Prologue
The silver moon shone bright above the village of Konoha, illuminating the parts of the village it could reach without the buildings and huge rocks getting in the way. It was already past midnight, a time when most normal people were already home, resting peacefully with their loved ones.
That wasn't the case for one person.
A lone figure stumbled in a dark alley, its small form hidden beneath a cloak which was obviously intended for a larger person, its sleeves hid her whole arm but did nothing to conceal the bottle of liquor which was being held tightly by a small hand, its slender fingers wrapped securely around the bottle's neck.
The dark figure stumbled again, nearly falling flat but somehow managing to hold on to the post nearby. Long pink tresses started cascading on the person's back from the sloppy clips it was held up in as she tried to balance herself. Abandoning the bottle she had held dearly just a moment ago she continued onwards.
Without the bottle to occupy her other hand she had managed to walk straight for a few steps before tumbling down. The right side of her delicate face fell first, making a soft thud echo across the alley.
A soft groan escaped from the person as she tried to get up again, her form going wobbly for a second. Realizing that it was futile since she could barely move her arms, she gave up.
She didn't know how long she had stayed there, face on the dusty concrete, but the taste of copper mixing with the dust she that had entered her mouth when she fell was starting to choke her. Trying to put as much strength in her arms she managed to raise her upper body and sat down heavily against the post she had held on to earlier, coughing all the way. Managing to spit out most of the blood from her mouth she managed to sigh with relief.
"Dammit" Sakura muttered softly.
Her glazed eyes gazed down beside her, at the bottle she had dropped earlier in hopes of balancing herself, its brownish liquid leaking down the street as the smell attacked her nostrils. It would have looked absolutely appalling had she been thinking clearly but her intoxication got the best of her and she picked it up.
Wiping the bottle with her cloak she had managed to get most of the dirt off, she drank the contents greedily, some liquid dribbling from the side of her mouth as the hot liquid burned her throat, making it scratchier than it was before.
She didn't know why she drank like this, when the hospital staff had asked her to join them, she had acted on a momentary urge and said 'yes'. And now she was suffering the damage of her impulsiveness. It was not something she did on a regular basis.
Looking up the sky she saw the huge silver orb which was the only thing illuminating the street she was in considering that the street lamp beside her was broken.
It was ironic really, that she, the student of the slug princess who was very well-known for her ability to hold down her liquor, sucked in drinking. It had been something that her teacher was disappointed in her. No matter how many times the woman had asked her to go drinking with her, she had always refused.
After Naruto's 15th birthday she had vowed never to drink again. It had been traumatizing, for her and her teammates. Granted, she had only realized what she had done in the morning, when she was sober.
Waking up naked in a bed with muscular arms wrapped around her was enough to leave her shocked to the next century. What was more surprising was that the arms had belonged to one socially-retarded artist.
It even rendered Naruto and Kakashi speechless.
Naruto was very guilty after that, he was the one who insisted that she drink before leaving, a lot. It was just coincidence that Sai was the one who left the same time as her. The thought of the possibility that it could have been Kakashi or Naruto had scared her--disgusted her even, that was why she had never laid a hand on a liquor bottle after that, until tonight that is.
Her relationship with her teammates after that had always been a little strained, well only with Kakashi and Naruto, Sai didn't give it much thought. If she had harbored any feelings for him as she had to Sasuke she would have been hurt by his indifference.
It was a good thing that she didn't.
She wasn't really repulsed by the fact that she did it with him, compared to the thought of actually doing it with Kakashi or Naruto…she seriously thought that she had gotten the least of the three evils.
She didn't know whether he ever really understood the meaning of what they had done. But it did prove one thing, no matter how a man was raised, his testosterone still worked absolutely fine.
The incident was more of a blur to her, but what she remembered was that it felt -- good. Of course she had tried to keep that part hidden from everyone else; she doubted that Sai would even want to indulge in such acts again anyway. But it had scared her, she knew that she still loved Sasuke – no – she was still in love with him. That she could have sex with someone she didn't love had shattered all childish romance naïveté she had.
After that mistake she had tried to bury herself in work despite her teammates' urgings that that the 'thing' that happened between her and Sai was just an accident. Her decision had caused Naruto to have a big argument with Sai, though it was only Naruto who shouted.
She had been hurt after that, she didn't' care for Sai but she had expected her first time to be special. She had wanted to lose it to someone she cared for, someone she loved. Someone she expected to marry, actually.
It was a shame that she wasn't really very popular.
No one took much of an interest in her. She knew what her talents, strengths and limits were, and she knew from a very young age that she was very ordinary. In a crowd the only thing which set her apart was her outrageous hair color. Her attitude was very average, every girl was a bitch, it didn't make her special. Her intelligence was only acquired through her extensive reading; she wasn't a natural genius (something that she had bitterly envied those who were for being).
If she really faced the truth, in the shinobi world and the civilian world she was just another face in the crowd.
There wasn't anything to define her as a shinobi, she was just lucky that she was the Godaime's student. She didn't have any special bloodline nor did she come from a shinobi family. She also didn't have any defining techniques.
She was average.
Her only special talent was her chakra control, and that had been somewhat useless in some occasions considering that there wasn't much chakra to control. No matter how hard and vigorously she had trained, her chakra levels only raised slightly. No matter how many secret techniques she had used to widen her chakra passages, it was no use. She had come to the realization that there really wasn't that much chakra in her, she was like an almost dried up well.
It had baffled her completely, even Tsunade had come up with no explanation as to why her chakra was like that. It was probably why she couldn't reach jounin level. She had become a chunnin after Naruto left almost six years ago and she hadn't made any progress after that.
Fighting with shinobi who were just as or more intelligent than her would have caused her to scrape through the exams, but her chakra levels were always the problem. She lost energy half-way through the exams causing her to fail every single time.
Sakura stood up from the ground, dusting the cloak she was wearing and sighed heavily, it wouldn't do her any good if she slept outside. God knows that she'd kill herself if she had the flu in the morning. So with much effort she had walked onward, her apartment was only a block away so she wouldn't have to worry of passing out.
When she reached her apartment she fumbled through her cloak pockets to look for her keys, when she found them she wasted 3 minutes trying to fit the key through the keyhole until she just broke the knob and went in.
Not bothering to close the door she went to her sofa and lay there, thinking.
Her job sucked, ever since her little incident with Sai she had started working full-time in the hospital, she wasn't anything special in the hospital despite the Hokage being her teacher. She wasn't really admired with her civilian patients, they only saw her as a kind, young medic who looked after them, the next day after they left the hospital she became the last thing in their mind. It was the same with her shinobi patients, only a few really took notice of her, and that was only because she was also a shinobi as well.
But she was starting to get rusty, she knew that. Ever since she had started working in the hospital she had rarely trained like before, there were the occasional spar with the dummy and the weights training but she had been getting negligent for some time now. She hadn't been in any missions for about a year, and the previous ones before that had always only about needing her as back-up or a medic.
It was then that it hit her.
Hard
She was starting to fade from the shinobi world.
That was why she rarely saw her old friends now, she didn't get to meet Ino or any of the other kunoichi just like before. Sakura frowned, it wasn't only the kunoichis… when was actually the last time she had actually seen her teammates? A week? Two weeks? A month? Oh god, had she been ignoring them that badly? She had worked her ass off in the hospital and ignored her shinobi status unwittingly.
And when was the last time she had been in a dangerous mission that wasn't C-class?
She was starting to become a civilian
That was why she didn't pass her jounin exams. She didn't see enough action nowadays that she was sure that if she was sent to a mission in the morning she would definitely be a burden to her teammates.
She was loosing the one thing that gave her the thrill and importance of living.
She didn't know when it began, maybe before she had had sex with Sai. She had started to get careless, she wasn't anything much to begin with but now that she had stopped being aware of the happenings in her life then she was screwed as a shinobi.
She was eighteen now, more than three years wasted.
Too much
It was too much time wasted.
Maybe if she had kept her focus like after Sasuke had left she would be a Jounin like most of the ones in her age group. But no, she had to mix her personal life and duty, she had started pitying herself, she had started reverting back to the person she detested when she was younger.
It had brought her down.
Her hands started shaking, whether it was from fear or shock, she didn't know. But she had to think of something, fast.
What could she do to start making things right? Start training tomorrow?
No, she couldn't just stop working in the hospital, it was what was supporting her living expenses for god's sake. If she stopped now her parents would pick her from the streets. She couldn't be dependent on them any longer.
What was the solution for her problems? Who could she ask for help? Someone who was willing enough to listen and someone she was comfortable enough to rant to obviously. Ino was out of the question, she was her best friend but she wouldn't know how to solve her own problems. Naruto, Kakashi and Sai were all out on a mission, they had been gone for a couple of weeks already. She couldn't ask Tsunade, the Hokage had too much in her mind already.
Who?
Who?
Were those her only friends?
She was pathetic.
She wasn't like any of her teammates, she was weak…so weak…
She was thinking too hard it made her head throb.
It was then that she decided she'd think of it in the morning, when her head didn't feel like it was being crushed by a hammer.
Right now she'd just sleep, just sleep…
A/N: I know I said this would be out before 2009 but I was sick. I spent my Christmas holidays and New Year confined in a hospital room (well, at least it had cable—but still—)
This is the edited version, as you have all probably noticed when you started reading. I have to warn you though, this is very much different from the first one. Not to mention that the characterization of some characters have dramatically changed. I have given some characters important roles, which means that this is no longer just about Sakura—though the story focuses on her greatly.
I understand if some have already abandoned this fic, and I will also understand if any of you abandon this after reading. I'm not forcing anyone. Just enjoy, and please be honest about your reviews.