...I completely blame my Child Development class for the crack I'm not emitting onto this website.
Damn you, Mr. Parillo!
Organization XIII (c) to Square Enix/Disney.
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There were usually only two reasons why Xemnas ever called to order meetings for Organization XIII (and Namine) on a Sunday. The first was to inquire why Kingdom Hearts wasn't completed yet and nag everyone about how they'd been slacking in their missions and that they'd never get their hearts back and they'd never get to truly love or feel emotion again. That rant, though said in a nearly deadpan tone, was always the most disheartening, excuse the pun.
The other reason was to do a roll call to make sure Saix hadn't eaten anyone. Again. Let's just say Axel wasn't the first number Eight, Larxene the first Twelve or Roxas the first Thirteen.
This meeting however, put in a whole other reason no one had ever thought would come into existence. Once all had arrived and were seated in their respective chairs (Namine on Roxas's lap for lack of extra seats. The artist seemed blithely unaware of her friend's slightly flushed face and Axel's sideways glare), the meeting at last began. Xemnas, seated in the highest chair to loom over his subordinates, regarded them with a chilly gaze. When he spoke, his voice was it's usual soft baritone. "It is good to see all of you decided to show yourselves this time." One golden eye strayed to Xigbar, who was slumped slightly in his seat with his hood pulled over his head to hide the fact he was hung over and/or asleep.
For some reason, Xemnas seemed to disregard this and turned his attention back to the others. "I called this meeting to make an announcement of a new project I have been mulling over for some time now. As of late I have come to realize that, once our hearts are returned to us, our Others may go on and find partners whom they will marry. After this they may choose to form what's called," He raised his hand, his fingers pressed into his palm with the index and middle fingers on each hand still rained, and curled them downward as he spoke. The words he used seemed to be unfamiliar to him. "'A family'. This means having children whom they with have to care for and," Again he curled his fingers to quote. "'Love."
A few of the Nobodies exchanged concerned and confused glances. What in the worlds was Xemnas hinting at?
"That being said, I have decided that in preparation for this we all need to practice proper childcare. That being said," Xemnas snapped his fingers and a line of Dusks zoomed, looped and waddled into the room carrying bags of all-purpose flour from the kitchen.
Xaldin made a slightly offended sound of protest. "I was going to make snickerdoodles-!" The Superior raised a hand to silence him.
"All of you will be paired up for the remainder of this week as a 'couple'. You will treat the flour sack as if it were truly your offspring. That means you must feed them, change them, play with them, keep them safe."
"And what, may I ask, do we get out of this?" Luxord asked casually, idly rolling a pair of red dice in his palm.
"In addition to earning parenting skills, the partners who take the greatest care of their flour child will be excused from all chores and mission for a month."
After a brief contemplating silence, Axel suddenly laughed. "Bring on the babies, Superior!" Vexen growled something about flashbacks of Even's traumatic experiences in high school.
"I am glad to see your enthusiasm, number Eight." Xemnas gave the redhead a brisk nod. "All of you will now be matched according to compatibility. Xigbar and Luxord, you both exhibit similar tastes and behaviors." Xigbar snorted in his sleep. "Xaldin and Larxene, you will be matched together." Larxene snarled and cursed softly, not because of her match but simply because she hated children, especially ones that should be used in baking. "Lexaeus and Zexion." The Silent Hero nodded faintly while Zexion slumped in his chair, huffing slightly. "Saix will, of course, be with me." The berserker glanced around, almost daring someone to snicker or make a joke. The room stayed silent. "Eight, you shall be with Thirteen."
"Score!" Axel grinned in triumph. Roxas shot him a skeptical look. The pyromaniac smirked at him. "You're so being the mom, man."
"Now to the matter of Eleven, Four and Nine." The three mentioned straightened in their chairs. Marluxia leaned back with a smug smile, confident that he would be partnered with Vexen. The scientist narrowed his eyes and once again murmured how ridiculous this entire project was. Demyx only squirmed. "Number Four shall be with Demyx."
"What?!" Marluxia almost jumped up from his chair in protest. He would have to, if he didn't know the impending fall would more than likely break his spine. "Superior, why-?!"
"Marluxia, it is impossible not to hear the arguments you and number Four have on a daily basis." Xemnas explained. "Having him with number Nine makes for a much more, if you'll excuse the pun, harmonious match."
"But if he's with that waterlogged musician, who will I be-"
The Superior smiled unnervingly. "That is where Namine comes into play." He turned toward the young girl, who instantly blanched. "Congratulations, my dear, I now pronounce you husband and wife."
"This is absolutely ridiculous!" Vexen ranted once in the basement. Demyx followed close behind him, cradling the assigned flour bag in his arms. "A complete mockery of parenthood and of us! What in the word does Xemnas think he's doing? I mean REALLY!" He paused in his ranting, turning toward the Nocturne. "Demyx, are you even listening to me?"
Demyx looked up with wide, sparkling aqua eyes. "Can we name her Jessica?"