Summary-
"You hate me. I know it. I lied to you. I used you to redeem my wrongs, then left you without a fight. I abandoned you, and you will never forgive me for it."
Genre- Angst
Disclaimer- I own nothing within Deltora, the Shadowlands, Pirra or the Silver Sea. I wish I did, but I don't.
A/N- Hi everyone! I'm a long time fanfic writer, first time poster. And this is complete and utter drabble, set between the first and second series. I hope you like it! Read and review, no flames please.
HIS FATHER'S SON
by Ama E. Cinoskham
You hate me. I know it.
I lied to you. I used you to redeem my wrongs, then left you without a fight. I abandoned you, and you will never forgive me for it. You will never let yourself forget who I was, and why you no longer wish to have anything to do with me. My very memory makes you feel sick. You see my work everywhere. In the gaunt, hopeless faces of the people. In the ruined houses of the city. In the scarred face of Doom and the lonely heart of Jasmine. You see it in your own face when you stare into your mirror every night- in your stubbornly firm chin, pale, smooth skin and now rare smile my hated image lives on. You stare at yourself, watching yourself stare back, but you still cannot work out who you really are.
Once you thought you knew. You knew nothing. Your whole life had been based on a lie, told to you by those you trusted the most.
For I was not who you thought I was. I was someone else entirely. A man you grew up hating, though at the time you did not realise it was me. Did you ever know how much my heart ached when I saw you, so small and listing my every wrong? How much it hurt to see you did not understand, that no one understood, why I had done what I had?
Your mother tries to explain it to you. She begs for your forgiveness. You refuse it. You take such bitter contentment when you see her cry. You want her to feel the pain you are feeling. You want her to suffer for what she did to you.
Did you know you were the only one who could ever make her cry? You- her beloved. The reason she kept on living. She was lost when you were gone, and now you are back she is even more so. For you are not yourself. Her true son has not returned to her. She cannot bear to see you so miserable.
Your mother just wants to help you. They all do. Can you not see how guilty Barda feels, now he has realised he can no longer protect you? How Doom would do anything for you, as he has already proved? Or how Jasmine wants nothing more than just to hear your laugh again?
They are trying to reach out to you, but you push them away. You continue to unravel slowly from within. Even they cannot stop it, because none of them can truly understand why you feel the way you do.
But I do.
I know why you sob into your pillow at night. I know why you sit by the window for hours, watching the city below. I know why you rub the hilt of your sword and wonder what would happen. I know why you hate me.
How could you not hate me, after what I have done to Deltora?
To you?