That moment when you realize that no matter what he isn't going to see you standing there by his side. That his face will never light up for you. That there will never be a happy ending for the two of you, and its not through any fault of your own. He just doesn't see you in that way, and you know what? He never will.
It hurts. It burns. You think that surely it must not be some. Something will change. You have hope and every time he smiles at someone else or his eyes follow that silhouette you feel your happiness drain away a little more. People tell you to move on. You hear them loud and clear. Sometimes you want to. Sometimes it seems like the best possible thing that could ever happen. Then you see his smile. Then you feel your heart clench. You know this isn't something you can just give up. You love him. With all of your damn heart.
Does he know? You hope not. You hope he does. You've told him, but it seems like a fact he has forgotten. Nothing hurts more than indifference and this type burns. There comes a time when best friends hits its peak. Where there is a domain only for the lover and you are not that person to him. You won't ever be that person to him. He is hung up on someone else, and when that person is gone it will be another someone, but that someone is not you. It wasn't meant to be.
He leans in and jokes. He laughs. He blows fake best friend kisses and watches, oblivious, as you hit that barrier. The one you can never cross. The one wall he keeps up that keeps you out. Will he lower it someday? Who knows, but you know one thing... It won't be for you. Somehow you are willing though. To sit idly by and watch his life unfold, cause it is enough sometimes just to be by that person's side.
You hope. You wish. You dream. And when it's not, you suck it up and act like it is. Because that is your world. You hope you can find someone else who will say those three little words you chant silently back to you aloud. One day that is what you want, mutual love, but for right now you can't even see other options. Your heart won't allow it.
Love isn't easy and unrequited love is far, far too common in this world for you to whine and moan about your misfortunes. There are worse things. Not being by his side. Being hated by him. Being left behind. So you stay. You watch. You choke back your tears as he has another happily ever after that doesn't involve you. And you think to yourself those words that break you, but you can never say aloud.
It was never me.
It will never be me.