"I'm Trying Not to, Kid."
A Bria Story, by Narya's Bane
Disclaimer: I own nothing even remotely connected to Star Wars except my movies and books. I also have no money and am not worth suing. If Lucas doesn't want fanfiction up, he needs to let us know anyway!
Summary: Han's thoughts when he leaves Yavin IV, connected to an earlier scene. Talks to Han Solo Trilogy by A.C. Crispin, but knowledge of that series is not needed to understand- though it will make it more emotional.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I only wish I didn't care what happened to those Rebels. Yet I do, and that's why I have to go. Luke wouldn't understand; not now, at least. Yet this whole time my mind's been wrapping around what they're doing here and it just can't make sense. If he'd come with, taken the boy's place on board, someday I could have told him; now, I have to stay silent.
I knew what Artoo was carrying. Almost immediately after I heard it was plans vital to the Rebellion, I started thinking about Bria. I'm still mad at her, and yet there's still a wish- another impossible wish to add to my new tally: I wish I could tell her I'm sorry.
Did you hear that, honey? I'm sorry.
And so when I heard about the attack, I immediately drew my mind out. Because I can't help- I refuse to get involved again. And the kid has the nerve to tell ME what kind of odds they're going up against? I already lost someone dear to those Imperials; I'm not risking myself, my ship, or Chewy to this crowd. Luke, Leia, they can be forgotten; some people cannot. And if a bunch of rebel nobodies want to sacrifice themselves for a noble cause, I am not going to watch them do it and add them to my tally. As I said, this isn't my idea of bravery- this is suicide. Like Bria committed, I suppose. At least that's what my heart tells my head.
My mind had drifted to Bria at that point, actually, and refused to go away. When I first found out, that is. As soon as Leia told me what that 'droid carried, and my heart sunk fast. I hardly even noticed until Luke entered and questioned. . .
He meant the Princess. But that's not what I was thinking about- when I said "I'm trying not to, kid," I was referring to Bria.
Well, I'm out of here. I'm going to the Outer Rim, and I'm going to drown myself in sorrow and forget about Bria, the Rebellion, and. . .
"Chewy, what are you doing?"
The wookie. It's always the wookie, isn't it? Talking sense into your head, explaining what you can't. I knew I felt responsible, that I had guilt leaving. I suppose I understood that in my heart, but it took the walking carpet-yeah, I heard. I kinda like it- - to put it in perspective.
"I know, I know. I made a mistake."
I suppose it takes a sigh. I won't be honest, but I will prove reluctantly loyal. Just not to the one most suspect.
This has nothing to do with Luke. Or the Princess. And neither of them need ever know.
"Turn around. I'm not letting her death mean nothing. Damn it; she's STILL a bitch!"
The roar was full of humor and glee. Yeah, well. . . serves me right. But I'm turning around, and I'm going to help out those Rebels however possible. It'll give her something to gloat about, I suppose- hope you're happy honey. You finally got me to work for your Rebellion.
A Bria Story, by Narya's Bane
Disclaimer: I own nothing even remotely connected to Star Wars except my movies and books. I also have no money and am not worth suing. If Lucas doesn't want fanfiction up, he needs to let us know anyway!
Summary: Han's thoughts when he leaves Yavin IV, connected to an earlier scene. Talks to Han Solo Trilogy by A.C. Crispin, but knowledge of that series is not needed to understand- though it will make it more emotional.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I only wish I didn't care what happened to those Rebels. Yet I do, and that's why I have to go. Luke wouldn't understand; not now, at least. Yet this whole time my mind's been wrapping around what they're doing here and it just can't make sense. If he'd come with, taken the boy's place on board, someday I could have told him; now, I have to stay silent.
I knew what Artoo was carrying. Almost immediately after I heard it was plans vital to the Rebellion, I started thinking about Bria. I'm still mad at her, and yet there's still a wish- another impossible wish to add to my new tally: I wish I could tell her I'm sorry.
Did you hear that, honey? I'm sorry.
And so when I heard about the attack, I immediately drew my mind out. Because I can't help- I refuse to get involved again. And the kid has the nerve to tell ME what kind of odds they're going up against? I already lost someone dear to those Imperials; I'm not risking myself, my ship, or Chewy to this crowd. Luke, Leia, they can be forgotten; some people cannot. And if a bunch of rebel nobodies want to sacrifice themselves for a noble cause, I am not going to watch them do it and add them to my tally. As I said, this isn't my idea of bravery- this is suicide. Like Bria committed, I suppose. At least that's what my heart tells my head.
My mind had drifted to Bria at that point, actually, and refused to go away. When I first found out, that is. As soon as Leia told me what that 'droid carried, and my heart sunk fast. I hardly even noticed until Luke entered and questioned. . .
He meant the Princess. But that's not what I was thinking about- when I said "I'm trying not to, kid," I was referring to Bria.
Well, I'm out of here. I'm going to the Outer Rim, and I'm going to drown myself in sorrow and forget about Bria, the Rebellion, and. . .
"Chewy, what are you doing?"
The wookie. It's always the wookie, isn't it? Talking sense into your head, explaining what you can't. I knew I felt responsible, that I had guilt leaving. I suppose I understood that in my heart, but it took the walking carpet-yeah, I heard. I kinda like it- - to put it in perspective.
"I know, I know. I made a mistake."
I suppose it takes a sigh. I won't be honest, but I will prove reluctantly loyal. Just not to the one most suspect.
This has nothing to do with Luke. Or the Princess. And neither of them need ever know.
"Turn around. I'm not letting her death mean nothing. Damn it; she's STILL a bitch!"
The roar was full of humor and glee. Yeah, well. . . serves me right. But I'm turning around, and I'm going to help out those Rebels however possible. It'll give her something to gloat about, I suppose- hope you're happy honey. You finally got me to work for your Rebellion.