'No for the last I was not trying to kill myself!' Edward snapped -for what seemed like the hundredth time since he'd woken up. 'And if I was? What does any of it matter? It isn't any of your business- fuck!' he snarled, watching as blood trickled down from the tear in his arm were the iv was hanging on for dear life, half out already. Gritting his teeth he tugged pulling it out completely – while ignoring the quiet protest his mother was making- letting more blood spill out, the very sight of it making him sick. Breathing through his mouth he forced the room to still its spinning but his efforts felt hardly worth it. Yes the room had stopped spinning but his heart was racing, his lungs hungrily gulping down un-needed air causing him to choke though his dry mouth. Beads of sweat formed against his neck and forehead as he grew more agitated.
'Now you just need to calm down, obviously its hard to think with a clear head after what you've gone through- what we've all one through in the last few days but that is no excuse to treat us like strangers. We're your parents we love you and you can tell us anything, we're here for you. Anything you need.' Dr Cullen said calmly his face an unreadable mask as if hiding his emotions right now was 'the best thing for his son'. Edward's shaking fingers pulled against the stiff hospital sheets, forcing them over his head in an attempt to escape from his father's 'we're good parents' speech, it wasn't anything he hadn't heard before in triplicate.
'Maybe we should leave him to rest, the next few hours are going to be hard on him as it is, Carlisle?' Edward's mother asked her hands squeezing gently at her husbands tense shoulders, a sign of reassurance? Comfort? He –Edward turned away, pulling himself further into the sheets and allowed the hot fog to cloud his mind.
He lay there delirious eyes open but unseeing. Images, memories, voices flashed through his mind as he shivered, soaked in his own sweat. The hours dragged on, an eternity in his mind as his body detoxed. Flashes of himself beating angrily against the wall, knuckles bleeding, his voice hoarse from screaming to be let out. Screaming for someone to come. Anyone to come but no one came.
Night blurred into morning and morning into afternoon until it was night again. Edward had lost his strength, exhausted from hours of hysteria his head still spinning, His wet palms finding no purchase as he struggled to stand, hands frantically looking for hold as his legs gave the signal of defeat. It could have been seconds or minutes maybe hours before he found himself standing upright, although not for long. The room resumed its mad spin of flashing and buzzing making it near impossible for Edward to find his bed. So instead he doubled over as pain shot through his whole body and retched his body expelling the poison anyway it saw fit – and of course that involved vomiting until his tongue was burnt. He threw up at least three more times that he could remember before everything fogged over again.
The next time Edward woke up things were clearer and he had time to think, there was no fog or spinning just the cold floor and the dull ache of pain that radiated through his body but that was easily ignored after what he'd just gone through. Edward closed his eyes breathing deeply his fingers slowly tracing over each track mark, he sighed, fingers gripping at an invisible syringe as he mentally walked through ever detail of his ritual. His whole body ached for another fix, to feel the hot rush of sweet elixir rushing through his veins, another shot to bring him up from this new low. He shivered; eyes now open staring at the dark ceiling his fantasy shattered.