They sit next to each other at the table. But it's awkward. They ignore each other, both keeping their bodies as far away from each other as possible. Their conversation is never to each other, instead they laugh and chatter with other people, the conversation there light and humorous. They try to keep the awkwardness to a minimum, so the tension lies for the majority unnoticed, a few people shifting uncomfortably in their chairs at the tense atmosphere that's just noticeable enough to feel it during times of lulls in conversation but is generally too weak to be felt properly.
Nobody understand why they're distant with each other. They'll never explain. They don't want to remember.
XXXXXXXXX
There's something so painful, so utterly shit about wanting someone who doesn't want you back. It kind of rips at your heart, tearing and clawing because you just can't keep your eyes from their face. From her face. And her hair, her eyes, cheeks, lips, chest, legs, stomach, hands. Everything. You want all of it. You want to drown and burn and lose yourself in everything that she is. But you can't. So instead you smile and sing and laugh and try to ignore it because it has to stop at some point right? It's not going to go on forever. You won't let it.
"Vega, if there's something on my face, just say."
You swallow. "There's not."
"Then quit staring at me. You're annoying the Hell out of me,"
"Sorry," you murmur. The gang talks around you, murmuring and laughing. Cat's high pitched squeal travels through the air with a loudness you didn't know any human possessed. You wince and stand up from the table, yanking your bag out from under the chair. Your cheeks start to flame as everybody stares and you fixedly ignore his hand, resting on her knee.
"Tori?"
You glance up at Andre, and smile weakly at him. "Just gonna go to the bathroom,"
You walk away before he, or anyone else, can stop you. You practically run through the halls of the school, slamming into the door of the girl's toilets, leaning against the sink as you stare into the mirror, tears welling up at the bottom of your eyes.
You're in Hell. And you're burning. From want and need and desire, and her eyes and her voice. And-
You slam your hand against the mirror, whimpering a little as the edge of your hand immediately glows red and the throbbing of pain travels all the way up your arm. You drag your hand down the mirror, your head drooped down.
"If that was meant to be a punch, it was pathetic."
You blink tiredly at the voice. Tilting your head to the side, you use your hair as protection. Your shield, keeping you hidden from her.
"Your hand's gonna bruise unless you put some ice on it," She drawls, walking behind you to the mirror next to yours, inspecting her reflection in the mirror, scrunching up her hair a little and pouting, leaning forwards slightly as she does it.
"Right," you reply softly, and turn to walk out of the toilets, when she catches your arm.
"What the Hell is going on Vega?"
You examine her face, a slight frown on your face as you stare at her eyes, wondering what she could possibly be asking for. She doesn't falter under your scrutiny, instead she stares right back, her hand still wrapped around your wrist.
"I don't know what you're talking about," you murmur softly and she scoffs and lets go of your hand as if you'd burned her.
"Whatever Vega," she turns back to the mirror and it's obvious the conversation is over. You stand there for a moment, wondering if you could grab that last second back, answer her, prolong the conversation. But you can't. So you leave, the look in her eyes as she stared at you the only thing you see for the rest of the day.
XXXXXXXXX
"Tori?"
You glance up at the teacher and your eyes widen as you stare at him. "Um,"
"Singing Tori. You're singing, now."
"I am?"
"You are."
You make your way up to the front, twisting your fingers together. You've never been nervous before. You're nervous now. Her feet are propped up on the table as she chews the top of her pen, her heavily lidded eyes watching you as you stand there. You glance over to the teacher on the piano, he's new. He has your music for this song. You nod, a little shakily and exhale, the sound amplified by the microphone. A few students laugh. She doesn't. She just stares and you want to cry, because this isn't fair. She told you you were beautiful. She told you she wanted you. And then she left. She went back to him because, well, you don't even know why.
So you sing.
It hurts to be here All I have, all I need, she's the air I would kill to breathe
I only wanted love from you
It hurts to be here
What am I gonna do?
Holds my love in her hands, still I'm searching
All I have, all I need, she's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in her hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again.
The piano stops playing, but there's a line. You had to cut it out before, you're only meant to sing sections of a song, just for your teacher to judge how well your voice is coping under the strict routine. But this line, this line is everything. So, you look up. You take your hands from the mic and slide them down to the stand, you make yourself taller, determined for her to hear what you have to say. You look at her eyes.
And my burden to bear, is a love I can't carry anymore.
Then you run from the room.
XXXXXXXXX
3 Weeks Earlier.
"It's a party Vega, not the Oscar's." Jade drawled as she lay on Tori's bed, a book resting in her lap, a gothic horror novel that Tori had pushed into her arms the minute she had walked through the door. Tori turned from her closet and mock glared at her, tucking her bottom lip between her teeth and turning back to the clothes, her hands rummaging through different outfits.
"Jaaadddeee-" she whined, stomping her foot and Jade arched one of her perfectly plucked eyebrows, blinking once.
"Did you just stamp your foot?"
"I-Maybe." Tori replied, her olive skin flushing a gentle red and Jade looked up to the ceiling in disbelief.
"Oh my God. I'm talking to a fucking Disney Princess," she muttered and Tori scowled, walking round her bed and sitting down, tucking her legs underneath her.
"When do Disney princesses stomp their feet?" She asked.
"It's really not important Vega."
"But you just said-"
"Tori."
"Yes?"
"Stop talking."
Tori rolled her eyes and pushed her hand through her hair, pulling it over her shoulder as a few strands fell in front of her face. Before she had a chance to tuck them away, Jade leaned forward and twisted them around her fingers, her eyes fixed on the hair between her fingers. Jade rubbed the hair between her thumb and forefinger, the tips of her fingers occasionally grazing Tori's jaw line. Which was in no way at all, turning her on.
After a few heavily tense moments, she unravelled the hair from her fingers, and carefully- too gently- tucked the hair behind Tori's ear. Jade swung her legs out of the bed, the book tumbling forgotten onto the bed, the image of a woman screaming staring up at Tori from the front cover.
Tori watched with a thudding heart and sweaty palms as Jade stalked to her closet, pushing through her clothes roughly. Tori swallowed, her mouth dry as she relived the last few seconds in her head. Jade's eyes had looked the way they had two weeks ago. When she had turned up at Tori's door, silent and cold and smelling of smoke and alcohol.
"Jade?" She asked.
"Beck. He, we've. It's over."
Tori pushed the door open more and stood silently as Jade entered her house.
Tori wouldn't say they'd become friends- well she would. Jade however, not a chance- but something had definitely changed during the holidays. Since Jade and Beck had split, Jade had spent a lot of time taking Tori to house parties and introducing her to the joys of teenage alcohol. They'd spent at least one hour of everyday together since that day, and with Cat and Andre away on holiday, it was kind of perfect. They had no one to explain themselves to as Trina was off visiting some pen pal she had in England.
The material hit her in the face and Tori squealed at the impact, pulling the fabric off her face. With a slight sigh she shook out the material, her eyes widening as she looked at the dress Jade had thrown at her. It was gray, short and backless. The material was obviously meant to cling to whichever body was wearing it and Tori just stared for a few seconds.
"Jesus Vega, yes? No?" Jade huffed impatiently and Tori looked at her over the material.
"This isn't mine." She stated and Jade widened her eyes and slowly began to clap.
"Oh. Oh Tori, so clever. Oh gather round everyone," Jade sniffed tearfully, gesturing to invisible people as Tori rolled her eyes. "The next winner of the Nobel Prize-Tori Vega." She applauded again and Tori couldn't help but giggle at the look of pretend awe on her face as she stared at her.
"Har-freaking-Har Jade. Seriously, is this yours?" Tori asked as Jade threw herself on Tori's bed again, flicking through the pages of her book.
"Nope," Jade replied, popping the p and Tori shook her head.
"So , whose is it?"
"It's yours. I saw it. Knew you'd like it, also knew you'd take a stupid amount of time crying over what to wear. So I got it." Jade said casually, reaching for the reading glasses Tori kept on her bedside table and slipping them up her nose.
"You bought me this?" Tori stammered out and Jade glanced up at her, a look of slight disgust and fear on her face.
"If you start crying Vega, I swear to God…"
"No, I'm not going to cry." Tori replied, quickly swallowing the lump in her throat and blinking rapidly. "Thank you Jade," she said softly.
"Yeah, yeah. Can you just hurry up and shower? I wanna leave sometime before the break of dawn."
XXXXXXXXX
You can't really do anything but stare. You want to turn and walk away but you can't make your feet move, so you just stand there and watch. She brings the bottle up to her lips, and swallows large gulps of what you assume is vodka. The long joint dangles from pale fingers in her other hand and then you remember.
You remember the nights she would turn up to your house high. Her pupils wide and her head so screwed up it was literally painful to talk to her. You'd be a total liar if you said that drugs and alcohol were something you had never ever touched, but to the extent she was using them. It had been worrying.
"Don't you realise what you're doing to yourself!" You had screamed at her one night, picking her up from a house you really didn't want to look at too closely.
She had laughed, and taken another drag from the joint, exhaling out into your face. "I understand perfectly well Vega. Relax, take a smoke, have a look around."
You had slapped her then. Hard. Precise and across her left cheek, you had cried the minute you had done it, and you reached out for her but she took a step back, the start red glow of the slap contrasting in a way that really shouldn't have been beautiful. But it somehow was.
"Why?" She had asked, her eyes narrowing as she stared at you, the joint laying forgotten on the ground, the smell of it drifting up into the air around them, smoke spiralling between them.
"You're too important."
You had taken her to your home, quietly creeping up the stairs, you fingers digging into her waist as you supported her up the stairs. You had undressed her, forcing your breathing to remain even as you stripped her down to her underwear, throwing the heavy black corset dress she had been wearing over your desk chair. You found her some pajamas and helped her into them, methodically doing up the buttons. You had sat her down on your bed and taken a make-up wipe, slowly erasing any evidence from the night from her face, being extra careful around her eyes as you wiped away the thick mascara and eyeliner she insisted on wearing. You had brushed out her hair and then tied it up in a loose bun, you were one of the few people who knew her well enough to know she couldn't sleep with it down. You lay her down to sleep and got up from the bed to go and get ready yourself, when a surprisingly warm hand had slipped into yours. Looking at Jade you would of thought she would have been cold, what with her pale skin and icy attitude. But that was probably the exact reason why Jade was always so shockingly warm. Fire and ice, compressed into one human being.
"Stay." She had murmured. So you did.
"Sing," She had murmured. So you did.
'You've got a warm heart,
You've got a beautiful brain,
But it's disintegrating.
From all the medicine.
From all the medicine.
Medicine.
You could still be,
What you want to,
What you said you were, when I first met you.'
You had sung quietly, softly, so as not to wake your parents and her breath had evened out, the lines on her forehead from that constant look of boredom she always seemed to wear, disappearing.
"You know sometimes Vega," you had started at her voice, it was unexpected and sleepy in the silent air. You looked down at her and she kept her eyes shut but her hand had found its way back into yours. "Sometimes, I think you're one of the most beautiful people I know."
You had fallen asleep next to her.
But now, now she stood with a bottle in one hand and a joint in the other, and you became angry. You would not let her destroy everything you had worked so hard to protect. So, ignoring the fact that you still wanted her like crazy and she had still chosen him, and the air between them was always a little bit too thick from whatever type of tension they were feeling that day, you walked over to her.
She said nothing when you stopped in front of her. Just smirked and tilted the bottle towards you. You took it from her hand and dropped it to the floor, the glass didn't smash, but the liquid spilled out onto the forest ground. You reached for her hand, swallowing at the feeling of her fingers on yours and tugged the joint from her hand, taking it and throwing it into the lake you had discovered with her in the holidays.
Her eyes were hard with anger as she stared at you and you gritted your teeth for a few moments, before reaching your hand up around the back of her neck and tugging her head down towards yours. You arched up into her, trying not to question why she was responding, why her lips had fallen open against yours and she was letting you do this. You pulled roughly on her hair and she gasped into your mouth, her fingers pressing against the small of your back as she caught your bottom lip between her teeth and tugged. It was when you finally got her to moan against you that you pulled away, keeping your forehead touching hers as you struggled to breathe.
"Vega-"
"Shut up Jade." You said suddenly, and surprisingly, she did. "You have no right to do this to yourself. You have no right to do this to me. Don't be an idiot Jade, just don't okay?"
You turned and walked away.
XXXXXXXXX
3 Weeks Earlier
The house was packed full of people as Tori and Jade walked up to the front door, their fingers intertwined, Jade's body already beginning to move to the loud thumping music. Tori shifted on the spot, her free hand tugging down her dress and Jade yanked at her hand, rolling her eyes.
"It looks hot Vega, leave it alone."
"Easy for you to say,"
To say that Jade looked hot was probably one of the most obvious comments ever made in the whole universe. Tori had definitely not let her eyes travel the shape of Jade's legs as she had walked in front of her down the stairs, and she had definitely not looked at her ass as Jade had pulled her towards the house.
The door swung open and Jade left Tori to say hi to the person she didn't know as Jade walked off into the house, returning a few minutes later with two bottles of beer in one hand and a joint in the other.
"Hey, wanna get wasted?"
Tori shrugged, unable to hide the huge grin that had seeped across her face at Jade's words. 'Yeah, sounds good."
Within half an hour Jade had managed to get both Tori and herself completely drunk, a feat which was pretty impressive. Jade grabbed her hand and dragged her into the middle of the room, clutching at her hips as they swayed to the music. Tori pushed a hand through her hair, letting it fall off her face, chuckling at the expression on Jade's face as she did so. Their legs brushed as they moved to the beat, Jade's hair bouncing to the rhythm. After a fair amount of time on the dance floor, which they spent with each other, constantly touching in some way, Jade's hands brushing down her arms or on her back or her hips, whilst Tori clutched at her fingers raising them above their heads, or played with the ends of her hair or rested her arms on Jade's shoulders.
"Come for a smoke." Jade said, her voice tilting up at the end of her sentence, though it was obviously not a question. Tori nodded in reply, following her through the crowds of people that instinctively moved out of their way as they made their way to the garden.
Jade produced a lighter out of the bag slung over her shoulder, pulling with it a joint and expertly lighting the end.
"So, um, how badly is this gonna screw with my head?" Tori asked, nervousness seeping through her veins even as she watched Jade's full lips pucker into a pout as she took a drag.
"First time?" Jade asked, tilting her head to the side and blowing the smoke out into the air, taking a deep breath immediately after, closing her eyes as she did so.
Tori just stared until Jade cracked one eyelid opened and smirked.
"Stupid question," she grinned and Tori nodded, rubbing her hands over her arms.
"Take it," Jade said, holding the joint out to her and Tori frowned.
"If I die…"
"For fuck's sake Vega. Take the smoke or don't." Tori quickly fumbled to try and get a grip on the joint, swallowing hard as she bought the thing up to her lips.
"Suck," Jade said sensually, winking as Tori looked up at her through her eyelashes. Tori took a deep drag.
"Stop." Jade barked, taking it off out of her hand, her own hand held up in the 'stop' gesture. Tori held the smoke in her mouth, reminding herself over and over to calm down.
"Now blow," Jade smirked, watching as Tori exhaled, coughing immediately afterwards and swaying forwards as her head began to spin.
"Yeah, the first one does that to you," Jade laughed, catching her around the waist and propping her up, bouncing slightly to the music they could still hear.
After a few more drags, Tori pushed the joint away, leaving Jade to finish it off. The two of them said their goodbyes and walked their way back to Tori's house, which was thankfully not too far away. They would stop occasionally when one of them noticed a star they thought looked nice or an ant crawling along the floor.
"Do you ever think, how it's weird, that the future is happening right now?" Tori asked as she fumbled with her door key and Jade laughed.
"You are so wasted."
"So are you," Tori protested and Jade smiled, her hand resting on Tori's neck.
"Who'd of thought it Vega? Turns out your not so much of a pussy as first thought."
"Gee thanks Jade,"
"Anytime. Will you just get the fucking door open already?"
XXXXXXXXX
You watch as she flirts and hugs and smiles and kisses and it makes you feel like punching something. Or just falling into the Earth because it hurts… God it hurts so badly. But you don't. You just kind of take it, slowly slipping from the group quietly, spending lunch times alone and avoiding social parties.
But then she turns up. She's new and scared and beautiful in a way that you can't quite figure out. But you just kind of go with it. You use her as you're distraction. You train your eyes to watch her instead of Jade, you follow her conversations with teachers and students alike, because it's easier to stalk the new girl than watch how little you meant to Jade.
"Are you ever going to speak to me?' You jump at the question and frown. She's stood in front of you, half of her body cut out by the blinding sun behind her so you squint a little and she moves to sit next to you in the empty parking lot.
She has curly hair that isn't ginger, but red. You reach out and tug at a curl, your cheeks blushing as you realise how strange that movement must of seemed. She turns to you and grins, startling blue eyes staring at you in a way that's different. Like she knows you.
"I'm Chloe."
"I'm Tori."
Chloe laughs and you smile at the sound. It was a nice noise to hear.
"I know that. I don't think there's anyone who goes to this school who doesn't know you."
You smile but don't say much more. She doesn't either. But neither of you really need to. And somehow, Chloe becomes a part of your life. She doesn't mind that you don't talk as much as she probably expected, and she manages to make you laugh at the most surprising of moments. She has a sweet, angel-like singing voice and she fits in with your friends as if she'd been there forever. Except from Jade. Jade makes no effort to even try to know her, so Chloe returns the favour, in no way fazed by Jade's cold treatment of her, instead spending lunchtimes toying with Tori's hands or hair and just generally avoiding all rules of personal space.
"Where's your little puppy?" Jade asks quietly, sliding into the seat across from you in the library. You push your glasses onto the top of your head and sigh quietly, shutting the book you were reading from.
"She's called Chloe."
"I really don't care."
"You were the one that asked Jade."
Silence falls between you, and Jade shifts uncomfortably, scowling at nothing as she pulls books and paper from her bag, slamming them onto the table and flipping off the librarian who tells her to be quiet when he turns his back.
"She's into you."
You look up at her. "Who is?"
"Do I have to spell it out Vega? Chloe. She's into you,"
You chuckle and shake your head, pieces of hair falling out of the messy bun you piled on top of your head as you do so. "No, she's not."
"Are you so painfully oblivious all of the time? Or do you just reserve special treatment for those closest to you?" Jade snaps and you stand up, slinging your bag over your shoulder, carefully tucking the chair under the desk. You walk round behind Jade's chair and take the glasses from on top of your head, placing them next to her elbow.
She looks up at you, eyebrows raised and you shrug.
"They'll help," you say simply and walk out of the library. You want it to go back to the way it was. But you think that on some level, that won't ever be able to happen. So you go and find Chloe, hoping the sound of her laugh will drain out the biting tone of Jade's voice that still rings through your head.
XXXXXXXXX
2 Weeks Earlier
"You were the one who showed up at my house Jade! You were the one who came to me! So don't stand there and act like I was the one that came crawling to you!"
Jade stood stiffly as Tori's words echoed through her empty house. Her nostrils flared as she took a deep breath but Tori was too worked up, too angry, too pissed off with her to notice the warning signs.
"You need to shut the fuck up Vega."
"No I won't!" Tori yelled, her voice cracking with emotion as tears welled up in her eyes. "You have spent every day with me. And now you tell me that as soon as school starts 'it's all gonna go back to normal?' As if I'm just going to accept that."
"What is the big fucking deal? Yes, it's going back to us hating each other. Why is that so hard for you to understand?" Jade said back, calmly, with composure. All it meant was that inside, she was fuming.
"It is not fair Jade. I am not for you to use and throw away whenever you feel like it!" Tori said, stepping into Jade's personal space, her chin wobbling as tears rolled relentlessly down her cheeks.
"Have you finished?" Jade asked and Tori laughed a watery humourless laugh.
"I won't let you screw with my heart Jade." She said quietly and Jade's jaw dropped.
"With your- what the fuck are you talking about?"
"You know what Jade."
"Trust me Vega. I have no fucking clue, and I don't think I want to know-"
"Tell me you don't want me." Tori said moving close. She tilted her head up to look at Jade, refusing to let her drop eye contact. Her cheeks had flushed at the words she had spoken, but she didn't know what else to try. She was wrapped so tight in this tension that Jade seemed to trap her in, and the harder she tried to get out, the tighter bound she was locked in it. She had reached the end now. She could do nothing else.
"Just say it Jade. Say you don't want me, and I'll go. It'll all go back to the way it was. Just look me in the eyes, and say it."
Jade's jaw clenched and then-finally.
They were kissing. And it was rough and Jade's necklaces were pressing too tightly against her chest and she couldn't breathe but all she could think was closerclosercloser, because she just needed more. She freed her arms from where they were clutching Jade's hips and wound them around the other girls neck, pushing her body closer and groaning slightly as they collided. She tilted her head, her lips moving just as fiercely as Jade's because damn it Jade could not control everything. Jade's hand moved from clutching the hair near Tori's left ear but…
"Ow." Tori yelped into Jade's mouth and Jade pulled away, looking at her in surprise, her lips slightly more red and her eyes dark.
"Oh Jesus," she muttered, and Tori squinted out of her right eyes, unable to help but laugh when she saw what it was that had hurt. Jade's bracelet had become caught in Tori's hair and with extremely gentle fingers, Jade spent a few minutes untangling it, making sure to not yank out any of Tori's hair. Tori laughed softly as Jade's disgruntled expression and pushed her black hair over her shoulder, dropping gentle kisses on her lips.
"Maybe you should take those off," she mumbled against Jade's lips, slowly drawing her deeper into the kiss.
"Great idea Vega," Jade muttered back, gently sucking on Tori's bottom lip. Tori gasped and felt Jade grin against her lips before her tongue tentatively came to brush against her own. Tori had expected Jade to be more of a take-what-you-want-without-asking kind of girl, so the gentleness Jade was showing, kind of, scared her a little.
"Jade," she murmured, kissing down the pale throat and stopping just over the pulse point, pulling the skin with her teeth before kissing and licking away the pain.
"Vega, if you start to talk about feelings or emotions or some crap-" Jade stuttered, tilting her head back, her hands grabbing Tori's ass as she pulled them towards the bed.
"You do realise that, one- I've kissed people before and two- I'm not going to break?" Tori muttered out as she fell on top of Jade, straddling her whilst still kissing up and down her neck, listening out for the places that made Jade's breath stop.
"Smartass," Jade grunted, flipping them over so she lay on top of Tori, tugging on her bottom lip as Tori moaned into her mouth. Tori gasped as Jade's hands seemed to be everywhere but still not touching her enough. Her finger's skimmed the bottom of Tori's stomach, fingering the material of the shirt. Tori pushed herself up so that her legs were wrapped around Jade's waist, the two of them facing each other as Tori slowly pulled off her top. Jade stared at her silently for a minute, before lowering her back down to the bed and kissing down her chest, pepper light kisses that make Tori squirm underneath her.
"Shit," Tori murmured as Jade pulled at her hips so her back was arched under the bed, Jade's cold hands trailing up her back to find her bra. Jade pulled away from Tori's skin to look her in the eye and Tori nodded silently. With quick fingers, Tori felt as the bra was undone and her breathing began to quicken when Jade finally pulled it away, leaving her topless and extremely vulnerable.
But then Jade looked at her. Properly looked at her. And it was like Tori's body was suddenly on fire, she shivered and Jade swopped down catching her lips and groaning as they danced together, as if they'd always know what to do, how to suck and pull and tease to make sure they got the best response from their partner. Jade's hands skimmed over her breasts, trailing down the sides of her stomach to her jeans.
"Hmm, no," Tori murmured, reaching up to yank at Jade's top first, practically tearing it. Jade's curls got mussed in the process but neither person could really give one at that moment. Jade undid her own bra, groaning slightly as their chests came together.
Jade tugged down Tori's jeans, her shaking fingers winding through the belt loops to help pull them off.
"Jade," Tori whispered, wincing a little inside as she realised how she sounded. She sounded scared. Jade kissed her way back up to Tori's mouth, lingering there for a moment, drawing Tori into a deep kiss, calming her through actions.
"Breathe Vega," Jade muttered. "You know I'd, I'd never make you do anything Tori. You have to want it."
"I do," Tori said immediately. "Just you know, nervous,"
"Don't be." Jade told her, kissing her again, her lips and hands everywhere. Under Tori's thighs, over her stomach, in her hair, across her chest, down her neck. She was being touched everywhere, and though it did nothing to help her heart rate, she lost herself in the touch. Feeling as Jade learnt her body, teasing and stroking and kissing every inch of her. Her breath hot on Tori's skin as her tongue licked a path up her stomach whilst her hands skimmed over Tori's hipbones, drawing patterns into her skin, until her fingers were suddenly, suddenly there.
"Oh," Tori gasped, her head falling back. It took Jade time to figure out what it was that made Tori tick, figuring out what it was that felt good. And what didn't feel so good. And then finally-
"Oh my God." Tori groaned, probably a lot louder than she had meant to, feeling as Jade smirked against her neck.
It was continuous and that little knot of nerves in her stomach just kept winding and winding, the friction between her legs too much and not enough.
"Jade, just, come on," Tori whined and Jade laughed, continuing to shower her body with kisses. Ori felt Jade's finger rest at her opening and she tensed, her thighs tightening around Jade's hand. Jade moved to the skin just under Tori's breast, kissing and sucking and then, in one swift movement, biting. Tori gasped at the sensation and Jade slid one finger in, stopping her ministration to hover above Tori's face, kissing her lips and forehead and eyelids. Tori clenched around the pain, her eyes squeezed shut.
"Relax Tori, I promise it gets better. Trust me."
Tori groaned in discomfort and shifted herself, only to gasp again. Except this time it was a different sensation. Her eyes opened wide and what could only be described as a long drown out growl left her lips.
"See?" Jade grinned, tangling her free hand in Tori's hair as her other hand worked Tori into a mess she didn't even know humans could possibly find themselves in. Tori's hand came up to shyly cup Jade's breast, looking up at her through her eyelashes as she did so, nervous that it would make Jade stop. Instead it made her sigh and press closer. Tori grinned.
"Jade!" she hissed after a few moments of quiet moans and then not so quiet moans drifted through the thankfully empty house. Tori arched her back, shamelessly begging to move on top of Jade's hand because it was all too much and she just needed to, just let go. Jade moved her lips to her ear, tugging at the earlobe.
"Now Tori,' she murmured and then Tori exploded. Her body uncoiled and she clenched even tighter around Jade's fingers, light behind her eyes and the smell of sweat and sex lingering in the air. She clutched at Jade bringing her close as the other girl kissed her forehead in a surprisingly gentle gesture.
"Jade," she mumbled against the girls neck as she came down from the high, her hands reaching for Jade's trousers, shaky fingers trying to undo the zip.
"Not today Vega. Some other time,"
"But you-"
"Trust me, that was more than enough for me." Jade smiled, gently pulling her fingers free, kissing Tori's swollen lips gently.
XXXXXXXXX
You remember the sex. It was rough and fast and messy and awkward and too much and not enough, and wherever you could and whenever you could and it was fire and ice and burning and melting and it was just, it was her.
It was how she knew you, and how she taught you how to know her. How she kissed every stretch mark and blemish and in return you taught her to know that her curves were just as beautiful as any other part of her.
Then you'd lie together after, and she would read a book and you would clean them up, and play with her hands and kiss her body, not to seduce but just because you could.
Sex with Chloe, was different. Sex with Chloe was gentle and this time you were in the position of knowing more. You had to teach her how to touch carefully and how to find the right spot or else it probably wouldn't work the way it seemed to in movies and books. You were the one who had to undress and take the initiative. Chloe was soft and breathy, little whimpers escaping her mouth and your drunken fingers stroke against her skin wishing it was someone else's and then you break away because you see who is staring at you from inside the house. You'd come out with Chloe, pulling her along before kissing her fiercely, needing her just because she was the closest you would get to wanting something again. You'd come outside and then pushed her against the garden shed, and it was dirty and filthy and you'd never normally let it happen, but you're drunk and you're hurting and you want Jade so badly it feels like your insides are bleeding, and you just don't give a fuck.
The minute your eyes catch Jade's you have to decide. Walk away, apologise, acknowledge it was a mistake and blame it on alcohol cos it really isn't fair to play Chloe the way you are. But you don't. You smirk, in a way that Jade would have been proud of if it had been any other situation, and you kiss down Chloe's neck, moaning against her skin because you want Jade to see.
You want her to realise what it feels like. And you think maybe she does from the way she freezes and the drink she's holding drops to the floor. She turns and you wonder if it was the light, or if there really was tears in her eyes.
That's when you know you've gone too far.
XXXXXXXXX
1 Week Earlier
"Me and Beck."
Tori froze at the words, her mouth opening and her eyes beginning to water because she already knows what is coming.
"We've got back together."
That's when it all comes crashing down.
XXXXXXXXX
You tell Chloe you're sorry and she cries and you feel broken. She tells you tearfully she wants space but she really wants to stay your friend and that makes it worse. You kiss her forehead and apologise again. You watch her go and wonder if this was a different time, is Jade hadn't consumed you in the way she already has, if maybe something could of happened between you and Chloe. But she was too nice and kind and she didn't make you burn and you were always going to end up hurting her. She hiccups and you walk away.
You find Jade easily, the smoke from her cigarette an easy thing to look out for, she's leant against her truck and you stop in front of her.
"You look like shit."
You ignore her. "You made me into a bitch Jade." You watch as she takes another drag. "But I'm done now,"
She turns to look at you and you shrug.
"Yeah okay, so I'm never gonna stop wanting you. Fine, I get you. I want you and you don't want me back. But I'm done now Jade, I am so done."
You turn to walk away and she catches your wrist. And maybe she'll kiss you or maybe she won't. And maybe if she does kiss you, you might kiss back. Or maybe you won't. Maybe she'll cheat on Beck with you until the truth comes out and you're finally together, happy ever after. Or maybe she won't. Maybe she'll cheat on Beck with you until you finally realise it's time to go because you will never come first in the mind of Jade West. You smile and laugh and sing like the whole world's a musical but you know it's not.
Because people need to see the world in black and white. The lines of one colour distinct from the next. People need to see it like that, because then they understand. But we tore those lines apart, we merged black and white into a murky gray because we wanted, we needed each other. We ripped up social convention, in more ways than one. We're both girls. One likes black, the other likes yellow. One likes horror, the other likes romance. One is a bitch, the other is overly nice.
But beneath these broken lines, we're the typical teenage cliché.
We're the girls that want. But stay hidden, because what we want, is far too scary for us to grasp.
So, um, yeah. Thanks for reading!