Felicity held the door handle trying to calm herself down before she walks into her son's room. She tries to remember her breathing, counting to ten in her head, counting to down from ten in a low whisper but she still can't seem to control her sobbing shakes. Finally swallowing her sobs she knocked on the door and entered.
Felicity saw her 8 year old son sitting on his bed on his tablet, he looked up and saw his mom and greeted her with a smile. Felicity returns the smile sadly and looked down at her feet.
"Mom?" Connor questions raising his eyebrow in his mom's direction.
"Can you put your tablet away please, mom needs to talk to you" she whispers wrapping her arms around her pregnant belly.
Connor does as his told and then sat up on his bed making space for his mom to take a seat. Felicity sits down and faces her son taking his hand in his and rubs circles round his knuckles.
"Mom what is it?" Connor asks concern written all over his face.
"I …" She pauses her voice betraying her like she knew it would, tears streamed down her cheeks.
"Mommy" he says cleaning her tears with his thumbs. Felicity takes his hands immediately.
"It's dad" she yelps, "dad … there was an accident and …. Dad … baby dad didn't …" she pauses yet again and watches her son who is taking in what his mother is trying to say. "Baby daddy he didn't … daddy was in a car accident and he …"
"Mom? Dad he's ok though right?" Felicity tightens her grip on Connor's shaky hands.
She shakes her head "No baby … daddy he didn't …" her body shakes violently as she cries loudly.
Connor pulls his hands away from Felicity and shakes his head. "NO" he screams as Felicity tries to reach for him. "NO, dad is fine he is coming home, he promised he would teach me how to use a bow" he screeches.
"Connor, baby daddy …"
"Is coming home, stop lying" he shouts running out of his room yelling dad.
Felicity stands and runs after him "Connor" she yells after him.
"Dad" Connor screams running down the stairs of the Queen Manor where his Uncle Roy was hugging his aunt tightly and his Uncle John stood up from holding his head on his hands.
"Uncle John please tell me my mom is lying please" he begs.
Diggle shakes his head sadly his own tears spilling.
"Connor" Felicity finally reaches him falling to her knees taking her son's face in her hands.
"NO HE IS COMING HOME" he pushes Felicity and then makes a run for it leaving the Manor.
"We'll go" Thea says pulling Roy with her as they left the Manor following the little boy.
Felicity begins shaking and finding it hard to breath, she is panting and Diggle immediately goes to her aid recognizing that she is having a panic.
"Breath Felicity breath ok, remember the baby" he rubs circles in her back trying to walk her through breathing with him.
"How can I? How can I breathe when he has been taken from me Diggle his gone" she cries letting her head fall on his shoulders.
"Felicity please" Diggle pleads with her.
"It's not fair, he has spent 15 years of his life fighting for this city he has faced everything and a car accident takes him away from me, it's not fair, it's not fair" she screams.
"I know" Diggle cries along with her. "But please Felic…"
"No, how can I breathe, how can I breathe when my heart has been ripped out of my chest, how can I breathe when my … my everything has been taken away, he was my oxygen Diggle and now he is gone how … how can I breathe" she sobs.
"For Connor, for this baby they need you do you hear me I know it's now fair, I know please" Diggle throws his arms around her and holds her as she carries on crying.
About an hour later Connor comes back into the house and doesn't say anything apart cuddle up to Felicity. They lay in the living room huddled together silent tears fall down both of their faces.
The day of Oliver's funeral arrives since finding out of his death Connor hasn't said a word despite his uncle's, aunt's and his mother's efforts. He doesn't speak to anybody and Felicity knows she is being selfish in wanting him to speak as she misses his voice and she needs comfort.
"I want to carry dad's coffin" Connor says shocking everyone as this is the first time he has said a word for four days.
"Baby …" Felicity begins as she stands in front of him in her black dress which doesn't reveal just how pregnant she is.
"No I want to carry the coffin don't tell me I can't" he yells.
"Baby all I am trying to say …"
"I will never speak to you ever again if you don't let me" he says spitefully.
"Of course you can" Diggle intervenes noticing the shock on Felicity's face.
Connor nods his head and then turns to leave. "Felicity he can carry the coffin ok, we'll carry it low rather than on her shoulders and he can hold on to it" John says.
"I know but I … it's too much Diggle he is 8" she shakes her head as Thea approaches her and takes her into her embrace.
Felicity stood by the open grave Thea holding her hand tightly. Felicity turned her head as she saw Diggle, Roy, Ted, Capitan Lance and Connor hold Oliver's coffin. Felicity stiffened as she saw her son holding on to the coffin, the coffin the man she loved, her everything, her Oliver lay in that coffin.
She heard Thea begin to cry and she tighten her grip on her hand crying too. Felicity looked away and up in the sky where husband was no doubtable up somewhere there. She saw dark clouds and thought of the irony of how dark and brooding her husband used to be. She hated that it was sunny because since she gave birth to their son 8 years ago he had been nothing but sunshine and happy.
The coffin was lowered into the grave and Connor wrapped his arms around Felicity's waist rubbing his hand over her stomach as if to comfort his sibling who would never meet their father.
Felicity heard nothing that was said but she just stood looking down at Oliver's grave, her lip trembling.
Connor had long moved away and sat in one of the seats in front of the coffin. There were not many people at the funeral they wanted it that way only the people who loved and new all of Oliver. As everyone stood over his grave Connor was the only one who sat away alone.
Everyone pulled out their umbrellas as the skies decided to pour in sync with everyone's tears. Ted and Laurel turned to leave with their son in tow. Diggle and Lyla and their daughter Sara and son Andy turned to leave with Roy and Thea and their little girl who was asleep on Roy's shoulders followed. Felicity's mother who since Felicity found out she was pregnant had moved to Starling and had actually fallen in love with Lance and the two lived together also turned to leave.
Felicity that hadn't bothered to pull out an umbrella walked to her son and took a seat next to him. The rain drenched them but neither cared. Connor let his head fall onto Felicity's lap and cried loudly.
"I want dad back" he cried.
"I know" Felicity said loudly as she tried to be strong for her son.
The rain did not die down and after 10 minutes Connor got up and left leaving Felicity alone, as she finally got up she looked up at the sky seeking Oliver.
"How dare you" she yells stomping her foot. "How dare you leave me Oliver, how dare you leave us, how could you just … just die …. Oliver please, please I need you come back, I'm not a big believer in God but you send him down to me, give Oliver back to me please" she begs and screams and pleads but nobody hears, nobody listens or gives a damn, no one answers her prayers.
Felicity picks up some damp dirt and throws into Oliver's grave "I love you".