Authors note: If you know 'Hedwig and the Angry inch', then you know the basis of the film and song, so clearly this isn't entirely accurate but looking at it from a Rizzles perspective, it should also work. I hope.
Some asked for another one shot based on the Hedwig songs and this one kinda did a little jig in my head. It's longer than the last one too. If you're searching for the song to listen to as with Origin of Love, you need to search 'Wicked Little Town Tommy Gnosis version' Enjoy!
This is set after 'Burning Down the House' but I've used some minor parts of S301 then run away with it. Not to worry if you haven't seen it yet, there are no obvious spoilers, a couple of quotes, that's all.
All the places I've mentioned are real and they're really where I say they are. I have no affiliations with any of them but hey, free advertising for them! lmao
Maura Isles sat on her sofa and sighed heavily. The past month had been the hardest of her life; so much upheaval, chaos and pain. This was the first time she'd really been able to relax without the newfound anxiety of a Rizzoli bursting in and spinning her life around.
Just five weeks ago, Maura had welcomed that chaos in her life. Their constant coming and going had felt like family. It had been her family.
Then Jane had shot Patrick Doyle, her father, and everything had changed, she had changed. She'd spent every minute at the hospital, hoping he would wake up. It was for selfish reasons that she prayed for his survival. She was just learning who she was, where she'd come from and she'd wanted to share that with her 'family'. But her family, Jane, had taken it all away, destroying her chance at discovering who her biological mother was.
Patrick had fought hard, as Maura knew he would but his wounds were severe, the damage caused by the bullet, too great. When the infection set in, Maura knew he would not survive. His body too weak to fight another foe. Still she sat at his bedside, holding his large, calloused hand and hope and prayed he could do the impossible and pull through.
Maura had been returning from the bathroom when she was practically mauled by a desperate Jane. Despite herself, Maura's heart leapt at the sight of her friend. "I'm sorry too." She remembered saying those foolish words. Foolish for Jane was not sorry for her actions, nor had she come to comfort her friend. Jane's desperation came from the desire to 'save her own ass'. It had infuriated Maura beyond reason and she'd pushed Jane's pleas away coldly. By the time she'd returned to Paddy's room almost an hour later, he had succumbed to the mass infection that ravaged his body.
Maura had been furious. Jane had created this situation and then stolen her chance to say goodbye to her father. Cause and effect. Jane was the cause but felt none of the effect. Of course she was, she'd been the cause of every one of Maura's truest and deepest emotions since the day she burst into her life.
She'd left the hospital in a daze, driving back to the police department headquarters and sitting heavily at her desk. She'd opened a document and typed up her resignation on autopilot. She hadn't even bothered to proof read the letter.
With a box of her most precious belongings under her arm, Maura Isles closed the door on her life, on everything she could have had and been. She walked from Boston police headquarters, not as a pathologist, nor as the Chief Medical Examiner but as Maura; a broken and lonely woman. It suited her; after all, it was what she knew best.
Pushing open her front door, she was almost run down by Jane. Angela stood in the middle of her living room, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her pleading eyes settled on Maura.
"No Ma!" Jane snapped at her mother. "She's water!" She'd jabbed a finger in Maura's direction. "I'm blood!" Maura pushed silently past her, wondering how her home had turned into a warzone. Why couldn't they leave her alone?
Whatever they had been arguing about had come to its conclusion with that one statement. Angela moved slowly, gathering her belongings as Jane stormed from the house. Had Maura turned to watch her leave, as she so often had done before, she'd have seen the tears of longing and sorrow in Jane's eyes as she paused to look back at Maura.
When Angela had left almost two hours late, Maura pulled her laptop open and clicked quickly to a real estate site. It took her about an hour before she'd settled on four properties she's liked and called the agents to organise viewings. A few phone calls later and Bass was loaded into a car and heading off to his usual care-giver for an impromptu vacation.
Maura had poured herself a glass of wine before she'd packed a suitcase showered and crawled into bed. The flight to San Francisco took off at lunchtime the following day.
Maura had chosen a Spanish style house in a charming and quiet neighbourhood. The current owners had already moved out into a new home and they had done something drastic and probably illegal. Maura hadn't cared at all.
After the viewing, she retired to the bar in her hotel and settled into a booth when Mr Lloyd had appeared, shifting nervously on his feet. She couldn't hide her surprise at his presence.
"May I?" he'd gestured towards the booth.
"Please."
Jack Lloyd was on the verge of a breakdown, of losing everything. He'd bought his new home out of sheer desperation. His wife had begged, pleaded and finally threatened to leave if they didn't move. He didn't expand as to why and she hadn't pressed for an explanation. Within weeks of moving he'd lost his job and the house payments alone were bleeding him dry.
"Look." He got right to the point. "How about this?" He paused as the waitress set a bottle of beer on the table in front of him. Jane's beer, Maura thought. "I take the house off the market, we go down and get the deeds changed, I knock 10k off the price and you move in this week?"
Maura had sipped her wine, regarding the man carefully. She hadn't been looking forward to the escrow time, nor having to find somewhere to rent while she waited but had been willing to do so to get away from Boston. It was clear there was nothing left there for her now.
"But…" Jack drained half his beer. "I want it in cash." He'd watched her, studied her carefully, waiting for her reply.
That was five short weeks ago and now here she was, sitting in her new Spanish influenced house in San Francisco staring at the large crates that contained her art. They had arrived an hour ago and completed her move.
Bass had made the trip the previous week with a specialist reptile courier and was settling into his new surroundings better than Maura had anticipated. In the warmer temperatures of California, he was more active than she'd ever seen him in Boston. He seemed to enjoy his time outside in the garden, and had declared war on a large stone tortoise that the previous owners had left.
Looking around her new home, Maura smiled sadly. She missed the comings and goings of others, the life that filled the house but she would learn to live in the silence again. It was what she knew best; the silence and emptiness of her life had been enough before. Before Boston, before the Rizzoli's, before Jane. She would learn to appreciate it again. She had no other choice. It was all she had left. Getting to her feet, she headed back upstairs to finish unpacking the boxes for her office.
-/-
"What do you mean, she left?" Jane roared. "She can't leave, where would she go?" While the internal affairs investigation had been on going, Jane had been on suspension, the brain child of a dirty cop who wanted her out of the way so he could try and frame her. She hadn't expected Maura to answer any of her calls and so wasn't surprised not to have heard from her, this news however, she didn't see coming.
Korsak and Frost flinched against the fury of Jane's words; they had played a tense round of rock, paper, scissors to decide who would tell Jane that Maura was gone. Korsak had lost but that hadn't stopped Jane directing her rage at anyone in the bullpen. Neither man spoke, many of the other detectives had suddenly found cause to leave, not bothering to hide the reasons for their sudden departure.
"Where is she?" Jane demanded, her patented Rizzoli Glare gluing Frost to his seat.
"I.. I…." he swallowed heavily, it felt like his throat was full of sand. "I don't know." He croaked, cringing back farther into his chair.
Jane's eyes narrowed dangerously. The last time he'd seen that look, she'd smashed a heavy chair over the back of a gangbanger out of his mind on PCP.
"She's disappeared, Jane." He whispered.
Jane turned, covering the distance between them in three large strides and grabbed his keyboard, ripping its wires out and dislodging the large monitor on his desk. She threw the keyboard with all her might against the wall where it exploded in a shower of keys.
Turning on her heel, she stormed from the bullpen and out into the sunshine.
"That went well." Korsak said with a nervous chuckle when he was sure Jane was well out of earshot.
"It did?" Frost asked, loosening his tie as he relaxed back into the seat.
"She didn't shoot anyone." Korsak nodded. "I thought for sure someone was getting it."
Frost laughed nervously. Korsak did have a point. Pissing off an armed woman was always a dangerous move, when that woman was Jane Rizzoli, it was even more risky. He got to his feet slowly.
"Where ya going?" Korsak asked.
Frost bent quickly, gathering up some of the exploded keyboard. "I can't well find anyone using this, can I?" he said, allowing the pieces to rain down on the floor. "I'm going to get a new one."
Angela opened the door slowly, her heart rising into her throat as she saw Jane standing on her stoop. She had known this day would come, honestly she had expected it much sooner.
"Janie!" She forced cheerfulness into her tone but Jane was on to her. She always knew. Squinting at her mother, Jane gasped, stepping back suddenly as a look of horror contorted her face grotesquely.
"You knew?" she accused. "You knew she was leaving?"
Angela reached out, grabbing Jane's arm and pulling her towards the house. "Come inside Janie." Angela pleaded. "Please."
Jane wrenched her arm free. "You knew?" her voice shook with emotion. She couldn't understand how her mother could know something like this and not tell her. "And you didn't tell me?" Jane backed away. "How could you not tell me?"
"Janie, please. Come inside."
Jane stopped and held up a hand to silence her mother. "Don't call me that." She growled. "You don't get to call me that anymore."
"I'm sorry Jane." Angela whispered softly. "She was like a daughter to me."
"Yeah." Jane agreed. "I bet. Someone you could take shopping, talk about boys, get your manicures together?" Sarcasm coated her anger as she continued to back away slowly. "I'm sorry you lost your daughter." Jane spat.
"Janie?" Tears flowed freely down Angela's face. "I meant another daughter."
Jane waved away her explanations as she strode to her car and started the engine. Peeling away from the curb in a cloud of smoke and tyre squeal, she left her mother sobbing in the centre of the road.
Jane drove; it was all she could think of to do. They knew, they all knew that Maura was leaving and they didn't tell her. She hadn't expected Maura to forgive her, nor to speak to her really but she hadn't expected everyone in her life to turn their back on her, to side with the medical examiner. It was a good shooting, IA had cleared them all.
The engine idled as she sat at the curb, staring up at the dark house. Autopilot always brought her here. Home. The 'for sale' sign stabbed at her heart, taunting her and mocking her loss. She stepped from the vehicle, slamming the door loudly before crossing to the front door. How many times had she done this over the years, walked up to Maura's door and let herself in? She still had a key. Trying the cold metal in the lock, she was surprised to find it still worked. What she saw turned her stomach. It was true. Empty rooms that were once so full of life, art from all over the world covered walls and adorned tables, the warmth that danced in the air and mingled with the scent of Maura. Those were the things that made this home. Now they, like the doctor, were gone.
The familiar smell of the doctor was gone, replaced with cheap air fresheners and estate agent cologne. She moved silently through the house, checking for anything that might be left, anything to prove that Maura hadn't really gone and she hadn't lost the best thing that had ever happened to her.
She pushed open the door to the room that had once been Maura's bedroom; like the rest of the house it was empty, devoid of the life and love that had been solely Maura's doing. She sat on the floor in the space where Maura's bed would have been, on Maura's side.
It was fitting really, Jane thought as she sat in a house that had once been a perfect representation of Maura. That she would be here like this. She had spent the last few years forever in Maura's shadow and now; she sat in the shell of her home that now represented her. Empty, lifeless and devoid of warmth and love, both she and the building suffered the same fate and for the same reason. Jane Rizzoli.
When Jane woke the next morning it was to brilliant sunshine on her face. She could hear voices downstairs.
"Maura." She croaked, getting to her feet and shaking the aches from her bones. As she headed down the stairs, it was to unfamiliar voices. Estate agents, she realised, probably showing potential buyers around. She slid into the closet at the top of the stairs as the unknown people ascended them.
"This is the master bed." She heard him open the door and appreciative 'oohs' from the people he was with. His voice faded as the entered the en suite and Jane slipped away silently. Taking one last look around the space, she closed the front door behind her and clenched her jaw as her heart turned to stone within her chest.
"You better have something for me." She growled as she marched into the bullpen, making Frost and Korsak visibly jump.
"She got on a plane to San Francisco five weeks ago." Frost said. "I managed to hack into her email." Jane was at his side in seconds.
"I want more." She told him. Had she been thinking clearly, Jane could have done that herself. "She's gone Jane, I can't find her anywhere."
"Maura Isles has done the impossible and vanished without a trace." He spoke to no one in particular.
Jane sat in her car. After the confrontation with her mother the day before, she hadn't wanted to go to the café for her coffee so had opted to use the Starbucks a few blocks down. Sipping the bitter liquid, she stared at the pastry she'd purchase with disdain.
"If it's the last thing I do." She promised, "I will find her. I will have her back." She tossed the pastry out the window and into a trashcan. "I can't live without her." With nothing left to lose, she pulled out her cell.
-/-
Maura wandered through the streets slowly. The one thing she hadn't considered about moving to San Francisco were all the hills. Nothing was flat in this town. She passed various bars, clubs and cafes, each with a rainbow flag flying proudly outside before turning into a quaint little store.
"Hey there." She was greeted by a sultry purr and turned suddenly. The woman that stood before her was tall, strong, Amazonian. For all intents and purposes, she was Jane. The same finely chiselled cheekbones, carefully sculpted musculature, rich chocolate eyes. She had moved 3000 miles and still she bumped into Jane Rizzoli on every damn corner.
"Hi." Maura stuttered, fighting the urge to turn and run screaming from the store.
"Can I help you with anything?" The woman asked, regarding this strange woman carefully. "You just hiding in here?" she asked when Maura offered no response. "You look like you just ran into an ex or something."
Maura nodded. "Or something." She agreed.
"Bad break up huh?" the woman asked softly. Maura could only nod. It wasn't the best break up she'd ever had. Despite their only having a friendship, she'd never been closer to another human being than she had been to Jane. Their relationship had been closer, more intimate than any sexual relationship she'd ever had. Maybe that's why it hurt so much more.
"Yeah, well." The woman continued organising her paperwork as she spoke. "She's an idiot."
Maura looked up suddenly. "What makes you think it's a woman?" she asked. Maura wasn't naïve, not in the slightest, she knew what people said about them back in Boston, she knew they all thought she and Jane were dating, or sleeping together at least. But she wasn't in Boston anymore.
If the woman was surprised, it didn't show. "Well honey." She hopped up onto the counter, swinging her legs in a way that was all too familiar to Maura. "You're new to the area and no one moves here unless they're all kinds of gay." It wasn't a question, it was a fact. "And when you saw me, you looked for a moment like you were gonna eat me alive." She smirked as she finished her sentence. "Now, did I make it up or…"
Maura stopped. Why had she moved here specifically? Was it because it was a high profile gay area, hell everyone knew that about San Francisco, it was no surprise. Even in her short exploration of the area, she'd seen more gay businesses than she could count.
"I'm not gay." She said certainly. "I, well, I guess you would call me bisexual if you had to put a label on it." Maura frowned suddenly. "Why are we talking about this?"
The woman laughed, a warm, throaty sound that both thrilled and scared Maura. She was all too much like Jane.
"Do you have any shoes?" Maura asked suddenly.
The woman looked to Maura's feet. "Got nothing that fancy!" she said, regarding Maura's Jimmy Choo's with a shrug. "Got some nice flip flops though."
Maura nodded and selected a simple pair from the display, her mind sprinting with thoughts, questions, and sudden regrets. She paid and thanked the woman before slipping the simple shoes on and continuing on her walk. She walked for many blocks, twisting and turning through the town she would now call home until she came to the park near her home. 'Kite Hill Open Space' the sign read. Maura ambled through the luscious greenery, enjoying the silence and solitude that a park walk afforded. She sat on a bench and watched children playing football on the grass.
From the pocket of her slacks, she heard her ringtone and frowned. No one had called her in weeks; since she'd handed in her resignation she hadn't heard a word from anyone. Pulling the device out into the sunshine, her heart clenched in her chest. Jane. She stared at the name until her messaging service made the decision for her and kicked in, stripping Maura of her right to choose how to deal with the call. Still she started dumbly at the screen until its mechanical beep informed her she had one new voicemail.
"Maura." Jane's warm voice washed over her. "I know why you left; I know I don't deserve to hear your voice or ask for your forgiveness. You owe me nothing and I owe you everything. But please, Maura, I know we can never get back what we had, what we were but please call me or text me and let me know you're ok. I am truly sorry, you'll never know how much. I won't try and find you if you don't want me to, but I need to know you're safe." Maura felt a silent tear run down her cheek as Jane's voice broke. "Even if it's to tell me to leave you alone, please contact me. I won't answer the phone so you don't have to worry. I am sorry though Maura. I miss you, I miss us." Sobs echoed in the background before Jane cut off the message, leaving Maura reeling.
Getting to her feet, Maura slipped her phone back into her pocket and continued her walk through the park, back to her home. She had been careful not to leave a trail, this had been her new start. She made a stone of her heart and left because if she hadn't, she'd have died there. Making a mental note to change her cell number in the morning, Maura sighed. No one could find her now, not even Jane.
As she pushed open her new front door, Maura sighed. She would contact Jane and make the break a clean one.
-/-
Jane sat at her desk and drummed her fingers on the top. She knew she was running a fine line, focusing her energies on finding Maura rather than the pile of paperwork that was threatening to become mountainous. She clicked on her internet browser and hit maps. Frost had found nothing, only an email confirming a flight to San Francisco, from there, Maura had vanished. She hadn't used a credit card that he could tell and when Jane had logged into Maura's credit card account online, there were no new transactions. With no way of getting into her bank account, Jane stared at the map, cursing the city for being so large.
When her phone rang on her hip, she pulled it from its holster, glancing at the screen quickly.
"Maura." She whispered softly her thumb hovering over the screen. Instead she waited until her voicemail picked up. It would do her no good to go back on her promise, if she wanted to see Maura again, she had to follow through.
She waited anxiously, hoping that Maura would leave a message. When the beep indicated she had, Jane almost leapt out her seat.
"Jane. It's Maura." Jane sighed, the doctor sounded so cold, so far away. "I wish desperately that we could be what we were, maybe more but I know that your actions and my feelings prevent that from happening. I left because I found it too painful to be around you. I can't do it anymore Jane. I'm sure given time; you see that this is for the best. I've moved to a place where I may be welcomed, I can be happy here Jane. I wish you all the best in your life and that you can make your peace and find happiness. I always thought that I would be a part of that happiness but now it's clear to me that cannot be." Jane clenched her jaw, she wouldn't cry, not here. "You say you know why I left but that isn't true but I do owe you an explanation. I spoke to Patrick before he died and you were right, he would have shot you. I overreacted to your actions and for that, I'm sorry." There was a pause as Maura gathered herself, Jane could almost hear her trying to decide if she should continue. "I left because I have realised some things about myself, I thought I could control them and I can't. I have always held you back, I didn't mean to but I was unfair to you. This is the way it should be Jane." Tears shook the doctor's voice and Jane bit her lip, everything within her wanted to reach out, to hold her until the tears stopped. "I'm sorry. Goodbye."
Jane wiped fiercely at her eyes and listened to the options, replaying the message again. At no point had Maura told her to leave her alone, not to contact her, not to look for her.
There was still hope.
Korsak stood at the door to the bullpen and watched as Jane composed herself. As a wry smile crept over her face, he pushed open the door and walked slowly towards the brunette, extending his arm and offering coffee, hoping it would sooth the beast.
"Ok?" he asked gently as he retreated to his desk.
Jane looked up at him and smiled. Nodding slowly, she got to her feet and tossed her cell into his lap. Listen to my messages, I need to do something.
Jane strode into the café and settled herself in a chair in a far corner, shielded from the hustle and bustle of the main body of the café. She knew her arrival would be noticed. Now she just had to bide her time.
It took almost a half hour before Angela appeared at her table.
"Hey Ma."
Angela didn't reply, she only raised an eyebrow, watching her daughter carefully and trying to judge her mood.
"Please sit down?" Jane offered, her eyes lowered in shame as her mother stood, her arms crossed over her chest. When Angela made no movement, Jane continued.
"I'm so sorry Ma." She looked up, finally meeting Angela's eyes. "I was a complete asshole and you didn't deserve it. I shouldn't have spoken to you that way."
Angela slumped into her seat. "No, you really shouldn't have."
"I was upset, about Maura." Jane offered by way of an explanation.
"I know." Angela reached out, holding Jane's clenched hands in her own. "She didn't want to go, you know."
Jane lowered her gaze, fighting back the tears. "You should have spoken with her instead of being such a brat." Jane only nodded. She deserved this, deserved to be reprimanded. Usually, it was Maura that told her off but never in public. She'd take her aside and there'd be the tilt of the head, the eyebrow raise. Jane had thought of this as the pre 'easy way or hard way' speech and she would always get Jane to do the right thing.
"She loves you Jane." Angela whispered.
Jane nodded. "I know. She's my best friend, I love her too."
Angela squeezed Jane's hands. "I don't think you understand." She said. "She's in love with you."
Jane looked up at her, her face crumpled with confused tears. "She what?" she choked out.
"She loves you Jane, she's in love with you!" Angela repeated, watching as her daughter processed the information. "You didn't know?"
Jane shook her head slowly.
Angela got to her feet suddenly. "What on earth is wrong with you?" she demanded, slamming her hands on the table and causing a few others to turn their way. "Do you walk around with your head up your ass?"
"MA!" Jane leant back, trying to put some space between them.
"Anyone with eyes can see it, and don't you sit there and tell me you don't feel the same." Angela insisted. "The way you look at each other, all lovey."
Jane opened her mouth to object but found herself unable to deny it.
"And all that touching?" Angela was on a roll now. "I was married to your father for 30 years; I didn't touch him that much in all that time." She smirked knowingly. "It was really too much honey."
Jane was stunned. Did she really touch Maura as much as her mother claimed? No, of course not. Her mother was overreacting as she was known to do.
"I mean, you got your hands on her back, on her hips, on her arms. You're all up in her business, Miss Handsy."
Jane held up her hands in supplication. "Ok Ma."
Angela sat back down in the seat opposite her daughter. "So, have you eaten?" she asked, a sympathetic smile softening her face. Jane only shook her head. "Let me get you something." She got to her feet.
"Macaroni cheese?" Jane asked. Her mother paused, a broad grin lighting up her face.
"With extra ketchup."
"So, get anything from that?" Jane asked as she marched back into the bullpen and sat on the edge of Korsak's desk, nodding towards her cell.
The larger man smiled at her warmly. "She didn't tell you to leave her alone."
Jane brushed her long fingers through her hair and sighed. "I meant anything more useful, did you hear anything in the background, those good old fashioned detective skills you're so proud of?"
Korsak shook his head slowly. "You?"
Jane reflected the motion. "No. But you're right, she didn't say to leave her alone." A bright grin spread over Jane's face. "So, we know she went to San Francisco and Frost can't find any trace of her, which means she's not using her real name." Realisation hit Jane hard. "Or maybe she is."
Frost froze in the doorway his grip tightening on his lunch, unsure as to Jane's mood. "When you searched for Maura, what name did you search under?" she directed her question to him, not giving him a chance to enter the room fully.
He edged carefully past her, setting his lunch on his desk and frowning. "Maura Isles, why, should I have looked for something different?"
Jane grinned at him, the Cheshire cat expression filling the room.
"Search Maura Doyle." She told him.
Four hours later, Frost had still come up empty.
"I was so sure." Jane told no one in particular.
Cavanaugh had popped in, curious as to why his A team were burning the midnight oil. Jane had bitten the bullet so to speak and told him outright. He had tried to argue, tried to send them all home but they pointedly refused. Each one was there on their own time, having clocked out at the end of their shift. So they were using resources. Cavanaugh knew he needed to reprimand them somehow, to insist they stop but in truth, he wanted Maura back as much as they did. He missed the quirky medical examiner and her immaculate presentation, both professionally and personally.
"We got nothing." Korsak said finally.
"You guys should head home, this isn't your crusade." Jane sighed.
"What about you?" Korsak asked. Jane looked tired. No, Jane looked like last week's trash. "You need to sleep."
Jane only nodded as she gathered her things silently. There was so much left undone, unsaid and unrealised. In the last few hours she'd been hit with more information than she ever thought it possible to get in such a short space of time and it had wiped her out.
"I'm going home too." She told him.
Getting to her feet, she offered a half-hearted wave to the men and wandered slowly out to her car.
When he was sure Jane was long gone, Frost scooted across the floor in his chair. "So, what did the phone message say?" He'd been so silent at his desk that Jane had forgotten he'd been there but now, the anticipation was on the verge of ripping him apart.
-/-
Maura sat on her deck with a glass of white wine and watched the sky as it went through a kaleidoscope of colours before the sun dipped under the horizon. After her call to Jane, she had been left with a strange sense of closure but rather than pleasing her, as she had thought it would, she just felt empty.
She could hear Bass exploring his new home; the occasional thud indicated his new exploration had met either a cramped turn or a reflective surface. In recent years, he seemed to have crept into sexual maturity and anything even vaguely tortoise shaped was met with a knock. Maura had meant to find out if he was being amorous or aggressive but had never gotten around to it.
As she drained her wine, she returned to the house, sighing heavily at the large crates that still sat, unpacked, in her lounge. She meant to pick up a crowbar when she was out but after the incident in the store, she had totally forgotten about it. There was nothing in the house that would open the shipping crates and she knew no one that may have one. That's a lie, Jane would have a crowbar and she would be there in a heartbeat to help. But that was before. Maura wondered when their lives had become so intertwined, when what's hers had become Jane's and vice versa. She couldn't remember. Shaking the memories of her past from her mind, she climbed the stairs slowly.
Who was she kidding? If it was herself, then she really was being naïve. She showered quickly and slipped into an oversized baseball shirt. It was Jane's, of course.
She'd moved across the country for a fresh start, to get away from the hurt that was Boston. Inhaling the warm scent of the detective that still clung to the shirt; she felt tears prickling her eyes. She'd moved all that way and the only thing that made this home was the remnants of Jane that she'd brought with her.
"What have I done?" she asked softly.
-/-
Jane crashed onto the couch of her apartment with an icy beer and drained half the bottle in one hit. She was missing something big.
Reaching for her laptop, she finished her beer and fetched a fresh one as the computer booted up. Opening her browser, she immediately went to Google maps and typed in San Francisco, CA. The little red marker mocked her, riling up a jealousy in her that she hadn't anticipated. That little red marker was closer to Maura than Jane was. She knew it was impossible, ridiculous even but still she felt a fire twisting her gut.
Zooming in slowly, she tried to work out where Maura might be. Each new zoom revealed a new street or district. As she pressed the button for the fourth time, it hit her. Right there as plain as the nose on her face. She ran her fingers over the words and smiled.
"I got you Maura Isles." She whispered, feeling the lump in her throat. "I'm coming for you."
She zoomed in once more, her focus now to the south west of that little red marker. She laughed despite the hole that had replaced the heart in her chest. Reaching for the phone, she called the station, booking two weeks off starting the following morning. That had been easier than she anticipated, her holiday time was racking up and they seemed glad that she was eager to use some of it up. Her second call was to the airline, managing to book herself on a flight for the day after. Her final call was to her mother.
"Hey Ma." She couldn't hide the smile that danced eagerly over her face. "I didn't wake ya, did I?" she asked softly, only just realising the time.
"No honey, you didn't." Angela had been on the verge of dropping off on Frankie's sofa bed.
"Can you look after Jo Friday for me for a couple of weeks?"
Angela grinned. "Why?" she tried to be nonchalant and came up short.
"I'm going away for a while."
A heavy silence hung on the line for a minute or more before Angela finally spoke. "Did you find her?" she asked.
"I think so Ma." Jane admitted. "I need to go and talk to her."
"Don't you mess this up Janie!" Jane rolled her eyes. "Don't you hurt her."
"I won't Ma." Jane promised. "I need to tell her how I feel."
"And how is that?"
Jane scratched Jo's head affectionately. "You know how I feel Ma." She felt her stomach knot.
"No, I don't Jane. You never tell me anything anymore, you shut us all out, you don't let anyone get close to you." There was a loaded pause. "Except Maura."
"I know, I don't mean to Ma. And I never meant to let her in; she just appeared inside the walls one day." Jane admitted. "Once she was in there, I wanted to keep her forever and never let her out."
Angela choked back a sob.
"But I've messed it all up." Jane continued. "Before I even knew what I had, I ruined it."
"Do you love her Jane?"
Jane smiled. "My whole life, I've never loved anything else."
"Good!" Angela choked out. "I'll see you in 20 minutes."
True to her word, Angela Rizzoli burst into Jane's apartment 18 minutes later. Jane was still sitting on the couch, staring lovingly at the map she had pulled up.
"Why there?" Angela asked as she slid onto the couch next to Jane.
Jane pointed at the screen. "This is where I'd go if I were her." She said.
"Eureka Valley?" Angela said, a small chuckle bubbling in her throat as she nodded.
Angela suddenly turned serious, her dark eyes focusing on Jane.
"Janie?" she asked, that good old Catholic guilt coating her words as she spoke.
"What have you done, Ma?" Jane curled her legs up under her and regarded her mother. She wanted to be nervous about what she would say but the hope that bubbled in her kept it at bay.
"Before Maura left." Angela began, her face turning a deep scarlet. "She asked me to give you something." Jane raised an eyebrow slowly. "I went back to pick up my favourite winter coat and she asked for it back."
Jane frowned. "Ok?" So there was something, then there was nothing. Sounded par for the course so far. "Did you give it back to her?"
Angela nodded. "Of course Janie."
"So what are you telling me?" Jane couldn't understand why her mother was telling her this non-news.
"Well, she went to the bathroom." The flush in Angela's cheeks deepened. "And I sort of took it…." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a battered envelope, turning it over in her hands.
"I know she wanted you to have it." Angela said, "But I don't know if I should give it to you now."
Jane pulled the envelope from her grasp, turning it over in her hands.
"Thanks Ma."
Angela got to her feet slowly, bending to place a warm kiss on her daughters head. "I love you baby." She whispered.
"I love you too Ma." Jane replied, watching as her mother collected up Jo Friday's things and attaching her leash. Jane smiled as they walked from the door, Jo didn't even look back at her.
She sat for an hour, turning the envelope over in her hands. Should she read it? Maura had obviously wanted her to so why had she changed her mind? Two beers later, she threw caution to the wind and ripped the envelope open. Maura's refined hand filled the page and Jane ran her fingers over it, sighing happily.
My Dearest Jane,
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I have to do it for us. I used to think you understood me and the journey I was on but after… recently I have come to realise you don't know me at all.
Together we were so much more than the sum of our parts, when I'm with you I feel alive, loved and respected rather than spectacularly odd.
I want you to know that this isn't about Patrick, not really, but you killed him, Jane, and with that, any chance I had to learn who I really am. You killed me Jane.
I am leaving because I need to be away from that. I used to think we were on separate but parallel roads that would eventually converge, and we would arrive at our destination, happy together. Yes Jane, I mean together in every sense. I know you will never return my love in that sense and I have made my peace with that. I had been content just to be near you, to be your friend because I thought you knew me. I could have been happy that way. But now I know that we are nothing but strangers, I never thought that would happen to us, not after everything we've been through.
To walk away you have to leave something behind and I have to leave you. Please know that I don't want to but I don't know who I am anymore and until I know that, I can never hope to have more from you or anyone else.
To be free, one has to give up a part of oneself so I am leaving you with two things. I am giving up my heart; I am giving it to you as it had always been yours Jane. From the second we met, I knew and I hoped you would grow to see everything we could have together.
I am also giving up the very best part of me. You. You made me whole, you made me more than I ever dared hope I could be. Please treasure these gifts and take care of them. Especially yourself. Take care of her Jane. She deserves more than you let her have.
Maybe we'll meet again one day and on that day, maybe you'll find it in yourself to return these things I hold so dear. I beg of you Jane, love what I have left you, they are my most prized and treasured things, without them, I am nothing.
I do love you, always.
M.
-/-
Over the next week, Maura settled herself into a nice little routine. She explored a lot, finding small, obscure shops, local markets and wine bars. As she sat in her new favourite sandwich shop, she watched the world go by. People of all shapes, sizes and colours strolled down the street. People watching had become Maura's new favourite way to pass the time. She liked to try and work out what they did for a living, or where they were going.
"Hi again." That rich velvety voice made Maura jump.
"Oh. Hello." She greeted the tall woman warmly. "I'm sorry, I never asked your name." Maura offered the other chair to the woman she'd met in the store more than a week prior.
"Lucy." The brunette told her, folding her lithe frame into the seat.
"Maura." She extended her hand, surprised by the strength that gripped her.
"So, how are you enjoying California?" Lucy asked, sipping the ice water that had appeared almost instantly at the table, along with a menu.
Maura paused to consider the question. "It's very vibrant." She decided, drawing a throaty chuckle from the other woman. "I'm a little intimidated about some of the bars." Maura leant in as she spoke, as if sharing a big secret.
Lucy smiled. "Yeah, I get that." She was reading the menu even though she knew exactly what she'd order. "I'll take you out one night, if you'd like?" she offered casually.
Maura paused briefly, watching the waitress as she took Lucy's order before disappearing back inside.
"Really?" she asked, kicking herself for hearing the word in Jane's tone. "I mean, you'd like to do that?"
Lucy frowned. "You kiddin' me?" she scoffed, "I'd love to take you out."
Maura smiled warmly and jotted down her new number on the napkin. "Well you call me, and we'll work something out." Maura got to her feet. She'd made plans to have a massage and was already running late.
Jane yanked her hair up into a loose ponytail and swore under her breath. She'd been in San Francisco for over a week now and was still no nearer to finding Maura. 'What the hell was I thinking?' she hissed as she stared at the map in her hands.
She'd gotten on a plane with no plan, no real clue where she was going or what she was going to do when she got there. San Francisco was a big place and right now, Jane felt like an idiot.
"Can I get you something else?" the waitress asked, appearing suddenly at Jane's side.
"Yeah, can I get a clue?" she didn't mean to snap but she was hot and irritated by her stupidity. Why did these big romantic gestures always work in the movies?
"What ya need honey?" the waitress brushed her arm gently as she leant in to look more closely at the map.
"Where the hell am I?" Jane was too hot to worry about her pride, the stifling California summer tearing at the edges of her mind. She'd spent all day wandering aimlessly through the streets, occasionally hailing a cab with no real destination in mind.
Her plan, and the word was implied loosely, was to get to San Francisco and check out all the places Maura could possibly be working. Armed with a picture of Maura and a list of morgues, crematoriums and undertakers in the area, she'd spent the first five days going from place to place, each time coming up empty. Now she had four days until her return flight and not a single damn clue.
"You're here." The waitress pointed to the map. "What are you looking for?"
Jane reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell. "I'm looking for her." She said, showing the young woman a picture of the two of them, taken at the annual BPD picnic the year before.
"Ooh no, sadly, I haven't."
Jane glared at her. "Are you sure?"
Chuckling softly, the waitress held up her hands. "Honey, all I'm saying is I'd remember being rejected by her."
Jane forced a smile and tucked her cell back into her pocket. Slipping some bills and a generous tip onto the table, she gathered up her map and set off back towards the main Eureka Valley area. Her gut was telling her that's where Maura would be, and her heart knew it. If she had to knock on every door in the valley, she would. She would find Maura, if it was the last thing she did.
Being a lady of leisure was something Maura could definitely get used to. She laid face down on the table, a muscular man working out the kinks in her muscles as soft music flowed over her like water. She could feel herself dozing as he worked.
"Ok, you're all done Miss Rizzoli."
Maura sighed. "Really?" she asked. "That was so good George." She sighed heavily. 'Really.' One word that defined Jane so completely, one word she had never used so much in all her life.
"Yeah." He agreed as he tidied up quickly. "See ya next time." He slipped from the room, allowing Maura to dress again in private.
'It's because I used her name.' Maura decided, 'I should have gone with Doyle.' Maura stepped into her clothes and yawned. She knew Jane would search for it, it was a given. When she couldn't find her under Isles, she would immediately then try Doyle. Maura knew Jane well enough to know that. She would never stop looking unless Maura told her to give up and Maura would never be able to say those words. She needed her space, her time but a part of her wanted Jane to bust into the massage parlour and sweep her off her feet. But she also knew Jane would never do that. Nothing about her upbringing would allow her to overcome that fear and let herself really live.
Maura had known and accepted that, despite Jane's obvious attraction to her, she wouldn't acknowledge that part of herself. Jane would never risk losing her family for Maura.
She paid her bill and stepped out into the sunshine. A brief stop at the farmers market to collect some organic fruits and vegetables for Bass and Maura would head home. A glass of wine on the deck as she watched the sun set that would be the perfect end to a beautiful day.
As she settled into her chair, Maura sighed happily. She was right, she really could be happy here. It hurt to be away from Jane but every passing day made it that little bit easier. On the table next to her, her cell rang.
"Hello?" she offered cautiously.
"Hey, Maura?" that rich, velvety voice warm her skin. "It's Lucy." Maura smiled. Lucy was a nice woman, nice to look at at least.
"I know it's not cool to call on the same day you get someone's number." She sounded embarrassed. Was it really not the done thing to call this soon? Maura didn't know. She called when she liked someone. "But I thought you might wanna check out the karaoke at Last Call bar?"
Maura considered this for a moment. "Sure, it could be fun." She finally offered. "As long as I don't have to sing."
Lucy laughed warmly. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to." She purred. "Just come down and meet some new people, like a welcome to the village."
"Ok, that would be nice." Maura smiled warmly. "When is it?"
"That's the thing." Lucy sounded sheepish. "It's tonight, starts at nine."
Maura glanced at her watch. "Ok, sure, I'll need some time to get ready." She said. "Should I meet you there?"
"If you want, or I can come pick you up?" Lucy offered.
"That would be nice. About 9.30?"
Maura gave her address and dropped the phone onto the table. She had a little over an hour to get ready.
Jane was tired of being lost, tired of not knowing where she was going or what she thought she'd accomplish by wandering around in circles. As the cab pulled up in front of Parker Guest house, she paid the driver and got out the cab.
"Hey." She stuck her head back in the door. "Where's a good place for a beer?"
The driver looked her up and down. "For you?" he asked, a knowing smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Last Call bar, its back there on 18th." He pointed in the general direction. "A couple of blocks back. It's the nearest."
Jane thanked him and pushed open the heavy gate to the guest house. She'd have a shower and head on over there. An icy beer sounding like just the thing she needed.
An hour later, Jane was ready. Regarding herself in the mirror she smiled. The last time she'd worn this outfit, Maura had broken a heel. The memory made Jane giggle as it had at the time. They'd foregone an evening at the Robber in favour of a karaoke bar. Jane had insisted it would be fun and despite her reservations, Maura had agreed to go with her. When Jane arrived at her home, she'd been waiting.
"How did I not see it?" she asked her reflection.
Maura had been so busy undressing her with her eyes that she'd not seen the unlevelled paving and had trapped the heel of her Jimmy Shoe or whatever his name was. She'd continued her stride, leaving the heel of the shoe in her wake. Jane had laughed heartily, not from Maura's obvious distress at the broken shoe, but the stunned look of surprise that accompanied her sudden plummet when the heel she expected to be there, wasn't.
Now, accompanied by the skin tight white tank, even Jane appreciated her appearance.
As she stepped into the foyer, she was greeted by the owner. "Do you need a cab?" he asked her as she paused in front of the rack of pamphlets and brochures.
"That'd be great." Jane smiled warmly. Tonight she would enjoy this town for the first time and not worry about finding Maura, if it was meant to be, they would find each other.
Twenty minutes later, the cab stopped outside a small bar. Jane had expected something bigger, more flamboyant.
As she pushed open the door, she was surprised to find the place to be busy. It was just after nine and a small woman was setting up a karaoke in the top corner. Buying herself a beer, she snuck into the back corner and flicked carelessly through the book that sat on the table next to her.
Maybe, a few beers later, she'd consider a song.
The knock on the door made Maura jump. "I'm coming." She called, hoping that Lucy would be able to hear her. A couple of minutes later, she pulled the door open.
Lucy's mouth fell open. The royal blue dress that Maura had chosen clung to her in all the right places and accentuated her curves. She looked more like she was going to the theatre or a fancy art exhibition than to a bar.
"Am I not dressed properly?" she asked when Lucy failed to speak.
"It's a little dressy but you look stunning." Lucy said softly.
Maura paused. "Should I change?" she stood back to allow Lucy in.
"Oh no, really, you look beautiful."
'You look beautiful' Jane never said that, Jane always told her she was beautiful. With that one sentence, Maura felt the tug in her chest. She missed Jane, more than she'd dared to allow herself to.
"Let me get my shoes." She said, excusing herself to her bedroom.
Pulling up outside the bar, Maura had flashbacks to her first time at the Dirty Robber. She had a similar first impression of Last Call. It seemed too small and dark to be anything other than a dive but as they moved inside, Maura was pleasantly surprised to find it warm and light inside. People stood around in groups, singing along with the karaoke.
"Luce!" a voice rose above the din and Lucy waved.
"I want you to meet my friends, they're good people." She said, taking Maura's hand and leading her through the crowd to a table in the far corner.
Jane Rizzoli rubbed her eyes and stared at her beer. 'What the hell did they put in it?' she wondered.
"You ok there?" Ali slapped her on the back. The group of women nearest her had taken it upon themselves to introduce Jane to the finer side of San Francisco, and that started with a good group of friends. They'd seemed like fun so she'd accepted their offer to sit with them. Now she wasn't so sure that one hadn't spiked her drink. She would have sworn she just saw Maura.
"Yeah." Jane spluttered. "I'm just seeing things." She rubbed her eyes and focused her attention back on the front of the bar, scanning the crowd. If that was Maura, she had done the impossible again and vanished into thin air.
"You need more beer!" Ali told her as she got to her feet. "My round." The other women at the table cheered as she fought her way through the crowd.
Jane couldn't settle, she excused herself and moved further towards the entrance. Maura was there, she could feel it. The swell of people restricted her from doing a thorough search. She paused next to a tall brunette, tiptoeing to try and see over the throng of people into the far corner.
"Can you give me a taster of both the red's you offer?" The brunette next to her practically had to scream to be heard over the crowd. Jane's head snapped round. "Oh yeah. That's Maura." She couldn't contain herself and danced on the spot.
Pushing back to group of people who'd adopted her, Jane knew there were two ways she was getting to the front of the bar. A fire or a song. Since a fire would cause too much chaos, in which she could easily lose Maura again, she opted for the latter. But it had to be perfect. She flicked through the book and grinned. Reaching out for the slips of paper and a pen, she scribbled the details down, her hand shaking to the point the words were almost illegible.
"I'm going to smoke." Jillian stated simply.
"Can you put this in?" Jane asked her, handing her the simple sheet of paper that would, in one way or another, change the rest of her life.
"Yeah. No worries." Jillian glanced at the slip and nodded knowingly. Now all Jane had to do was sit and wait.
It took 5 more singers and another half an hour before it was time.
"JC." The host called over the microphone. "JC, you're up!"
Maura turned slowly. Her back had been to the stage for most of the evening, turning only to applaud a particularly good singer. When the mysterious Jacey failed to appear, she looked back to the group she'd found herself sat with. They were nice people, welcoming and friendly.
"Ahh there she is!" the host said. "Come on, let her through."
Maura watched the group as they downed another round of shots. Maura had politely declined and sipped her wine slowly. Of the two options they had, she'd opted for the least chalky. Another thing that was better in Boston.
Jane felt sick to her stomach as she stared at the back of Maura's head. She'd know that hair anyway. The group she was sitting with were loud, rowdy and knocking back shots. She'd never seen Maura look so out of place.
Warm piano music filled the room and the bar fell silent.
"Forgive me, For I did not know. 'Cause I was just a boy. You were so much more," Jane sang, fighting to keep the shake from her voice. The bar and people faded away as Maura turned in slow motion.
Maura's eyes raked slowly up Jane's body, starting at her feet. She couldn't be there, not really. Not here.
"Than any god could ever plan, more than a woman or a man. And now I understand how much I took from you."
Jane's voice was warm, loving, calling her home. Tears stung Maura's eyes as they met the warm chocolate of Jane's.
She was really there.
"That, when everything starts breaking down, you take the pieces off the ground, show this wicked town, something beautiful and new."
Jane nodded slowly, licking her lips as Maura studied her, listening intently.
"You think that Luck, Has left you there. But maybe there's nothing, up in the sky but air."
Maura could hardly breathe. Jane had followed her over 3000 miles with nothing to go on. Never one to believe in fate or destiny, she could help but reconsider her position on those things. Something had brought Jane to this bar on this night. There's no way she could have known this is where she'd be tonight. Maura hadn't known it until two hours ago.
"And there's no mystical design, No cosmic lover preassigned. There's nothing you can find, that cannot be found."
Jane smiled, her eyes pouring all the love she could manage into Maura. As she sang, she watched the group Maura was with fall silent, watching them as they studied the interaction before them.
"'Cause with all the changes you've been through. It seems the stranger's always you. Alone again in some new, Wicked little town."
Maura glanced slowly over her shoulder. How could she ever have doubted Jane? The woman that stood before her understood her more completely than she could ever have dared hope for.
"So when you've got no other choice. You know you can follow my voice." Jane offered her hand to the doctor as she stepped from the small stage. Maura froze in place. Jane's fingers intertwined with hers, warming the doctor from the inside out.
"Through the dark turns and noise. Of this wicked little town. Oh it's a wicked, little town. Goodbye, wicked little town."
Jane practically through the microphone back at the host as she pulled Maura to her feet. The entire bar had fallen silent, no applause as the final chords of the song faded into nothing. Everyone took a collective breath as Maura's fingers ran slowly over Jane's cheek.
"Is that really you?" she whispered, her breath tickling Jane's lips.
Jane nodded. "It's really me." She breathed softly.
Searching Jane's eyes, Maura traced over her features, taking every one in. She looked the same and yet, she was completely different.
"I got your letter." Jane admitted, hoping Maura would remember having written it. When Maura nodded hopefully, pressing closer to Jane, expelling all the air between them.
"I came to return your treasures." She smiled. "You're right. I deserve better than I let myself have." Tears streaked down Maura's face and Jane wiped carefully at them. "I deserve the very best." Jane nodded.
Maura laughed softly and nodded in agreement.
Jane dipped her head, capturing Maura's lips in a slow and sensual kiss.
All around them, the bar erupted into raucous cheers and applause. Jane and Maura heard nothing as they lost themselves in each other. Seven weeks, three thousand miles and they thing they needed most had been right under their noses the whole time.
"Sometimes, all it takes is a wicked little town." Lucy sighed as Jane lifted Maura off her feet and carried her out into the night.