Pain.
One word. That's all that she felt right now. Pain.
Pain from the loss of her innocence when she competed in the Hunger Games.
Pain from having her family killed because she refused to be a sex slave for the Capitol.
Pain from everything.
But mostly pain from the shocks.
From behind her eyelids she can see the sparks from the cables, and the rods, the machinery, and the spark of malice and enjoyment in the eyes of those who would shock her time and time again.
Snap out of it Johanna. She thought to herself viciously. You're not a weakling. You will not snivel and subject yourself to wallowing in self pity. You are strong. You are obsolete. You are Johanna Mason.
But even the strongest have their limit before they start to break and fall to pieces.
For Annie it was her games. She was so strong during them, taking everything that the Capitol dished out at her. Enduring the feeling of starvation and dehydration, the feeling of your opponents' blood on yourself, the feeling of dread and self-loathing for killing them. She was so strong and endured all of that for so long.
Until she went insane that is.
For Finnick, it was when the Capitol took Annie and not him. She saw him when she woke up from before. The crazed look in his eyes looking down at her in the hospital bed, the guilt that wracked his face because he wasn't there to suffer with her or instead of her, he broke. He seemed to have pieced himself back together now that he had Annie in his arms, but how long would it last? How did he know that Annie would make it through the Rebellion? If she didn't, then he would be back piecing himself together, but who knew if he would accomplish it.
For Haymitch it was when he watched Tribute after tribute die in the arena after getting attached to them and mentoring them and doing his best to make sure that they didn't die. He broke under the grief of it all and turned to alcohol.
The strongest all fall at some point in time, so why should she be any different? Why should she be the only one to escape from the fall?
She was pathetic, worthless, weak, a burden.
She was Johanna Mason.
And she had finally broken.