, and the people they'd made friends with. Not seeing me, never seeing me.
I grinned. It wasn't meant to be happy but wry and lonely. It was easier to smile then it was to cry.
They won't notice me. They never notice the one girl who knows to much, gets along better with grown-ups then those her own age. Never notice the one girl who eats alone in the library with special permission from Madam Pince. Never see the one girl who's always hiding. Hiding the pain of never having friends, never being able to relate to anyone.
I wanted to shout to them, to beg them to be my friends, to want to talk to me. I want them to see me, to see my face. I want them to ask me who I am, ask me if I want to be their friends. I want to yell at them. Look at me! See me! Don't look through me when I speak! Be my friend! I need you.
But I can't. So I'll retreat to my books, my unchanging friends, always there, people I can understand. And I'll wait and keep my hope for a friend. Keep my faith for the stream of people to come pouring into the library looking for me. I'll keep hoping.
I thought learning all the magic would help. I thought teaching myself early I could be with the people who grew up in wizarding families. I thought I would fit in. But the more they laughed at me, called me names. Know-it-all! Teachers pet! Goody-goody! The more they yelled at the other houses, at each other, I fell. Down down down landing in this pit of books and cranky librarians. Here in this person-less place. Where no one asks me my name.
The mob passed off to eat. I closed my eyes pulling back my tears closing the dam so they wouldn't flow. So no one would know my pain. So no one could guess how much I needed them. I failed. The tears three of them slipped through a crack in my dam dripped down my face. I sniffled hoping no one would see.
There was no need to hope. No one sees me, no one tries.
Wiping my tears, I deep breathed. I scurried back into my solitude, my food already waiting for me warm and smelling delicious. Sitting in the arm chair I always sat in I ate. The two chairs empty and yawning only reminded me of isolation. The silence showing me my seclusion.
"Hey." The voice quiet as was expected in the library forced me to jump. A tall pale blonde boy stared at me concern in his eyes. His face was strong and square his jaw prominent. His nose was long, his white blonde hair slicked back. His lips were the faintest of pinks his cheeks paler then ever I had seen. "Are you okay?"