The sun had barely risen and the halls of the fourth squads' relief station were empty. Only the sound of my footsteps was heard as I made my way towards the lieutenant´s bedroom. I knew it was awfully rude of me to come at this hour but if it hadn't been Hitsugaya or my lieutenant that had been injured I´d probably waited till the sun gotten up. I suddenly stood in front of the door that led into the lieutenants' room and just as I was about to knock a gentle voice suddenly appeared behind me.
"Is there anything I can help you with captain Ryuzaki?" I shrieked in surprise and spun around. It was Unohana, captain of squad four. She smiled softly but her face looked haggard because of the tiredness. Guess there's no surprise the captain of the medical squad looks haggard, not in the speed injured pops in nowadays I thought as I took a deep breath to regain my senses. I smiled and bowed slightly in gratitude for her to stop and take her time to help me even though what she probably really wanted was to go to bed.
"Good morning captain Unohana" I chuckled still ashamed that I´ve gotten so startled as rubbed my neck " Sorry to come in at this hour, but I just recently got word that the squad ten captain have been injured and that he is resting up here. Is there any way I can see him now?" I asked quietly in an excusing tone. She waved it off with a gesture and said
"No need to worry captain Ryuzaki. Captain Hitsugaya is probably asleep but I can show you to his room" as we began to make or way to his room the feeling of relief and fear that I've kept bottled up inside suddenly burst up in my stomach. Relieved that Toshiro was okay enough to have someone to visit him but scared at the same time that I might see the man who for me always been a shield and protector lying all frail and beaten up on the hospital bed. Lost in my own thoughts I didn't even notice that Unohana suddenly stopped.
"This is it captain Ryuzaki" She gestured with her hand towards the door and stepped aside for me. I took a deep breath as I stepped towards the door and placed my hand at the doorknob. "Take your time. See you later at the captains meeting." She said as she waved and walked away just as quiet as earlier when she had startled me. I looked at the doorknob, still indecisive whether I dared to go in or not. I took a deep breath, pressed my eyes tightly together and held my breath when I as quietly as I could open the door. The view stunned me; it was like I couldn't even feel my legs anymore and my ability to breath accurately had quickly deteriorated.
"Oh no" I exhaled. His chest moved heavily up and down and even if he was asleep his eyebrows where frowned in agony. His skin was paler than usual and his hair hung disheveled down his face. Almost his entire upper body was bandaged and tubes where put into his arms. A tear fell down my chin as my worst hopes had come true. On unsecured legs I walked towards the bed and I fell heavily down onto the chair. My arms felt so heavy that I let them hung down my sides, I didn't make a sound, guess I was so shocked that I didn't even remembered how to cry, or maybe it was just the fact that I was scared to wake him up that only made me allow my tears to run down my face. I slowly turned my head to face him; I stared at him with my face empty, watching every movement in his sleeping face. He looked so frail that I didn't even dare to touch him, afraid that I accidentally might break him. I put all my willpower into sitting still, refusing to let my body do what it wanted the most, to throw myself at him, hugging him tightly and scream from the top of my lungs in anger and panic, begging him to wake up and to get better. I forced myself to turn and face the wall again, desperately thinking that when I looked back again- it wouldn't be him lying there. It would be someone else, just a big misunderstanding… though then again when I think about it… why would lieutenant Matsumoto get it wrong when he is her captain? as I no longer could come up with a decent excuse all possibly emotions suddenly washed over me. I buried my tear soaked face in my hands and as I finally lost control and my body trembled of sobbing.
I gritted my teeth's in frustration as I realized that right now, I was as frail as he was and I wasn't even the one laying frail on the hospital bed.