Completely
by Stessa
"You will never guess what happened to me this morning!"
Alice placed her bag on the table and stared expectantly at the ones of her friends who were momentarily gathered together at The Planet for an afternoon cup of coffee. Kit stood there, a tea cup on one hand, and the other hand on Tina's chair. The very pregnant woman stared blankly at Alice; it was evident that she was in the middle of something with Kit and that the tea the older woman held was for her.
Dana sat on the other side of the table, a very confused look across her face; she was smiling though, and Alice smiled warmly back to the woman she believed was the love of her life. Helena looked completely out of place in her white Gucci suit, and thinking about it, Alice thought that it looked like she didn't even want to be there either.
Dana pulled a chair out next to her and said, "What, what happened, babe? Was it the thing with the toaster because I sort of already told them about that." She chuckled nervously and Alice took a seat.
"Yeah Alice, are you okay, sweetie?" Tina asked and received her tea from Kit, who didn't leave because she wanted to see what went on, "Did you burn yourself a lot?"
"Yeah, I did." Alice quietly said, and continued on, because that wasn't the thing she wanted to tell them about, "But that's not even it. It's some other thing." She opened her mouth to speak further, but like every other day, Dana spoke first,
"The thing with the remote control?" she babbled off, her eyes huge.
"No." Alice firmly said and resisted, as so often when she got annoyed, to roll her eyes, "And if you'd actually let me finish, maybe you'd know."
Dana quickly closed her mouth, "Oh, that's right, I'm sorry, honey." She got through sealed lips. Her eyes popped out weirdly and she made sure to make a big show out of it.
"Alright," Alice said and tried to ignore Dana's popping eyes, "So, it was this morning-"
"Then how come Dana doesn't know?" Helena broke in, with her fancy accent (which Alice loved by the way). She looked like she was now interested in the story, but that didn't make Alice too happy when she also interrupted her. At this rate, she'd probably get her story told sometime after Tina had her baby, and that wasn't really in her plans.
Dana then broke through her silenced lips, "I was out training sometime." She quickly said, and then placed a hand on her mouth again, looking with apologetic eyes at Alice; she seemed to feel bad about not being able to keep her mouth shut.
Tina then continued on, so Alice wouldn't even get a chance to speak, "Oh, because of your tournament?" she asked, turning her head to Dana so she could have a real conversation with her. After all, it was nicer to look at someone when you spoke with them.
Alice leaned back in her chair and stubbornly crossed her arms, hating that she'll never get this said. She hated when stuff like this happened; if they were going to be like this, then she didn't even want to tell them. She'd just tell Shane or maybe Bette once they arrived.
"Well yeah, but also just 'cuz… well, 'cuz of training." Dana randomly explained, and Tina nodded knowingly.
Helena then chipped in, "Guys, I think Alice wanted to say something."
Alice gave her a funny look when the other three turned their eyes to her again, only to find her stubbornly mad, not a smile on her face. She released her arm-cross and sat up straighter again, "No way." She said, and gave them all a firm look, "I don't wanna tell you if you really don't wanna hear."
Dana reached a hand out to place it on top of hers, "Oh come on honey, we wanna hear."
"Yeah!" Tina said, nodding her head as she sipped her tea, "We're really sorry, Alice."
Alice looked at their faces and now it looked like their full attention was on her, so she swallowed loudly and had to smile, "Okay." She said, and let her fingers intertwine with Dana's hand, "So, I got out of the shower this morning and I-"
And then Kit's cell phone rang.
Alice groaned loudly when Kit excused herself to answer it. Dana smiled to her again and offered her a sip of her coffee instead; Alice didn't know how to feel about this. She didn't even know why she even bothered to want to tell them something, when apparently they all had better things to discuss or do.
Helena then turned to Tina, "So, did you want to go out for dinner tonight?"
Tina seemed to think about it for a few seconds. Alice knew how confused she had been lately about Bette and Helena, and she probably didn't want to screw it up right now. The baby was due very soon, and since she told Bette that she wanted to have her in the baby's life, they had been getting along so much better, "I'm not quite sure Helena… I think I might just want to stay in tonight and be alone." She made a face, and Alice had to hide her smile.
"Hey honey, do you want to go out to eat tonight?" Dana asked right next to her, and Alice tuned away from Helena's response and focused all her energy on listening to Dana, who was shooting her the most adorable smile.
She shook her head though, "No."
Dana battered her eyelashes just to get her to give in, "Please Alice. It'll be fun. It's been so long since we went out for dinner." The tennis player continued, and looked her straight in the eye.
"Stop it!" Alice said and placed a hand in front of her eye, so she wouldn't have to watch her girlfriend, "Stop being cute when I want to be mad at you!"
Dana chuckled lightly, "Well, I'm naturally cute." She protested and quickly sipped her coffee, "You can't do anything about natural cuteness, Al."
Alice had to admit that she was right about that, even if she was still mad at her. But her cute smile did soften her up a bit, but she didn't want them to know that; she wanted them to feel really bad about not listening to her.
They all turned to look when Bette came into The Planet, Kit, who had hung up her phone, trailing right behind her to their table. Bette kissed Tina's cheek lightly and warmly said hi to the others; Helena only got a polite nod, though. She took a seat, and Kit hugged her from behind.
"So what does my baby sister want to drink?" Kit wanted to know, a huge smile in her warm eyes.
Bette turned her head up ways and smiled at her sister, "Can I just have a coffee?" she questioned, and Kit nodded, before she hurried off to go get it. Bette then turned back to them with one of those gorgeous smiles and Alice felt happy because maybe now someone wanted to listen to her, "So, what's up?" she asked.
Dana squeezed her hand and Alice felt like that was the push she needed; now she could finally get it said. She pecked her head in Bette's direction and said, "Actually, I've got something I want to share…"
"Yes Alice, please do tell us." Helena said in a sweet voice, which probably bothered Bette a bit, since she shot her a quick dirty look.
Bette then turned back to Alice, "What is it, Alice?" she wanted to know, just as Kit placed the coffee in front of her with a huge smile,
"You finally getting ready to share your story, Alice?" she questioned.
Alice just nodded; she almost couldn't contain her excitement by this point.
"You really should wait until Carmen and Shane comes." Kit quickly added, with a nod towards the door, "It was Shane on the phone before. Them two will be here in a few minutes."
Dana nudged Alice in the side, "I bet Shane wants to hear it, Al."
"She probably does." Tina added in.
Alice seemed to think about it for a few seconds, as she weighted out to pros and cons. She wasn't sure she would ever get it said if she missed the chance right now, but on the other hand she really wanted Shane to hear it too. She was sure that she would find it funny too; Shane usually shared her sense of humour.
Alice swallowed loudly, this caused her very many troubles, "I guess I could wait…" she mumbled, and before she had even said that that was her final decision, the rest of her friends had started talking again. Bette started to ask Tina something about the baby and Kit took a seat too, soon engrossed in a conversation with Dana. Helena tried to break in during both conversations, but no one really wanted to talk to her.
Alice turned her head to the side, to see Jenny make her way into The Planet too. She waved happily at her, and Jenny then got through the throng of people and kissed her cheek happily, "The others will be here very soon." The writer said, and took a seat too, she looked happy today, and Alice liked that because it wasn't too often that Jenny really smiled these days; she was such a troubled woman.
"That's great." Alice said, probably a bit less enthusiastic than she meant it to be, but that was only because she kept thinking about that thing she wanted to share.
"Alice has something great she wants to tell us." Helena explained, her eyes directly aimed at Jenny; seemed like when no one else wanted to talk to her, Jenny could do the trick.
Jenny smiled warmly at Alice again, "Oh really? What's that?" she asked.
Alice couldn't hide her smile because at least Jenny seemed really interested, "Oh, you'll see." She mysteriously said and winked at the younger woman.
"Shane! Carmen! Over here!"
Kit's outburst caused the entire table to turn around and look at the two woman as they crossed the shop and grabbed two spare chairs to sit down with them. They greeted everyone, happiness bursting through their eyes.
Bette seemed to really notice this, because she questioned them about it, "What happened to you two?" she asked them, "You seem really happy today."
"The funniest thing just happened right outside." Carmen explained, her eyes looking lovingly at Shane for a brief second, before the black-haired girl took over,
"There was this dude getting into a car," Shane told them all, in her usual calm way; the way that was so characteristic of Shane, "and he tried to close down his umbrella."
Carmen butted in, "Which was very weird, since it isn't even raining today."
"Yeah, and then he couldn't get it closed," Shane continued, almost stumbling over her words, because now she seemed to want to laugh, "so he tried to get it into his car without closing it."
Tina chuckled, "Then what happened?"
"He couldn't get that into the car first," Carmen said, and shed her jacket off, as her voice was calming down slightly, "so he tried to sit himself into the car first and pull it with him," she swallowed quickly before adding, "and then apparently the wind caught the umbrella and it just flew out of his hands and started moving down the street."
Dana snorted, "What wind?"
"I know!" Shane said, shaking her head wildly, "There's like no wind outside. The first and last one today is the one that catches his umbrella."
Carmen sighed heavily, "We almost fell on our butts laughing."
Bette nodded her head in agreement, "I would have liked to see that." She softly said, her voice just above a whisper.
The entire table got quiet and Alice bit her lip, waiting for the exact right moment to tell them her story. Carmen and Shane's experience was funny, no doubt, but hers was even better. She'd make them laugh for real, she was sure of that. She just had to make sure to tell it right, and not stumble across her words; she had to pick them carefully.
But before she got far enough to really do that, Tina broke the silence by pushing her chair back slightly, "Anyway…" she said, and checked her watch, "I better get back to work now, guys." She stood up and gathered her purse, "It was nice seeing you all."
"Hey!" Alice exclaimed and stood up too, feeling slightly forgotten; how come she couldn't remember that she had something to share as well? Some friend she was!, "I need to tell you all something."
Helena covered her mouth with a hand in surprise, "Oh yeah, you had something to tell us too, Alice."
Bette smiled warmly at her, "Sit down again Alice. You too, Tee."
Tina offered Alice an encouraging smile before she sat down on her chair again with much difficulties; she was a very pregnant woman and getting up and down wasn't easy; but she'd do it for Alice, no doubt about that, "Come on Alice… What did you want to say?"
"Alright," Alice begun an inwardly prayed that there would be no more distractions from any of her friends; but they were all there, so no one would suddenly burst through the doors and need their attention; they were ready to listen to her now, and she was very ready to be listened to, "so… it was this morning." She begun as she felt all eyes on her, "I just got out of the shower, Dana had left for training about an hour before, after I had eaten a quick breakfast and burned myself on the toaster."
"Ouch."
They were a good audience.
"Yeah, but that's not it." She begun and looked mysteriously around the table, gave them all a look just to get them all into the right mood, "I had, y'know, dried myself off, dried my hair and gotten into some fresh underwear, and then I had to put in my contacts."
Kit made a face and took a sip of Bette's coffee.
"Yeah… and I had just gotten some new kinds, it's the first day I'm wearing them." Alice continued her explanation and pointed briefly at her eyes, as if they didn't know where contacts went, "I was really excited about it, so I just went ahead and opened it, and you'll never know what happened then!"
Jenny looked confused, "Were the not the ones you expected?" she confusedly asked her.
Alice smiled at her, but shook her head. She paused for a second – just for dramatic effect – before she went for it, and exclaimed, "My contacts peed on me!" in a screechy voice.
There was a silence around the table, where everyone looked at each other. Bette looked completely out of place with her huge eyes, Kit's forehead was scrunched together and Helena stared offhandedly into the ceiling. Alice wasn't too crazy about the lack of response from her friends, so she decided to elaborate.
"Y'know?" she continued and placed her elbows on the table, "When you open the little box the contacts are in… It just spitted that disinfection-stuff on me. It stained my… my flowered sweater vest." She was done, but there was still no response, so she did the motion, as if opening the little box with her hand, "It peed on me!" she exclaimed.
"That's it?" Shane asked, disbelief streaming through her voice.
Alice nodded, as if she should have known that, "That's totally it." Alice said and quickly sipped her coffee, "I'm telling you, those contacts are super-peeing contacts."
"That's really it?" Dana questioned and looked Alice in the eye, "That's not even funny, Al."
Alice sighed heavily and glanced briefly around the table again to find everyone shooting her funny looks. She bit her lip and pushed her chair back, "Yeah alright, just look at me like that." She mumbled and when they still didn't look away, she continued, "Like I'm the weirdo here! That's totally you! … just 'cuz… you don't have any humour." She took another sip of her coffee and glanced at them again, "Yeah."
So yeah! I hope you liked that. I had another idea for a Dalice fic that I wanted to do, and I will probably get that one written and posted too, but this idea, I just had to write. I got new contacts myself and they peed on me when I opened them (they still do, by the way, there must be some kind of pressure inside the box), I tried to tell my mom and little sister about it, because I found it incredibly funny, but none of them were too amused by it. So I felt so stupid ;b
And then was when I thought that that was something that would happen to Alice and therefore this one-shot was born. I really hope you like it, and please do leave a comment for me :p
Disclaimer; I do not own The L Word.