To Lose It All

Summary: "What? What do you mean by that?" James grabbed Lily's shoulders, forcing her too look at him. "I have done everything for you! You mean soo much to me, but I wont stand here and watch you push me away damn it! Lily I love you." Lily shook her head, trying to hide the tears. "I'm sorry, but we're through."

Quote: It would hurt...to lose all you had.

Chapter One: Life Goes On

The look on his face was one of heart break. The words he wished and hoped he would never have to hear came from her mouth. He stared at her eyes, searching them looking to see if they will be willing to tell him that she is lying, but they didn't. Her usual green eyes that would fire up were cold; the look on her face was blank.

"What? What do you mean by that?" James grabbed Lily's shoulders, forcing her too look up at him. "I have done everything for you! I have changed and given up so much just to be with you! You mean soo much to me, but I wont stand here and watch you push me away damn it! Lily I love you." Lily shook her head, trying to hide the tears, she stared down at the floor, determined not to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry, but we're through." She pushed him away from her and ran out of the apartment.

James watched her go, unable to comprehend what just happened. He stared at the door that was wide open. How did this happen? We were so happy, what changed? He sank to the floor; tears were streaming down his face. He placed his head in his hands and cried. I lost her, and I don't know why.

Six months had passed since the day Lily left without an explanation, and James had been living rough. He had been un-able to go to work for a few days because he felt so weak. He didn't make to any of the Order meetings, because he didn't want to see her. Sirius and Remus had dropped by from time to time to check up on him, but James didn't notice. He didn't notice anyone around him, he went to work, he went home, he barely ate and his appearance was shocking.

His jet black hair was messier than usual, he had dark circles underneath his eyes, his complexion was ghostly pale and his eyes, the eyes that always had a glint of mischief in them and lit up every time he talked, looked dead. They carried a sadness to them that scared anyone who looked at them. He was thin because he barely ate, Sirius had to force feed him for two months before he started to eat on his own.

James felt pathetic, he had been through a series of emotions since the 'break-up'. He felt lost at first, then angry, then depressed, then finally lonely. The feeling of loneliness had hit him hard. At the beginning he had been confident that she would come back, saying she didn't know why she had wanted to break up. But when his denial lifted he couldn't believe that she wasn't home, venting about some ridiculous accusation her boss made about her, or sitting on the couch, wearing anything that was laying around, reading a book. He couldn't believe that she wasn't going to give him a welcome home kiss, sit and listed to his day at work.

The apartment was covered in memories of her; the apartment that they had bought together, after her parents had died. That was when he had promised that he would always be there for her, that the day he left her, would be the day he died. He was planning on proposing soon after they bought the apartment. He had already ordered a ring, told the jewelers to keep it there until he came to get it, he didn't want Lily to see it, not until he had asked her, but if he got it now, it would only serve as a reminder of what could have been.

"James? Mate, you there?" Sirius's voice drifted through the apartment.

"Yeah, in here." James's voice came from the study. James had spend most of the time in there, that was the one place were the thought of Lily didn't haunt him because she never spend much time in there. It was James's sanctuary in the house of hell he lived in. He was starring out the window when Sirius walked in.

"Good news, someone wants to buy the apartment."

James turned to look at his friend. There was a small smile on his face.

"That's great, when will they come to look at the apartment?"

"I thought that I should let you decide." Sirius replied shrugging.

"Honestly, the sooner the better I think. I want to get out of here." James was feeling slightly good about the news. He could finally out all that has happened behind him. Sirius had offered James a place at his apartment, just until he found his footing again.

James was a wreck when Sirius first heard about what happened. James kept on blaming himself, and it killed Sirius to see him like that. Sirius constantly heard James saying things like 'I drove her away', or, 'I wasn't there for her.'

Sirius felt betrayed by Lily, when she left James the way she did. Without as much as a reason why, she walked away. They had become close friends while Lily and James were dating, and he still could not understand why she did what she did. He went and saw her a month after she left James, she was staying at her friends place, he went to her and asked her to at least give a reason. But she refused, and when Sirius started to demand that she explained her actions, she yelled at him and slammed the door in his face.

He never hated a person more after that encounter.

He hadn't seen her at Order meeting. He came to the conclusion that she was avoiding him, not James but him. Probably scared that he was going to corner her.

"Glad to here it mate! I couldn't agree more."

James walked out of the room and went to the kitchen. He was feeling good, for the first time in months. He felt like his old self again. He was over and done crying over Lily Evans. He will find someone else, someone who won't break him, someone who will love and actually care for him. What's done is done, in the past and nothing more than a memory. Life goes on, and he was going to enjoy every minute of it.

There is the first chapter! If you guys could please tell me if I should continue that would be great!

Leave your reviews, and I am not sure how I will continue.

I got the idea and couldn't shake it, I have my plot figured out and everything,

I just find it hard to take a scene in my head, and put it down on a piece of paper.

Also sorry for those of you who love long chapters…I tried my hardest.

So please leave a review, some criticism isn't un-welcomed!