i'd go through hell for you
let it burn beneath my shoes.
--
burning on
A few hours earlier she is glowing. She's a flame and she burns him with every smile and every almost-touch.
"Gonna do my best Le--Zero." She says proudly, and her eyes meet his and there's a promise in them.
--
C.C. is beautiful, ethereal and wise.
Kaguya is cute, experienced, and cultured.
Rakshata is useful and irreplacable.
Kallen is...Kallen is..
(Compared to that what is she?)
-
He sees her eyes winking, shining from the cockpit. She seems impervious and vulnerable at the same time.
She offers her two-fingered salute and a small, hopeful smile.
What do you want from me Kallen, he wonders, because there's a silent burning need in her eyes
that he can't pinpoint. Kallen is utterly see-through and completely mysterious all at the same time. Not the mystery that C.C. pulled off on her own, Kallen doesn't know how to think through something like that. Not that she isn't smart but she's too impulsive. He wonders if she's shy of something.
(The idea of her being in love with him is a strange idea that he immediately dismisses.)
-
Kallen, He decides, is a fire.
She's burning, blazing, sparking.
**
(A few hours ago, Kallen was biting her lip, looking away, and lowering her eyes.
"Can I ask you a question?"
He blinks warily.
She swallows.
"...Is there anything you want?"
The question was very universal, and he didn't know how to reply.
Her eyes are swollen, and he stares with a slightly open mouth.
"Heh, that was a dumb question. I'm just weird because we're about to fight.
Don't mind me. " She waves her hand off, and walks off before he can even respond. )
--
Even then, Kallen continued to burn.
--
The battle is fierce. He watches Knightmares fall into the sea. He watches others clash together on land.
He watches Kallen shine like a star as she destroys.
( "I just wondered if there was something you'd want...something someone could give you..anything that would be useful."
Her voice is small and quiet, as he later asked her what she meant. He wants to touch her shoulder because she sounds terribly small;
but he can't be kind to Kallen when he's only going to hurt her sometime, someday, somewhere. It's inevitable. Geass is a power that hurts.
But it's a power he needs.
But did he need something else?
Kallen's small voice and her innocent question make him wonder.)
He turns behind him and there's a Knightmare headed towards him--oh, Kallen took care of it. It falls downwards, in shattered particles of matter and smoke.
She's useful in more ways than one. "You okay?" She asks, and he chuckles. "Yes, well done Q-1." She nods once, and the screen goes blank.
( "I don't particularly need anything from others, Kallen. "
"You're lying."
Her voice is flat, and her eyes are dull. He blinks a bit startled.
"I'm not ly--"
"You don't trust me, I get it." (No that's not really it at all, you see Kallen I can't--)
"...You lie to me alot, don't you? I guess I'm not very good at seeing it."
He hesitates. She looks away, before nodding once and walking off.)
Yet Kallen is still burning.
--
Zero is walking down a platform. He's flanked by Black Knights.
One of them isn't really a Black Knight.
(This one has a gun.)
Kallen is running towards him, shouting, screaming.
(Someone fires.)
Someone falls--falls--
( She's falling, her hair streaming like wisps of a red flower, licks of red coming from the ugly hole in her ribs, spotting the still air. She hasn't stopped looking at him.
Even when she's falling she still burns, flickers, wavers. Like a fire. )
She's pale and still and small in his arms. Her breathing is short and there's noise but all he sees is Kallen's grey-rimmed eyes and her light-eyelashes and the small, triumphant little smile that has never left her bloody little mouth. Her little chest is struggling for hair, that pink-red hair streaming around her shoulders, her back, stained crimson. Her eyes, dimmed, glazed, stubbornly trying to meet his as if to challenge him one last time.
"I proved you wrong", she says, her breath rattling; and Lelouch says no, no, this isn't right at all. This isn't right this isn't--
"I'm not good at a lot of things, Lelouch", she says shakily, and there are a few tears seeping from the pale eyelashes, down the gasping mouth, the white neck.
"I went off the things I could do for you in my head...I can't charm like Kaguya, can't advise like C.C..I'm just good at protecting...and following..Bu-But I wanted to be where you are.."
And she is. She is...but oh don't you see Kallen this doesn't matter now because look, look we need to get you to a doctor we can save you and oh god Kallen you're dying you're dying and don't you realize how much I need you like I've never needed anyone and you stupid stupid little girl...you're perfect, you're perfect I lo--I lov----
"And I thought maybe that was good for a while but..I wanted to give you more.." She's shivering, wavering in and out like a flame as the blood pools behind her head like a halo. Like a bird that was ripped out of the sky she's never going to fly again and it's written in her eyes.
This is all I can give you, She says, and puts his hand to her chest.
And then the flame went out.
Fading, flickering---
..
gone.
The greatest gift of all is life.
burning on, just like a match you strike to incinerate
the lives of everyone you knew