Title: My girl
Pairing: Pepa/Silvia
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: nothing is mine, unfortunately.
Summary: What if the kiss at Sara's Communion wasn't their first one?
Note: English is not my fist language.
She remembers her first kiss. Although at the time she didn't give it much thought.
She was sixteen and she was a normal teenager, actually her first fifteen years of life were the most normal period she'd ever had. Sure, she was a nerd; she liked studying, and she had that horrible red frizzy hair that stood out on her white complexion, but she was an average girl, after all.
The only special thing about her, the only special person, was her best friend.
She didn't have many friends, or better, she didn't have friends at all. Not the kind you call when you are bored, searching for company, or the one who invites you to a sleepover or a shopping trip. She got invitation to parties and had people to talk to or call when she missed school, but mostly because she was always gentle with everybody, and they tried to return her courtesy.
But she had a best friend, someone that deserved the title, not just because she was the only one she had.
She made her laugh when she was sad, making silly faces or saying stupid things just to cheer her up.
She didn't care about her little fads; she never made fun of her if not affectionately; she always encouraged her.
She made her feel important. When she went with her to school she would greet her friends, but never stray from her. When she waited for her after school, leaning on the wall surrounded by her 'popular gang', she would always smile when seeing her approach. She would wave to the others and, without a second glance, use her long legs to meet her in the middle of the courtyard, offering to carry her pack.
Nobody made fun of her when she was with Pepa; actually, nobody made fun of her at all after the ones who did it got punched by her best friend. Pepa never told her that, she discovered it when she asked them, surprised when they apologized. Their only answer was, "Pepa has a mean hook."
Every time Pepa spent time with her she couldn't help feeling special, thinking that she preferred her to the 'cool guys'.
People didn't understand how their friendship could work, they were so different…for a long time everybody, even their families, waited for the other shoe to drop, for Pepa to get tired of her 'geeky' friend or for Silvia to find some 'more proper' company. It never happened.
So, except her friendship with her sister-in law, Silvia was your average common teenager.
And like every girl her age, she was a keen fan of the pop singer of the moment.
When Pepa waved two tickets under her nose, she didn't need to see the names on the tickets to know what they were. She jumped on her bed and flung herself into her best friend's arms. When her kiss, instead of landing on Pepa's cheek, landed on her lips, she didn't think much about it and crushed her in a bear hug, repeating her thanks for the present.
After all, who needs friends, when you have Pepa Miranda!
ooooo
Her second kiss, although it would be more accurate to say kisses, happened a few months later.
They were in Silvia's room, and it was a 'truth's night'.
It was one of those nights in which there isn't anything on TV, you don't have homework, you don't want to play…in short, you have nothing to do but listen to old Motown records on the radio. So you talk, and, since you are with your best friend, you spill secrets that nobody can ever know.
When Silvia confessed to Pepa that she had never kissed anyone, Pepa didn't know what to say: she knew it was wrong, but she was happy that her friend confirmed her hopes and she was happy that she was inexperienced. Now her brain didn't need to be occupied with thinking of a plausible excuse to beat the crap out of the first boy who had kissed her. Instead, she heard a Temptations song coming softly from the radio, the lyrics making her smile. "I guess, you'd say, what could make me feel this way?"
When she admitted her fear at not being good at it, Pepa brought her attention back to Silvia and smiled gently, telling her that she would be good at kissing like she was in everything else. Seeing that the red head wasn't convinced, she tried to speak her language, saying that she can learn it because learning and studying was so natural to Silvia.
This got Silvia to thinking: Pepa taught her to apply make up. Pepa taught her to go on roller-blades. She taught her to climb trees and walls. She taught her to treat cuts, acting like a human guinea pig. She was the best teacher she had ever had; she didn't get mad when she made mistakes….
"Teach me."
"Uhm?" Pepa's confused expression seemed so cute to Silvia. Probably not many people would have associated the word "cute" with Pepa: reckless, beautiful, swearing, arrogant, witty, sarcastic, hot… but surely not cute.
"I want you to teach me."
Pepa looked perplexed "Are you sure?"
Silvia nodded, pleading with her eyes and her words "Please!"
Pepa could never say no to Silvia.
oooooo
Pepa pressed her lips to her friend's. For a second Silvia thought about the shock she felt when their lips touched: it could have been electrostatic current due to the fleece they were wearing…but soon she lost herself in the softness of Pepa's lips.
Silvia felt a hand on the back of her head, pressing her forward, then she felt something wet on her lips.
She gasped, opening her lips a little and the same thing that she now recognized as Pepa's tongue, crept in her mouth. Instinctively she closed her lips, trapping Pepa's tongue between her them. Pepa drew back slowly.
"Pelirrojia…you should let my tongue in…."
"Sorry" mumbled blushing, not looking in Pepa's eyes.
"Hey, look at me…it's not wrong…I mean, it's pretty pleasant, but first we learn to kiss simply, then we do the other tricks…."
Silvia nodded, trying not to think about how Pepa could know other tricks and how many people she had kissed.
They adjusted their position, moving one opposite the other, since before they were leaning side by side against the headboard.
This time Pepa's tongue obtained immediate access to Silvia's mouth and began exploring it, stroking every crevice and searching Silvia's tongue, whose owner was trying to keep still. At the contact, Silvia gasped, jumping back.
"Sorry," she said to a worried Pepa, "I wasn't expecting it, it surprised me."
"Do you want to go on?"
Silvia nodded, smiling a little, embarrassed, then she leaned towards Pepa.
"Play with it."
"Uhm?" Silvia didn't know where to look: the lips that were so close to hers, their noses that were touching, or her eyes so profound and expressive.
"Play with my tongue…touch it, stroke it…"
And like they say, third time was a charm.
.
"It hurts."
"What?" asked worried Pepa, sitting up on the bed, so she didn't crush Silvia.
"My tongue."
Pepa laugh loudly. "Pelirrojia, that's impossible!"
"No, it's not! It's a muscle so it's bound to be sore after having used it so much…"
Her explanation and Pepa's giggles are interrupted by the door's opening. Silvia shoved Pepa off of the bed, so that from the door she wasn't visible.
"Dad!"
"Hija…what are you doing?"
"Nothing."
DL looked around the room: nothing strange.
"Uhm….anyway….have you seen Maria Jose?"
Silvia imagined Pepa, hidden under the bed, rolling her eyes and smirked a little. "No…why?"
"Her parents can't find her…and she isn't at Paco's….who know where she is…she is a born trouble-maker….I swear she likes driving us mad…I'm so lucky to have you. Well, good night then."
"Good night, Dad."
Pepa rolled out, got up and brushed off the dust from her clothes. She walked over and opened the window.
"Pepa…I'm sorry," said Silvia, knowing that her father's words hurt her friend.
She, turned around, smiling sadly "It's not your fault, pelliroja, not your fault…" and she climbed out.
Pepa wondered why everyone always pushed her away. Her parents sent her to Paco's so they can fight without worrying about her, not that they noticed if she is at home or not. Paco sent her to Silvia's, because he has a daughter and he can't always look after her little sister too. And now Silvia literally shoved her off to hide her from her father.
She often wondered why everyone at school seems so envious of her: why would someone want to be her?
ooooo
"Practice makes perfect," stated Silvia while they were on the way to her home.
"What?"
"You know, they say that practice make perfect…and I want to be perfect!"
"Princesa, you are perfect to me," interrupted her, without thinking.
"Pepa," Silvia warned with a friendly glare. "You could help me. When it happens, a kiss I mean, I want it to be perfect, I want to be good at it…think about it!" she shouted climbing the stairs.
'I'm supposed to help her to prepare herself for her…it's not her first kiss…her first kiss with a boy….' Pepa felt herself dying on the inside at the mere idea of Silvia kissing another person. She knew she shouldn't accept, because it wasn't right and it was dangerous. 'If someone finds out they won't let me near Silvia ever again. I wouldn't be able to see her or speak to her, not spend my time with her…if DL doesn't kill me first! I'd have to leave….I had always dreamed of travelling around the world with Silvia…but I know it's impossible…I could go to Sevilla…or Barcelona…'
Pepa was torn: this probably would have been her only opportunity to kiss her love again…because she was pretty sure she was in love with Silvia.
She tried to kiss other people, boys and girls. She thought that maybe it was so great with Silvia because she was a lesbian so she even slept with some of them, but nothing came even close to the indescribable sensations she felt with a single kiss from Silvia.
In the end she knew that she would get her heart broken in any case; the question was: did she prefer watching her falling in love and having relationships, knowing that other people were enjoying what she taught her or take advantage of her trust, enjoying her kisses as long as possible and then disappear, trying to forget her pain and move on?
ooooo
"Practice makes perfect," Silvia said once. They weren't certain on the perfect part, but they surely practiced a lot.
They were kissing, and a hand wandered under the shirt, then immediately withdrew.
The next time a hand stroked the back, up and down, up and down.
A few nights later they cast aside their shirts, after all they were both girls, there was nothing to hide or that they hadn't already seen.
The next article of clothing to go was the pants: nothing to be ashamed, it was like being in a bikini at the beach.
Silvia's thigh slipped between Pepa legs, pressing on her crotch and eliciting a gasp and involuntary thrust of hips that surprised them both.
After Pepa mirrored the action, it was only a matter of time before they consumed their relationship.
For her seventeenth birthday, Silvia obtained a lock on her bedroom door; officially the reason was to avoid embarrassing moments with her father. In actuality, without the fear of being discovered, Pepa was able to spend the night there, while her parents thought she was at Paco's and Paco thought she was at home.
During those nights Pepa picked up the scientific attitude of her 'friend': they explored each other with method, caressing and kissing, nibbling and licking every single spot of their bodies, returning and insisting on the most sensitive ones.
They never talked about their arrangement, both being afraid of the outcome of an eventual discussion.
Pepa was dreading the moment when Silvia would announce that she had found a boyfriend and that their meetings had to stop. Many times she almost confessed her love, but she couldn't take a rejection or a 'we are just friends' talk or pity. If Silvia only wanted her for practice, then she would settle for it, taking things as they came.
Silvia was confused and scared. She didn't understand her feelings for Pepa, but she was pretty sure they surpassed what she should feel for a friend, even a fantastic best friend. She thought about talking with her since they had always talked about everything, without secrets, but she was afraid to drive her away.
She heard people talking about Pepa, about how 'she didn't do relationship'; she didn't really think that Pepa would leave her, or stop talking with her, but she didn't want to take the risk. If Pepa only want her as a fuck-buddy, like they called it on TV, she would settle for that, taking things as they came.
oooooo
At the communion party, Silvia was near the drink table when Pepa arrived, not exactly properly dressed.
She saw how every single man present, except their fathers and Paco, looked at her practically drooling.
She restrained herself from making a jealous scene and stomped angrily towards an isolated table. She almost didn't notice when Pepa sat next to her.
Silvia looked at her fidgeting hands and smiled at her. "What is it, Pe?"
Pepa didn't answer, but took out her pack of cigarettes and opened it. Silvia was ready to start her usual lecture about smoke's dangers when a little packet slipped out of the pack.
"It's for you." Pepa handed it to her. "A present," she added needlessly.
"For me?" Silvia immediately felt dumb at asking for confirmation, but Pepa only nodded, grinning a little.
She opened the packet and took out a necklace with a little flame as a pendant.
"Do you like it?" asked worried Pepa.
"It's beautiful!" answered a breathless Silvia, turning her back to Pepa and held up her hair.
Pepa fastened the necklace. "When I saw it, I immediately thought of you…" Her explanation was interrupted as Silvia dragged her under the table and began to kiss her senseless.
The next thing they knew, there were two arms yanking them from under the table, tearing them away from their bubble of happiness.
Everybody was around Silvia, making sure she was okay; in her head she screamed that Pepa would never harm her and that it was her fault, that she started it, but she hadn't the courage to say it aloud.
Later she would say that she was high; in any case they wouldn't believed her.
Pepa's head was spinning while she was leaving the reception to go home and wait for her parents, like her father yelled to her. She heard people murmuring, saying that it was no wonder that her parents had problems with a daughter like her, and that she was a disgrace to her family, but at the moment she didn't care.
'I knew it would end like this.'
On the way to home she searched her pockets, needing a cigarette, then she remembered that she had emptied her pack so that it could hold Silvia's gift. 'Dammit!'
ooooo
Pepa didn't have a stereo anymore: one day she had turned up the volume, trying to cover her parents' screams, but apparently it was too loud, because they marched in her room and took it away, saying that she had to stop being a brat who only thought about herself.
So she was in her room, lying on her bed, listening her parents accusing each other. She heard her mother yelling that he was such a bad example of man that he had scared his daughter away from the male species and her father screaming that she hadn't been a good mother since she hadn't even managed to raise her daughter like a woman.
When the voices quieted, she heard the door opening and Paco blabbering something before being shut up by DL, not that she expected something different from her brother: he had always been accommodating, especially with his father-in-law/boss.
DL began to talk, saying how Pepa was a bad influence on his daughter, that they shouldn't allow their daughter to stay at Paco's anymore and that surely he wouldn't let her near Silvia ever again.
'That's it! I know what I have to do.'
She waited until her parents went to bed, in their separate rooms, thinking that since they hadn't checked on her she could have spent that time with Silvia, then got up. She began to pack her bags, for once folding her clothes carefully since she didn't know when she would have the opportunity to iron them again. She decided to leave all her books and her collection of music: they were too heavy, encumbering and not to mention, useless. She looked at her schoolbooks, thanking God that the year ended. She had hoped to spend all her summer days with Silvia. 'At least I have a diploma… I'll never study again, but it could be useful.'
When her parents went to work, Pepa cooked a big breakfast for herself then searched in the kitchen and packed a rucksack with biscuits, bottles of water, bread and some fruit.
She went in the guest room, now her father's bedroom, and took his pocketknife, then she took all the money she found: after all, if she stayed they would have continued to maintain her, so she was only taking what was hers.
She checked everything one last time, left her keys on the kitchen table, and left the house.
'Now only one thing is left, only one stop and I'm gone.'
oooooo
The whole Castro-Miranda family was gathered for lunch at Paco's. All the adults had taken a day of leave for nursing Silvia back to health, not that it was needed. They observed Silvia, scanning her for strange behaviours or symptoms, thus managing to annoy the hell out of the girl.
A knock sounded at the door. Lola beat everyone to answer it, hoping to prevent a bloodbath or a bigger mess if it was Pepa waiting on the other side.
"Excuse me, is there a Silvia Castro here?" an errand boy asked, "because they told me that if I didn't find her at home to come here…"
"Yes, she is inside…"
"Good…this is for her," he handed Lola a bunch of flowers.
She closed the door and went towards the table. "Hermana, you didn't tell me you had an admirer…"
Silvia choked on her food.
"Oh oh, hija, be careful, calm down" her father patted her back.
"Forget-me-nots."
"What?" Silvia was more confused than before.
"These flowers are forget-me-nots." Lola gave them to her sister. "Who sent them?"
Silvia stood up. "I don't know…can I use the bathroom?"
"Sure…are you okay?"
"Yes, yes," she answered, pocketing the card without being seen by the others, "and I don't really know who sent them…there isn't a note…if you want to look…."
Silvia sat on the stool and looked at the card "To my princesa." She smiled, recognizing Pepa's writing with the first two letters, besides, she was the only one who called her princesa. She opened it.
"Pelirroja, I'm really sorry that it ended like that. I hope they aren't too hard to you, don't worry about them blaming it all on me, it doesn't matter anymore.
I want to thank you for everything, what you gave to me means more than you'll ever know.
The moments spent with you were the happiest ones of my life and I'll forever cherish them.
Please, don't let anyone extinguish your flame and your passions; I'll carry you forever in my heart.
Be happy and pursue your dreams, because I know you'll make it, I have faith in you and I always will.
I won't ever forget you, princesa!
Pepa"
"I won't forget you either Pepa, never, I swear," murmured Silvia.
Lola knocked on the door and, not hearing an answer, entered.
"What happened?" she rushed to the sobbing figure.
Silvia raised her head, tears cascading on her cheeks.
"She's gone."
Thank you for reading, if you want a happier ending, the next chapter is the alternative ending.