The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters has gone on a retreat somewhere. I admit it. I am insane. This is just a random X-Men Evo fic that came into my head. This could go in my non-Misfit fics or not. It's your choice. I admit it. I wanted to write a fic where Scott acts crazy for no good reason. I just had a weird thought on how…
Scott Summers Gets His Groove On
"I can't believe it's been an entire month since we've seen Scott," Kitty said as she put a bowl of potato chips on a table. The Institute students were preparing a welcome home party for one of their own.
"I know, it seems like only yesterday that Wolverine was dragging him out of the Danger Room kicking and screaming," Bobby remarked.
"Well they had to do something," Amara said. "Scott was getting way too harsh. I mean who comes up with a flame thrower attached to a buzz saw?"
"And even the Professor was getting annoyed at those fire drills Scott threw at four in the morning," Rogue said. "Let's face it, the stick up his butt was only a few inches away from the part of his brain that would trigger a total meltdown."
"I know Scott was kind of getting mental but still it wasn't right for the Professor to kick him off the team for a while," Kitty sighed. "Like he exiled him or something."
"Kitty, the Professor exiled him to see his brother in Hawaii," Rogue gave her a look. "That poor tortured soul."
"And I think after his last Danger Room session that freaked Wolverine out, it was way past time the guy had a vacation," Bobby said.
"Taking on five Hulks at the same time would freak anyone out," Kurt admitted.
"That's why Scott wasn't just going to see his brother," Ororo said as she finished the decorations. "He was going to spend some time at a retreat run by a friend of the Professor's."
"Did this 'retreat' happen to have an ample supply of straightjackets?" Rogue used her fingers for quotation marks.
"It's an actual retreat," Ororo gave her a look. "It's supposed to help teens and young adults deal with stress in their lives. It's just a shame that the Professor and Beast won't be here to see him."
"They had to go to Washington DC to meet up with those senators and talk about mutant rights," Kitty said. "Talk about stressful."
"Hey I hear the car!" Amara said. "They're back!"
"Oh goody," Ray said sarcastically. "Mister Fun is back."
"ALOHA!" Scott walked in. He looked tan and muscular but that wasn't all that had changed. His hair had grown longer. Instead of his usual preppy outfit he wore a Hawaiian T-Shirt, shorts and flip flops with a seashell necklace. "Scott Summers is back and ready to party!"
"What were you saying Ray?" Bobby gave a stunned Ray a look.
"Ayyyy! Rogue!" Before Rogue could protest Scott gave her a big bear hug, careful not to touch what little exposed skin he hand. "Kurt my man! Bobby, you're chillin' Dude!"
"Jean…." Rogue asked as Jean and Logan walked in. Both looked slightly confused. "Logan…What happened to him?"
"I have no idea," Logan said as Scott greeted the others warmly.
"Well it was a long flight and he was gone a while," Jean rationalized. "He's probably just tired."
"Doesn't seem tired," Rogue said. "Scott how are you feeling?"
"Great! Guys I am telling you," Scott sat down on the couch, totally relaxed. "Time away from the X-Men was the best thing that ever happened to me!"
"Not exactly a hard record to beat," Ray muttered under his breath to Roberto.
"All right I admit that I was a little reluctant to do this," Scott said.
"A little? Scott we still have your nail marks in the floor when we had to drag you out of here," Rogue said. She pointed. "Like those."
"Yeah and we even had a professional look at it," Kitty said. "Couldn't get it out."
"I was in denial! It was only after I got to Doctor Xesse's retreat I realized that I had no other hobbies or interests outside the X-Men!" Scott said. "I was neglecting my inner self which was affecting my outer self. I had to find out who Scott Summers was."
"And did you find him?" Rogue blinked.
"Yes I did, Rogue," Scott said. "I found out that Scott Summers is more than just Cyclops of the X-Men. There was more to life than training and worrying about the future and planning difficult simulations!"
"Well that's good," Jean smiled. "So the trip really did help you?"
"Oh it did more than help. It changed my life. I've also learned some new training techniques as well," Scott said. "Exercises that emphasize positive reinforcement and really build up the teamwork and self esteem. I'm really anxious to try them out tomorrow in the Danger Room."
"Oh goody," Ray rolled his eyes. "Some things never change."
"I'll tell you guys all about it right after I use the bathroom and throw my stuff in my room," Scott picked up his duffel bag. "Oh and I have got to show you my scrapbook!"
"Scrapbook?" Bobby asked.
"Yeah it was part of my therapy," Scott said cheerfully. "I really enjoyed it. Helped me grow as a person. Be right back!" He bounded off to his room, leaving some very confused mutants behind.
"Is it just me or is Scott acting a little…" Kitty tried to find the right words. "Out of character?"
"More like out of his freaking mind," Logan grunted.
"Can't have changed that much if he still plans Danger Room sessions within the first five minutes he gets here," Bobby groaned.
"It's probably just jet lag," Jean said. "I'm sure he's just a little punchy from the long flight. After a good night's sleep he'll be fine."
"You sure that's all it is?" Bobby asked.
"Of course it is," Jean said. "I'm not sensing anything else."
"Hey guys! After dinner let's all do a big chanting circle!" Scott poked his head out. "We can do some tribal dances and spread out some positive energy in the house! It'll be great! I'll go unpack my bongos!" He ran out.
"I'm sensing something," Logan said. "I'm sensing whatever Charles paid for whatever treatment they did to Cyclops was a complete rip off."
"That was the weirdest Danger Room session we have ever had," Kurt groaned. Kurt had his image inducer on as he walked in the park with Jean, Rogue and Scott. Scott was ahead of them skipping away. "I think it tops the one where we had to fight aliens on another planet!"
"And it just keeps getting weirder," Rogue looked at the skipping Scott. "I never understood the alien simulation. I mean when are we actually going to fight aliens from another planet? Oh wait, Scott is acting like he's from another planet."
"Okay maybe some things were a little unorthodox…" Jean admitted.
"A little?" Rogue snapped. "Jean, he made us hold hands in a circle and say one positive thing about ourselves before he let us practice!"
"All right that was a little odd but everything else was the same," Jean said. "He still got up early before us. We went through the entire Danger Room session like we always do."
"Since when did we have to sing while we were blowing stuff up?" Rogue asked.
"You heard Scott, they were teamwork building exercises," Jean said. "He said they would bring our team together."
"If by that you mean having us all believe he's gone completely nuts then yes, it worked," Rogue told her.
"Okay maybe Scott is acting a little weird but it's not like it's a bad thing," Kurt defended. "He hasn't yelled at anyone since he got here. And even when I miscalculated a port and landed on his head he didn't seem to mind."
"That's because he hasn't been using it since he got here!" Rogue snapped. "And why are we here in the park and how did the others get lucky enough to get out of it?"
"Guys you are going to love this!" Scott said cheerfully. "I've been thinking about how we take so much for granted! Like nature! We should take nature walks every day! That way we can appreciate the wonders of nature!"
"Couldn't we appreciate the wonders of nature in our back yard?" Rogue asked. "Where no one can see us?"
"Have you ever hugged a tree?" Scott asked as he put his arms around a large oak. "I mean really hugged it?"
"Yeah this isn't that embarrassing," Rogue said sarcastically.
"Just to feel the life force of nature channeling through this mighty tree," Scott said happily as he hugged the tree. "Oh mighty tree! Giver of life…Protector of birds…Oh that's a nice tree…"
"Scott people are staring at us," Jean winced.
"And the wrong people! The Brotherhood is here too," Kurt groaned.
"Please don't let them be playing Pyro's favorite game," Rogue groaned. "Let's Set Something On Fire!"
"No, I think they are going to abandon that for Let's Taunt Cyclops," Kurt said. "They're coming over here!"
"Oh good!" Scott said excitedly as he let go of the tree. "I've been waiting for this!"
"Scott maybe getting into a fight right now isn't…" Jean began.
"I'm not going to fight them, Jean," Scott waved at her. He took a deep breath. "Okay here goes." He walked over to the Brotherhood.
"Oh this isn't going to be good," Kurt winced. "Whatever it is…"
"Hey Summers," Lance strode up to them with a cocky stride. "What are you trying to do? Organize the trees so they'll be in a straight line or something? Hate to tell you this but unless you just got Blob's power, that ain't gonna work."
"Lance Alvers I want to apologize for all the things I have said and all the wrongs I have committed against you," Scott smiled warmly. He put his hands on Lance's shoulders. "You are a beautiful human being with a warm, beautiful soul."
"What?" Lance did a double take.
"You are my friend and my brother and I love you!" Scott grinned then hugged Lance. The Brotherhood's jaws dropped in shock at the same time.
"Guys am I having one of my little delusions again?" Pyro asked.
"I wish you were," Wanda said. "That way we wouldn't be seeing this!"
"Guys that sound you hear is Hell freezing over," Pietro was stunned.
"Okay I thought I was prepared for anything but I was not prepared for this!" Kurt's jaw dropped.
"You were right," Rogue winced as Scott hugged Lance. "It's not good!"
"Summers…" Lance looked at Scott carefully as he pulled away. "What are you on?"
"And can we have some free samples?" Todd blinked.
"TOAD!" Scott grabbed Todd and hugged him tightly. "Wonderful earthy Toad! How I appreciate you!"
"I'd appreciate you if you'd stop strangling me…" Todd gasped.
"Are we on TV?" Pietro looked around. "This is a prank, right? That's gotta be it!"
"You think we really want people to tape this?" Rogue asked.
"Pyro! Buddy! I like you!" Scott hugged Pyro. "Pietro! I like you!" He hugged Pietro. "Wanda…"
"Touch me and you die," Wanda glared at you.
"I get it. You have personal space issues. That's cool. Blob!" Scott reached out his arms. "Look I don't think we got off on the right foot. What with the whole Jean being kidnapped misunderstanding thing…"
"Misunderstanding?" Jean yelled.
"I'm just saying that maybe if we all just talked out our problems instead of fighting each other we could have resolved the conflict more peacefully," Scott said.
"WHAT?" Jean yelled. "SCOTT THE BLOB KNOCKED ME OUT AND TIED ME UP SO I WOULD GO ON A DATE WITH HIM!"
"Only because you wouldn't go with me to get a soda," Fred pouted. "Five freaking minutes to get a soda. How hard is that?"
"See you both have points," Scott said cheerfully.
"Summers has a new point, on his head," Wanda blinked. "Okay Scott, what happened to you?"
"He was kind of in therapy for a while," Kurt explained.
"And they let him out like this?" Wanda asked. "I think you have a malpractice case."
"While I was at this retreat I learned to focus on the positive," Scott said. "Look at the world through rose colored glasses. Of course with my powers, that's not too difficult to do! Am I right?"
"Yeah right," Lance humored him. He looked at Rogue. "Seriously, what's he on?"
"My last nerve," Rogue grumbled.
"You know what we should do?" Scott asked. "Let's do a role playing game so we can explore our inner selves! Won't that be fun? Fred you be Jean and Jean you be…"
"Okay Scott let's go home now!" Jean yanked Scott by the arm and started to drag him away. The X-Men fled after them.
"Come by the house sometime!" Scott called as he was being dragged away. "We can have herbal tea and read poetry!"
"How about I read you the riot act when we get home?" Jean yelled.
The Brotherhood stood there, completely stunned. "Okay if this is a delusion, this is definitely one of my weirder ones," Pyro blinked.
"For once Pyro, you're not the one who's delusional around here," Pietro remarked.
"I knew one day the guy was gonna snap," Fred blinked. "I just didn't think he'd crumble faster than a graham cracker under a rolling pin."
"How can you not snap while living at the Institute?" Todd asked. "Place if full of nut jobs yo."
"I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm grateful that I'm living with sane people," Wanda groaned. She looked at Todd, Pyro and Fred. "Somewhat."
"I'm telling you guys," Kurt said to Bobby, Ray and Kitty in the kitchen later that day. "Scott is acting really weird! I mean besides the chanting and stuff he actually hugged Avalanche! And Toad! And the rest of the Brotherhood. Well not Wanda because she wouldn't let him but he hugged the Brotherhood!"
"Maybe he was trying to put a tracking device or something on them?" Ray asked.
"Normally I'd think that too but the way Scott's acting now I don't know what I believe anymore!" Kurt said.
"Wow," Bobby said as he went to make some toast. "I mean we always wanted Scott to lighten up but I never thought he'd completely lighten his load if you know what I mean."
"Not really," Kurt blinked. "Kitty what are you doing?"
"Trying a cupcake recipe," Kitty was finishing up some batter. "Strawberries, chocolate and whipped cream are okay for filling right?"
"Aren't you supposed to put the whipped cream filling in after the cupcakes are baked?" Ray asked.
"I figured this would save a step," Kitty said.
"Where did you get the whipped cream?" Bobby asked. "I thought we were out of it."
"We were. I made my own," Kitty said. "Uh whipped cream can be yellow right?"
Just then the toaster let out a loud burp. "Did someone get Forge to fix the toaster again?" Bobby did a double take.
It let out another burp. "Probably," Ray said.
"What's going on?" Rogue asked as she walked in.
Kurt was about to explain when he opened the refrigerator to get something. "Hello Nurse!" The refrigerator chirped.
"Whoa!" Kurt closed the door quickly.
"Okay…" Rogue blinked. "That's weirder than usual…"
"Freaky…" Kitty opened the oven in order to put the cupcakes in.
"No! Please Kitty! No more food!" The oven cried in agony. "My circuits can't take anymore!"
"AAAHHH!" Kitty nearly leapt into the ceiling.
"No more baking! For the love of God please no more baking!" The oven cried.
"The kitchen is haunted!" Kurt wailed.
Scott came around the corner snickering. "Scott! Scott! The kitchen is haunted!" Bobby screamed. "The toaster burps! The refrigerator talks! And the oven is getting sick of Kitty's cooking!"
"This is all your fault!" Ray pointed a finger at Kitty.
"What?" Kitty yelled.
"Your cooking has angered the spirits of the kitchen and now they're going to haunt us forever!" Kurt wailed.
"Kurt get a grip!" Rogue snapped. She looked at Scott. "What are you laughing about?"
"Sorry, I just couldn't resist…" Scott was laughing. "It's my hidden talent! I've discovered ventriloquism!"
"You discovered what?" Kitty's eye twitched.
"Hold on! I'll be right back!" Scott bounced off. "Don't go away…"
"Scott's lost his mind hasn't he?" Bobby blinked.
"Without a doubt!" Kitty groaned. "Oh man there's cupcake batter all over the floor! I can't cook these things now!"
"Well with every dark cloud there's a silver lining," Kurt remarked.
"Hello everyone," Xavier wheeled in with Hank and Logan behind him. "I understand Scott's back."
"Professor thank God you're here!" Rogue said. "Cyclops has just lost his mind!"
"So I have heard," Xavier raised an eyebrow. "Logan has informed me of Scott's erratic behavior."
"Professor, Scott is hugging the Brotherhood and making the toaster talk!" Kurt said. "I think we have moved beyond erratic."
"He was making the oven and the refrigerator talk," Bobby corrected. "He only made the toaster burp."
"You know what I mean!" Kurt said.
"I don't," Logan blinked. "Making the oven talk?"
"Scott's learned a trick or two during his little vacation," Rogue said. "He's learned how to…"
"Everyone we have a problem," Jean walked in before Rogue could finish.
"We know! Scott's gone nuts!" Ray said.
"No, I mean the Brotherhood is here," Jean sighed.
"Oh good," Rogue said. "You called in experts."
"Okay what the hell is wrong with Summers?" Lance barged in with the Brotherhood behind him. "He's lost it! Not that he ever had it to begin with but still…"
"What are you yahoos complaining about? Upset that you're losing your title as Most Insane Mutant?" Rogue quipped.
"Yeah!" Pyro nodded. "I mean, crazy is who I am! If I'm not the most insane mutant what am I?"
"Oooh! Ooh! I got this one!" Bobby raised his hand.
"Bobby!" Jean snapped.
"What the hell happened to Summers?" Lance asked. "Professor did you give him a personality transplant or something?"
"And if you did, do you have the receipt?" Pietro asked.
"No, Scott was in Hawaii on a retreat to deal with stress for a month," Xavier began to explain. "He was having trouble handling the pressures of leading the X-Men."
"He was driving us nuts with his stupid regulations and training exercises," Logan said. "Don't sugarcoat it for them. They wouldn't get it anyway."
"Hold it for a second," Fred raised his hand. "He drove you crazy so you all sent him to Hawaii? We drive you crazy all the time! How come you never send us anywhere?"
"Don't think that option wasn't suggested," Logan glared at Xavier. "Several times!"
"Wait Summers was in Hawaii?" Pietro blinked. "When was this?"
"He just got back!" Jean was exasperated. "He's been gone a month and you didn't notice?"
"Hey we in the Brotherhood got better things to do than to spy on you X-Men all day and observe who's here and who's not!" Pietro bristled.
"Pietro you didn't even notice Toad's Gnome Brigade in the living room until you lost the remote," Wanda growled.
"Gnome Brigade?" Kurt asked.
"Yeah I got all these Garden Gnomes and…" Todd began.
"Hold it, Toad," Logan stopped them. "We can only deal with one crazy person at a time. Right now it's Cyclops' turn."
"Oh, should I pencil you in for another day?" Todd asked innocently.
"Why do we let him live?" Logan glared at Xavier. "Will somebody please explain that to me?"
"Wolverine, please," Xavier sighed. "Let's deal with Scott's erratic behavior first shall we?"
"Summers has moved way beyond erratic," Pietro grunted. "He's gone straight to Looney Land with a house on Fruitcake Boulevard."
"It's like some crazy mutant brainwashed him," Todd said. "Hey maybe that's what happened? Maybe some new enemy went into his brain and changed Cyclops' personality."
"Toad that's ridiculous," Logan snapped. "Why would anyone want to do that?"
"Maybe because the guy knows him?" Lance quipped. "God knows his personality needed an overhaul. Just didn't figure on a complete lube job and engine change."
"All right Lance, now you listen…" Jean bristled.
"Hey I'm glad you're all here!" Scott said cheerfully. He had something behind his back. "I want you all to meet someone. The newest members of the X-Men. Everybody, say hello to Dave!"
"Hi there everybody!" A tan and brown dog puppet with googly eyes was revealed on Scott's hand. "Glad to meet ya! Yuk! Yuk!"
Everyone was stunned. "Oh my God…" Kitty's eyes widened.
"And here's his friend, Bob the Badger!" Scott took out another puppet. A mean looking brown badger with familiar black sideburns.
"Take a picture Bub, it'll last longer!" Bob spoke to a very shocked Lance in a voice that sounded a lot like Logan's. "Anybody got any beer?"
"Oh my God…" Jean rubbed her head in agony.
"Guess that house on Fruitcake Boulevard is an apartment complex," Fred blinked.
"Toad, I apologize…" Logan groaned. "Maybe your brainwashing theory isn't that far fetched."
"Summer's brain wasn't just washed," Lance remarked. "It was run through the spin cycle, pressed, put on a hangar and stashed into a closet!"
"A closet in an insane asylum," Rogue closed her eyes in a desperate attempt to wish the insanity away.
"Send him away for a month you said," Jean glared at Xavier. "He needs to find himself you said!"
"Looks like he found a few friends instead," Fred remarked.
"What the hell have I done?" Xavier moaned as he put his head in his hands.
"I just lost my title, didn't I?" Pyro asked.
"By a landslide!" Rogue snapped.
"See I told you they'd all hate us," Bob snorted. "You owe me a beer."
"Oh come on Bob let's give them a chance to get to know us," Dave said cheerfully.
"Dave's right, Bob!" Scott said. "Hey maybe we can all get to know each other over tea?"
"Tea shmee! I want beer!" Bob snapped.
"Oh," Xavier said casually. "Scott's learned ventriloquism."
"That's what I was trying to tell you," Rogue said.
"Come on Bob! You'll love this tea!" Scott went over to the counter and took out a canister. "I got it in Hawaii! You drink this twice a day and you feel relaxed and vibrant!"
"I'll feel relaxed and vibrant when I get a beer!" Bob snapped.
"Wait a minute, let me see that tea. I know that smell…" Logan sniffed as he took the canister. "Scott have you been drinking this every day for the past month?"
"Yeah on Doctor Xesse's orders," Scott said happily. "Tea twice a day makes…"
"Makes the crazy come to stay!" Logan groaned. "Cyclops do you have any idea what kind of tea this is?"
"I know what it is," Fred remarked as he looked at the tin. "I had a few relatives that liked tea too. And not the kind you find in the supermarket."
"I believe the mystery of Scott's new personality is solved," Hank sighed.
"Don't you mean personalities, as in plural?" Wanda asked.
"What? What do you mean?" Kurt asked. "What does tea have to do with Scott acting like this?"
"Yeah I don't get it," Bobby said.
"You're kidding?" Todd gave them a look. "Don't you people ever watch any after school specials?"
"And they call us dumb," Fred groaned. "Lemmie guess Summers, you got this particular tea from some reservation or something?"
"The Doctor said it was special tea Native Americans used that had medicinal purposes," Scott said.
"Medicinal. Right! This tea's scent is almost non existent unless there's a high concentrated amount," Logan groaned. "No wonder I didn't smell anything on him before!"
"I knew he was on something," Lance rolled his eyes.
"What are you talking about?" Scott asked.
"They mean your brain is all strung out on whacky weed you moron!" Bob the Badger snapped at Scott.
"Scott this particular collection of unusual herbs was used in many Native American and Aztec vision quest ceremonies," Logan explained. "Long ago I took it once in a ceremony but nothing happened. Wasn't sure if it was due to my healing factor or the fact I was a mutant. Now I know."
"And knowing is a good reason the FDA has warning labels on everything nowadays," Fred added.
"Logan, Hank could you two please escort Scott to the infirmary?" Xavier sighed.
"What? Wait a minute! Where are we going?" Scott asked as Hank took his arm.
"Are we going on a trip! I love flying!" Dave said cheerfully.
"He's already flying!" Bob snapped. "Get your hands off me you blue ape!"
"Can I have some tea before I go?" Scott asked.
"No," Logan grabbed his arm.
"But I want some!" Scott whined. "Guys! Where are we going?"
"We're going to the funny farm! We have to get out of here!" Bob shouted. "This is kidnapping! We're being kidnapped! Someone call 911!"
"Charles you might want to consider getting your lawyers to sue that doctor friend of yours!" Logan snapped as he dragged Scott away.
"Send Scott away for a month so he could relax," Jean looked at Xavier. "That was a brilliant idea!"
"Technically it worked," Todd snickered.
"Oh dear…" Xavier winced. "What have I done now?"
"Don't worry too much Mister Xavier," Fred said. "I know about this particular stuff since my grandma grew it back on the farm. It's not that addictive and he should be fine once it gets out of his system."
"And once he stops arguing with himself he'll turn back into the same old tight ass we all know and hate," Lance snickered. "Unfortunately."
"Yeah I was just getting used to the puppet shows," Pyro snickered. "Hey wait! If he was on drugs then his craziness doesn't count! Yes! He's disqualified! I still have my title!"
"How fortunate for you," Rogue said sarcastically.
"It is, isn't it?" Pyro said cheerfully.
"GET BACK HERE CYCLOPS!" Logan shouted as he and Hank chased Scott.
"Scott you need to dry out in the infirmary!" Hank yelled.
"Okay maybe it's time the Brotherhood go home?" Jean gave the Brotherhood a look.
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" Bob screamed. "HA HA HA HA HA!"
"And miss this freak show? Forget it!" Pietro laughed.
"You're in luck guys," Todd said to the X-Men. "You've just walked into a real life after school special."
"And we walked into a great free show," Pietro snickered. "Say what you like about the Brotherhood, at least we don't do drugs."
"No, but some of you should be on them," Rogue glared at him.
"Please! What do you and highly qualified psychiatrists know?" Pyro snorted.
"GET HIM DAVE!" Bob was heard yelling. "BITE HIS EARS OFF!"
"CYCLOPS THAT STUPID PUPPET IS NOT GONNA HURT ME!" Logan yelled. "OW! OKAY! THAT HURT!"
"I believe I might be considering taking some kind of medication soon," Xavier groaned.
"NO! NO! I WANT MY TEA!" Scott screamed as Hank and Logan dragged him away.
"I WANT A LAWYER!" Bob shouted. "I GOT RIGHTS YOU KNOW!"
"No, you don't!" Logan barked.
"I DON'T WANNA DIE! I WANNA LIVE! LIVE I TELL YOU!" Dave wailed.
"And that boys and girls is why they call it Dope," Fred folded his arms.